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Ether, Netflix, and Parks and Recreation: This is probably the best customer service exchange ever... Netflix Customer Service You are now chatting with: Michael 16 minutes ago You I have a problem to report Netilix Michael This is Cpt. Mike of the good ship Netfiox, which member of the crew am I speaking with 6 minutes ag 6 minutes ag You 6 minutes ago Greetings, Captain. Lt. Norm here 15 minutes ago Engineering has a problem to report Netflix Michael LT, what seems to be the problem? 15 minutes ago 5 minutes ag Visual displays are erratic, sir 4 minutes ago season 5, episode 13 of Parks and Recreation is behaving oddly Netflix Michael How so, LT? You at 5 minutes of operation You 4 minutes ago 4 minutes ago 14 minutes ago 4 minutes ago the visual creates a temporal loop 4 minutes ag and nearly 3 seconds of footage repeats over and over again 3 minutes ago Our ship seems to be immune to the eflect, as our lves are not actually repeating over and over Netflix Michael Oh, no. LTI told you no watching Netfiox while we sail through the Burmuda Triangle. ) 3 minstes a 3 minutes ago Dammit, m an engineer, not a navigator Netflix Michael 3 minutes ago 2 minutes ago We are not sure whether our instruments are at fault, or if some anomaly is present Netflix Micha LT Norm, does this happen at any other points on any other shows? minutes ago 11 สunutes ago But, this temporal loop has occurred at the same place on three separate days You no other episodes of ether Parks and Rec or other shows have been affected You We have attempted restarting the episode from the beginning, and she didn't budge minutes ag 0 minutes ago 0 minutes ago Netflix Micha LT. that is no good at all. 0 minutes ag We also attempted to start the episode "after the anomaly, and we were pulled back in and the loop continued minsites ag Ok. I will get this issue fagged so our techs can look at it minutes ag Worst of all, Captain.. the dalogue . It looped over Councilwoman Knope saying, This s real lide. This is real Ide. This is real lde WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Netflix Michal minutes ag HAHA Netlix Michal That is a homible place to get stuck Netflix Michaal Councilwoman Knope is such a worrier minutes ag 8 minutes ago 1 minutes ag Indeed, Captain. Netlix Michael 0 minutes ago 0 minutes ago [Oh, also, your report a problem with streaming wasn't working a minute ago. Hence this chat, which also happens to be best customer senice experience I think I have ever minutes ago Well thank you. Netllix Michael We got that reported on our end minutes ag minutes ago This needs to go on a blog somewhere minutes ag you will get a prompt to receive a transcript of this conversation when we are done. 8minutes ago Netflix Michael LT Norm, are there any other Netflix issues I could help you with today? You I almost wish there were minutes ago 7 minutes ago minutes ago Hehe:) Have a wonderful night. And one more thing, if you wouldn't mind, please stay online for a one question survey You minutes ago This chat session has ended you satisfied with your Netflix experience? No Thanks for your feedback you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com lolzandtrollz:Guy Goes Online To Complain, The Best Thing Happens

lolzandtrollz:Guy Goes Online To Complain, The Best Thing Happens

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Af, Asian, and Aww: Anonymous 04/23/18 (Mon)22:57:12 No.766778676 Hey /b/romosexuals, story time > Be me, 17 year old 7/10 male Have an objectively 6, subjectively 8/10 asian gf who loves me 182 KB JPG Major trust issues from a relationship that went bad a while ago relationship friends since 13 Clingy af, probably still a result of that last We've known each other since we were 12, been Tell her I love her evervdav Despite her always replying that she loves me to, start doubting that Gf tells me after a lot of thinking, she's asexual Ohshitlmaydieavirgin Suddenly text my ex spontaneously, find out she's single Lie and say I'm single She asks to meet up for a coffee at Tims (I'm a Leaf) > I decide to go because I'm pissed at my gf Continue? Alright then go to the meet up with ex s my ex is just as beautiful as ever. She has shorter hair and small tits but thats sorta my thing She got me a coffee alread >It was the same type of coffee I drank when was with her on our first date (Double double) >She smiles, it looks cute on her > I ask her whats up, and she mentions my clearly visible erection I sat down faster than I lost my erection s We make small talk for a bit, we instantly have a spark > I havent felt this spark for a few years Eventually she says what both of us have been thinking "We should get back together." Idk what to say. Can't tell her I lied about being single at this point, but I also like her a lot more than my gf > Decide to keep it going "Sure, but I don't have a lot of free time with work. > I just lost my job > I give her the address to the apartment I'm in, which I don't actually pay for. My best bud does Invite her over one time She says "Why not tonight?" My gf hasn't text me and doesnt have a key, and my buddy is out of townm Sure, what could go wrong? Almost done the story /b/ois, cont.? > Take her back to the apartment > Time is a bit late. Ask her what she wants to do She immediately gives me a smile that could only mean one of two things, sex or something sexual > Before I can say anything she notices a picture have of me and my girlfriend on top of the shelf >"Who's this?" > I panic > My sister >She gets confused. My sister is asian? > "You never told me you had a sister, anon, andI met your family > Ohshit.jpg > I make up a story on the spot about my parents splitting and my dad remarrying. She's my stepsister. We broke up over a year ago. My parents fought once in front of her. Not too far fetched "Aww, anon. I'm so sorry." She says, basically jumping into my arms after putting the photo down Haven't even blown a load in at least a week >Boner is visible >She goes for it. I had forgotten that one of the main reasons we broke up was her sex drive and mine not matching up >Suddenly remember second was that she was a crazy bitch towards me sometimes > I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries sWe fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed crazv bitch towards me sometimes >I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries s We fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed Wake up to a banging on the door Groggily get up to find my ex making breakfast and my best friends gf at the door Wtf I yell through the door at her "What do you want?" (My best bud) left something and needed her to bring it to him > I open the door cautiously She sees my ex, and me half naked. She ofo knows about my af She asks to talk to me in private Takes me to the bedroom, locks the door and quietly asks me "Are you cheating or did you break I don't lie to her >She gets frustrated with me and leaves without my buds thing he needed "What was that?" My ex asks Now T don't remember exactly what I said at this point because I was scared shitless. My buds gf was for sure gonna tell mine and now things were gonna tumble down Cont? > "What was that anon?" >Ex js getting visibly annoyed and worried > She looks back at the photo of me and my "sister I look down at the floor My ex suddenly pieces something together right then and there >"ls she vour girlfriend?" > I fucking crumble and admit everything >She's surprisingly understanding, but just as understandably upset > ''You should call her No >"I need you to do this for me" I do > I explain the whole thing to her, sparing the sexual details > She sounds pretty heartbroken I try to console her but it doesnt work as well as l would have hoped She hangs up on me I'm in a puddle of tears sitting next to the first girl | ever loved > She hugs me awkwardly one last time > "I need one more thing from you > I look at her and wipe away some tears. "What?" > She smiles at me warmly and says "I need about tree fiddy I suddenly realised what I should have long ago My ex was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleozoic era The god damn loch ness monster had tricked me again Anon is conflicted
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Ass, Bill Cosby, and Bitch: dm Ro Can I get to kno yu 6 hours ago Sent from Mobile Jamal Thomas I'm a boy 6 hours ago Jdm Rog Ohh 6 hours ago Sent from Messenger Jamal Thomas Yea nigga you gay. What bitch you know named Jamal 6 hours ago *me in my creative writing class* *slowly falling asleep* *out cold* “TEROME!” *I quickly wake up* *the whole class is looking at me* “Would you like to share what’s on your paper since you were obviously finished.” The teacher says. *i look down at my paper* *gulp* “Uhhhhhh, Id rather not.” I say. “Frankly you have no choice. Please stand and read your paper aloud to the class.” *fuck this nigga* *i stand up* *i begin to read* “‘Man, fuck this class bruh. This monotone ass teacher be putting us all to sleep word to Bill Cosby. Why he built like the letter T? Nigga skipped leg day since birth. Only thing good about this class is the females yo. Samira over there got the FATTEST ass. Shit got its own gravitational pull.’” *sweating intensifies* “‘Angela over there got the meanest overbite. She look like her mom was a slave and her dad was a horse. She prolly give some life-threatening head though. But the baddest bitch in this whole class was Mr. G’s wife. I be staring at that picture of her on his desk and just be drooling and shit. Her titties look like 2 healthy balloons. It’s something bout that MILF next door word to @lilboom. I’d break her 43 year old back in a heart beat. Make Mr. G pay for her hip replacements.’” *dabs forehead with towel* “‘Then there’s this bitch Sara. On God I’d hire Randy Orton to RKO her ass off a cliff if I could. I bet she eat celery with no ranch. Why she built like a 4th grader with a decent fashion sense. Nah scratch that, this bitch got on some beat up Converse and a Twenty One Pilots shirt. I should deck her shit right now.’” *takes a sip of water* “‘All the dudes in this class lame too. This nigga Paul next to me sagging in his chair. First of all, who the fuck sags anymore. Tempted to give this nigga a mega wedgie word to Captain Underpants. Damn I haven’t seen a Captain Underpants book in a while. Wasn’t there a movie about that shit? I’m rambling though. Damn I’m almost at the bottom of the page. Lemme say one more thing then. If I’m forced to read this aloud then I’m swallowing the cyanide pill in my tooth right afterwards.’” *i put the notebook down* “Wait, you’ll do what?” The teacher says. Cya(nide). ttstorytime
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Church, Crime, and Family: ow I actually painted this, along with several other paintings, in the early seventies when I was a kid.I painted it for my twin brothers bedroom. They wanted a painting of a dandelion, so I did the best I could. I decided to paint a theme. You see, my favorite author was Edger Allen Poe, so I decided to paint faces of evil people, murders in the windows of the houses, (in yellow because their cowards). The True people with guts, are those that take the bullet or survive it, or touch their enemy with nothing. I never told my family about the hidden faces, I was saving it for later...I painted it after I was brutally attacked in front of my Jr. High School. In the dandelion stem on the left, I put a skull, to scare my little brothers...can you find it? The little wishes from the dandelion are floating around in the wind above the town. I always tried to put a church or steeple in my paintings, to honor God. I kept the church dark, since evil is not in there, and it's protected, as you can see... These paintings were also stolen out of our home in Maryland in the early seventies. Can you tell who the faces of Evil are? You will have to enlarge it and there are other things hidden... I painted this when I was a child, so maybe it takes a child to see certain things...3 One more thing, once, a long time ago, I met a FBl sketch artist who taught me how to sketch someone who attacked me, then, in the early seventies, when I was brutally attacked in front of my Jr. High school, I painted his face, in yellow in my painting. Sometimes a crime is so violent you can't talk about it, but, you can paint it. Write a comment... <p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/167243546953/came-across-this-gem-today" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Came across this gem today.</p></blockquote>

memehumor: Came across this gem today.

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Ass, Bless Up, and Bruh: Chick Magnet @DrSmashlove I been said before that God created men with a degree of physical strength over women, so God granted women a degree of intellect over men. I love it when u bozos get in my comments like "HAHA WOMEN ARE *NOT* SMARTER THAN MEN WE ALL KNOW THAT." Ok lemme tell u another story to prove it. So I meet this dude at a work function right. Homeboy had two boys and his wife was pregnant with number 3. She wanted a girl. She went to two ultrasounds - they said issa girl. But then she read that sometimes the ultrasound tech gets it wrong when they say it's girl when it's a boy but he got a small PP or his PP hidden so she told this dude: "I need a ultrasound." He said "aight schedule one." She said "no they'll make me wait two weeks. I don't want to wait two weeks." He said "well what are you gonna do that's how it works." Next morning she wake up feeling pain, she call her OB and say "I'm feeling pain - it's a miscarriage - I've had two before - I know what it feels like." OB said "ok come in asap for an ultrasound." So she shows up and they take a look and everything ok. And homegirl dead ass says "thank you Doctor. One more thing. Can you confirm the gender for me? 😏" And that's when homeboy knew. His wife had just faked a miscarriage so she wouldn't have to wait for a ultrasound. She even admitted it after. BRUH - I CAN'T WITH YOU WOMEN. YALL DONE FIGURED OUT THIS ART OF PULLING LEVERS. WE ARE POWERLESS. AS FUCK 😂. Lemme ask u: let's say u a old man and u start dating a young ting and she ain on birth control and y'all got a vaca coming up and u want a vasectomy but the Doctor all like "I can't get you in for another month, I'm sorry." What u gon do. As a man. U gon take her lil ass on vaca and she gon get pregnant. Ask a woman how she'd finesse a vasectomy on one day's notice. Ask her. I don't know what she'd say...but she'd GET THAT SHIT DONE. MEN, WE DILLY DALLY. WOMEN EXECUTE. BLESS UP 😂😂😂
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Advice, Ass, and Bless Up: Family time is good doggo time.. @DrSmashlove So yesterday one of my followers asked me to write about the perfect bj. And just like that...writers block gone 😂. Now this is a topic that's near and dear to my heat bc I'm not a huge fan of blowski's, so for a blowski to catch my fancy it gotta be legendary. Why? The answer is twofold: (1) nothing beats the soft, warm confines of the four walls of the Punanius Maximus. (2) I don't beat my meat so when I bust, a lot has built up by then, and I'm a fire hose 🤗💦. Now look. As a brother, we can't just engage in extremely reckless activity. We might squeeze your throat, but not too hard. Give you a sexy lil slap...but not to hard. U feel me? This shit wouldn't play well in a police report 😕. So likewise what if attempt to empty the banana clip in yo throat and I "over-produced"? What if yo lungs are overwhelmed and u drown? Bam: smash in handcuffs being interrogated for homicide by one of them big ass coppers who's mainly fat but also some muscle so he built like a port-a-potty with a crew cut and he all: "AT ANY TIME MR. SMASH DID YOU EVER FEEL LIKE MAYBE THE GAGGING MEANT SHE COULDN'T BREATHE?" Me: "sir I plead the fif until my Jewish lawyer get her it's Saturday afternoon so we it's gon be a couples hours until sunset he observes the sabbath bless up thank you 💕." So what's a good bj? Forget about everything Cosmo magazine told u. About using your hand to twist and pull and create a funnel etc. I've been with exactly one girl who converted me when it came to head-top and the way she did it is, she wouldn't let me bust anywhere except her throat. I would physically try to retreat and she lunge forward and throw it in her throat and look up at me with tears in her eyes while she took every drop. So my advice? Let the throat do the work, and drown on the dih 🤗😂. A bit painful but as when u eat the Nani - U gotta submerse yourself to get the full effect. One more thing. This girl, who is a legend, never - ever - bragged about her prowess. Let this be a lesson to yall who spend hours talmbout how incredible your ___ game is. If you surprise them, it's that much more intense! Ya get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂
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