πŸ”₯ Popular | Latest

Dad, Facebook, and Fucking: Julia @ghoulia Follow a guy on my facebook posted something slightly stupid & his mom went OFFFFFFFFF What it takes to be an attractive... Man Woman -be ripped -have stable job -be ripped -have money -be clean dress well -smell good -be dad material -pay for dates -be confident -have nice hair -Dont be too fat Meninist on Tuesday welp I am so ANGRY AT YOU RIGHT NOW TAKE THIS DOWN. This is going to be a conversation. You think this is true? You are selfish enough and diluted enough to believe this garbage? 3 hours ago . Unlike-ε±±1 . Reply By these standards SON I guess I'm unattractive and don't to a fucking thing for you! Oh you and I have a goddamn lunch date. 3 hours ago Unlike 1 Reply I wouldn't worry about any other girls response here. Mine should enlighten you. And I've screen shot this for our further viewing pleasure and future learning tool. 3 hours ago . Unlike . 1 . Reply I'm so glad I screen shot this very every girl you ever try to bring home. For your wedding day...this...this will be brought up FOREVER. 3 hours ago Unlike 1 Reply Yup. what mood 3 hours ago Like Reply look has set I'm sure your future pregnant wife will feel.your love when YPU MAKE HER UNATTRACTIVE through pregnancy. You twit. Open mouth allow shit to fal out. Anyone who liked this better unlik it like real fast. How do you like being single forever because your a DOUCHE CANOE? 3 hours ago Unlike 2 Reply Oh don't like me spamming your wall? Don't post horse shit calling me unattractive! Like f I'm not going to defend myself! 3 hours ago Unlike 1 Reply Simlle More Your proctologist called he found your head 2 hours ago Unlike 1 Reply Smile More Write a comment... OS dr-gloom: neshtasplace: author-trash: inquisitorhotpants: thugilly: micdotcom: And mom of the year goes to … This is actually amazing because anytime I see a man being sexist or misogynistic, I wonder where his mother is. β€œyour proctologist called, he found your head” lmaooooooo She went off on him I’m dead She gave him life, then saw fit to take it away. this is how moms should respond to their sons being pricks, not awkward socially-obligated laughter or silent smiles Fatality
Save
Apparently, Head, and Parents: epochayur people that can swim underwater in chlorine pools with their eyes open are not to be trusted oonabashed This is true. I once did this to cheat at a pool game, and a kid in goggles saw me do it He wanted to know how, so l told him I was part mermaid. He wanted to call bullshit, but I was like, look kid, I can prove t, but you're not allowed to tell anyone under 18. He said what about his mom, I said, sure, but she won't believe you, so it didn't matter if he ratted on me to an adult. He was skeptical but agreed. For the next ten minutes I executed any number of water related feats-I've been swimming since I was 3 and was on the swimming and diving team in high school I crossed the entire span of the pool underwater without taking a breath. I sat on the bottom of the pool for a minute. I lifted him over my head while only treading water. I floated face down without moving for a convincing stretch of time. I did a pretty choice inward pike off the diving board. This was what really convinced him. He'd seen a dolphin show once, apparently, and thought it was pretty comparable So yeah. This kid was straight up convinced I was a mermaid and was losing his shit and trying to figure out how to get around his promise He went over to the hottub to tell all the parents and they all like, smiled and laughed and nodded. He could tell they didn't believe him. He came back and was like You were right about adults." Yeah kid, I know" "Well but, you're the most important discovery I've ever made! I gotta tell someonel" Well. You need to establish some credibility first, I told him. "You have to prove to people that you're a serious scientific thinker, and then when you say stuff like this, they might believe you. He thought about this for a second. "But what if you just showed them?" and I said it was against half memaid rules to show adults anything that could make them suspicious. He took this seriously He spent the rest of his time in the pool following me around. I taught him how to hold his breath underwater without plugging his nose and how to do a backstroke I'm still proud of this, and regret nothing o marky-mark-quack-quack-quack 698,054 notes 14 Times People On Tumblr Told Really Great Stories
Save
Bad, Confused, and Cute: toodrunktofindaurl my brother is getting married and i'm so excited to fulfill my destiny as the embarrassing drunk gay sister who flirts with the bride for the entire ceremony toodrunktofindaurl i'm gonna yell "RUN AWAY WITH ME" to her during the vows toodrunktofindaurl there are people out there genuinely worried that I'm gonna steal my brother's bride away the day of their wedding.. i'm laughing. I've known her since I was born, we just love annoying the shit out of my brother and this "you picked the wrong sibling" joke has been going on for as long as I can remember. The whole family is in on it. The three of us are super close, she's always been family. Also we are really bad at romantic weddings (my Mom wore jeans at my Dad's and hers, signed a bunch of papers and then got blackout and my brother and his girlfriend p won't even have a "real" ceremony, just a cele- bration between friends and family. I love my brother and he already knows I'm gonna pull some stupid stunt, it's what we do. His girl friend is usually the one to initiate these shitty jokes, I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one to stop the "ceremony" to say some shit like "WAIT THIS IS THE WRONG SIBLING please don't take any of this seriously Imao that said, i'm definitely showing up half naked to her bachelorette party as the "surprise strip- per" with a sash that says "the sibling your should be marrying" and a shitty plastic tiara toodrunktofindaurl UPDATE 1) for people confused about the "I've known her since I was born () she's always been family": She's the granddaughter of our parents' neighbors, we all grew up together and my brother and her have been in love since they were babies. He held her hand as she made her first steps, they even have a picture on their wall of the moment before she first tried to get up ITS OFFICIAL, I'M GONNA BE MY BROTHER'S BEST MAN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST MAN DO? A SPEECH Everything is going according to plan vantwinblade If you are the best man you need to get a sword systlin This is true it's only logical. Source: toodrunktofindaurl 52,029 notes Thats so cute tbh
Save