πŸ”₯ Popular | Latest

Intrusive Thoughts: if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild pumpkinvictor brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it'll jiggle. me: no??? that's mean??? brain: polar bear, then pumpkinvictor brain: the lons just got fed raw meat brain: steal it and eat it in front of them me:.. pumpkinvictor ttle-king-smashmouth AS A ZOOKEEPERI CAN CONFIRM THIS IS 100% A REAL STRUGGLE rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering harinezumiko This 100% was me at the zoo. Don't touch Melon, he's mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it? Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won't get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine. Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don't have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we're putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical homs, because he thinks the females are doing it. The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don't give him fruit loops. He is a jerk) The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she's on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets. Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac's enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she's a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite. The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man. All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don't know you and they Γ€re very distressed that you're tΓ€king their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not leam. Do not pet the guinea pig. this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you as biologist, can confirm brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no! brain: that lynx.. .Jooks so fluffy me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it's awake and angry so no. brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn't. Ah-I read the one about the sea star crunch and I immediately thought of if I ate one, what goo would come out. Would it be like a mozzarella stick? The texture seems to fit right. What if someone served someone a sea star instead of a mozzarella stick in the shape of a sea star? Would they eat t? Would IilI eat it? What if I knew it was a sea star? Would I STILL eat i? I kinda just want mozzarella sticks but now they could all be sea star limbs so I have to be careful... Source: snowquee.. Wanimal Bintrusive thoughts 8200 98,700 notes Intrusive Thoughts
Save
So yesterday I hit tennis balls with the big homie and it's like high 87 degrees hot af so we get four games in and take shirts off. We take a quick water break and he turn around for a sec and low key? Homeboy got the above-butt dimples. SOME MEN HAVE ABOVE-BUTT DIMPLES? I AIN'T EEN REMOTELY GAY, BUT STILL...INTERESTING! I WAS STARTLED πŸ˜‚. Like how u gon just slap one of the sexiest little features a woman can have...on a random ass dude? Like could u imagine if 0.0001% of men just randomly had titties? Not like obese dudes at the pool with titties I done seen that I mean like a regular dude with a set of clean, crisp, hairless, bounteous, glistening titties. Shit would be wild! Like u would bring a dude named Bill in for a interview and Sally the head of HR just gon be like "Bill Johnson is coming in at 1 pm, remind your team please BILL IS SPECIAL." And everyone know what that mean. And Bill walk in wearing brooks brothers suit pants and wing tip shoes and brooks brothers jacket but instead of a white dress shirt and tie he just wearing a Nike sports running bra because DUH that's what men do why u think we wear basketball shorts iss to put our shit on display πŸ€—. And Bill in the interview just like "yeah after we got acquired by a private equity firm the culture changed and I wish them well but I'm looking to bring my clients here. Hey let's address the elephant in the room, I have boobs lol. They're fucking nice, too. Wanna suck on em? 😎" Now a group of grown men sucking Bill's titties. They ain't even touching PPs it ain't een gay like that they just taking turns respectfully doing a lil suckysuck. Just a lil bit! U feel me? But nah. Men don't have real titties. But apparently a select few of them got above-butt dimples. Interesting!!! β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (πŸ“·: Reddit u-luckytattoos): Mochi being a good pup for the vet So yesterday I hit tennis balls with the big homie and it's like high 87 degrees hot af so we get four games in and take shirts off. We take a quick water break and he turn around for a sec and low key? Homeboy got the above-butt dimples. SOME MEN HAVE ABOVE-BUTT DIMPLES? I AIN'T EEN REMOTELY GAY, BUT STILL...INTERESTING! I WAS STARTLED πŸ˜‚. Like how u gon just slap one of the sexiest little features a woman can have...on a random ass dude? Like could u imagine if 0.0001% of men just randomly had titties? Not like obese dudes at the pool with titties I done seen that I mean like a regular dude with a set of clean, crisp, hairless, bounteous, glistening titties. Shit would be wild! Like u would bring a dude named Bill in for a interview and Sally the head of HR just gon be like "Bill Johnson is coming in at 1 pm, remind your team please BILL IS SPECIAL." And everyone know what that mean. And Bill walk in wearing brooks brothers suit pants and wing tip shoes and brooks brothers jacket but instead of a white dress shirt and tie he just wearing a Nike sports running bra because DUH that's what men do why u think we wear basketball shorts iss to put our shit on display πŸ€—. And Bill in the interview just like "yeah after we got acquired by a private equity firm the culture changed and I wish them well but I'm looking to bring my clients here. Hey let's address the elephant in the room, I have boobs lol. They're fucking nice, too. Wanna suck on em? 😎" Now a group of grown men sucking Bill's titties. They ain't even touching PPs it ain't een gay like that they just taking turns respectfully doing a lil suckysuck. Just a lil bit! U feel me? But nah. Men don't have real titties. But apparently a select few of them got above-butt dimples. Interesting!!! β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (πŸ“·: Reddit u-luckytattoos)
Save