Birthday, Comfortable, and Dicks: Excuse generator
Use your birthday to generate an excuse
16 I don't give a shit
17 I was drunk
I'm soooo sorry
You know what?
1 I didn't feel like it
3 I rewatched GBBO
18 It was far too boring
19 I just found out l'm a ghost
4 I watched porn instead 20 My dong was too itchy
5 I do what I want
Hey, fuck you buddy
Don't look at me like
It won't happen again,
21 I spent the night learning to
6 *points at crotch*
7 I have diarrhoea
22 It's none of your concern!
8 My fucking dog ate it 23 Your expectations are too high
9 Homework is for dicks 24 You're not the boss of me
10 It's none of your
August Look me in the eye
September You know why, Bob?!
October For the last time
November think you know
December You wanna know why
25 I am filled with existential angst
26 I'm too cool for this shit.
11 I've been thinking a lot 27 My STls are acting up
28 My bed is too comfortable
29 Why don't you ask your mum
I didn't do your stupid
12 Yolo. Yolo
13 I'm not a dork
14 Shut up, that's why.
15 l have a life
why I didn't do it?
30 It would have been shit anyway.
31 I didn't feel like doing something
STUDENT MONEY SAVER
I think “Hey, fuck you, buddy. I spent the night learning to riverdance,” is going to be my go-to excuse for everything, now. –AW
Hey, fuck you buddy. Shut up, that’s why.
I am not this hostile what is this sorcery
You know what? I don’t give a shit
You know what? I watched porn instead. is the most accurate fucking thing Ive ever gotten out of these things
Drinking, Love, and Massage: WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
l pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big tits who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit
Men know what they want