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Candy, Christmas, and Gif: AT&T LTE 10:40 AM e * 67%. Amelia YOU MATCHED WITH AMELIA ON 6/23/18 A lost duck is walking through the forest. Which way does he go? To the left The duck waddles along and ends up by a lake. Farther along the shore is a bridge he can cross to get to the other side. Should the duck swim across the lake or go towards the bridge? Bridge Also... why is there a Christmas tree outside With night approaching the duck crosses the bridge. Smart decision as alligators are seen hiding in the lake The duck has a weird feeling there might have been treasure under the Christmas tree he passed. "Too late" he says to himself. On the other side the duck finds an abandoned mining town. However, power is still running Should the duck investigate one of the houses or pass through the town towards the mountain? Sk Omg this is a risky choice but the duck should investigate the house The duck is hesitant but decides to investigate the house. He finds that the front door is unlocked and slowly opens it, searching for any danger. He finds nothing of danger but keeps his guard up. In the entry way is an old Christmas tree, a desk with a phone and two doors. Where should he go? The Christmas tree The duck investigates under the Christmas tree and finds some old presents. With no one living in the town he decides to open them. He finds a hat making him feel way cooler, and some candy that he decides to eat. "Man I'm cool" says the duck. Should the duck leave or continue to investigate the house? Continue to investigate The duck looks into the two doors and finds the rooms are empty. "They must've left in a hurry" he says. The duck waddles to the desk and searches it finding nothing but a torn note. On it is written "Amelia's number" but the rest of the note is gone. The duck wonders if he should try a random phone number or leave the house and head towards the mountain. What should he do? Sunday 9:58 PM Try a random phone number Yesterday 4:31 PM The duck wonders what Amelia's phone number could be. What number should he try? Sent Today 10:06 AM GIF Type a message Apologies if its a repost. It madeth me laugh

Apologies if its a repost. It madeth me laugh

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Animals, Beer, and Cats: COLLECTIVE NOUNS FOR ANIMAL GROUPS A congregotion of alligators A nest, army, colony, or swarm of ants A shrewdness or troop of apes A pace, herd, or drove of asses A troop of baboons An exaltation of larks A leap of leopards A pride of lions A lounge of lizards Atiding of magpies A nest of mice A labor of moles A troop or cartload of monkeys A herd of moose A barren, span, or pack of mules A romp of otters A team, yoke, or drove of oxen A parliament of owls A bed of oysters A company or pandemonium of parrots An ostentotion, pride, or muster of peacocks Apod of pelicans A rookery or colony of penguins A bouquet or nye of pheasants A herd or sounder of pigs A sloth or sieuth of bears Afamily or colony of beavers A grist, swarm, nest, or hive of beer A sounder or singular of boars An obstinacy, herd, troop, or gang of buffalo Aflutter of butterflies A wake of buzzards A train, caravan, or flock of camels A herd of caribou A ciowder, cluster, giaring, or pounce of cats An ormy of caterpillars A herd or drove of cattle A brood or peep of chickens A coolition of cheetahs An intrusion of cockroaches A guip of cormorants A bask or fioat of crocodiles A murder of crows A herd of deer A pack of dogs An are, dule, fiight, or pitying of doves A poddiing.fiock, or raft of ducks A convocation or aerie of eagles A bed or sworm of eels A herd or memory of elephants A herd or gang of elk A mob of emus A business of ferrets A charm of finches A school or shoal of fish A stand or fiamboyance of flamingos A swarm, cloud or business of flies A leash, skulk, or troop of foxes An army of frogs A goggle or skein of geese A herd, corps, or tower of giraffes A swarm, cloud, or horde of gnats Aflock, herd, tribe, or trip of goats A troubling of goldfish A band or troop of gorillas A cloud of grasshoppers A coiony of gulls A down or husk of hares A boil, cast, or ketde of hawks A hedge or siege of herons A bloat of hippos A herd or band of horses A mute, brace, or pack of hounds A cockle of hyenas A band, party, or scold of jays A smack or brood of jellyfish A mob, herd, or troop of kangaroos A prickle of porcupines A school or pod of porpoises A coterie of prairie dogs A bevy or covey of quail A nest or warren of rabbits A gaze or nursery of raccoons Arhumba of rattlesnakes An unkindness or conspiracy of ravens A crash or stubbornness of rhinoceroses A building or clamor of rooks A pod, harem, herd, or colony of seals A school, shoal, or shiver of sharks A flock or fold of sheep A bed, knot, den, or nest of snakes A host or ubiquity of sparrows A clutter of spiders A dray or scurry of squirrels A chottering or murmuration of starlings Aflight or gulp of swallows A bevy, herd, or bank of swans A sounder, drift, herd, or drove of swine An ambush or streak of tigers A nest or knot of toads A hover of trout A rofter, doie, or flock of turkeys A bale or turn of turtles A blessing of unicorns A huddie or herd of walruses A coiony, pack, sneak, or gang of weasels A pod, school, mob, or gam of whales Apack or rout of wolves A wisdom of wombats Adescent of woodpeckers A herd, zeal, or cohort of zebras MIA THEMETAPICTURE.COM you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: Collective Nouns For Different Animals
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Animals, Beer, and Cats: COLLECTIVE NOUNS FOR ANIMAL GROUPS A congregotion of alligators A nest, army, colony, or swarm of ants A shrewdness or troop of apes A pace, herd, or drove of asses A troop of baboons An exaltation of larks A leap of leopards A pride of lions A lounge of lizards Atiding of magpies A nest of mice A labor of moles A troop or cartload of monkeys A herd of moose A barren, span, or pack of mules A romp of otters A team, yoke, or drove of oxen A parliament of owls A bed of oysters A company or pandemonium of parrots An ostentotion, pride, or muster of peacocks Apod of pelicans A rookery or colony of penguins A bouquet or nye of pheasants A herd or sounder of pigs A sloth or sieuth of bears Afamily or colony of beavers A grist, swarm, nest, or hive of beer A sounder or singular of boars An obstinacy, herd, troop, or gang of buffalo Aflutter of butterflies A wake of buzzards A train, caravan, or flock of camels A herd of caribou A ciowder, cluster, giaring, or pounce of cats An ormy of caterpillars A herd or drove of cattle A brood or peep of chickens A coolition of cheetahs An intrusion of cockroaches A guip of cormorants A bask or fioat of crocodiles A murder of crows A herd of deer A pack of dogs An are, dule, fiight, or pitying of doves A poddiing.fiock, or raft of ducks A convocation or aerie of eagles A bed or sworm of eels A herd or memory of elephants A herd or gang of elk A mob of emus A business of ferrets A charm of finches A school or shoal of fish A stand or fiamboyance of flamingos A swarm, cloud or business of flies A leash, skulk, or troop of foxes An army of frogs A goggle or skein of geese A herd, corps, or tower of giraffes A swarm, cloud, or horde of gnats Aflock, herd, tribe, or trip of goats A troubling of goldfish A band or troop of gorillas A cloud of grasshoppers A coiony of gulls A down or husk of hares A boil, cast, or ketde of hawks A hedge or siege of herons A bloat of hippos A herd or band of horses A mute, brace, or pack of hounds A cockle of hyenas A band, party, or scold of jays A smack or brood of jellyfish A mob, herd, or troop of kangaroos A prickle of porcupines A school or pod of porpoises A coterie of prairie dogs A bevy or covey of quail A nest or warren of rabbits A gaze or nursery of raccoons Arhumba of rattlesnakes An unkindness or conspiracy of ravens A crash or stubbornness of rhinoceroses A building or clamor of rooks A pod, harem, herd, or colony of seals A school, shoal, or shiver of sharks A flock or fold of sheep A bed, knot, den, or nest of snakes A host or ubiquity of sparrows A clutter of spiders A dray or scurry of squirrels A chottering or murmuration of starlings Aflight or gulp of swallows A bevy, herd, or bank of swans A sounder, drift, herd, or drove of swine An ambush or streak of tigers A nest or knot of toads A hover of trout A rofter, doie, or flock of turkeys A bale or turn of turtles A blessing of unicorns A huddie or herd of walruses A coiony, pack, sneak, or gang of weasels A pod, school, mob, or gam of whales Apack or rout of wolves A wisdom of wombats Adescent of woodpeckers A herd, zeal, or cohort of zebras MIA THEMETAPICTURE.COM you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: Collective Nouns For Different Animals
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Animals, Beer, and Cats: COLLECTIVE NOUNS FOR ANIMAL GROUPS A congregotion of alligators A nest, army, colony, or swarm of ants A shrewdness or troop of apes A pace, herd, or drove of asses A troop of baboons An exaltation of larks A leap of leopards A pride of lions A lounge of lizards Atiding of magpies A nest of mice A labor of moles A troop or cartload of monkeys A herd of moose A barren, span, or pack of mules A romp of otters A team, yoke, or drove of oxen A parliament of owls A bed of oysters A company or pandemonium of parrots An ostentotion, pride, or muster of peacocks Apod of pelicans A rookery or colony of penguins A bouquet or nye of pheasants A herd or sounder of pigs A sloth or sieuth of bears Afamily or colony of beavers A grist, swarm, nest, or hive of beer A sounder or singular of boars An obstinacy, herd, troop, or gang of buffalo Aflutter of butterflies A wake of buzzards A train, caravan, or flock of camels A herd of caribou A ciowder, cluster, giaring, or pounce of cats An ormy of caterpillars A herd or drove of cattle A brood or peep of chickens A coolition of cheetahs An intrusion of cockroaches A guip of cormorants A bask or fioat of crocodiles A murder of crows A herd of deer A pack of dogs An are, dule, fiight, or pitying of doves A poddiing.fiock, or raft of ducks A convocation or aerie of eagles A bed or sworm of eels A herd or memory of elephants A herd or gang of elk A mob of emus A business of ferrets A charm of finches A school or shoal of fish A stand or fiamboyance of flamingos A swarm, cloud or business of flies A leash, skulk, or troop of foxes An army of frogs A goggle or skein of geese A herd, corps, or tower of giraffes A swarm, cloud, or horde of gnats Aflock, herd, tribe, or trip of goats A troubling of goldfish A band or troop of gorillas A cloud of grasshoppers A coiony of gulls A down or husk of hares A boil, cast, or ketde of hawks A hedge or siege of herons A bloat of hippos A herd or band of horses A mute, brace, or pack of hounds A cockle of hyenas A band, party, or scold of jays A smack or brood of jellyfish A mob, herd, or troop of kangaroos A prickle of porcupines A school or pod of porpoises A coterie of prairie dogs A bevy or covey of quail A nest or warren of rabbits A gaze or nursery of raccoons Arhumba of rattlesnakes An unkindness or conspiracy of ravens A crash or stubbornness of rhinoceroses A building or clamor of rooks A pod, harem, herd, or colony of seals A school, shoal, or shiver of sharks A flock or fold of sheep A bed, knot, den, or nest of snakes A host or ubiquity of sparrows A clutter of spiders A dray or scurry of squirrels A chottering or murmuration of starlings Aflight or gulp of swallows A bevy, herd, or bank of swans A sounder, drift, herd, or drove of swine An ambush or streak of tigers A nest or knot of toads A hover of trout A rofter, doie, or flock of turkeys A bale or turn of turtles A blessing of unicorns A huddie or herd of walruses A coiony, pack, sneak, or gang of weasels A pod, school, mob, or gam of whales Apack or rout of wolves A wisdom of wombats Adescent of woodpeckers A herd, zeal, or cohort of zebras MIA THEMETAPICTURE.COM you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: Collective Nouns For Different Animals
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Facebook, Lgbt, and News: l Three WiFi Call20:36 * 25%10, pinknews.co.uk Share on facebook Now transgender people are being blamed for turning fish trans 15th June 2018, 6:58 PM Ella Braidwood b.0 A woman said trans people are "forcibly trans-ing fish" in a meeting held by a trans-exclusionary radical feminist group. (We Need To Talk/Facebook) Write Off Unaffordable Debts Without Bankruptcy! www.moneysolve.co.uk Do You Qualify? .Three WiFi Call 20:35 pinknews.co.uk 25%LO. Share on facebook A woman speaking at a controversial feminist meeting has claimed that trans people are responsible for polluting the rivers and seas - causing fish to "forcibly" change gender, and damaging crocodiles and alligators. The woman, known only as Elizabeth, who claimed to be an "environmentalist and eco-activist" was speaking at a meeting called Inconvenient Women hosted by lesbian trans-exclusionary radical feminists Sheila leffreys and Nicole Jones on Wednesday Read this next Rabbi says LGBT-inclusive education plan is an 'eviction notice for Orthodox Jews' www.pews.co.dR +AddThis plantanarchy: youareagoodperson: apiapicka: sleepy-space-princess: radical feminists are claiming transgender people are turning fish transgender now wtf This is literally “Chemicals Making Frogs Gay: The Sequel”, I can’t believe this. it’s almost like TERFs are conservatives or something I think what may be being referenced is the study that have found that certain areas with endocrine-disrupting pollution in the water have affected amphibian sex determination? Some people have theorized that human medications that contain estrogen are part of the problem because they’re excreted in waste but like… a lot of fertilizers can be endocrine disrupters. Agricultural and lawn runoff and general pollution from farms, big business, etc is a WAY more likely culprit in affecting the health of amphibian and fish populations than like… a handful of trans women and boatload of older cis women taking a piss.In other words, it’s a confusion similar to the “the phytoestrogens in soy turns you into a man-boobed manlet”, where folks see something about hormones and freak the fuck out for the wrong reasons.
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Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie: erinnightwalker: erinnightwalker: geostatonary: sixpenceee: “A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.” (Source) “HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.” “LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“ I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia. One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless. For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura. When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch. I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats. What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.) The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words. The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel. Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music. Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.) After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss. “……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.” “No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!” “WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.” “What the hell does that mean?!!” “DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.” “……..” “THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.” Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this…. Since you asked nicely ^_^ Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job. After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.) Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it. Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.) He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound. “You….you alright there buddy?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Right. Um. Well.” Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form. When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window. Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges. “Nice night for it, huh?” “…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “ “Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.” “ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Anytime.” There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son. When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included). IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.) While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.) So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy. When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open. A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps. “GACK!” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?” “GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!” “I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Is he supposed to be…..skinless?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.” “…….laPDOG?!” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.” “……” “THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.” A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces. “NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?” “I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.” Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten. Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”) This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash OMIGOSH I’m in love. I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
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Candy, Christmas, and Gif: AT&T LTE 10:40 AM e * 67%. Amelia YOU MATCHED WITH AMELIA ON 6/23/18 A lost duck is walking through the forest. Which way does he go? To the left The duck waddles along and ends up by a lake. Farther along the shore is a bridge he can cross to get to the other side. Should the duck swim across the lake or go towards the bridge? Bridge Also... why is there a Christmas tree outside With night approaching the duck crosses the bridge. Smart decision as alligators are seen hiding in the lake The duck has a weird feeling there might have been treasure under the Christmas tree he passed. "Too late" he says to himself. On the other side the duck finds an abandoned mining town. However, power is still running Should the duck investigate one of the houses or pass through the town towards the mountain? Sk Omg this is a risky choice but the duck should investigate the house The duck is hesitant but decides to investigate the house. He finds that the front door is unlocked and slowly opens it, searching for any danger. He finds nothing of danger but keeps his guard up. In the entry way is an old Christmas tree, a desk with a phone and two doors. Where should he go? The Christmas tree The duck investigates under the Christmas tree and finds some old presents. With no one living in the town he decides to open them. He finds a hat making him feel way cooler, and some candy that he decides to eat. "Man I'm cool" says the duck. Should the duck leave or continue to investigate the house? Continue to investigate The duck looks into the two doors and finds the rooms are empty. "They must've left in a hurry" he says. The duck waddles to the desk and searches it finding nothing but a torn note. On it is written "Amelia's number" but the rest of the note is gone. The duck wonders if he should try a random phone number or leave the house and head towards the mountain. What should he do? Sunday 9:58 PM Try a random phone number Yesterday 4:31 PM The duck wonders what Amelia's phone number could be. What number should he try? Sent Today 10:06 AM GIF Type a message Thanks duck guy from last week

Thanks duck guy from last week

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America, Kylo Ren, and Target: The US SHOULD be divided like this Nos Norther Suthwes* Southeost But its act э11ym like this: uest South Whot kylo-ren-is-my-trash-boy: liminal-zone: manwiththesquidhat: kichizone: oswinstark: wilwheaton: kittydoom: jimmyfury: pumpkinskull: interruptingpanda: myotpisgay: ninjaboots: gayyourlifemustbe: cloakstone69: president-vanellope: wake up america this is to educate my non-American followers. This really is how the US sees itself. (and yes, 95% of the time, Florida = WHAT?!) In Florida the more North you go, the more “South” you get  In Florida the central part pretends to be the south, the western part pretends to be the northeast and the south pretends to be the west I’m not even kidding you  … Please tell me you guys are kidding.   Florida is like it’s own country I swear I’m from Florida and I can confirm this. Also, South Florida is basically Miami and alligators. oh, i always assumed florida was part of The South? north florida is yes. The rest is not. I’m from Florida, and grew up in SC/NC. Can confirm all true. 👍 Um. This is so wrong. You’re forgetting the part where California sees itself as its own entity. We do not want to be grouped in with everyone else, thanks. clearly none of you have ever met someone from texas This last one is on point As someone who lives in texas, I can confirm this. Each state is kind of like their own little country

kylo-ren-is-my-trash-boy: liminal-zone: manwiththesquidhat: kichizone: oswinstark: wilwheaton: kittydoom: jimmyfury: pumpkinskull:...

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Animals, Ass, and Cats: CFS <p><a href="https://superbuzzwheeze-unsolved.tumblr.com/post/166464949754/vrabia-ayniasaubade" class="tumblr_blog">superbuzzwheeze-unsolved</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://vrabia.tumblr.com/post/159233122371/ayniasaubade-philosophy-and-coffee" class="tumblr_blog">vrabia</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://ayniasaubade.tumblr.com/post/158895662021/philosophy-and-coffee-the-multiverse" class="tumblr_blog">ayniasaubade</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://philosophy-and-coffee.tumblr.com/post/158812914216/the-multiverse-iliveforthefantasy" class="tumblr_blog">philosophy-and-coffee</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://the-multiverse.tumblr.com/post/158806149390/iliveforthefantasy-panda2296" class="tumblr_blog">the-multiverse</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://iliveforthefantasy.tumblr.com/post/71001958640/panda2296-musingsofaramblerrr-hello-little">iliveforthefantasy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://panda2296.tumblr.com/post/68035252512/musingsofaramblerrr-hello-little-human-okay-i">panda2296</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://musingsofaramblerrr.tumblr.com/post/67797278635/hello-little-human-okay-i-kiss-you-now">musingsofaramblerrr</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Hello? Little human? Okay I kiss you now.</p> </blockquote> <p>Fun fact: the cat is checking the baby’s mouth to see if it is still breathing. Were it not breathing, the cat would commence to eat it.</p> </blockquote> <p>FUN FACT</p> </blockquote> <p>Omfg</p> </blockquote> <p>That’s just blatantly untrue. While cats have been known to eat human corpses, it’s generally only when they’re starving and have no other food source. <br/> Seriously, quit demonizing cats.</p> </blockquote> <p>Nose touches (as you see here) are a cats way of saying hello. It’s a friendly greeting. It’s NOT checking for breath.</p> <p>Laying on a human (as you see here) is literally cat cuddling. Thats it.</p> <p>We have literal records of cats going out of their way to save the lives of children from various dangers, from fires, to dog attacks, to choking to death. Its very easy to look up.</p> <p>The only cases of cats eating their humans, have always been when their human died and it has been several days without the body being found. Amazingly this tends to line up with the cat not being fed and therefore STARVING. </p> <p>It’s also a common thing among most pet animals too? Like sorry, your dog will do it too. Hell, ever heard of the the Donner Party? Humans aren’t exempt. When faced with survival, you try and survive.</p> <p>STOP DEMONIZING CATS FOR BEING ANIMALS.</p> <p>(And I mean, all it takes is a quick google search to figure this out, but no lets spread misinformation about innocent animals?)</p> <p>If you actually truly believe cats are out to get you, and are cold and not affectionate, or whatever else people use to justify demonizing cats… You need to actually look up cat behavior. Your cat who ‘ignores’ you? More often than not is just respecting your space. Your cat who lashes out? Probably not feeling safe in their environment. Your cat brings you gross things? Trying to look after you.</p> <p>Cats aren’t dogs. They have a set way of communication, and while they can learn dofferent expressions of affection, it will always be less evident than with dogs (who are particularily malleable to human behavior.) This doesn’t mean they are any less loving or capable of bonds.</p> <p>All it takes is a quick google search to figure out why your cat does what they do. And literally, no cat intrinsically wants to eat babies.</p> </blockquote> <p>are you kidding me, cats are <i>super </i>protective of small children. they’ve been known to attack <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE1dtkS1Fko">dogs</a>, <a href="http://www.emirates247.com/news/region/pet-cats-save-two-year-old-girl-from-cobra-2011-10-08-1.422338">snakes</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sAF8gMN9c0">alligators </a>and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY_bEhiZzjw">grown-ass men</a> if they thought a child was in danger. <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/russian-cat-called-masha-saves-baby-abandoned-in-the-cold-9983367.html">a stray cat in russia</a> saved an abandoned baby from hypothermia by cuddling him, alerted people to his presence and tried following the freaking ambulance that took him to the hospital. they are very sweet and patient with babies and there are tons of adorable videos out there to prove it.</p> </blockquote> <p>IF I EVER HEAR ANYONE TALKING SHIT ABOUT KITTIES I SWEAR</p> </blockquote> <p>&ldquo;cats are not dogs&rdquo;</p><p>And there&rsquo;s the rub. People have issues with cats because they&rsquo;re mad they don&rsquo;t act like dogs. They are a different animal and they relate and communicate differently. That doesn&rsquo;t make them worse pets or evil or something.</p>
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