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Alive, Apparently, and Come Over: I'm a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it's saved a few lives I DONT LIKE THE PHRASE "A CRY FOR HELP"ェJuST DONT LKE HOW IT SOuNDS, WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS TO ME, "I'M THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, I HAVE A PLAN: I JUST NEED A REASON NOT TO DOITTHE LAST THING I SEE IS HELPLESSNESS. I THINK: YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN BEATING YOU UP FOR YEARS. IT'S CALLED YOU UGLY, AND STUPID, AND PATHETIC, AND A FAILURE, FOR SO LONG THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT IT'S WRONG. YOU DON'T SEE ANY GOOD IN YOURSELF, AND YOu DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE. BUT STILL, HERE YOu ARE: YOU'VE COME OVER TO ME, BANGED ON MY DOOR, AND SAID, "HEY! STAYING ALIVE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW! JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT WITHI I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A STICK! GIVE ME A STICK AND I CAN STAY ALIVE!" HOW IS THAT HELPLESS? I THINK THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE LIKE A MARINE: TRAPPED FOR YEARS BEHIND ENEMY LINES, YOUR GUN HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO, YOU'RE MALNOURISHED, AND YOU'VE PROBABLY CAIGHT SOME KIND OF JUNGLE VIRUS THAT'S MAKING YOU HALLLICINATE GIANT SPIDERS AND YOU'RE STILL JUST GOING, "GIVE ME A STICK. I'M NOT DYING OUT HERE." "A CRY FOR HELP" MAKES IT SOND LIKE I'M SuppOSED TO AKE PITY ON YOu, BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY PITY THIS ISNT PATHETIC. THIS IS THE WILL TO SURVIVE. THIS IS HOW HUMANS LIVED LONG ENOIGH TO BECOME THE DOMINANT SPECIES. WITH NO HOPE, RUNNING ON NOTHING, YOU'RE READY TO CLIT THROUGH A HUNDRED MILES OF HOSTILE JUNGLE WITH NOTHING BUT A STICK, IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO SAFETY ALL IM DOING IS HANDING OUT STICKS YOU'RE THE ONE STAYING ALIVE irondad-not-ironsad: aurora-nerin: tea-rabbits: ultimate-science-nerd: positivelyqueerace: dreamsrainandwitchythings: intp-again: muslimintp-1999-girl: asexualchristian: mentalmentalhealth: girlwhorpsalot: I needed this. Thank you to all the people who posted this so I ended up seeing it. I really needed this right now. Thank you! Yeah… Not gonna lie… I cried… We need more people like this Goddamn it stop making me feel human The therapist I wanna be. Text in the image: “I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives.” I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness. I think your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope. But still here you are: you’ve come over to me, banged on my door and said, “HEY! Staying alive is REALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!” How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines. Your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders. And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.”“A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species. With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety. All I’m doing is handing out sticks. You’re the one saying alive. I legit cried at this. I’ve needed to hear it put this way. Bless this post. Every time I see this post I stop to read the whole image. It always helps — even on the good days. Because it wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t shameful to seek help. It wasn’t pathetic to “cry for help”. I was looking for a stick, be that from myself or from someone else. I was trying to find a way out. I was trying to heal myself. this is fuckin incredible.  I’m sorry if I repost to many of these, but if it could be someone’s “stick” then it’s worth it I needed this so much
Dude, Fafsa, and Lawyer: Can you marry me 5:01 PM I just got back from my school and they said they cannot give me any aid except for unsubsidised loans unless l have a child, get married, or turn 24, so I have to get married Yeah ok I'll marry you I need a better fafsa application too Wait seriously Would you really do it Im doing actual research on it Are we doing this It would have to happen like lightning fast cause my next semester happens pretty damn soon I don't know how fast this happens lemme check Ughhhh okay so we'd need to get a marriage license which can be up to $30 depending on where we get it, and THEN we need to file for a marriage certificate I'm an ordained minister but idk if I could file my own marriage certificate get ordained and do it Can we go to Indiana? Let me check Dude Im so excited Its possible that I can get FAFSA to pay for an entire apartment for me to go to school in Milwaukee DUDE WHAT Okay so there's no minister registration required in lllinois so Yeah I'm looking that up right now Ive heard that if one partner commits adultery, thats grounds for a quicker divorce Yeah this sample form I'm looking at says "irretrievable breakdown" of marriage Worse comes to worse we can stage a fight but I think we can just say yeah it's not working out Does it include adultery divorce ranging from $15,000 to $30,000. Most of this money is spent on legal fees. So Fuck lawyers We don't need a lawyer We don't have kids we don't have property to divide up Oh thats only for a lawyer We don't have alimony to negotiate We're just two guys being dudes. Gettin a divorce portraitofemmy: possiblestoner: marzipanandminutiae: A. imagine your otp B. dear gods this country has massive issues I’ve been looking for this post for ages listen, I’ve read enough fanfic to know that they’re not getting divorced, but it’ll take about 35k of pining to figure that out.
Bad, Beautiful, and Fucking: Take the breadsticks Young Man and run Man young [door man hand hook said car gun deceit-the-snakey-snake: plaid-n-converse: cherrysconeslut: pawsofponies: garecc: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: buggykin: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: inthishousewekinkshamefnaf: biggest-goofiest-fish: desertdaylight: kait-the-kitty: chiribomb: politicalcompassmemes: your-uncle-dave: maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit: japhers: jewishzevran: animatedamerican: pagesofkenna: mommacomms: fidefortitude: bl00dlikeice: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: plaid-n-converse: memeception WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME @caesarianconfection I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it. But this… This is something else. The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind. For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun? ….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1) this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2) “man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3) ‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4) and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5) which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6) (but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better) I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared. average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics I was getting a political compass vibe too tag urself im man door hand hook car gun This works better than I thought it would. This was in my senior project I’m not sorry. EIGHT MEME COMBO FATALITY We have officially created a new language  I just had to do it to em THIS FUCKING THREAD I’M GONNA CRY I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDN’T EXPECT MORE I’M SOBBING M E M E T E N OwO? W o w You know I had to I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it THIRTEEN!? MEME COUNT:1 - YMCA (@plaid-n-converse, pointed out by @pagesofkenna)2 - breadsticks (see above)3 - man door hand hook car door (see above)4 - gun (see above)5 - meme combo (see above)6 - loss (see above)7 - 2000s comics vibes (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @japhers)8 - political compass (@plaid-n-converse, as pointed out by @maps-and-elvis-and-zelda-n-shit, then highlighted by @politicalcompassmemes)9 - tag yourself (user was @your-uncle-dave but now appears to be deactivated)10 - i hate this (kind of barely used by @fidefortitude so idk if it really counts)11 - nickelback/look at this photograph (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)12 - had to do it to them (see above)13 - distracted boyfriend (see above)14 - is this a pigeon (see above)15 - oh, this is beautiful (@garecc)16 - expanding brain (@cherrysconeslut)17 - cursed (can be argues as a meme due to its excessive use and popularity, as well as the sort of subtext/emotion behind it that accompanies most memes on this site) (@plaid-n-converse)18 - weve created a new language (@inthishousewekinkshamefnaf)19 - owo (see above)20 - most ___ addition to a post (@plaid-n-converse)21 - it could be argued that meme analysis in itself is a memeFeel free to debate any of these or add any Ive missed, but I think I got them all??
Bodies , Children, and Climbing: Drowning in real life looks nothing like in the movies, and in fact many parents actually watch their children drown, having no idea that it's happening Ultrafacts.tumblr.com faikitty: mermaibee: ultrafacts: According to the CDC, in 10 percent of those drownings, the adult will actually watch the child do it, having no idea it is happening. Drowning does not look like drowning—Dr. Pia, in an article in the Coast Guard’s On Scene magazine, described the Instinctive Drowning Response like this: “Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled before speech occurs. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs.” This doesn’t mean that a person that is yelling for help and thrashing isn’t in real trouble—they are experiencing aquatic distress. Not always present before the Instinctive Drowning Response, aquatic distress doesn’t last long—but unlike true drowning, these victims can still assist in their own rescue. They can grab lifelines, throw rings, etc. Look for these other signs of drowning when persons are in the water: Head low in the water, mouth at water level Head tilted back with mouth open Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus Eyes closed Hair over forehead or eyes Not using legs—vertical Hyperventilating or gasping Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway Trying to roll over on the back Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder So if a crew member falls overboard and everything looks OK—don’t be too sure. Sometimes the most common indication that someone is drowning is that they don’t look like they’re drowning. They may just look like they are treading water and looking up at the deck. One way to be sure? Ask them, “Are you all right?” If they can answer at all—they probably are. If they return a blank stare, you may have less than 30 seconds to get to them. And parents—children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why. Source/article: [x] Follow Ultrafacts for more facts! BOOST FOR THE SUMMER. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Can I just say thank you to OP for putting such a detailed description on this? I’ve been a lifeguard for 6 years now and of all the saves I’ve done, maybe two or three had people drowning in the stereotypical thrashing style. And even those, like the save I made last weekend, it was exactly like OP describes where the person’s head is going in and out of the water but it isn’t long enough to get any air. Mostly you recognize drowning by the look on someone’s face. If someone looks wide eyed and terrified or confused, chances are they’re drowning. That look of “oh shit” is pretty easily recognizable. And even if you can’t tell for sure: GO AFTER THEM ANYWAY. I’ve done “saves” where a kid was pretending to drown and I mistook it for real drowning, but that’s preferable to a kid ACTUALLY drowning. Also please remember that even strong swimmers can drown if they have a medical emergency, get cramps, or get too tired. If your friend knows how to swim but they’re acting funny get them to land. And even if someone can respond when you ask them if they need help, if they say they do need help? GO HELP THEM. However . If the victim is a stranger, I can’t recommend trying to get them. Lifeguards literally train to escape “attacks,” because people who are drowning can freak the fuck out and grab you and make YOU drown as well. If you do go in after someone, take hold of them from the back and talk to them the whole time. IF YOU ARE GRABBED: duck down into the water as low as you can get. The person is panicking and won’t want to go under water and should release you. Shove up at their hands and push them away from you as you duck under. Don’t die trying to save someone else. Please guys, read and memorize this post. Not all places have lifeguards. Being able to recognize drowning is such an important skill to have and you can save someone’s life.
Bad, Children, and Crime: MAGA means bigotry MAGA means racism MAGA means homophobia MAGA means anti-semitism MAGA means divisiveness Hate crimes are on the rise because the tone is set from the top and Trump's tone is, "there are good people on both sides." Prayers to #JussieSmollett. La communalconcubine: tehgore: friendly-neighborhood-patriarch: libertarirynn: Too bad more and more of these “hate crimes“ are proven hoaxes. Will y’all ever learn to at least spend two seconds critically thinking about something before swallowing it as fact because “orange man bad”? That was a rhetorical question. MAGA MEANS ANY BAD THING EVER. MAGA IS MY SECULAR SUBSTITUTE FOR LITERAL SATAN If men were paid enough more women could stay home and be happy wives. Instead we all work and scrape by living as wage slaves, some unable to support kids and lead a full life.If we were allowed to talk about crime rates like how 13% of the population does about 55% of the violent crime we could talk about solutions; instead we pretend egalitarianism is good, deny reality, and create an unsafe society.Most gay people were victimized as children and many go on to victimize more children, much (not all) of this is learned behavior. Instead of protecting our children and enforcing some level of moral behavior we have pride parades and child drag queens.Jews…Globalist bankers who ruin countries, pornographers, drug pushers like the Sacklers, the root of Bolshevism AND Capitalism, a people who hate and subvert anything they can’t corrupt and enslave. Their behavior is always the same everywhere they are and in every time period in which they are studied. Blindness to their nature enables them to harm the entire world.Who built the most successful nations on Earth and who came later? What race of people is not allowed a country of their own?  What is the ONLY race of people not allowed to advocate for themselves? Who is discriminated against in schools and the workplace by institutionalized power? Diversity means we ALWAYS needs less of a certain specific race of people and more or ANYTHING else who suffers? Whites need their own space. Rading through this wall of text and finding, “jews… globlist bankers who own countries” This post went off the rails like the old 97

communalconcubine: tehgore: friendly-neighborhood-patriarch: libertarirynn: Too bad more and more of these “hate crimes“ are proven hoaxes...

Be Like, Beautiful, and Fucking: trustedwings tumblr Follow adventureisouttheremydear So like do caterpillars know that they re gonna be butterflies or do they just build the cacoon and be like wtf am l doing frauleinninja this post has fucked me up more than any other on this site trustedwings Okay but no, do you understand what happens to a caterpillar once it's in its cocoon? It completely turns into goo. That's right, GOO. The damn thing dissolves and the reforms into the butterfly. Even crazier, the wings of the butterfly are already inside the caterpillar, ready to go, just waiting to float around in some goo and then be a beautiful butterfly. The craziest part?!? A study was done where some caterpillars were exposed to a certain smell and then given an electric shock so eventually the caterpillar associated the smell with the shock. Well after those little hairy noodles came out of the their cocoons as butterflies, they exposed them to the smell again and the butterflies reacted super negatively, as if they were being shocked. A.K.A. not only is there wings floating around in that goo cocoon, there is also a brain, the same, unaltered brain as the caterpillar. The butterfly can recall its days as a caterpillar even after basically being turned into soup. And then it all somehow gets its shit together to be a stupid majestic little beast, and I can't even remember where l put my damn phone Source:lumpiagirl Holy moly. | 19 Posts That'll Make You Say "Fucking Whoa" goo cocoon
Anime, God, and Love: NOTICE ME SQUIDWARD SENPAI xvatix seimu-art: bluberry-star: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: xnatiix: the au you all asked for omg thank you all for the positive feedback!! Some of you wanted a little more shoujo action so here you go: He maybe doesnt have a nose, ears and fingers and easily gets a sunburn but all what matters is his warm heart! Why dont you see that he is perfect for you, Spongebob? God I hate shoujo heroines! Dont get me wrong, I love Sponjibobu wa maid-sama but Squidward is an asshole. He is only nice when Mr. Krabs is looking! Do you remember when Squidwards heart got possessed by a demon but then Spongebob appeared and saved him? As you know I dont ship them but wow THAT was a good episode. “I believe in you, Tentaculu-kun.” Im so glad Plankton didnt reveal Pantsu-chans identity. He might be a villain but at least he has some integrity. As you know the last episode of Pantsu-chan - Love is magic was aired last sunday. The message of the whole series is so important and deep, wow. God bless the creators for giving us this wonderful piece. “Magic is not an outfit nor is it a wand, its everytime you show love to someone you care about.” OMG guys!! KIWI studios confirmed the third season: Pantsu-chan - The Virgin Soul!!! idk if you read the manga but they will adapt chapter 79-113 which is the Patricku arc ;w; my absolute fav!! Love you Patricku!!! I know you guys are on the edge because of the new TOS of Tumblr but DONT WORRY!! This post wasnt flagged. “Tentaculu-kun?” Its happening guys. It’s good to know that Tumblr is still normal. Best anime ever I
Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The Way Morrissey Describes A Boner In His Novel A bulbous salutation to you all. posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m Alan White BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's recently published novel List of the Lost, this happens. Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone." 03 thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex. DO A BARREL ROLL #in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey?? Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS??? … guys ….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.” … I mean. Comparatively… Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better. @goddessemily   was it this post?