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noctumsolis: frankly-ludicrous: Villain: Dude, what about Frank?! Hero: … who? Villain: Frank! Franklin Jones! Wears my henchmen’s uniform, had the key to my door, GOT MURDERED BY SOME ASSHOLE TWO WEEKS BEFORE HIS KID’S BALLET RECITAL?! Hero: … you know your henchmen’s names? Villlain: OF COURSE I DO! I SEE THESE PEOPLE EVERY DAY! THEY’RE MY FRIENDS! What, you thought I just went to the fucking minion store and bought three hundred assistants?! People don’t work for evil overlords unless they really like the evil overlord! Hero: Well, I mean, I though henchmen were just kinda… there? Villain: … you thought Frank. Whom I entrusted with the key to my personal chamber. Who I named the godfather of my children. Was just. There. Hero: YOU HAVE KIDS?! Villain: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT?! WE’VE BEEEN NEMESI FOR DECADES! Hero: WHY WOULD I KNOW THAT? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE I WANT DEAD! Villain: HOW AM I THE VILLAIN HERE?! : noctumsolis: frankly-ludicrous: Villain: Dude, what about Frank?! Hero: … who? Villain: Frank! Franklin Jones! Wears my henchmen’s uniform, had the key to my door, GOT MURDERED BY SOME ASSHOLE TWO WEEKS BEFORE HIS KID’S BALLET RECITAL?! Hero: … you know your henchmen’s names? Villlain: OF COURSE I DO! I SEE THESE PEOPLE EVERY DAY! THEY’RE MY FRIENDS! What, you thought I just went to the fucking minion store and bought three hundred assistants?! People don’t work for evil overlords unless they really like the evil overlord! Hero: Well, I mean, I though henchmen were just kinda… there? Villain: … you thought Frank. Whom I entrusted with the key to my personal chamber. Who I named the godfather of my children. Was just. There. Hero: YOU HAVE KIDS?! Villain: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT?! WE’VE BEEEN NEMESI FOR DECADES! Hero: WHY WOULD I KNOW THAT? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE I WANT DEAD! Villain: HOW AM I THE VILLAIN HERE?!
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readerjohn: peaceheather: thequeensphinx: roll–initiative: meme-xirl-wonder: luidilovins: asundergrowth: lovelyloseruniverse: asundergrowth: vocifersaurus: abrakafcukyou: bitterfucked: breastforce: how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad i didn’t wanna reblog this just cos it doesn’t deserve to get seen but: a) dwarves don’t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building d) goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies “but if they’re all gay how do they reproduce?” magic rituals motherfucker it’s a fantasy world f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of “i’m already an outcast, so anything goes”. i don’t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that “move, i’m gay” video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, they’ll show you the meaning of flaming bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your player’s handbook bury me with this post it’s perfect Goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food. Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. I like this Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? You can’t argue with the facts. “Oh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckers™” Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing The fuckers @godkingsanointed   @rapid-artwork: readerjohn: peaceheather: thequeensphinx: roll–initiative: meme-xirl-wonder: luidilovins: asundergrowth: lovelyloseruniverse: asundergrowth: vocifersaurus: abrakafcukyou: bitterfucked: breastforce: how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad i didn’t wanna reblog this just cos it doesn’t deserve to get seen but: a) dwarves don’t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building d) goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies “but if they’re all gay how do they reproduce?” magic rituals motherfucker it’s a fantasy world f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of “i’m already an outcast, so anything goes”. i don’t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that “move, i’m gay” video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, they’ll show you the meaning of flaming bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your player’s handbook bury me with this post it’s perfect Goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food. Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. I like this Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? You can’t argue with the facts. “Oh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckers™” Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing The fuckers @godkingsanointed   @rapid-artwork
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