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Dad, Grandma, and Head: Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery On yeah, every time that dad forgets mom is dead, we head to the cemetery so he can see her gravestone. WHAT I can't tell you how many times I've heard some version of this awful story. Stop taking people with dementia to the cemetery Seniously, I cringe every single time someone tells me about their plan" to remind a loved one that their loved one is dead I also hear this a lot: 1 keep reminding mom that her sister is dead, and sometimes she recalls it once I've said it. That's still not a good thing. Why are we trying to force people to remember that their loved ones have passed away? If your loved one with dementia has lost track of their timeline, and forgoten that a loved one is dead, don't remind them. What's the point of reintroducing that kind of pain? Here's the thing they will forget again, and they will ask again. You're never, ever, ever, going to "convince them of something permanently Instead, do this Dad, where do you think mom is? When he tells you the answer, repeat that answer to him and assert that it sounds correct. For example, it he says, "1 think mom is at work,"say, "Yes, that sounds right, I think she must be at work. it he says, 1 think she passed away say, Yes, she passed away People like the answer that they gave you. Also, it takes you off the hook to come up with something" that satisfies them. Then, twenty minutes later when they ask where mom is, repeat what they originally told you drgaellon I support this sentiment. Repeatedly reminding someone with faulty memory that a loved one has died isn't a kindness, it's a cruelty. They have to relieve the loss every time, even if they don't remember the grief 15 minutes later In other words, don't try to impose your timeline on them in order to make yourself feel better. Correcting an afflicted dementia patient will not cure them They won't magically return to your real world'. No matter how much you might want them to. It's a kindness of old age, forgetting. Life can be very painful. Don't be the one ripping off the bandage every single time prismatic-bell I used to work as a companion in a nursing home where one of the patients was CONVINCED I was her sister, who'd died 40 years earlier. And every time one of the nurses said דhat's not Janet, Janet is dead, Alice, remember?" Alice would start sobbing So finally one day Alice did the whole JANET IS HERE and this nurse rather nastily went Janet is dead and before it could go any furtherI said "excuse mer?? How dare you say something so horrible to my sister?" The nurse was pissed, because I was feeding Alice's delusions. Alice didn't have delusions. Alice had Alzheimer's. But I made sure it went into Alice's chart that she responded positively to being allowed to believe I was Janet. And from that point forward, only my specific patient referred to me as-Nina. in front of Alice-everyone else called me Janet. and when Alice said my name wasn't Nina I just said "oh, it's a nickname, that's all."It kept her calm and happy and not sobbing every time she saw me It costs zero dollars (and maybe a little bit of fast thinking) to not be an asshole to someone wah Alzheimer's or dementia. Be kind I wish I had heard this stuft when Grandma was still here satr9 I read once that you have to treat dementia patilents more like it's improv, like you have to take what they say and say to yourself ok, and" and give them more of a story to occupy them and not just shut it down with something super harsh A nurse I used to work with always told us: Tf a man with dementia is trying to get out of bed to go to work, don't tell him he's 90 and in a nursing home. Tell him it's Sunday and he can stay in bed. If a woman with dementia is trying to stand because she wants to get her husband's dinner out of the oven, don't tel her he's been dead for 20 years. Tell her you'll do for her and she can sit back down Always remembered that, always did it. Nothing worse than hearing someone with memory loss ask the same question over and over again only to be met with: "We already told youl" Just tell them again steel-phoenix I've worked with elderly dementia patients, and I agree with all the above. Treat them as you'd like to be treated in the same situation ruby-white-rabbit Same. I've worked with patients like these and even my grandma was convinced for a day that I was my aunt. Just roll with it lazulisong My go-to response to someone asking if I've seen a dead loved one is "I haven't seen them today, but if I do I'll let them know you were looking for them. Cause you know what, if I DID see them I wouild tell them, so it always comes out sounding truthtul Source dementiabyday.com 99.289 notes PSA for those whose loved ones have dementia
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Baby, It's Cold Outside, Christmas, and Definitely: Andrew Rannells @AndrewRannells I don't think any more people need to record Baby It's Cold Outside. I think we're good there teachingwithcoffee It's time to bring an end to the Rape Anthem Masquerading As Christmas Carol bigbutterandeggman Hi there! Former English nerd/teacher here Also a big fan of jazz of the 30s and 40s So. Here's the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today's worldview to the song, yes, you're right, it absolutely *sounds* like a rape anthem. BUT! Let's look closer! "Hey what's in this drink" was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there's actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned, at a dudes house. In the 1940's, that's the kind of thing Good Girls aren't supposed to do-and she wants people to think she's a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what shes really concerned about "the neighbors might think" "my maiden aunt's mind is vicious," "there's bound to be talk tomorrow." But she's having a really good time, and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink -unaware that the drink is actually really weak, maybe not even alcoholic at all. That's the joke That is the standard joke that's going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says "hey, what's in this drink?" It is not a joke about how she's drunk and about to be raped. It's a joke about how she's perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she's living in a society where women aren't supposed to have sexual agency Basically, the song only makes sense in the context of a society in which women are expected to reject mens advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it's normal and expected for a lady's gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests, because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won't be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than "I'm staying because I want to." (That's the main theme of the man's lines in the song, suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he's pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she's using it to give all the culturally-understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can't say so She states explicitly that she's resisting because shes supposed to, not because she wants to: "I ought to say no no no..." She states explicitly that she's just putting up a token resistance so she'll be able to claim later that she did whats expected of a decent woman in this situation: "at least I'm gonna say that I tried." And at the end of the song they're singing together, in harmony, because they're both on the same page and they have been all along So it's not actually a song about rape in fact it's a song about a woman finding a way to exercise sexual agency in a patriarchal society designed to stop her from doing so. But it's also, at the same time, one of the best illustrations of rape culture that pop culture has ever produced. It's a song about a society where women aren't allowed to say yes..which happens to mean it's also a society where women don't have a clear and unambiguous way to say no Source: matchingvnecks #baby it's cold outside #not about rape #so tired of having to explain this on 238,267 notes Dec 3rd, 2016 Its that time of year again
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Apparently, Church, and Fail: captainlovelxce hey have i ever told y all about my cursed apartment building cursed how, you say???? well, here's the thing: no-one can fuckin see it. let me explain further .i live in a tiny flat in a big red brick building with huge windows. it has a driveway with two columns on either side not a thing you usually see in this area. it is opposite a bus stop and several corner shops. it is on a main, busy road. most significantly, it is attached to a church. a well- known church with a big pink sign on the front. all things that would make it easy to spot, right???? like if i gave that list of distinguishing features to someone along with my address then they'd be able to find my filat easily, right??? well APPARENTLY NOT we have never once had a delivery to our flat (outside of the usual postal service) where we haven't been called by a lost courier usually, they are about thirty seconds away. "i'm by the church and i don't know where to go from here," they say. so we tell them, "it's the building right next to the church!! the one you're outside. that church. it's the next building along. it's opposite a bus stop and it has a driveway with two big columns." without fail, they call back 5-10 minutes later, still lost. i have answered calls from both lost delivery people and friends where i've been able to see them standing in front of the driveway, from my window a friend of mine once drove past my building three times, while on the phone to me, getting increasingly panicked that she couldn't figure out where she was going. she parked in a nearby road and i had to walk to her car and guide her to the driveway however, my flatmate and i found this place when we were flat-hunting first time, no trouble, and we don't know what that means other than i guess this place chose us and the rent is so cheap because the estate agents were so relieved to find the first people in a thousand years who could actually see this fuckin building . today a food delivery person called me to say he was outside the church was told to go to the next building along, (a 20 second journey on foot) and arrived at my door 20 minutes later, saying, "sorry, i went to the back of this building by mistake. weird right???" this building doesn't have a back it backs onto the rest of the church it doesn't have a back where did he go . . toastynoneofyourbusiness There's probably a wizard's pub somewhere around there and the spell keeps overlapping with the nearby buildings captainlovelxce i haven't really been interacting with the notes on this post bc it blew up unexpectedly and ive been rly busy, but reblogging again to say - holy fuck, there is actually a pub just down the road that's all boarded up and derelict but i HAVE seen people go in and out of it and sometimes you can see a light on in the upstairs window Source:motherfortuna #bahahahahah #sacred space #fairy circle 92,553 notes TFW you live in a liminal space
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Anaconda, Anna, and Community: hobbit-hole if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win hobbit-hole all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he's like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they've gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don't think i could take him without magic even if he is old because he's a very large guy, but maybe it would be my knuckles against Frodo's baby soft poet hands, plus rve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn't real so he can't offer a rebuttal to my claim penny-anna you're absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D hobbit-hole this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he's too polite to do that because it's a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty penny anna for someone who doesn't want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo. animate-mush OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin. First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won't be fighting your conscience at the same time Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He's no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that's comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he's not a fighter Also there's a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn't enough if a curse by itself) And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you'll deserve it, you penny-anna Also: if you fight Frodo you'll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on ainurs Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir feynites So here's the thing - you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you'll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you'll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh. So here's what you do You fight Legolas. The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you're gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimili, so once the challenge is issued, he's not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus! Anyway Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he's also already convinced you're weaker than him anyway because you're not an elf, so he's gonna go kind of easy on you And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here's the key thing You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince That's a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener yeah? icescrabblerjerky okay so tolkien tumblr is fast becoming my fave tumblr community thank you thank you all you are the true fellowship here. Source:hobbit-hole #mmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 32,148 notes The Tolkien discourse is getting violent
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Donald Trump, Fuck You, and Irish: Deborah Irish Cornaire 2Conversation Starter 6 hrs Here is George Clooney's response after Trump accused him of being a "Hollywood elite." "Here's the thing: I grew up in Kentucky. I sold insurance door-to-door. I sold ladies' shoes. I worked at an all-night liquor store. I would buy suits that were too big and too long and cut the bottom of the pants off to make ties so l'd have a tie to go on job interviews. I grew up understanding what it was like to not have health insurance for eight years. So this idea that I'm somehow the "Hollywood elite" and this guy who takes a shit in a gold toilet is somehow the man of the people is laughable. People in Hollywood, for the most part, are people from the Midwest who moved to Hollywood to have a career. So this idea of "coastal elites" living in a bubble is ridiculous. Who lives in a bigger bubble? He lives in a gold tower and has twelve people in his company. He doesn't run a corporation of hundreds of thousands of people he employs and takes care of. He ran a company of twelve people! When you direct a film you have seven different unions all wanting different things, you have to find consensus with all of them, and you have to get them moving in the same direction. He's never had to do any of that kind of stuff. I just look at it and I laugh when I see him say "Hollywood elite." Hollywood elite? I don't have a star on Hollywood Boulevard, Donald Trump has a star on Hollywood Boulevard! Fuck you!" - George Clooney actor, philanthropist, humanitarian & activist macgregorsiolalpin: Most so-called Hollywood Elites didn’t have their daddy’s giving them millions of dollars every year.
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Being Alone, Charlie, and Facebook: toddler facebook from MOMMYSHORTS.com Ava B My mom thinks I'm going down for a nap when we get home. Bwahahaha. She's hilarious. Like Comment 2 minutes ago 15 toddlers like this. 1 minute ago Like 3 Luke A FYI- I convinced my mom I don't need a nap. Now she lets me watch TV every afternoon because SHE needs a break! WIN 23 seconds ago Like 14 Write a comment... Kara G I pooped in the bath tub while taking a bath last night and my mom had to scoop it up with a cup and flush it down the toilet. LMAO! Like Comment 4 minutes ago 12 toddlers like this Lila G I hope it wasn't one of my sippy cups, sis! 3 minutes ago via mobile Like s 2 Write a comment... Owen G Forgot the teacher's name at Gymboree today so called her Mommy. What's the big deal? Isn't that every woman's name? Like Comment 10 minutes ago 21 toddlers like this. Gillian H It's the woman in my house's name. 9 minutes ago Like 5 Thomas L Mine too! 5 minutes ago Like. Write a comment... Lee P My cat really looks like it needs it's tail pulled. Repeatedly. Like Comment 18 minutes ago 34 toddlers like this. Martin D So, here's the thing. I totally know how to use the potty. But Mommy keeps giving me treats if I make it seem like a surprise when I go. Psht. Diapers for life, yo. Like Comment 30 minutes ago 47 toddlers like this. Hannah W I stopped using diapers at 15 months. 22 minutes ago Like Charlie G UNLIKE 15 minutes ago Like 32 Write a comment.. KortneyA I opened all of my mom's tampons today and watched them expand in the toilet. It was awesome. You should all try this at home. Like Comment 34 minutes ago 16 toddlers like this. Cassie S Why did mommy walk into the laundry room?! Oh no, I don't think she's ever coming back! I'm going to be in the living room alone Like Comment 45 minutes ago 1 toddler likes this. Thomas L UPDATE: She came back. Sorry for the false alarm. 44 minutes ago Write a comment... Shelley B It's fun to ask for "no bubbles" once my bubble bath is ready. Like Comment 48 minutes ago 33 toddlers like this. Lucas N Is it bedtime yet? Because that's the time I like to announce I'm ready to eat my dinner Like Comment 1 hour ago 10 toddlers like this. Mark T I'm about to pretend I need to poop on the potty so... YES. 50 minutes ago Like 1 Write a comment... Nikki S Watch, I'm gonna ask for a red popsicle and when mom gives it to me, I'm going to scream 'I SAID PURPLE' and have a fit. Like Comment 1 hour ago 44 toddlers like this. Ella B Ha. I tried that yesterday with the blue sippy cup instead of the green one. SO MUCH FUN!!!! 54 minutes ago Like 4 Daniel N LOL. Moms are so easy to piss off 24 minutes ago Like- 23 Write a comment... MOMMYSHORTS.com you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny:If Toddlers Could Actually Post On Facebook

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Baby, It's Cold Outside, Christmas, and Definitely: I don't think any more people need to record Baby It's Cold Outside. I think we're good there teachingwithcoffee It's time to bring an end to the Rape Anthem Masquerading As Christmas Caral bigbutterandeggman Hi there! Former English nerd/teacher here. Also a big fan of jazz of the 30s and 40s So. Here's the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today's worldview to the song. yes, you're right, it absolutely 'sounds' like a rape anthem. BUTI Let's look closerl "Hey what's in this drink" was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there's actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol. See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned at a dude's house. In the 1940's, that's the kind of thing Good Girls aren't supposed to do - and she wants people to think she's a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what she's really concerned about: the neighbors might think," "my maiden aunt's mind is vicious," "there's bound to be talk tomorrow." But she's having a really good time and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink - unaware that the drink is actually really weak maybe not even alcoholic at all. That's the joke. That is the standard joke that's going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says "hey, what's in this drink?" It is not a joke about how she's drunk and about to be raped. It's a joke about how she's perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she's living in a society where women aren't supposed to have sexual agency Basically, the song only makes sense in the ext of a society in which women are expected to reject men's advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it's normal and expected for a lady's gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won't be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than "I'm staying because I want to." (That's the main theme of the man's lines in the song suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he's pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she's using it to give all the culturally- understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can't say so. She states explicitly that she's resisting because she's supposed to, not because she wants to: "l ought to say no no no..." She states explicitly that she's just putting up a token resistance so she'll be able to claim later that she did what's expected of a decent woman in this situation: "at least I'm oonna sav that I tried. And at the end of the that she's resisting because she's supposed to not because she wants to: "l ought to say no no no..." She states explicitly that she's just putting up a token resistance so she' ll be able to claim later that she did what's expected of a decent woman in this situation: "at least I'm gonna say thatI tried." And at the end of the song they're singing together, in harmony because they're both on the same page and they have been all along. So it's not actually a song about rape in fact it's a song about a woman finding a way to exercise sexual agency in a patriarchal society designed to stop her from doing so. But it's also, at the same time, one of the best llustrations of rape culture that pop culture has ever produced. It's a song about a society where women aren't allowed to say yes...which happens to mean it's also a society where women don't have a clear and unambiguous way to say no. Source:matchinovnecks #baby it's cold outside #not about rape #30 tired of having to explain this one 196,155 notes "C But Baby It’s Cold
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