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It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.: niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake .... ...... Jake, 27 Jake, 27 O less than a mile away O less than a mile away We may fight, but please don't try and solve the argument with regular soda. It won't take racial inequality to get me down on one knee. I prefer diet; we both know you are all the sugar I need. niftyshadesofjake University of Southern California niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona USC CLASS OF 2022 3,401 FRESHME 0% ganted Ethically granted admission APPLICATIO Jake, 29 Jake 28 O less than a mile away less than a mile away I'm not a celebrity. I don't have $500,000 to help I'm having trouble picking a costume. Want to help? my future children become trojans at USC. I am a gentlemen. I have $50 for dinner to ethically boost my chances of getting a trojan into you. Swipe left if you are a fan of ghosting. Swipe right if you are a fan of getting boned. niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona .. let 6'0" A Caded in 5'6" 5'0" your cave of wonders POLICE DEPT. 4'6" (480) 627-9186 4'0" Yes Please Jake Arredondo 3'6" Jake, 29 Jake, 29 O less than a mile away O less than a mile away Tired of guys lying about their height? Here is government proof I am at least 6ft. I promise that it will take more than a few rubs for anything to come out of my magic lamp. For our first date, you cook our dinner, and I will cook the meth. niftyshadesofjake niftyshadesofjake Scottsdale, Arizona You ok Jake, 29 Still Single O less than a mile away Jake, 27 As a born-again virgin (3-month dry spell). I can relate to the current bachelor. I was feeling 22, but really I am 27 and should probably start taking dating seriously. Swipe right. I too am willing to wait on putting the Pin the V, until I am sure about you and me. Swipe right to fill the blank space in my heart. If you aren't looking for a love story, baby just swipe left. This is the first one I had ever created (bad quality). This joke took 1,000+ hours to máke. niftyshadesofjake et niftyshadesofjake Hmargemadders.com Make America Accessible Again Jake, 24 Jake, 29 O less than a mile away About Jake I am 50% hispanic, so our love could very well be separated by Trump's wall. This is why I am proud to announce my new company, Largeladders.com If we are to go on a date you must wear sandals. No socks. I am pro house elf slavery and i cannot risk gving my elf his freedom. Furthermore, ifu need me to drive, I will have dobby pull me on my scooter and you may ride pigty-back style I do this for the envronment. Bring your nice flip flops if you want me to pay for dinner Political oppression might keep us down, but with my new ladder company, I will have a way to climb right back into your arms. It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.

It’s the end of a decade. I’m close to 100 profiles. Here are my favorites from the last 6 years of making them.

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bunjywunjy: somnolenttt: bunjywunjy: earthstory: The difference between a good photograph and a National Geographic photograph is often just a slight shift in perspective. Sometimes a ladder is really inexpensive tool (less so in my case, since I had to fly it to the remote Indian Ocean atoll of Aldabra) to obtain a different point of view. This proved to be the case on assignment for @natgeo in Seychelles a few years ago, when the ladder helped me create the opening image for this story. I have posted that particular photograph before, but I will post it again tomorrow for reference. Aldabra has the highest concentration of blacktip reef sharks I have ever experienced. The sheer abundance of sharks there is completely out of this world. At low tide they congregate in a small lagoon on a reef flat where a brisk current bathes them in cooler well oxygenated water. They avoid the deeper water off the reef edge where bigger sharks may prey on them.Time lapse video by my assistant and talented videographer @ottowhitehead thomaspeschak “HEY! HEY HUMAN, HEY! TAKE OUR PICTURE TAKE OUR PICTURE!!!!” Heres the photo he took while on the ladder SO MANY GOOD BOYS : bunjywunjy: somnolenttt: bunjywunjy: earthstory: The difference between a good photograph and a National Geographic photograph is often just a slight shift in perspective. Sometimes a ladder is really inexpensive tool (less so in my case, since I had to fly it to the remote Indian Ocean atoll of Aldabra) to obtain a different point of view. This proved to be the case on assignment for @natgeo in Seychelles a few years ago, when the ladder helped me create the opening image for this story. I have posted that particular photograph before, but I will post it again tomorrow for reference. Aldabra has the highest concentration of blacktip reef sharks I have ever experienced. The sheer abundance of sharks there is completely out of this world. At low tide they congregate in a small lagoon on a reef flat where a brisk current bathes them in cooler well oxygenated water. They avoid the deeper water off the reef edge where bigger sharks may prey on them.Time lapse video by my assistant and talented videographer @ottowhitehead thomaspeschak “HEY! HEY HUMAN, HEY! TAKE OUR PICTURE TAKE OUR PICTURE!!!!” Heres the photo he took while on the ladder SO MANY GOOD BOYS
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lolzandtrollz:The Banana Experiment: THE EXPERIMENT A GROUP OF SCIENTISTS PLACED 5 MONKEYS IN A CAGE AND IN THE MIDDLE, A LADDER WITH BANANAS ON TOP. EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE LADDER, THE SCIENTISTS SOAKED THE REST OF THE MONKEYS WITH COLD WATER AFTER A WHILE, EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE LADDER, THE OTHER ONES BEAT UP THE ONE ON THE LADDER. AFTER SOME TIME, NO MONKEY DARE TO GO UP THE LADDER REGARDLESS OF THE TEMPTATION SCIENTISTS THEN DECIDED TO SUBSTITUTE ONE OF THE MONKEYS. THE FIRST THING THIS NEW MONKEY DID WAS TO GO UP THE LADDER. IMMEDIATELY THE OTHER MONKEYS BEAT HIM UP AFTER SEVERAL BEATINGS, THE NEW MEMBER LEARNED NOT TO CLIMB THE LADDER EVEN THOUGH NEVER KNEW WHY THE SECOND MONKEY WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE SAME OCCURED. THE FIRST MONKEY PARTICIPATED ON THE BEATING FOR THE SECOND MONKEY. A THIRD MONKEY WAS CHANGED AND THE SAME WAS REPEATED. THE FOURTH WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE BEATING WAS REPEATED AND FINALLY THE FIFTH MONKEY WAS REPLACED. WHAT WAS LEFT WAS A GROUP OF 5 MONKEYS THAT EVEN THOUGH NEVER RECEIVED A COLD SHOWER, CONTINUED TO BEAT UP ANY MONKEY WHO ATTEMPTED TO CLIMB THE LADDER. IF IT WAS POSSIBLE TO ASK THE MONKEYS WHY THEY WOULD BEAT UPALL THOSE WHO ATTEMPTED TO GO UP THE LADDER, I BET THEIR ANSWER WOULD BE "I DON T KNOW. THAT S HOW THINGS ARE DONE AROUND HERE." DON'T MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THIS WITH OTHERS AS THEY MIGHT BE ASKING THEMSELVES WHY WE CONTINUE TO DO WHAT WE ARE DOING IF THERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY OUT THERE Conclusion: Don't follow others behavior, think before you follow. lolzandtrollz:The Banana Experiment

lolzandtrollz:The Banana Experiment

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deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there’s no way you’re getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking, wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn’t supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone, the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they’d seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again. Basically what I’m saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway. : DISORDERLY Oct. 1 - A group of students playing hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center at 11 p.m. caused a faculty member to call the University Police. The police arrived but were not able to find any of the students. deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there’s no way you’re getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking, wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn’t supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone, the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they’d seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again. Basically what I’m saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway.

deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personall...

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faikitty: mermaibee: ultrafacts: According to the CDC, in 10 percent of those drownings, the adult will actually watch the child do it, having no idea it is happening. Drowning does not look like drowning—Dr. Pia, in an article in the Coast Guard’s On Scene magazine, described the Instinctive Drowning Response like this: “Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled before speech occurs. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs.” This doesn’t mean that a person that is yelling for help and thrashing isn’t in real trouble—they are experiencing aquatic distress. Not always present before the Instinctive Drowning Response, aquatic distress doesn’t last long—but unlike true drowning, these victims can still assist in their own rescue. They can grab lifelines, throw rings, etc. Look for these other signs of drowning when persons are in the water: Head low in the water, mouth at water level Head tilted back with mouth open Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus Eyes closed Hair over forehead or eyes Not using legs—vertical Hyperventilating or gasping Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway Trying to roll over on the back Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder So if a crew member falls overboard and everything looks OK—don’t be too sure. Sometimes the most common indication that someone is drowning is that they don’t look like they’re drowning. They may just look like they are treading water and looking up at the deck. One way to be sure? Ask them, “Are you all right?” If they can answer at all—they probably are. If they return a blank stare, you may have less than 30 seconds to get to them. And parents—children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why. Source/article: [x] Follow Ultrafacts for more facts! BOOST FOR THE SUMMER. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Can I just say thank you to OP for putting such a detailed description on this? I’ve been a lifeguard for 6 years now and of all the saves I’ve done, maybe two or three had people drowning in the stereotypical thrashing style. And even those, like the save I made last weekend, it was exactly like OP describes where the person’s head is going in and out of the water but it isn’t long enough to get any air. Mostly you recognize drowning by the look on someone’s face. If someone looks wide eyed and terrified or confused, chances are they’re drowning. That look of “oh shit” is pretty easily recognizable. And even if you can’t tell for sure: GO AFTER THEM ANYWAY. I’ve done “saves” where a kid was pretending to drown and I mistook it for real drowning, but that’s preferable to a kid ACTUALLY drowning. Also please remember that even strong swimmers can drown if they have a medical emergency, get cramps, or get too tired. If your friend knows how to swim but they’re acting funny get them to land. And even if someone can respond when you ask them if they need help, if they say they do need help? GO HELP THEM. However . If the victim is a stranger, I can’t recommend trying to get them. Lifeguards literally train to escape “attacks,” because people who are drowning can freak the fuck out and grab you and make YOU drown as well. If you do go in after someone, take hold of them from the back and talk to them the whole time. IF YOU ARE GRABBED: duck down into the water as low as you can get. The person is panicking and won’t want to go under water and should release you. Shove up at their hands and push them away from you as you duck under. Don’t die trying to save someone else. Please guys, read and memorize this post. Not all places have lifeguards. Being able to recognize drowning is such an important skill to have and you can save someone’s life. : Drowning in real life looks nothing like in the movies, and in fact many parents actually watch their children drown, having no idea that it's happening Ultrafacts.tumblr.com faikitty: mermaibee: ultrafacts: According to the CDC, in 10 percent of those drownings, the adult will actually watch the child do it, having no idea it is happening. Drowning does not look like drowning—Dr. Pia, in an article in the Coast Guard’s On Scene magazine, described the Instinctive Drowning Response like this: “Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled before speech occurs. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs.” This doesn’t mean that a person that is yelling for help and thrashing isn’t in real trouble—they are experiencing aquatic distress. Not always present before the Instinctive Drowning Response, aquatic distress doesn’t last long—but unlike true drowning, these victims can still assist in their own rescue. They can grab lifelines, throw rings, etc. Look for these other signs of drowning when persons are in the water: Head low in the water, mouth at water level Head tilted back with mouth open Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus Eyes closed Hair over forehead or eyes Not using legs—vertical Hyperventilating or gasping Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway Trying to roll over on the back Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder So if a crew member falls overboard and everything looks OK—don’t be too sure. Sometimes the most common indication that someone is drowning is that they don’t look like they’re drowning. They may just look like they are treading water and looking up at the deck. One way to be sure? Ask them, “Are you all right?” If they can answer at all—they probably are. If they return a blank stare, you may have less than 30 seconds to get to them. And parents—children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why. Source/article: [x] Follow Ultrafacts for more facts! BOOST FOR THE SUMMER. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Can I just say thank you to OP for putting such a detailed description on this? I’ve been a lifeguard for 6 years now and of all the saves I’ve done, maybe two or three had people drowning in the stereotypical thrashing style. And even those, like the save I made last weekend, it was exactly like OP describes where the person’s head is going in and out of the water but it isn’t long enough to get any air. Mostly you recognize drowning by the look on someone’s face. If someone looks wide eyed and terrified or confused, chances are they’re drowning. That look of “oh shit” is pretty easily recognizable. And even if you can’t tell for sure: GO AFTER THEM ANYWAY. I’ve done “saves” where a kid was pretending to drown and I mistook it for real drowning, but that’s preferable to a kid ACTUALLY drowning. Also please remember that even strong swimmers can drown if they have a medical emergency, get cramps, or get too tired. If your friend knows how to swim but they’re acting funny get them to land. And even if someone can respond when you ask them if they need help, if they say they do need help? GO HELP THEM. However . If the victim is a stranger, I can’t recommend trying to get them. Lifeguards literally train to escape “attacks,” because people who are drowning can freak the fuck out and grab you and make YOU drown as well. If you do go in after someone, take hold of them from the back and talk to them the whole time. IF YOU ARE GRABBED: duck down into the water as low as you can get. The person is panicking and won’t want to go under water and should release you. Shove up at their hands and push them away from you as you duck under. Don’t die trying to save someone else. Please guys, read and memorize this post. Not all places have lifeguards. Being able to recognize drowning is such an important skill to have and you can save someone’s life.
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deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there’s no way you’re getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking, wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn’t supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone, the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they’d seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again. Basically what I’m saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway. : DISORDERLY Oct. 1 - A group of students playing hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center at 11 p.m. caused a faculty member to call the University Police. The police arrived but were not able to find any of the students. deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there’s no way you’re getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking, wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn’t supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone, the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they’d seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again. Basically what I’m saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway.

deadmomjokes: owl-librarian: #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek Having gone to this University, and having personal...

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Refer to article Eldritch Locations and You for more information: DISORDERLY Oct. 1-A group of students playing hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center at 11 p.m. caused a faculty member to call the University Police. The police arrived but were not able to find any of the students. owl-librarian #you just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek deadmomjokes Having gone to this University, and having personally played hide and seek in the Harris Fine Arts Center, I guarantee you that NOBODY finds hiders unless they, too, are familiar with the bowels of the HFAC. Once you get down to the practice-room levels, time stops completely and you could walk up the back stair and end up in 1967. The halls change at least 8 times an hour, there's no way you're getting back out the same way you came in. When the lights start going off at 10 the whole bottom 3 floors descend into some subsection of the fey realm. I once hid up on the balcony stage access fire-escape thing of a lower-level theater, and 3 faculty walked by under me and not a one of them noticed the hulking wheezing asthmatic lurking above them, half dangling off a rickety metal ladder that probably wasn't supposed to be climbed. A fellow hider friend came and found me, and we sat up there for 30 minutes listening to some distant clicking sound before we realized nobody was actually going to find us. We had no cell service, and no internet to reach anyone. We got lost trying to get back out, and once we resurfaced, everyone else was gone the building was empty, and we just went home to eat ice cream. Nobody knew where we had disappeared to, and nobody bothered to check if we were there before leaving. For all I know, they just assumed we had been lost to the gaping maw of the HFAC basement and when they saw us at church on Sunday it was probably like they'd seen a ghost. None of us ever mentioned it again. Basically what I'm saying is Campus Police had no hope of finding them in the first place and probably lost an officer or two if they actually conducted a real search, because nobody except Senior art majors or veteran custodians actually knows how to navigate that building and make it out in the same dimension they entered from. Not at 11pm anyway. wearemage I mean thats some fine scenario material, isn't it? Refer to article Eldritch Locations and You for more information

Refer to article Eldritch Locations and You for more information

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