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Tumblr, Blog, and Fun: lolzandtrollz:Some people have fun in the weirdest way…

lolzandtrollz:Some people have fun in the weirdest way…

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Apparently, Ass, and Crying: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster apparently things with loads of fiber is going to 211 KB JPG save my filthy soul "Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks i dont shit that day next day i fiber myself up even more i dont shit that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore i dont shit the third day >i dont shit the fourth day thefinaldaydawns.mp3 si have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me it's whistling just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss suddenly stops the hole is plugged SOS >this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins a fart that could do more damage to thee ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me solid and prefectly round nuggets the smell is killing me blacking out the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg my guts are yelling in german sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly most of the shit isn't even digested at this point just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat after an hour it finally seems to be over sim shivering and crying both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet gondorcallsforaid.rar shakily wipe my ass completely clean feniczoroark: larjmarge: itsperegrine: the-mighty-birdy: carolina-viking: th3laugh1ngt0mat0: carolina-viking: Holy fucking shit I CANT BREATHE I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE Pretty sure this has the most notes of any of my posts gondorcallsforaid.rar I’m in a ball on my bed with tears streaming down my face If I have to read this, so do you. This is funnier than it should be Omfg
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Being Alone, Beautiful, and Candy: thatsqaualivstut we were taking our math test and i turned around and can we just talk about not only whatever is all over that girl's face, but the guy charging his phone in the back and the kid on the right who looks like he's in immense pain this picture is like the perfect description of school tho mvrtlewilson: fun fact one time i auditioned for a play and the character called for a russian accent and i did mine for the director and got the part and she stopped me on my way out and asked my how i got it so believable sounding and i didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of the amount of time i spend imitating chekov from star trek when i'm home alone I'm nominated for an acting award at my school now because of this willyumbeckett one time this guy in my class drew a penis on the blackboard with a permanent marker and continued the drawing with an erasable marker and made it to be a cat and my english teacher wanted to write on the blackboard so she tried to erase the drawing and the cat went away and all that was left was a penis and we all cried laughing and she just sighed and said "its so small that is a beautiful story ensenshnackles: This one time when I was about 13 I got swine flu and had to stay off school for 2 weeks. While I was off somebody spread a rumour that I wasn't there because I'd been hit by a truck and died. So when I came back into school I walked into English class and everybody started screaming and I cried. frickerstein today in american lit a kid fell asleep and my teacher got up and told us to follow him and so we all left the room and he changed the clock so it was like 6pm and like 10 minutes later the kid ran into the hallway with his backpack and we were all sitting at the end and he just sat down in the middle of the hallway and started to cry nosdrinker my english teacher accused me of plagiarizing an essay i wrote about my own life my friend got accused of plagiarizing in junior high because she used the word "sweets" instead of "candy and our teacher thought that the word sweets was "too advanced for our vocabulary" gothbaby once i scraped my knee in 3rd grade and a weird girl who was obsessed with horses was like "hold on" then she started crying and dropped tears on my knee then she was like "pegasus tears heal wounds awkwardvagina: in middle school we had to do a discussion about our family and a girl in my class stood up to talk about her family and she said she lived with her mum and sister, one of the kids asked about her dad and she said that he had died, so being curious i asked what happened to him and she turned her head, look directly at me and said in the most serious tone ever "he got in my way" and that was the moment i learnt what true fear is lydiasexual one time in my health class we were going over sex ed and someone mentioned that the word "testify" came from the fact that men would swear on their testicles during a testimony way back when and someone asked what girls say and this girl next to me whispered "I breastify and the teacher laughed so hard and let us leave 15 minutes early vardaesque hOLY SHIT SO TODAY IN CLASS THE WEIRDEST FUCKING SHIT HAPPENED a bee got into my class and everyone was freaking out, so all of a sudden, this kid goes "I GOT IT and he fucking pulls out a RUBBER FUCKING BAND AND SHOOTS IT THE FUCK DOWN IN ONE TRY MY TEACHER JUST STOOD THERE NOBODY KNEW HOW TO REACT son I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative See what's trending at FUNsubstance.com Jajaja
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Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The Way Morrissey Describes A Boner In His Novel A bulbous salutation to you all. posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m Alan White BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's recently published novel List of the Lost, this happens. Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone." 03 thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex. DO A BARREL ROLL #in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey?? Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS??? … guys ….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.” … I mean. Comparatively… Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better. @goddessemily   was it this post?
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