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Apple, Bless Up, and Drake: Three weeks ago she was at the pound - now she's transformed to Action Pup.! So u know how u get in the car and Apple Music just wil out and play whatever well on the way to the gym this mernin I hop in the whip on this cold a$$ 12 degree day and my speakers start blasting Miguel, Banana Clip. FAM! I don’t even remember downloading this album! But this joint HARD! 😂 I felt like Miguel lil 5 foot a$$ was next to me serenading me, singing in the passenger seat egging me on go hard at the gym! I was Iike wow this adorable lil munchkin go hard! And then it dawned on me 🤔...5 footers really be going the hardest! 🐛 Kevin Hart - 5 foot. Tom cruise - 5 foot. Shiggy the comedian who invented the drake Kiki dance (DRAaAaAaAake! 😂) - 5 foot. They out there ... ENTERTAINING. Ladies don’t shleep. I know most of u pretty tings got a 6-4 cutoff and I don’t blame y’all! But maybe what u need is a 5 footer who really gon do the most! Serenade u in the shower! Make u laugh! “Smash I’m not tryina hear that, my son in fifth grade already taller than that I can’t bring a man into my house who reach to my son’s chest” BB 👏 GIRL 👏 DO 👏 WHAT 👏 U 👏 FEEL 👏. And by the way, for all you men who only swipe right on short women may I ask you to consider finding yourself a tall drink of water in 2019. I used to talk to a volleyball player who was 6-1 and let me tell you fam she was a sight to behold. Legs so long you could slide down them h0es like a fire pole. Cheeks like beach balls. She was a whole lotta woman! A foot long sub for the price of a six inch famalam! I am telling you, you might not think it’s your thing but u might hecc around and fall in love. “But smash, I’m 5-11 which is really a lie I’m actually 5-7 and three quarter but I say I’m 5-11 - if she 6-1 then in heels she finna be 6-4 fam I’m gon look like her handsome middle school son.” Well bish embrace that! Find you a Mama! Maybe your mama was wiling out when you were growing up and u need a woman to HECC around and spank u. Maybe eem spike you! 🏐 Maybe that’s what you been missing all your life. “smash you really Wilding today.” INDEEDY! Smash simply raising this hypothesis for ya consideration lmao BLESS UP 😍😂😂 (Slide 2: @tatertot_thecorgi_)
Confused, Crazy, and Definitely: 11:09 YOU SUPER LIKED ELVIRA ON U Your cleavage game is top notch Today 8:58 AM Thanks Victoria secret's bra do Yeah they really lift and shape them nicely, I'm pretty sure my hands could do better though And I'm pretty sure i don't want your hands anywhere near my Jeez is this a hookup app or a way to talk to my grandma You think everyone one here wants to hook up? I think if you go to a mcdonalds and order a salad, if the salad sucks it's kinda your fault for ordering it I would take you to a much nicer place btw, thats just an analogy I'm sorry my hoe days are over That's okay, J actually happen to have a time anomaly in my bedroom What does that mean? English is not my first language? Don't worry it's not mine either ignore the second interrogation mark What's yours? Spanish Oh como estas? Lol I honestly can't type spanish for shit but I speak it very well What's your first language? It's French My last girlfriend was french I have prior experience And what did you learn from her ? How to spend 20,000 on someone and have nothing to show for it LMFAO Oh Lord I bet she had a nice pair of titties Definitely, that's why I had to swipe right, you're exactly my type Not exactly. I'm not here for I'm sure there's somewhere between hookups and marriage we can settle on @ I think that's called relationship - Ok deal, you're my girlfriend now Today 9:53 AM Definitely not how it works Now I am both confused and hurt I don't know what you want and l have a headache sounds like a girlfriend Today 1:59 PM You're crazy lol Today 7:02 PM A little bit. CanI get your number still? sent Today 822 PM 240 Type a message GIF I have a girlfriend now
Crazy, Dating, and Destiny: CUSTOMER SERVICE it is just plane wrong you have not swiped right yet Jake, 27 Jake, 27 less than a mile away less than a mile away We may fight, but please don't try and solve the argument with regular soda I would re-accommodate every last passenger just to be the guy that gets to sit next to you I prefer diet; we both know you are all the sugar I need Jake, 27 O less than a mile away Jake, 27 O less than a mile away One date, one opportunity...You are everything l ever wanted. In one moment, would you swipe right, or just let it slip? Want to be crazy in love? Well, to the left, to the left. Swipe every other guy to the left. My palms won't be sweaty. Flirt-game not weak, charm is heavy. I have a date planned already. let's get spaghetti If I like it, I might put a ring on it. It could be our destiny to have a child, but for now, let's just get pizza Still Jake, 27 O less than a mile away Jake, 27 I was feeling 22, but really I am 27 and should probably start taking dating seriously I am looking for a girl who is willing to break all ties with their ex. I don't care if you have to make up some lie like "there isn't enough space for the two of us" Swipe right to fill the blank space in my heart. If you aren't looking for a love story, baby just swipe left. eok a love story. Let go of the past; I promise our love won't hit any icebergs. Fake News N.К. missies can't reach the US. But I can reach your heart. Breaking News Trump pulls out of Paris chmate agreement Jake, 27 O less than a mile away Jake, 27 O less than a mile away Every guy eventually experiences issues with their rocket. Some rockets explode prematurely. Some never explode at all Just like our president, when I promise to pull out, I follow through But I promise that no matter what, we will have a blast. Over the past year, I made about 50 of these profiles (for fun). These are 8 of my favorite. Hopefully you get a laugh out of them.

Over the past year, I made about 50 of these profiles (for fun). These are 8 of my favorite. Hopefully you get a laugh out of them.