🔥 Popular | Latest

Clone Wars, The Clone Wars, and Legion: The first batch of Clone Troopers of the 501st Legion en route to Geonosis from Kamino, kicking off the Clone Wars (22 BBY)

The first batch of Clone Troopers of the 501st Legion en route to Geonosis from Kamino, kicking off the Clone Wars (22 BBY)

Save
Bodies , Books, and Click: WATCH LIVE Senate confirms Brett Kavanaugh to the US Supreme Court NNIU.S. World Politics Business Opinion Health Entertainment| Style | Travel Sports Video Live TV | U.S. Edition + KAVANAUGH CONFIRMED HUFFPOSTI EDITION BREAKING NEWS SUPREME FARCE: KAV CONFIRMED set station npr shop sign in news arts&life music topics programs & podcasts BREAKING NEWS Hon. Bret M.Kavanaugh Win McNamee/Getty Images POLITICS Kavanaugh Confirmed To Supreme Court The federal appeals court judge was confirmed after a narrow Senate vote largely along party lines Saturday afternoon that ended a weeks-long battle over his controversial nomination. Demonstrators Gather At U.S. Capitol In Anticipation Of Kavanaugh's Confirmation BBC Sign in News SportWeather Shop Earth Travel NEWS Home Video World US&Canada UK Business Tech ScienceStories Ent US & Canada Brett Kavanaugh nomination: Victory for Trump in Supreme Court vote 6 minutes ago Share E a ESPAÑOL 中文(CHINESE) ENGLISH SUBSCRIBE NOW LOG IN The VewHork Times Saturday, October 6, 2018 Today's Paper World U.S Politics N.Y. Business Opinion Tech Science Health Sports Arts Books Style Food Travel Magazine Magazine Real Estate Video Got a confidential news tip? Do you have the next big story? Share it with our journalists. S.&P 500 Sign Up for 'Weeknight Recipes' Face down a busy week by cooking a big batch of chili 55 F 55 52 Dow Senate Confirms Kavanaugh 50-48, After Bitter Partisan Battle A deeply divided Senate voted on Saturday to confirm Judge Brett M Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, delivering a victory to President Trump and ending a rancorous Washington battle. Majority of votes needed YES NO Pres. Republicans 4901 Democrats 1 48 O Total 50 48 1 The final result was expected; all senators had announced their intentions by Friday, after the nomination cleared a crucial procedural hurdle. The Vote Count This is how each senator voted on the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh. Just Now Bitter Tenor of Senate Reflects a Nation at Odds With Itself The battle over the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh has exposed a climate of partisan distrust rivaled by few other moments in the recent past. 2h ago 6m ago Click to Listen After a highly contentious nomination process, senators deliver the final vote on the confirmation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images scribbledsilence: A woman came forward and pointed out her assaulter because she believed that it was her civic duty. A woman came forward with her allegations after years of getting therapy for the trauma she had experienced as a child. A woman came forward despite how scared she was to face her assaulter in front of a nation. A woman came forward and made a testament in front of a committee as the whole world watch, despite the hate and death threats she was getting. A woman came forward and spoke up about her assault, about what her accuser had done in detail, and had thousands upon thousands of people standing by her. Supporting her. Believing her. And yet, many people still did not listen. many people still called her a liar. many people still threatened her. many people still supported her abuser. many people still believed the word of a man over the word of a woman. Of a victim. Next time you think men are the victims and women have everything to gain by speaking up about their assault, please explain to me when you have ever seen that to be the case. All I see is that a women spoke up about her sexual assault, and yet she was pushed aside and ignored as her abuser was granted a lifetime position in the highest court in the country. All I see is an abuser has been appointed to a position in which he would be able to further control women and their rights to their own bodies. All I see is another reason why women are so frightened to and believe that they shouldn’t speak up about their assault. Because it wouldn’t matter. Because nothing would happened. Because you failed her.

scribbledsilence: A woman came forward and pointed out her assaulter because she believed that it was her civic duty. A woman came forward w...

Save
Bodies , Books, and Click: WATCH LIVE Senate confirms Brett Kavanaugh to the US Supreme Court NNIU.S. World Politics Business Opinion Health Entertainment| Style | Travel Sports Video Live TV | U.S. Edition + KAVANAUGH CONFIRMED HUFFPOSTI EDITION BREAKING NEWS SUPREME FARCE: KAV CONFIRMED set station npr shop sign in news arts&life music topics programs & podcasts BREAKING NEWS Hon. Bret M.Kavanaugh Win McNamee/Getty Images POLITICS Kavanaugh Confirmed To Supreme Court The federal appeals court judge was confirmed after a narrow Senate vote largely along party lines Saturday afternoon that ended a weeks-long battle over his controversial nomination. Demonstrators Gather At U.S. Capitol In Anticipation Of Kavanaugh's Confirmation BBC Sign in News SportWeather Shop Earth Travel NEWS Home Video World US&Canada UK Business Tech ScienceStories Ent US & Canada Brett Kavanaugh nomination: Victory for Trump in Supreme Court vote 6 minutes ago Share E a ESPAÑOL 中文(CHINESE) ENGLISH SUBSCRIBE NOW LOG IN The VewHork Times Saturday, October 6, 2018 Today's Paper World U.S Politics N.Y. Business Opinion Tech Science Health Sports Arts Books Style Food Travel Magazine Magazine Real Estate Video Got a confidential news tip? Do you have the next big story? Share it with our journalists. S.&P 500 Sign Up for 'Weeknight Recipes' Face down a busy week by cooking a big batch of chili 55 F 55 52 Dow Senate Confirms Kavanaugh 50-48, After Bitter Partisan Battle A deeply divided Senate voted on Saturday to confirm Judge Brett M Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, delivering a victory to President Trump and ending a rancorous Washington battle. Majority of votes needed YES NO Pres. Republicans 4901 Democrats 1 48 O Total 50 48 1 The final result was expected; all senators had announced their intentions by Friday, after the nomination cleared a crucial procedural hurdle. The Vote Count This is how each senator voted on the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh. Just Now Bitter Tenor of Senate Reflects a Nation at Odds With Itself The battle over the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh has exposed a climate of partisan distrust rivaled by few other moments in the recent past. 2h ago 6m ago Click to Listen After a highly contentious nomination process, senators deliver the final vote on the confirmation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images scribbledsilence: A woman came forward and pointed out her assaulter because she believed that it was her civic duty.A woman came forward with her allegations after years of getting therapy for the trauma she had experienced as a child.A woman came forward despite how scared she was to face her assaulter in front of a nation.A woman came forward and made a testament in front of a committee as the whole world watch, despite the hate and death threats she was getting.A woman came forward and spoke up about her assault, about what her accuser had done in detail, and had thousands upon thousands of people standing by her. Supporting her. Believing her.And yet,many people still did not listen.many people still called her a liar.many people still threatened her.many people still supported her abuser.many people still believed the word of a man over the word of a woman. Of a victim.Next time you think men are the victims and women have everything to gain by speaking up about their assault, please explain to me when you have ever seen that to be the case.All I see is that a women spoke up about her sexual assault, and yet she was pushed aside and ignored as her abuser was granted a lifetime position in the highest court in the country.All I see is an abuser has been appointed to a position in which he would be able to further control women and their rights to their own bodies. All I see is another reason why women are so frightened to and believe that they shouldn’t speak up about their assault.Because it wouldn’t matter.Because nothing would happened.Because you failed her. A woman came forward with an accusation she had absolutely no way of backing up.People did listen. They gave her a congressional hearing for fucks sake, an opportunity I might add she almost refused.She could not prove her claims. People she claimed were witnesses said they had no recollection of the event she put forward. Literally nothing she presented was evidence of any sort and her story was fraught with inconsistencies and vague details.Another woman came forward with a story even more completely uncorroborated. She was so unsure it was even Kavanagh who assaulted her that it took almost a week for her to convince herself it was him, and once again nobody remembers a thing.An investigation was made, people weighed the lack of evidence and determined that there was no cause to prevent the man from taking the job because we still live in a country where you should be viewed as innocent unless there’s actual evidence of your guilt.It’s not that deep.
Save
Baked, Cookies, and Family: rsasai lumos5001 One of those things that the human mind doesn't actually understand is numbers. Take cookies, for instance. You look at some cookies. If there are more than four cookies, chances are that you have to actually count them. Uniess they're arranged in a specific geometric pattern, which can sometimes help (Your mind has a number associated with the pattern, and pulis that out when you look at it). So if you just look at some cookies, you dont really understand how many are there. Maybe a dozen? You dont know. So when you want to make some cookies, you find a recipe. This recipe usually telis you how many cookies it yields. A lot of the time, it's something like 18-24. 24 cookies?f you say. That might not seem like a lot. It's only two dozen, right? You try and picture in your head 24 cookies, but you cant really get a sense of the scale, of how many 24 cookies is So you're making cookies for multiple people. "24 doesnt sound like a lot of cookies for a few people... should double the recipe, is what you tell yourself. 48 cookies. That sounds a lot better, right? That's a lot of cookiest That wil be enough. So you make some cookies. Except now you have more than 48, because it's an estimation and you're not that great at dividing a batch of cookie dough into exactly 48 cookies. So you start baking them. Then you make the frosting, because you're making trosted cookies because awww yisss frosted cookies. Then all of your cookies bake. And you look at these 60 cookies you have now, and this bowl of trosting. That's a lot of cookies.. you think to yourself. Because now you see the cookies, and realize that 24 would have been enough. But you've baked them all, and made the frosting. So you settie down and start frosting cookies, one at a time. Each cookie is about three inches across. That's seven square inches of cookie. So you frost these cookies, except you cant just put them in a container because they'll have frosting on top and on the bottom and it'll be this giant mess. So you spread them out until the frosting has some time to set. Except now you need somewhere to lay them out. Each cookie may only be 7 square inches, but there's gaps. And some cookies are larger, some are smaller. It's not an even ft. So you just start spreading them over any available surface. And now your ktchen is covered in cookies And that is the story of how every available surface in my kitchen became covered in cookies. Like Comment Share 620 people Ske this thought of my friend's FB post the other day while making cookies booksnmusicals thought this was going to be something profound and meaningful but it's literally the long version of i fucked up rsasai NO BUT REALLY. Okay. So, last year I was making peanut butter cookies. I looked at the recipe, and it said that the bath would create 36 cookies. I was affronted by the idea of 36 cookies, because my family has like 16 people, and those cookies wouldn't go very far So. I doubled it. I ended up with over 250 cookies and I still don't even know /how. There were 6 other trays. Just FYI orteil42 keep going please Source: lumos5001 69,226 notes Cookies.
Save
Target, Tumblr, and Blog: atissi: the last commission in this batch, an icon for @imstuckathome12! feferi is really vibing lisa frank here

atissi: the last commission in this batch, an icon for @imstuckathome12! feferi is really vibing lisa frank here

Save
Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie: erinnightwalker: erinnightwalker: geostatonary: sixpenceee: “A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.” (Source) “HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.” “LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“ I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia. One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless. For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura. When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch. I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats. What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.) The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words. The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel. Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music. Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.) After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss. “……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.” “No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!” “WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.” “What the hell does that mean?!!” “DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.” “……..” “THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.” Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this…. Since you asked nicely ^_^ Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job. After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.) Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it. Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.) He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound. “You….you alright there buddy?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Right. Um. Well.” Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form. When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window. Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges. “Nice night for it, huh?” “…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “ “Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.” “ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Anytime.” There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son. When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included). IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.) While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.) So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy. When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open. A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps. “GACK!” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?” “GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!” “I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Is he supposed to be…..skinless?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.” “…….laPDOG?!” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.” “……” “THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.” A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces. “NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?” “I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.” Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten. Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”) This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash OMIGOSH I’m in love. I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
Save