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Animals, Bad, and Cats: vet-and-wild The weird wavs l 've accidentally trained my cat to wake me up I can't stand animals that are obnoxious in the mornings when they want to get up and be fed. So, l've taken a pretty hard stance on ignoring obnoxious morning behavior to avoid reinforcing it. However, Garrus is a very fast learner, and he's noticed that there's a few things I'm really bad at ignoring. I've created the most bizarre alarm 1. Chowing on my phono oord. Ho only dooo it in tho morning when he wants me to get up. I've never seen him do it any other time. It's really hard for me to ignore my cat chewing on something plugged into an outlet. And so I have accidentally trained him to chew on it when I'm being stubborn and I don't want to get out of bed. Solution: unplug the phone and go back to sleep. 2. Swatting at my curtains. He likes to do it when he has the night zoomies and l'm trying to sleep instead of giving him attention. It's a really annoying sound. Like, REALLY annoying. And in my half-asleep state, my initial response was to grumble and tell him to knock it off. Didn't work so well for a cat that is doing an obnoxious behavior to get attention He didn't care that I was yelling at him-he was getting the attention he wanted. The one time l was just too exhausted to deal with him and didn't respond, he gave up pretty quickly. That'o whon I roalizod ho'd boon playing mo. Now I juot ignore it and he stops pretty fast. 3. Changing the temperature on my snake's HerpStat. I don't even know how he started this one, but one day I was lounging in my bed in the morning and I heard the HerpStat beeping like it does when the temp has been changed. And l panicked because I didn't want my snake being burnt to a crisp! Big mistake. My sudden movement out of bed reinforced Garrus, and for the next few days l'd wake up to beeping. I don't know if he was biting it, or nudging it, or what but my attempts to scold him only caused him to make happy "murrrrp" noises because I was acknowledging his presence. I have now placed the HerpStat in a high open drawer so he can't reach it. But I'm still kind of in shock that he learned to do this. Little punk. l think Pavlov is laughing at me clickercake Accidentally reinforced behaviors are an absolute riot clickerpunk Omg my mornings are EXACTLY like this. But my cat has discovered that if she scratches the floor i shoot out of bed because i dont want her peeing on the floor or something.. The moment i sit up in bed she goes "brrrp!" because im awake.. Damn smart cats Source: vet-and-wild 287 notes Cat training

Cat training

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Clothes, Comfortable, and Crying: professorpineapple you're an art model does that mean you're NAKED? yeah whoa....those lucky artists:)" .buddy professorpineapple idk who started the idea that life drawing classes have anything sexy going on like there's at least ten people in the room and we're all tired and covered in charcoal the dude in front who's staring at my boobs has been trying to get the shading right for 10 minutes. he's almost out of paint. he is crying askfordoodles burg branch-and-root The ice burg being frozen solid because there are NEVER ENOUGH SPACE HEATERS angryfishtrap I was an artist's model in uni since it paid better than any other student work position. Did a life drawing class one semester despite it being an unheated old building in the winter evenings, because the instructor was a decent fellow who always had extra space heaters. So there I am one evening, exhausted from my team's afternoon practice but I'm in a comfortable position on a padded stool, ready to hold the position for like fifteen minutes. Space heaters all around me spotlights on me to get shadows in interesting places. Beyond the red glow of the heaters and the hot-white of the spotlights, the massive drafty room is dark and quiet, broken only by the instructor's whispers and the scratch of charcoal on paper. Me, I'm just dozing, cause my ancient dorm was heated with creaky old steampipes that never really got warm, and with the new extra-powered space heater alongside the others, that night was the warmest l'd been in a month. I dozed, basking in the glorious warmth. And then I fell asleep. And then I fell off the stool. I woke up rather abruptly on the cold wooden platform, and looked up to see an entire ring of terrified and worried faces around me Everyone had their hands up, ready to help me up, except no one had touched me. Naked chick laid out face-down on the floor, and all the men and women were suddenly acutely aware they couldn't just grab a half-asleep dazed naked chick. Fortunately someone had the bright idea to tear the sheet down from the backdrop, lay it over me as a wrap, and then everyone was quick to help me up. After that, the instructor and students got used to taking turns talking to me, just to make sure I wasn't dozing off. Which was weird, at first, because l'd done two semesters just being a silent prop, and now I was interacting. It gave the class a vibe completely unlike any other I'd modeled for and it ended up one of my favorite modeling experiences. postscript: months later, walking on campus with someone who'd eventually become my spouse, we passed some guys on the main path. One of them stopped, peered at me and then said hello, excitedly, saying, "sorry, I didn't recognize you, I've never seen you with your clothes on! whitebear-ofthe-watertribe This is honestly so delightful and accurate thenightingalelily The only situation where saying "T've never seen you with your clothes on" is a completely normal thing to say Source: professorpineapple Art modelling
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Alive, Ass, and Phone: What is the laziest thing you've 3 ever done? I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he's still half asleep, bleary eyed... basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He's squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It's painful to watch. But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I'm-still-totally-asleep voice, he says "heeeey. It's OPS. Could you... shift our barpat. yeah, one six five. Thanks." And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting. And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie's face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I've just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship's back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees he's changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He's literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe. He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I'm terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic briliance of his laziness (since he's not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel. A little bit of a long read, but its worth it

A little bit of a long read, but its worth it

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Being Alone, Amazon, and Gif: Laura I'd like to take you up on getting coffee, by the way Mon, Jul 24, 2017, 12.00 AM Ahh I'm sorry for leaving you hanging. I might've dismissed the notification or something half asleep... But coffee would be great Stil being unemployed means Fhave free time in excess and a super flexible So just let me know when might work best for you Thu, Jul 27, 2017, 12-32 AM Wed, Aug 2,2017, 32 PM Hey Laura I know it can take forever agonizing over the perfect response, but the coffee is starting to get cold I've taken the liberty of preparing a few response choices for you, to help speed things along. Choose any letter choice you'd like to send A: I'm free to grab coffee this week i'li send you my number so we can coordinate a meet up B This week is kinda busy for me, but next week for surel I'i give you my number so we could coordinate a meet- C: I would like to grab coffee eventually but rm not quite sure when. 'll give you my number so we can figure out the when on a better platform D: Sorryi don't think I'm up for coffee anymore... you're just too intimidatingly attractive and intelligent for me. I'u still give you my number though, maybe we could meet up some time soon: Fri Aug 11, 2017, 324 AM Atter popular demand, we've decided to add a bonus answer choice, See the amendment in its entirety below E: I'd like more time to choose among options A-D, please bear with mel Sat, Aug 12, 2017, 12:26 AM While you decide among choices A-E I've written a limerick to pass the time There once was a match who's named Laura Who jammed to Chopin on Pandora, When she said she'd meet Drew For a hot Java brew She first had to grow coffee fora. Thu, Aug 24, 2017, 1:08 PM Limerícks are boring, lambic pentameter or bust Beneath the churning froth of pick-up ines, The sexting, whirling cesspool of regret, An empty cave extends like twisting mines The ghosts of voices echo in duet A conversation stalled for thirty days Still sometimes he'd return if memry served He'd rack his mind for further clever ways, To keep the chat that time forgot preserved, But life moves fast indeed for life in prime, From seeds to sprouts to trees to leaves wind-blown And so, our Laura ever lost to time And Drew forever in Starbucks alone 32017, all rights reserved Tue, Aug 29, 2017, 4:46 PM Ok I've contacted Amazon about publishing the book I wrote about this conversation, they said it could be online in three weeks ifi could slim it down 800 pages or so, I'll keep you posted through the editing process Mon, Sep 25, 2017,10:01 PM The book is finally supposed to be online tomorrow, and this bit of breaking news just published online thought you might want to see: Wed, Now 8.2017. 1137 PM We have a problem Laura the Weinsteirn Company was our sole investor the movie's in shambles now and there's no going back Today 8:15 PM Oh my god Oh my god GIF Not really sure who was more surprised here

Not really sure who was more surprised here

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Alive, Ass, and Lazy: What is the laziest thing you've ever done? I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he's still half asleep, bleary eyed... basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes puttinga big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He's squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It's painful to watch. But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I'm-still-totally-asleep voice, he says "heeeey. It's OPS. Could you... shift our barpat... yeah, one six five. Thanks." And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting. And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie's face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I've just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship's back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he's changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He's literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe. He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I'm terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he's not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel. And I thought I was lazy

And I thought I was lazy

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Tumblr, Blog, and Glasses: porgs-n-ponchos: Took this before I found your blog. Baby decided to try on my glasses while I was half asleep. I think it suits him! the smartest most handsome porg!

porgs-n-ponchos: Took this before I found your blog. Baby decided to try on my glasses while I was half asleep. I think it suits him! the sm...

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Love, Couch, and Her: This Abby the first hour after adopting her, keeping to herself in the kitchen, and 1 week later belly up half asleep on the couch next to me. I love her!

This Abby the first hour after adopting her, keeping to herself in the kitchen, and 1 week later belly up half asleep on the couch next to m...

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