Defeation
Defeation

Defeation

Take A Break
Take A Break

Take A Break

Up Early
Up Early

Up Early

In 2016
In 2016

In 2016

You Should
You Should

You Should

Sunday Morning
Sunday Morning

Sunday Morning

But
But

But

Leave
Leave

Leave

Little
Little

Little

Hurted
Hurted

Hurted

🔥 Popular | Latest

Bad, Do It Again, and Fire: Mendes admits that the attention on his personal life has caused him a lot of stress. "I'd like to say I don't care about it, but that's not true," he says. This brings him to another, much thornier issue that he's been forced to navigate: "This massive, massive thing for the last five years about me being gay." Examples of what he means are all over YouTube and Twitter. There are memes that pair photos of Mendes with jokes about being closeted and videos that scrutinize his gestures. On some parts of the Internet, outing him has become a spectator sport. Mendes often finds himself watching his own interviews, analyzing his voice and his body language. He'll see an anonymous stranger comment on the way he crossed his legs once and try not to do it again He pulls out his phone to show me his Twitter account - his name is the only recent search "In the back of my heart, I feel like I need to go be seen with someone - like a girl - in public, to prove to people that I'm not gay," he says. "Even though in my heart I know that it's not a bad thing. There's still a piece of me that thinks that. And I hate that side of me." Ce Swift was texting Mendes a cellphone video of them together, just to make sure he was cool with her posting it - a short clip of the night they were hanging out backstage at her Reputation tour and she put her glittery eye makeup on Mendes' face, to his delight. He told her it was fine without thinking, but later that night, he woke up in a cold sweat. "I felt sick," he said. "I was like, Fuck, why did I let her post that?' I just fed the fire that I'm terrified of. CS 92 “I thought, ‘You fucking guys are so lucky I’m not actually gay and terrified of coming out,’ ” he recalls now. “That’s something that kills people. That’s how sensitive it is. Do you like the songs? Do you like me? Who cares if I’m gay?”