🔥 Popular | Latest

theghostofallexander: zodiacbaby: prominent-nipple: oh my gOD LMFAOOLL WHAAATT oh my god : Paris Hilton KA PA D.O.B. 1981-02-17 Soclalite Actor TV Personality MEAN 33% OK 10% NICE 67% Best known for: The Simple Life Hilton sex tape Paris Hilton's My New BFF SHARE YOUR STORY Stories Random Things My Step Sister Told Me Some random things told to me by my step sister who used to work for Paris: Paris has a room full of vintage radios from ww2 aircraft and the like. She restores them. There is always a smell of burning coming from the room. Nobody is allowed in. She has a telescope on a platform. My sister was often required to climb onto the roof with beef sandwiches and a flask of tea as Paris was up there looking at the sky. She also has 100's of notebooks full of numbers which somehow relate to what she sees through the telescope Behind closed doors Paris only wears pajamas which she gets delivered from the British store Marks and Spencers She doesn't come across as dim like she does when the cameras are around. She's very quiet. She bought my sister a playstation and some reindeer socks for Christmas Saved Me In Germany And Towed Me To A Garage My car broke down on an autobahn in Germany. Managed to coast to sort of layby thing with a burger van and toilets in it. I was in a bad state because I can't speak any German, my phone had no credit and I didn't have my breakdown details with me so I had no idea what to do. I unsuccessfully asked the guy in the burger van for help and he apparently didn't speak English so rather pathetically I started to cry. Then this big old American guy appeared and offered me a cup of tea in his motor home (it wasn't proper tea but that's besides the point). In the van was another guy and friggin Paris Hilton! I kid ye not. She was sweet and made me a sandwich and gave me a hug then proceeded to talk to me for 30mins about some old radio bits she'd bought in some show in Freidrichshafen. I didn't understand most of it. She said that when she wasn't working she liked to drive about Europe going to radio and air shows as if she put a hat on nobody ever recognised her. Then they towed me to a garage at about 40km per hour (scarey stuff on the autobahn). Oh yeah and she sat in my car and asked if it was ok before she smoked. theghostofallexander: zodiacbaby: prominent-nipple: oh my gOD LMFAOOLL WHAAATT oh my god
Save
browsedankmemes: Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2: GrizFyrFyter1 102d My wife never finished a cup of coffee or a cup of tea if didn't make it for her. . I asked about it t once and her response was "it just taste better when you make it". Always makes me feel better seeing an empty cup. the_dapper_minion 102d I often come to bed after her, and she's a pretty heavy sleeper. Without fail, I'll get settled in to bed and she does what I call the reach. Where she'll start swatting around to find me. Once a body part is located she attempts to crawl into my skin. All while asleep. Lol most nights I just lay there and kinda chuckle. It's the little things. Mitz_Fitz 103d Destroyed my knee a couple years ago in a dirt bike accident. On the bad days she will rub balm on it and lightly sing to me. Soothes all the anger and pain I have. God I'm lucky. Thanks for reminding me wardog1066 102d 3 1 Award Not so grand as some of the gestures noted here, but when my wife and I go shopping and get separated we will find each other again and she always smiles when she sees me. Sometimes I'll wander off just so we can bump into each other and I get to see that smile. I've never told her this for fear she will become aware of it and stop.28 years and she still smiles when she sees me. I get misty if I think too hard about it. browsedankmemes: Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2

browsedankmemes: Men talking about the women they love via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2ZuCMd2

Save
awesomacious: A greatly written story: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Save
awesomacious: A greatly written story: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Save
A greatly written story: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C A greatly written story

A greatly written story

Save