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John Mulaney, tumblrs favorite stand up comedian: canadianstuck One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence And after like three seconds, where we're all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn't ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, "Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?" He'd taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they'd wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn't notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn't notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have meme-team-risk-analyst during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she 'is aware that she is physically here right now or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the "and I'm new in town bit and that she's seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows that he couldn't get through a bit about donating to charity without interupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he's said that she heard sammysausage When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, "Are you with him? What's his name?" She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date's name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, "At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, "Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,' and then you guys are all going to scream back 'WE LOVE MILKSHAKES! He'll be so confused He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald's drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale.." Naturally, we erupted with "WE LOVE MILKSHAKES and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, "T bet you're real confused now huh, JASON?! windyvalleyzone ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid John Mulaney, tumblrs favorite stand up comedian
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Mine would bang on the mirror every morning for his breakfast. It was just leaning against the wall and pretty flimsy so it was LOUD: lord-kitschener Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they're tragic famine victims who haven't eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now because you're 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me artaeum the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it instructionsfordancing not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion lord-kitschener This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs catsuggest wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?! goldenmeme My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn't seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time l went to double check that he did indeed have food, he'd book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as l walked away he'd follow me screaming again. Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we're a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I'm ever out for more than 12 hours I'll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he's been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it. teashoesandhair Things my cat has cried at: I wouldn't let her jump on top of the burning hot stove .I moved my coat so that she couldn't scale the kitchen chair and jump on people's shoulders when they walked past I didn't scratch her cheek firmly enough She ate her entire meal allowance for the day in one sitting at 9am and was famished by 10am I didn't let her sit behind me on the toilet seat I wouldn't let her eat toothpaste I wouldn't let her eat the cork from a wine bottle I wouldn't let her eat the straw that my rabbit had pissed on . . . Cats are inherently ridiculous creatures and this is why they are perfect. wishyroses Cats are like two year olds but sharp Source: lord-kitschener 122,537 notes Mine would bang on the mirror every morning for his breakfast. It was just leaning against the wall and pretty flimsy so it was LOUD
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<p><a href="http://friendly-neighborhood-patriarch.tumblr.com/post/168186186472/totally-rad-blog-dude" class="tumblr_blog">friendly-neighborhood-patriarch</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://totally-rad-blog-dude.tumblr.com/post/168185804187/friendly-neighborhood-patriarch" class="tumblr_blog">totally-rad-blog-dude</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://friendly-neighborhood-patriarch.tumblr.com/post/168185230177/redbloodedamerica-secretly-a-panda-bear" class="tumblr_blog">friendly-neighborhood-patriarch</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/post/168185070362/secretly-a-panda-bear-reasonandempathy" class="tumblr_blog">redbloodedamerica</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://secretly-a-panda-bear.tumblr.com/post/168184276990/reasonandempathy-notyourmoderate" class="tumblr_blog">secretly-a-panda-bear</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://reasonandempathy.tumblr.com/post/168180851026/notyourmoderate-in-all-conscience" class="tumblr_blog">reasonandempathy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://notyourmoderate.tumblr.com/post/168180608693/in-all-conscience-ranma-official" class="tumblr_blog">notyourmoderate</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://in-all-conscience.tumblr.com/post/168109518162/ranma-official-redbloodedamerica-the-truth" class="tumblr_blog">in-all-conscience</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://ranma-official.tumblr.com/post/168088061435/redbloodedamerica-the-truth-about-soy-boys-is" class="tumblr_blog">ranma-official</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/post/167943591756/the-truth-about-soy-boys-is-soy-food-consumption" class="tumblr_blog">redbloodedamerica</a>:</p> <blockquote> <h2>The Truth About Soy Boys</h2> <blockquote> <p><i>Is soy food consumption turning men into pussies and making them more likely to adopt left-wing beliefs?</i></p> <p><i>You’ve probably seen the Buzzfeed Try Guys video where they measure their testosterone and it’s literally half or less the normal level for a man.  Their testosterone is so low, it’s below the average for a 85-100 year old man.</i></p> <p><i>Imagine my shock.</i></p> <p><i>As we know, the only men who seriously watch Buzzfeed are tofu-eating, male feminist , virtue-signaling, beta orbiter, soy boys.  Which led me to one of the funniest things on Twitter ever!  This guy has <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/toomuchsoy">compiled a huge list</a> of the most virulently insufferable far-leftists on Twitter.  And guess what?  They all consume soy products in copious quantities.  Soy boys!</i></p> </blockquote> <p>This may be my favorite new conspiracy.  It just makes so much sense.</p> </blockquote> <p> i can’t believe redbloodedamerica is not only a fan of paul joseph fatlips but also unironically bought the soyboy shit <br/></p> </blockquote> <p>I can’t believe there are people who thought this ridiculousness isn’t exactly RBA’s level.</p> </blockquote> <p>When I heard about “soy boy” I immediately made a list of names. RBA was on that list. </p> </blockquote> <p>Purely for educational purposes:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/eating-soy-increase-estrogen-production-2870.html"> Soy isoflavones activate your body’s estrogen receptors, proteins that detect the presence of estrogen and carry out effects such as changes in gene expression. However, isoflavones do so more weakly than your body’s natural estrogen. If estrogen is absent, isoflavones weakly activate the estrogen receptor, mitigating the effect of low estrogen. If estrogen is abundant, isoflavones interfere with the activity of natural estrogen, limiting the effect of high estrogen levels. <b>Since the structure of isoflavones is similar to estrogen, isoflavones may decrease your body’s production of estrogen and increase the rate of estrogen degradation due to feedback mechanisms that control estrogen levels. </b></a><br/></p></blockquote> <blockquote><p><a href="http://www.pcrm.org/health/cancer-resources/ask/ask-the-expert-soy"> For men and boys, the phytoestrogens in soy do not appear to have any effect on hormone levels and have not been shown to affect sexual development or fertility. Research studies show that men consuming soy have less prostate cancer and better prostate cancer survival.</a><br/></p></blockquote> <p>Also</p> <figure data-orig-width="857" data-orig-height="479" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/91dac7965b40ac9926640acff0b0f148/tumblr_inline_p0fmy4M2W11tb6pwe_540.png" data-orig-width="857" data-orig-height="479"/></figure><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="899" data-orig-width="606"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/040256d895fa4f79ebc9a18892d41a1d/tumblr_inline_p0fn06fqfD1tb6pwe_540.png" data-orig-height="899" data-orig-width="606"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Looks like Paul is a soy boy.</p> </blockquote> <p>It appears that all the right <strike>morons</strike> soy boys took this seriously. </p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="518" data-orig-width="600"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/c7cec870c75c00d8cf996a0132478cb1/tumblr_inline_p0fx7l5Ndk1r1jtxd_540.png" data-orig-height="518" data-orig-width="600"/></figure><p>It’s also nice to see that @reasonandempathy finally blocked me like a sniveling soy boy.  It’s amusing because he is the one that has only commented on my posts.  I don’t think I have ever visited his sorry blog once. So, I suppose blocking me would seem like some self-regulating measure to restrain himself from commenting on my posts but here we are nonetheless.  He apparently can’t help himself.  </p></blockquote> <p>Is this a new meme?</p><p>I never understood it. The memes are coming too fast and furious for my small mind to comprehend. I’m getting old.</p></blockquote> <p>I was so ready to debunk this, but people already did it. BLESS! &lt;3</p><p>I would also like to say soy helps women going through menopause! </p></blockquote> <p>I never liked soy because it made potatoes seem like they were bursting with flavor. I never associated it with being effeminate </p></blockquote> <p>I have actually heard that it raises your estrogen levels. I had a friend who used to use it when working out and he stopped because it made him really hormonal and moody. But that’s not empirical science it’s just what I’ve heard.</p>: <p><a href="http://friendly-neighborhood-patriarch.tumblr.com/post/168186186472/totally-rad-blog-dude" class="tumblr_blog">friendly-neighborhood-patriarch</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://totally-rad-blog-dude.tumblr.com/post/168185804187/friendly-neighborhood-patriarch" class="tumblr_blog">totally-rad-blog-dude</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://friendly-neighborhood-patriarch.tumblr.com/post/168185230177/redbloodedamerica-secretly-a-panda-bear" class="tumblr_blog">friendly-neighborhood-patriarch</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/post/168185070362/secretly-a-panda-bear-reasonandempathy" class="tumblr_blog">redbloodedamerica</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://secretly-a-panda-bear.tumblr.com/post/168184276990/reasonandempathy-notyourmoderate" class="tumblr_blog">secretly-a-panda-bear</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://reasonandempathy.tumblr.com/post/168180851026/notyourmoderate-in-all-conscience" class="tumblr_blog">reasonandempathy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://notyourmoderate.tumblr.com/post/168180608693/in-all-conscience-ranma-official" class="tumblr_blog">notyourmoderate</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://in-all-conscience.tumblr.com/post/168109518162/ranma-official-redbloodedamerica-the-truth" class="tumblr_blog">in-all-conscience</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://ranma-official.tumblr.com/post/168088061435/redbloodedamerica-the-truth-about-soy-boys-is" class="tumblr_blog">ranma-official</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/post/167943591756/the-truth-about-soy-boys-is-soy-food-consumption" class="tumblr_blog">redbloodedamerica</a>:</p> <blockquote> <h2>The Truth About Soy Boys</h2> <blockquote> <p><i>Is soy food consumption turning men into pussies and making them more likely to adopt left-wing beliefs?</i></p> <p><i>You’ve probably seen the Buzzfeed Try Guys video where they measure their testosterone and it’s literally half or less the normal level for a man.  Their testosterone is so low, it’s below the average for a 85-100 year old man.</i></p> <p><i>Imagine my shock.</i></p> <p><i>As we know, the only men who seriously watch Buzzfeed are tofu-eating, male feminist , virtue-signaling, beta orbiter, soy boys.  Which led me to one of the funniest things on Twitter ever!  This guy has <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/toomuchsoy">compiled a huge list</a> of the most virulently insufferable far-leftists on Twitter.  And guess what?  They all consume soy products in copious quantities.  Soy boys!</i></p> </blockquote> <p>This may be my favorite new conspiracy.  It just makes so much sense.</p> </blockquote> <p> i can’t believe redbloodedamerica is not only a fan of paul joseph fatlips but also unironically bought the soyboy shit <br/></p> </blockquote> <p>I can’t believe there are people who thought this ridiculousness isn’t exactly RBA’s level.</p> </blockquote> <p>When I heard about “soy boy” I immediately made a list of names. RBA was on that list. </p> </blockquote> <p>Purely for educational purposes:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/eating-soy-increase-estrogen-production-2870.html"> Soy isoflavones activate your body’s estrogen receptors, proteins that detect the presence of estrogen and carry out effects such as changes in gene expression. However, isoflavones do so more weakly than your body’s natural estrogen. If estrogen is absent, isoflavones weakly activate the estrogen receptor, mitigating the effect of low estrogen. If estrogen is abundant, isoflavones interfere with the activity of natural estrogen, limiting the effect of high estrogen levels. <b>Since the structure of isoflavones is similar to estrogen, isoflavones may decrease your body’s production of estrogen and increase the rate of estrogen degradation due to feedback mechanisms that control estrogen levels. </b></a><br/></p></blockquote> <blockquote><p><a href="http://www.pcrm.org/health/cancer-resources/ask/ask-the-expert-soy"> For men and boys, the phytoestrogens in soy do not appear to have any effect on hormone levels and have not been shown to affect sexual development or fertility. Research studies show that men consuming soy have less prostate cancer and better prostate cancer survival.</a><br/></p></blockquote> <p>Also</p> <figure data-orig-width="857" data-orig-height="479" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/91dac7965b40ac9926640acff0b0f148/tumblr_inline_p0fmy4M2W11tb6pwe_540.png" data-orig-width="857" data-orig-height="479"/></figure><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="899" data-orig-width="606"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/040256d895fa4f79ebc9a18892d41a1d/tumblr_inline_p0fn06fqfD1tb6pwe_540.png" data-orig-height="899" data-orig-width="606"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Looks like Paul is a soy boy.</p> </blockquote> <p>It appears that all the right <strike>morons</strike> soy boys took this seriously. </p><figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="518" data-orig-width="600"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/c7cec870c75c00d8cf996a0132478cb1/tumblr_inline_p0fx7l5Ndk1r1jtxd_540.png" data-orig-height="518" data-orig-width="600"/></figure><p>It’s also nice to see that @reasonandempathy finally blocked me like a sniveling soy boy.  It’s amusing because he is the one that has only commented on my posts.  I don’t think I have ever visited his sorry blog once. So, I suppose blocking me would seem like some self-regulating measure to restrain himself from commenting on my posts but here we are nonetheless.  He apparently can’t help himself.  </p></blockquote> <p>Is this a new meme?</p><p>I never understood it. The memes are coming too fast and furious for my small mind to comprehend. I’m getting old.</p></blockquote> <p>I was so ready to debunk this, but people already did it. BLESS! &lt;3</p><p>I would also like to say soy helps women going through menopause! </p></blockquote> <p>I never liked soy because it made potatoes seem like they were bursting with flavor. I never associated it with being effeminate </p></blockquote> <p>I have actually heard that it raises your estrogen levels. I had a friend who used to use it when working out and he stopped because it made him really hormonal and moody. But that’s not empirical science it’s just what I’ve heard.</p>
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