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Af, Ass, and Big Dick: fleur-cannnon: afairlypudgycat: whiskeyworen: jaxblade: norseminuteman: red-faced-wolf: kasaron: bears-for-the-bear-god: the-goddamn-doomguy: captainsnoop: big dick energy Exactly the kind of response Doomguy should get when he walks into a room with other humans. This is genuinely beyond big dick energy It’s honestly Argent Phallus Energy (APE) Holy shit Everyone is talking about key-card guy, but my favorite is the dude who tries to hide behind his swivel chair. Babe, babe, No, Doomguy jumps dick first into hell portals on an hourly basis and pops berserker power ups like your mom pops xanax. That chair aint doin SHIT.  Also I love how they don’t just seem to be afraid of the fact that the apex predator of the Legions of Armageddon just walked in. They are acting like they think he might attack them, because you know the UAC has waged a serious PR war against Doom-Chad while he’s been kicking ass on Mars/Hell.   ALPHA AF!!! I just love the fact that DoomGuy spots the keycard on the dude’s lanyard, and instead of doing a vicious yank, or simply snapping it off the lanyard like he always does, he very, VERY carefully takes it, and slowly pulls the dude to the scanner, before letting him go.For a dude filled with eternal rage and seething violence, that was remarkably polite of him. It was almost his “…Excuse me. I require this. Pardon my reach.”Then that poor marine. “Hey YOU! You can’t… be… here…” DoomGuy just casually approaches, looks at him, looks at his gun, and then still remarkably politely, just takes it. Doesn’t wrench it away, or kill the guy, or anything violent. Just reaches out and retrieves it. Again, like “You are doing a fine job. That’s a fine weapon. Mind if I see it? *takes it and walks away*”It’s as if he’s being very, VERY careful not to harm normal humans (or whatever augmented humans those armored marines qualify as), saving his violence specifically for the Daemonic.Kinda supports my idea that DoomGuy isn’t neccessarily a bloodthirsty raging psycho. He’s a guy who has seen so much, done SO MUCH… that he’s calm. He’s so far beyond wrath at the demons that he’s entered a weird Calm and just LIVES there. Nothing shakes him of it. He doesn’t grunt, he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t scream, he just breathes and moves on. New demon? Well, it’ll bleed like the last. He doesn’t revel in combat, he just moves through it like walking through air; it’s a function of existence for him. Doomguy dissociating 100% of the time Within the first few minutes of Doom 2016 and throughout much of the remainder of the game it’s clear that Doomguy values human life A LOT. Humans are never his enemy, it’s the demons. He looks at the dead man in the elevator as Hayden says something along the lines of “I swear it was for the greater good.” Doomguy sees right in front of him it wasn’t, and I betcha right then Doomguy was against Hayden. Doomguy doesn’t take kindly to crimes against humanity, even if accidental.
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4chan, Bad, and Be Like: snakegay why does so much post apocalypse media have people wearing straight up bdsm/fetish gear like. do the kinksters watch the world ending and think oh boy i can wear my bondage gear in public now" skelefolk thats actually exactly what happens broliloquy What I wanna know is why the spiky kink warriors are always the bad evi marauders. They might be into some weird shit and unafraid to show it but that doesn't mean they want to go around killing dudes. They're a tight-knit bunch. A lot of them are queer. They understand the importance of community If the government collapses and all laws come to an end, the people rampaging around killing and looting are gonna be like, frat boys and 4chan rejects. You can mistrust the bondage raiders all you like but they're definitely the ones you're going to run to for help when the neoliberal blood cultists and Nazi meme demons lay siege to your survivor enclave. There's gonna be gayboy berserkers busting up slaver gangs and burning down warboy frat houses. The assless-chaps leather daddies and weird petplay people are gonna be the accidental peacekeepers of the post-apocalyptic world just because they're the only motherfuckers who understand the importance of consent anymore Listen. Don't come to me asking how to get the secret cadre of bisexual death commandoes to protect your wretched tent village if you're scared that we might call in the kinksters for backup. I don't give a shit if they dress up like dogs and spend all day writing poems about butt plugs. There's assholes out there acting like Viad the Impaler on a meth bender and you're afraid of seeing a nipple. Fuck you. If you really want to get rid of the MRA death gangs you're going to have to accept that a lesbian chainsaw dominatrix or two might be invoived. its the tucking post-apocalypse my guy we gotta weigh our priorities here Source snakegay BDSMageddon
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Coca-Cola, Funny, and Georgia: Accidental invention of Coca-Cola 29 January 1892, Atlanta, Georgia, United States via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2Pqo0u1

Accidental invention of Coca-Cola 29 January 1892, Atlanta, Georgia, United States via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2Pqo0u1

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Coca-Cola, Georgia, and United: Accidental invention of Coca-Cola 29 January 1892, Atlanta, Georgia, United States

Accidental invention of Coca-Cola 29 January 1892, Atlanta, Georgia, United States

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Books, Dating, and Dogs: Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti Follow I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of lawyer commercials and then asked it to write a lawyer commercial of its own. Here is the first page. LAWYER COMMERCIAL INT. FIRM LAW ROOM A LAWYER stands next to a shelf with books. The books are very wide. They have eaten too many words. LAWYER Have you been hurt in an accidental car? Has the government sold your lungs without asking nicely? Are you Mesothelioma? Answer me! The lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch LAWYER (CONT D) If so, you can act entitled for money. I'11 help. I graduated from Lawn school and all my teachers were bitten by dogs Words scroll across bottom of the screen These are cases the lawyer takes: UNFAIR STABBING, ILLEGAL SHOES, HUSİC TOO CANADIAN, SUE THE RAIN, DIVORCE YOUR TOILET, FAKE SONS. LAWYER (CONT D) I have been a awyer for over 35 weekends and I'm currently dating the Bill of Rights for fun. We see the Bill of Rights. It's in love. The lawyer will break its heart. There's nothing we can do. LAWYER (CONT D) Let me use it to send your asbestos to court. I will wear two suits and I promise to steal the judge's gavel for you. The lawyer opens up the jacket of his first suit. Millions of gavels pour out. His promise has worth LAWYER (CONT D) We see his past clients: a tornado, a tornado, a tornado LAWYER (CONT D) unless you pay us money. Call for a The phone digits appear. It's your social security number My clients never go to jail town. Remember, you don't pay any money free use of phone This lol has worth.

This lol has worth.

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Children, Community, and Crime: Local Hero Arrested After Killing 30 Pedophiles In Murder Spree Sean Adl-Tabatabai 3 days ago "I've been killing pedos for, damn, close to 15 years now," "It started a few years back, after a girl I was dating was raped and murdered." "I tracked the guy down myself, slit his throat." "I realized I had a real knack for it after that, so I kept going." nunyabizni: eeveelutionsforequality: paradisemantis: jack-o-fficial: paradisemantis: blacklivezmatter: the-map-community-is-dangerous: whyyoustabbedme: free him he’s doing better than American Justice system The hero we’ve literally always asked for. Been killing for 15 years but it started a few years back. I approve though Murder is a fucking HUGE nope Molesting children is a bigger one though, lmao. Kill the fuckers that do that. Though I do kinda worry about how many people may have been actual false-accused victims. No person has the right to go beyond the reaches of the law, especially to such a disgustingly excessive extent, regardless of how morally justified they feel in doing so and any suggestions to the contrary are ill-informed at best and dangerously destructive at worst. The law and legal system exist to met out punishment, you don’t have the right and you shouldn’t.Innocent people are just one example of problems that arise when you decide to take matters into your own hands by fucking murdering people you don’t like. I cannot believe I have to actually type and explain this to people, even a single person thinking like this is too many. The title should say “Vigilante Serial Killer Arrested After Killing 30 Alleged Pedophiles” not “Hero”. We don’t deal with crime with mob rule and guilty (especially to the point of sentencing to death) until proven innocent. We don’t want a society where your vengeful shitty ex can lie and tell a person that you’re a pedo and have you brutally slaughtered. ~ Vape If y’all want to have a moral discussion as to if he was right or not, he wasn’t, that’s fine.  This story is as fake as shit though.  Seriously this guy would have been all over the news if this happened.https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/vigilante-arrested-killing-30-pedophiles/There was no truth to this story, which originated with (and was solely reported by) Empire News, a fake news web site whose disclaimer identifies its contents as “entertainment”: Empire News is intended for entertainment purposes only. Our website and social media content uses only fictional names, except in cases of public figure and celebrity parody or satirization. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.
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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this l'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter.... The. Wrong. Hole And my eyes widen, I go to shout "nooo0!!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet. We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If l'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out." He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground. He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex “He really thought he sent me to the grave”
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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this I'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter... The. Wrong. Hole And my eyes widen, I go to shout "noooo!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the qrave with some accidental anal sex soorajmakhi SIMONE I AM YELLING katielittlejohn Joining tumblr was worth it just to read this. I didn't make a terrible mistake 9 years ago, after all The. Wrong. Hole
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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??'? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this I'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And hes pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter... The. Wrong. Hole. And my eyes widen, I go to shout "noooo!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet. We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out." He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex soorajmakhi SIMONE I AM YELLING katielittlejohn Joining tumblr was worth it just to read this. I didn't make a terrible mistake 9 years ago, after all. silver-tongues-blog this is Shakespearean levels of drama Source: theyellowbrickroad 86,867 notes Deep Dicking Disaster
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