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A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
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Dad, Drone, and Reddit: Reddit inspired me to start wrapping presents in misleading shapes. This is a drone for my dad in the shape of a ten gallon hat.

Reddit inspired me to start wrapping presents in misleading shapes. This is a drone for my dad in the shape of a ten gallon hat.

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Dad, Drone, and Reddit: Reddit inspired me to start wrapping presents in misleading shapes. This is a drone for my dad in the shape of a ten gallon hat.

Reddit inspired me to start wrapping presents in misleading shapes. This is a drone for my dad in the shape of a ten gallon hat.

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Dad, Drone, and Reddit: Reddit inspired me to start wrapping presents in misleading shapes. This is a drone for my dad in the shape of a ten gallon hat.

Reddit inspired me to start wrapping presents in misleading shapes. This is a drone for my dad in the shape of a ten gallon hat.

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Bad, Bad Day, and Blade: We have a new roommate moving into the house today. Welre justtrying to up front with him. to up front with (Un)Official House Rules 1. Every Tuesday morning at precisely 9:45 am each roommate is required to dance in the hallway to Darude's "Sandstorm" for the entire duration. 2. At times Zach can be seen eating peanut butter from the tub with a spoon while listening to Alanis Morissette in tears. You are not to judge him, he had a bad day at work. 3. Jason decorates the kitchen for every holiday. Don't ask (We are interested to see what he has planned for Cesar Chavez Day). 4. If you hear an earth-shattering bellow that sounds like the shrieks of a silverback gorilla in heat, don't be alarmed. It's just Randall sneezing in the other room. 5. Zach can be heard cackling like a witch in his room while watching standup. He's actually conducting witchcraft and he may use you to test spells and potions 7. Certain roommates do not know how to count properly. DO NOT point it out. 8. There's only room for one hipster haircut in the house, Zach currently holds that positon indefinitely 9. Come football season, if the Seahawks are losing and you happen to be within a ten-foot radius of Randall, evacuate the house immediately for your 10.All guests must go through a mandatory drug test before entering the house. 11. When Randall is cooking in the kitchen, do not touch the knife after he is 12.No parties unless Zach is invited. own safety (Not if they're positive or not, we just need to know if they have some). finished with it; the blade is still hot. 13.Zach sometimes uses outdated expressions without knowing it. You should 14. You may hear "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba echoing through the 15.No dishes in the sink. be cowabunga with it. house. Refer to srsfunny:Some House Rules

srsfunny:Some House Rules

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A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Darn now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him." .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him .his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be .when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckyeahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes Once upon a time there was a doorman named Dan
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Bad, Children, and Facebook: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com Michael the gorilla was taught sign language by Koko, the first signing gorilla. He began signing "Squash meat gorilla. Mouth tooth Cry sharp-noise loud. Bad think-trouble look- face. Cut/neck lip (girl) hole." Researchers believed this was a description of the poaching death of his mother. did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com Cohen Gi n facebook.com/didyouknowblog death-limes: venipede: osteophagy: endcetaceanexploitation: Washoe was a chimp who was taught sign language. One of Washoe’s caretakers was pregnant and missed work for many weeks after she miscarried. Roger Fouts recounts the following situation: “People who should be there for her and aren’t are often given the cold shoulder—her way of informing them that she’s miffed at them. Washoe greeted Kat [the caretaker] in just this way when she finally returned to work with the chimps. Kat made her apologies to Washoe, then decided to tell her the truth, signing “MY BABY DIED.” Washoe stared at her, then looked down. She finally peered into Kat’s eyes again and carefully signed “CRY”, touching her cheek and drawing her finger down the path a tear would make on a human (Chimpanzees don’t shed tears). Kat later remarked that one sign told her more about Washoe and her mental capabilities than all her longer, grammatically perfect sentences.“ [23] Washoe herself lost two children; one baby died shortly after birth of a heart defect, the other baby, Sequoyah, died of a staph infection at two months of age. more about Washoe: after the death of her children, researchers were determined to have Washoe raise a baby and brought in a ten month chimpanzee named Loulis. one of the caretakers went to Washoe’s enclosure and signed “i have a baby for you.” Washoe became incredibly excited, yelling and swaying from side to side, signing “baby” over and over again. then she signed “my baby.” the caretaker came back with Loulis, and Washoe’s excitement disappeared entirely. she refused to pick Loulis up, instead signing “baby” apathetically; it was clear that the baby she thought she was getting was going to be Sequoyah. eventually Washoe did approach Loulis, and by the next day the two had bonded and from then on she was utterly devoted to him. *information shamelessly paraphrased from When Elephants Weep by Jeffrey Masson. Even more interestingly, after Washoe and Loulis bonded, she started teaching him American Sign Language the same way that human parents teach their children language. It only took Loulis eight days to learn his first sign from Washoe, and aside from the seven that his human handlers learned around him, he learned to speak in ASL just as fluently as Washoe and was able to communicate with humans in the same way she could. now if y'all don’t think this is the tightest shit you can get outta my face
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Bad, Children, and Facebook: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com Michael the gorilla was taught sign language by Koko, the first signing gorilla. He began signing "Squash meat gorilla. Mouth tooth Cry sharp-noise loud. Bad think-trouble look- face. Cut/neck lip (girl) hole." Researchers believed this was a description of the poaching death of his mother. did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com Cohen Gi n facebook.com/didyouknowblog death-limes: venipede: osteophagy: endcetaceanexploitation: Washoe was a chimp who was taught sign language. One of Washoe’s caretakers was pregnant and missed work for many weeks after she miscarried. Roger Fouts recounts the following situation: “People who should be there for her and aren’t are often given the cold shoulder—her way of informing them that she’s miffed at them. Washoe greeted Kat [the caretaker] in just this way when she finally returned to work with the chimps. Kat made her apologies to Washoe, then decided to tell her the truth, signing “MY BABY DIED.” Washoe stared at her, then looked down. She finally peered into Kat’s eyes again and carefully signed “CRY”, touching her cheek and drawing her finger down the path a tear would make on a human (Chimpanzees don’t shed tears). Kat later remarked that one sign told her more about Washoe and her mental capabilities than all her longer, grammatically perfect sentences.“ [23] Washoe herself lost two children; one baby died shortly after birth of a heart defect, the other baby, Sequoyah, died of a staph infection at two months of age. more about Washoe: after the death of her children, researchers were determined to have Washoe raise a baby and brought in a ten month chimpanzee named Loulis. one of the caretakers went to Washoe’s enclosure and signed “i have a baby for you.” Washoe became incredibly excited, yelling and swaying from side to side, signing “baby” over and over again. then she signed “my baby.” the caretaker came back with Loulis, and Washoe’s excitement disappeared entirely. she refused to pick Loulis up, instead signing “baby” apathetically; it was clear that the baby she thought she was getting was going to be Sequoyah. eventually Washoe did approach Loulis, and by the next day the two had bonded and from then on she was utterly devoted to him. *information shamelessly paraphrased from When Elephants Weep by Jeffrey Masson. Even more interestingly, after Washoe and Loulis bonded, she started teaching him American Sign Language the same way that human parents teach their children language. It only took Loulis eight days to learn his first sign from Washoe, and aside from the seven that his human handlers learned around him, he learned to speak in ASL just as fluently as Washoe and was able to communicate with humans in the same way she could. now if y'all don’t think this is the tightest shit you can get outta my face
Save