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Brains, Girls, and Lazy: icecream-eaterrr I just heard this woman say "you procrastinate because you are afraid of rejection. It's a defense mechanism, you are trying to protect yourself without even trying." and I think I just realized what was wrong with me eupheme-butterfly Yep, this is a very, very common reason for procrastinating. It's also why procrastination, even though it's often associated with laziness, is a fairly common trait in a lot of people with anxiety and perfectionism issues dsudis This idea You're not lazy, you're protecting yourself- hit me really hard while reading, of all things, Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are, which turns out to be as much about how brains work and how relationships work as how orgasms work. In an early part of the book she talks about Fight/Flight/Freeze responses to threats-the example she uses is being attacked by a lion You fight, if you think you can defeat the lion; you run away, if you think you can escape the lion; and when you think there's nothing you can do, when you feel the lion's jaws closing on your neck, you freeze, because dying will hurt less that way. You just stop and go numb and wait for it to be over, because that is the last way to protect any scrap of yourself Later in the book, she talks about the brain process that motivates you to pursue incentives, describing it as a little monitor that gauges your progress toward a goal versus the effort you're expending. If it feels like too little progress is being made you get frustrated, get angry, and, eventually, you.. despair. You stop trying You go numb and wait for it to be over, because that's the only way left to protect yourself. So it occurred to me that these are basically the same thing-when facing a difficult task, where failure feels like a Threat, you can get frustrated and fight it out-INCREASE DOING THE THING until you get where you're going Or you can flee-try to solve the problem some other way than straight on, changing your goal, changing your approach, whatever. Fight or flight But both of those only apply when you think the problem is solvable, right? If the problem isn't solvable, then you freeze. You despair And if you're one of those Smart Kids (Smart Girls, especially) who was praised for being smart so that all tasks in the world came to be divided between Ooh This Is Easy and I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT AND IF I FUCK UP I WILL DIE, then... it's pretty easy to see how you lose the frustration/anger stage of working toward a goal, because your brain goes straight to freeze/despair every time. Things are easy and routine or they are straight up impossible So, you know, any time you manage to pull yourself up and give that lion a smack on the nose, or go stumbling away from it instead of just falling down like a fainting goat as soon as you spot it on the horizon, give yourself a gold star from me. Because this is some deeply wired survival-brain stuff. Even if logically you know that that term paper is not a lion, it really is like that sometimes Source: icecream-eaterrr 517,124 notes Procrastination
Advice, Dad, and Family: At Taco Bell. A man walks in, describes another employee, says she's his niece, and asks when she'll be there. The cashier helpfully tells him "She's in 86/18, 7:46 PM 35.7K Retweets 82.1Kkes Always be vague. Say I think they're in today or not until later. If they press say it's company policy not to give out the schedule. Most companies do have this and even if they don't how would a stranger know. Don't give out specifics, they can get people injured or even killed. At my last job someone came up and asked when "Sarah" was working next. I didn't tell him and then texted her a description, turns out he was an abusive ex who had been stalking her Don't do this shit please Do NOT say anything along the lines of "they're not in today" or "not until later because you are confirming that this is e the person in question can be found. NEVER confirm anything! r-baby My old boss told us a story of how, years before when she was a fairly new manager ('m talking decades, she's 64 right now), there was a man who came in and asked for an employee by name and said he was her uncle. She told him the employee's shift started in a coule hours. He waited the entire time for her and when she came in, he assaulted her and bashed her face into the counter My boss saw everything. She can't recall what he said, but he kept to call the police She told me that story after a man came in and asked for when an employee, who recently quit, would be coming in. I told him she doesn't work here anymore and he said to me "Okay well I'm her dad so if you see her tell her I'll be across the street at the gas station. He left and my boss IMMEDIATELY came out and scolded me for it, then told me that story. She gave me some advice on what to say or do in that situation: .Don't just deny knowing anything, deny the person asking. Example can't know that information." or Can you tell me when 's shift are only for employees." Additionally, saying "I don't know what you're talking t." can usually work, it may piss them off but it can work. on with the customer service. "I can't help you with that, do you need help (with ordering)?" or "Can take your order?/Can I help you find (a 2 If they persist, insist they leave the store. "If you're not going to order, please leave the or "I can't help you, have a nice day." and, if you can, leave. If you can't leave, call for or help the . If they still persist (by now they . call the police on the basis of refusing to leave the premises Some people will leave at that point, others stay. When the police get there, explain the situation but still do NOT confirm the existence of the employee they're looking for to the police until they have been escorted out of the area. Regardless of if the customer know the or schedule, even if they look like the same race and claim to be family, you NEVER confirm the The only exceptions are if the employee tells you themself they're expecting someone to come in for them (ASK FOR A DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSON), and if you personally know who they are in relation to the employee. When anyone I know has to come in because l asked them to come in, I describe what they look like and what they usually wear. I go into deep descriptions, even including how they walk. You could literally save a life, guys. Don't blindly trust your gut either and think "But they LOOK innocent" or "But they said result in someone getting severely hurt, "because that can ilipinawitch I know I joked on this post before but seriously If youre in the US it is against federal law to give out anyones IS includes numb schedules) without writen and ers, na Just say its against federal law and you cant give out that info without risk of termination-this will get 99% off your back the first time Tailor Automatic Screenshot Stitching Keep your fellow coworkers safe please