Afraid Of Spiders
Afraid Of Spiders

Afraid Of Spiders

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Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
America, Memes, and New York: ONEWS RELEASE MEDIA CONTACT: Jordan Stein Director of Communications jordan.stein@gunowners.org AMER 703-321-8585 January 22, 2019 For immediate release GOA Applauds Supreme Court for Granting Cert in Case Involving New York City's Draconian Gun Laws Springfield, VA Today the United States Supreme Court qranted a Writ of Certiorari in P v. NY City, a case in which Gun Owners of America (GOA) and Gun Owners Foundation (GOF) have submitted an amicus brief. This case challenges New York City's near-prohibition on possessing or transportin handguns, and this is the first major Second Amendment challenge to be reviewed by the Supreme Court in almost a decade. GOA's executive director, Erich Pratt, stated, "Gun owners across the country especialy those behind enemy lines living in anti-qun states are rejoicing that the Supreme Court is taking up a Second Amendment case. For far too long, judges have ignored the Second Amendment, along with the Heller and McDonald decisions, instead employing a alancing' test that effectively leaves gun owners in anti-gun states with a second-class right to keep and bear arms In fact, GOA's brief specfically challenges the "balancing" approach taken by judges in the lower courts GOA's brief states, "Heller and McDonaldleave little doubt that courts are to assess qun Ewhere judges] usurp the role of the Framers of the Second Amendment. "GOA's hard-hitting brief before the Supreme Court cuts to the heart of this problem by arguing that judges have to follow the Constitution and the text of the Second Amendment rather than imposing their own preconceived views upon the text," Pratt concluded. GOA's brief can be viewed here Erich Pratt, or another GOA spokesman, is available for interviews. Gun Owners of America BREAKING: GOA Applauds Supreme Court for Granting Cert in Case Involving New York City’s Draconian Gun Laws “GOA’s hard-hitting brief before the Supreme Court cuts to the heart of this problem by arguing that judges have to follow the Constitution - and the text of the Second Amendment - rather than imposing their own preconceived views upon the text,” - GOA's Erich Pratt SCOTUS 2A nyc secondamendment goasupporters gunowners gunownersofamerica

BREAKING: GOA Applauds Supreme Court for Granting Cert in Case Involving New York City’s Draconian Gun Laws “GOA’s hard-hitting brief before...

Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Philadelphia Eagles, Memes, and 🤖: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Fly Eagles Fly! BeatCHI (illustration by @majkowski7_)

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Fly Eagles Fly! BeatCHI (illustration by @majkowski7_)