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Being Alone, Bad, and Funny: reddit Hello, A few months ago l captured an American Cockroach in my studio apartment. In my apartment, I see a roach from time to time. Nota ton of bunches of roaches, like say, 2 or 3 a month. Most often I smashed them or sprayeda poison on them. But one time l thought, maybe this is a bad thing? Why should a roach be killed ust because it is a bug? Well I decided to capture that roach and I made him my pet. I name him Big Alan I keep Big Alan in a little aquarium, but I also take him out a lot to hold him, pet him, speak to him, etc. Well, let me tell you in my life I have had only3 dates, and before this new date my last prior date was in October 2009. So may I say that, of course, I admit I was very nervous to go on this new date I find that Big Alan keeps me very calm when I have him with me. He is like a good luck charm of sorts, and as my pet he is my good friend, so l know that if he is with me I am not alone. It may seem silly but it is like he is a courage bug So on my date I kept Big Alan in my front shirt pocket, and I put bacon bits in there so he would have a good meal and he would be distracted b that and not crawl awav. Well it did not work exactly this way. You see, a roach like Big Alan has very long antennae. If you have ever seen a cockroach you know that's a fact. Well at some point I guess this damned rascal was tired of his bacon bits and his antennae were poking up out of my pocket. Well I have to tell you that she did see this. I did not want to cause a fright so l explained it is just my pet, and I took Big Alan out of my pocket to show her. Well let me tell you she did react very oorly to this, and even screamed. And everyone turned and saw I had a roach in my hands and just about everyone reacted very badly. I had to explain to everyone he is just my pet. Well I was finding this extremely embarrassing and also l feared for the safety of Big Alan to be honest. So I ran out of that place. Yes, ran. Well now I am quite shamed and angered by all of this. I have resolved I will not do any more dates. That's for sure. But I wish Big Alan had not poked his antennae out. He didn't know the deal but even so T am slightly annoyed at him. I know this is unfair. But it's how I feel. tripropellant: mysteryho: yeezusplease: big alan did nothing wrong i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality telling an ambling story this is such a powerful example of how tone and phrasing can be jokes on their own. if this guy wrote this like a normal person it’d be mildly funny but mostly a little sad but because he wrote it how he did it’s indescribably funny

tripropellant: mysteryho: yeezusplease: big alan did nothing wrong i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality t...

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Food, Melania Trump, and Memes: Donald Trump's White House Infested with Mice, Roaches and Ants @balleralert Donald Trump's White House Infested with Mice, Roaches and Ants – blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ NBC 4 Washington has obtained several hundred White House work orders, which include several requests to deal with an infestation of mice, cockroaches, and ants. According to reports, mice have been spotted in the situation room and the Navy mess food service area of the historic landmark and home of the Celebrity-in-chief. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Cockroaches have been seen in at least four other parts of the White House, while ants have made a home in the chief of staff’s office. However, extermination demands weren’t the only maintenance requirements included in the work order. One request asked for a redecoration of national security adviser H.R. McMaster, while another requested a new Oval Office toilet seat. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The mice issue dates back to at least two years, however, other requests from 2017, include new furniture for White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer and drapery installation in Melania Trump’s second-floor East Wing office. Although the work orders vary, the U.S. General Service Administration (GSA) says the entire process is a lot of work, considering the age of the building. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “It’s an enormous job. GSA is assigned to manage that job,” former GSA Inspector said. “GSA hires contractors and subcontractors for the [maintenance] work. Then the agency must watch over the contractors.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “They are old buildings,” he said. “Any of us who have old houses know old houses need a lot of work.”

Donald Trump's White House Infested with Mice, Roaches and Ants – blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ NBC 4 Washington has obtained several...

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