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Animals, Bad, and Books: stardewfairy stardew valley gothic .the time passes so quickly yet so slowly. it's been a week, it's been months, it's been years. you do not age. nobody ages. the children don't grow up. you start forgetting everything about your life before you live here. you've always lived heree when it rains, you hear strange faraway howls and screams that fill you with primal terror. you never stay outside for long on rainy days your crops grow within days. you plant seeds in the ground. ten days later, the fields are overgrown with corn you find things when you dig in the dirt. roots, clay, stone. books skulls that don't look like they belong to any animal you know there are only two channels on tv. the weather and the fortune teller. it doesn't matter when you turn it on, the weather program is only just starting. it will be sunny tomorrow" the weatherman says with empty eyes and a too-wide smile. you flip to the fortune teller's channel. "the spirits are in a bad mood today" she says, "be careful you shiver, and decide not to go to the mines today .have you always been so strong? you can chop down a tree in minutes and you can carry hundreds of stones in your backpack. .you wake up at exactly 6 every morning. you can't wake up earlier, or later sometimes your scarecrows are not planted where they were yesterday .you hear whispers in the old community center. you can almost seee something indiscernable out of the corner of your eye. you bring offerings, hoping to appease the spirits, today it's winter you swear two days ago it was summer the berries you found in the woods have a strange metallic taste their juices stain your mouth red. you keep eating them anyway .nobody ages. nobody ages. nobody ages. what year is it? you keep bringing offerings in the old community center. honey milk, wine, peaches, dead animals. there are never enough offerings the fruit bats that live in the small cave near your house leave fruit for you. they bring you out of season fruit, exotic fruit, fruit that comes from halfway across the world, fruit that you've never seen before .the wizard granted you the power to understand the spirits that live in the old community center. now you wish he hadn't. every night when you get home, you lock the door and close the windows. every morning when you wake up, your cat is somehow inside the house .the train passes through stardew valley sometimes, but never stops. you can hear howls coming from it. you try talking to the people in the village, but they always seem to be repeating the same things. "do you have any blueberries?", asks lewis for the 14th time this month there are things in the mines. don't go into the mines we're insulated from the rest of the world here savs demetrius now that you think of it, you have never received a letter or a phone call from the outside world. is there even an outside world? there is a bath house, north of the town. there is never anyone there, but the electricity works and the water runs. when you enter the locker room, there is a bathing suit just your size waiting for you the water in the big bath is milky. you can't see the bottom. you enter it anyway. when you exit, you feel happy and energised. you have nothing to worry about. come back soon! . the bus to calico desert is out of service. the road to calico desert is out of service. do not go to calico desert. do not ask about calico desert. do no think about calico desert. there is no calico desert. you are out late at night, gathering berries. at exactly two am, something knocks you out. you wake up in your bed the following morning. don't think about it. go to sleep you try staying up past two am the following night, only to be knocked out again. go to sleep. go to sleep. go to sleep you have been here for a couple of weeks, or maybe for decades nothing changes. you can't die. you can't die. you can't die Source: stardewfairy 5,000 notes In the Valley of Stars

In the Valley of Stars

Bitch, Children, and Chuck Norris: "R-r-r-r-r-roger Taylor!" Freddie Mercury on Roger Taylor "Drummer, dentist, and tailor. Roger Taylor does it all" ~ Oscar Wilde on Roger Taylor "I have more hair than him. Brian May on Roger Taylor "The hottest man ever!" Every woman on earth Roger Meddows Taylor (born 26 July 1949), known as Roger Taylor, is the hottest guy ever. He is hotter than you. He is hotter than your son. He is hotter than the sun. When he was born the whole hospital went up in flames as his hotness was just starting to begin. In his teens, the good-old fashioned lover boy developed a routine that flabbergasted even priapic heroes such as Bob Pant and Lemmie of Motorhead: he introduced himself as Roger Taylor to one groupie and as Roger Meddows to the next before his re-entrance as Roger Meddows-Taylor, the double- barrelled playboy to the hapless third. His mother was a contortionist in the Barnum & Bailey Circus and his father was out of work due to his incontrollable addiction to potatoes. Roger became a man very quickly. He was hot and enjoyed inflicting temporary amnesia on his schoolmates by pummeling them in their heads with rugby balls. He would then jog back into the locker room, put on a mesh muscle shirt and cut school to pump iron. Roger Taylor as a young woman For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Roger Meddows Taylor. Roger Taylor is cooler than you. Over 11,000 people have reported deafness caused by hearing Roger Taylor's falsetto. . He played most of his shows asleep. Much to Freddie's amusement, he tried to dye his hair before a show, only to turn it a striking shade of green...or was it purple? . Roger Taylor is friends with Eric Cartman . Roger would probably go shag somebody, mainly himself! Even though he's a drummer, he likes music, and can even sing! Roger Taylor can defeat Chuck Norris. His cell phone carrier is Sprint, which is why Sprint occasionally has poor service; his voice destroys reception. Roger Taylor stole the cookies from the cookie jar. Roger Taylor has his own line of alarm clocks and burglar alarms in Italy. Consequently, more people report to work on time and the crime rate has gone down. There is also an increase in deaf businessmen and robbers with ringing in the ears. Roger Taylor lost the Game. Roger has five children (that he knows of) that are all in fact clones of various aspects of him e.g his eldest son sounds exactly like him, his second son looks exactly like him and is a drummer. There is a small lake in Wichita named after Roger Taylor. Roger's vagina is also known as Australia because of it's largeness in size. Roger Taylor and Meg Ryan were separated at birth. Roger was known for cooking up a piece of bacon so scrumptious and big, Freddie kept it for himself and christened it his bitch Roger's penis is the size of Rhode Island due to its tiny stature. moveimbi:why is this the most accurate description of Roger Meddows Taylor ever 
Ass, Bitch, and Church: I dont mind a nigga hugging my girl but it you pick her up and do that cute twirl, imma break your jaw 10/30/18, 10:36 AM 80 Retweets 244 Likes Papa John, @johnda... 10/30/18 Or one of them rocking side to side hugs 2 you will receive arn uppercut at mach speed I’ll beat the dog shit out of a nigga like my name was stewie. Any dude that turn into Kevin Hart around your girl gotta get hit with that choppa. i remember I was going to football tryouts with my bros in high school. Them niqqas was encouraging me to go but I didn’t want to. They put me on to how the girls who wanted to be cheer leaders be pulling up and watching. I use to be fat. A cheese burger away from being Obeast. During practice coach had the nerve to put me on the skin team for skin vs shirts. Man my titties were wet like submarine missles. I missed every catch bro. I look like the clam when Patrick tossed that peanut at the museum. I felt embarrassed as fucked getting my ankles swirled by my bro Demarcus. Why he had to juke my ass out my church shoes tho. All the hoes was laughing bro. I caused a 3 magnitude earth quake. My crush who I invited was still faithfully sitting there in the stands. I managed to get one touchdown off a safety. I saw her looking at me and I knew she saw me flex on em. Practice was over and I tried to approach my crush for her number. I seen my bro Demarcus pull up. King cock block you don’t say? Nigga was asking about tomorrow hw like he gonna do it. Shorty was hype to see him. Boy went up and gave her one of them rocking chair hugs. When ya meat pressed up against her stomach. Nigga was looking over her shoulders with that Vegeta smirk like” yea ima fuck yo bitch”. I held back tears like the G I was pose to be. I met that Biggs Demarcus in the locker room after to toss hands. That boy punted my ass across the locker room. I ain’t never get a tackled so hard. I felt like a crushed bag of chips. I laid there with no hoes and in need of a ice pack. I learned every homie ain’t ya homie when it comes to pussy 😔. I’m still a where my hug ass niqqa.
Ass, Basketball, and Booty: When a nigga said good game & you was on the bench There’s a borderline between savagery and disrespect. Dunking on a nigga with ur sack on his nose like a set of glasses is savagery. Telling ya momma suck my dick is disrespectful, but this right here, chief said ain’t it. This will get your ticket punch and teeth knocked straight out. It’s my junior high school basketball team. We nothing but a bunch of brown shirts from 2k. The tallest kid was 5’7 and our Coach, Mr.Andre breath smelled like booty residue. Nigga be yelling out plays and my nose takes a time out. During practice we ain’t do nothing but layup lines and watch him miss shots he said we should make. Lead by example my nigga. We on our way for the first game of the season. The bus ride coach giving us a prep talk but nobody listening. One kid even yelled out” didn’t your wife leave you?”. Like this dude was a joke! We get to the gym and it’s like we in the wrong ball division. They tallest player could slap box God on his knees. These was not no “8th graders”. I look across the court and the coach does a full blown 360 Vince carter dunk with a Backwood behind his ear. I swore I seen one of them pull up with his son. My ass ain’t leave that bench once. Coach was so disrespectful. Half time came and when we headed to the locker room he told me it was best I stayed where I was. Our squad ended up getting smacked 90 to 23. These boys done ran up the score for no reason. One nigga went got his dick suck and came back for buckets. End of game we dapping everyone up. Thier coach came up to our coach like good game. Coach Dre got so heated and tried to throw a hit. Outta no where they 5ft pg with hoop mixtape bunnies hop on our coach back and it was the end for him. Coach Dre got stomped out in the gym. Refs was watching ain’t even passing out techs. We not invited to IS 38 no mo.They had the nerve to say “Good game”. Ain’t shit good about this game. I was more mad about not playing then the L. Coach Andre got stomped out in they home gym. It was quiet bus ride back to school. Coach Andre resigned after we went 0-10. Caption: @genuineguy
Ass, Basketball, and Booty: When a nigga said good game & you was on the bench There’s a borderline between savagery and disrespect. Dunking on a nigga with ur sack on his nose like a set of glasses is savagery. Telling ya momma suck my dick is disrespectful, but this right here, chief said ain’t it. This will get your ticket punch and teeth knocked straight out. It’s my junior high school basketball team. We nothing but a bunch of brown shirts from 2k. The tallest kid was 5’7 and our Coach, Mr.Andre breath smelled like booty residue. Nigga be yelling out plays and my nose takes a time out. During practice we ain’t do nothing but layup lines and watch him miss shots he said we should make. Lead by example my nigga. We on our way for the first game of the season. The bus ride coach giving us a prep talk but nobody listening. One kid even yelled out” didn’t your wife leave you?”. Like this dude was a joke! We get to the gym and it’s like we in the wrong ball division. They tallest player could slap box God on his knees. These was not no “8th graders”. One of them had a son. I look across the court and the coach does a full blown 360 Vince carter dunk with a Backwood behind his ear. I swore I seen one of them pull up with his son. My ass ain’t leave that bench once. Coach was so disrespectful. Half time came and when we headed to the locker room he told me it was best I stayed where I was. Our squad ended up getting smacked 90 to 23. These boys done ran up the score for no reason. One nigga went got his dick suck and came back for buckets. End of game we dapping everyone up. Thier coach came up to our coach like good game. Coach Dre got so heated and tried to throw a hit. Outta no where they 5ft pg with hoop mixtape bunnies hop on our coach back and it was the end for him. Coach Dre got stomped out in the gym. Refs was watching ain’t even passing out techs. We not invited to IS 38 no mo.They had the nerve to say “Good game”. Ain’t shit good about this game. I was more mad about not playing then the L. Coach Andre got stomped out in they home gym. It was quiet bus ride back to school. Coach Andre resigned after we went 0-10.