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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
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Bodies , Climbing, and Deer: Zombie apocalypses are curiously lacking a large array ofent that could equipment that could neatly control the situation "But we can't build walls to contain them!" 75 Moves by truck, train or boat. Ridiculously common. And see those holes on the bottom? Mobile by forklift. Also, HEAVY, even when empty they're in the tons. If you had some warning you could string these things end to end for miles and human bodies can't move them. Plus they're nice and wide so you can comfortably walk on top of them for patrols. "But we don't have easy ways to kill them!" Put the shotgun down you fucking idiot. No tires to pop. Heavy and slow but inevitable. Climbing required to enter and thus, relatively zombie proof, especially if you spend like an hour to protect the glass. A lot of large farming equipment can destroy Want to guess what it'd do to a decaying human bady? It's not pretty Now I know what you're thinking. Merely lattening them with common construction equipment or farming gear isn't enough How about a tree trimmer that can mulch a tree top to bottom in nothing flat? OM NOM NOM NOM. "But we need ways to move a lot of people that zombies can't stop!" BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKER. Deer don't hawe a chance and neither does a zombie. But that's not good enough!" NOW it's time to call our friend the military because this ride stops for no one. Do I need to keep going or is it clear the movies are bullshit yet? Seriously a dozen prepared people with heavy equipment licenses could clear an entire street of zombies AND powerwash it after. Country folk can survive The tumblr solution to the zombie apocalypse
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Bailey Jay, Facts, and Food: The Aztecs once fed 200,000 people in inarable swampy land by creating floating gardens that they farmed extensively. Ultrafacts.tumblr.com guayyaba: wildland-hymns: ultrafacts: How on earth would you feed a city of over 200,000 people when the land around you was a swampy lake? Seems like an impossible task, but the Aztec managed it by creating floating gardens known as chinampas, then they farmed them intensively. These ingenious creations were built up from the lake bed by piling layers of mud, decaying vegetation and reeds. This was a great way of recycling waste from the capital city Tenochtitlan. Each garden was framed and held together by wooden poles bound by reeds and then anchored to the lake floor with finely pruned willow trees. The Aztecs also dredged mud from the base of the canals which both kept the waterways clear and rejuvenate the nutrient levels in the gardens. A variety of crops were grown, most commonly maize or corn, beans, chillies, squash, tomatoes, edible greens such as quelite and amaranth. Colourful flowers were also grown, essential produce for religious festivals and ceremonies. Each plot was systematically planned, the effective use of seedbeds allowed continuous planting and harvesting of crops. Between each garden was a canal which enabled canoe transport. Fish and birds populated the water and were an additional source of food. [x] (Fact Source) For more facts, follow Ultrafacts This is literally so cool. Not only does it contribute to spacial efficiency, but the canals would easily keep pests, weeds, and possibly even diseases out of the respective plots. Companion planting and bio-intensive planting would be so much easier. Water-wise systems would be inherently present. Plus it looks so super neat aesthetically. I am just all about this. Indigenous civilizations invented sustainable development way before there was a term for it.

guayyaba: wildland-hymns: ultrafacts: How on earth would you feed a city of over 200,000 people when the land around you was a swampy lake...

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Black, Mask, and Joy: Florentine apothecary inhales with joy as his herb-filled mask hides the stench of decaying corpses, casualties of the Black Plague (c 1349)

Florentine apothecary inhales with joy as his herb-filled mask hides the stench of decaying corpses, casualties of the Black Plague (c 1349)

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Bad, Bad Jokes, and Beautiful: HE <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172136795052/theindependentconservative-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://theindependentconservative.tumblr.com/post/172134527769/lastsonlost-heatandapathy" class="tumblr_blog">theindependentconservative</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172106090152/heatandapathy-concentrated-sunshine" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://heatandapathy.tumblr.com/post/172104814701/concentrated-sunshine-shitty-metta-mun" class="tumblr_blog">heatandapathy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://concentrated-sunshine.tumblr.com/post/172103863265/shitty-metta-mun-goose-juggler-gservator" class="tumblr_blog">concentrated-sunshine</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://shitty-metta-mun.tumblr.com/post/172103123563/goose-juggler-gservator-hott-dogg-mann" class="tumblr_blog">shitty-metta-mun</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://goose-juggler.tumblr.com/post/172102081416/gservator-hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">goose-juggler</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://gservator.tumblr.com/post/172101816471/hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">gservator</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://hott-dogg-mann.tumblr.com/post/172095533311/lastsonlost-wanderingberserker-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">hott-dogg-mann</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094764907/wanderingberserker-lastsonlost-speaking-of" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://wanderingberserker.tumblr.com/post/172094692137/lastsonlost-speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with" class="tumblr_blog">wanderingberserker</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094647642/speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with-comedy-we-can" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote> <h2>Speaking of jokes and Nazis….</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/dffd11705aa681a806c2914d89e712d2/tumblr_inline_p5xi80MvlQ1sp5650_500.jpg" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"/></figure><h1><b>“With Comedy, We Can Rob Hitler of his Posthumous Power”</b></h1> <p>Jewish comic actor Mel Brooks talks about Hitler as a comical character, the limits of humor and his latest film “The Producers,” which hits screens in Germany and other European countries (that week in 2006.)</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b></p> <p>Mr. Brooks, almost all the rogues in your film have moustaches. Is that the long shadow of Hitler?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> You must be joking! Rogues on the screen were already wearing moustaches when Hitler was still running around in short trousers. A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan. So Hitler’s incomplete moustache would never have been enough for that.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Your new comedy “The Producers” is set at the end of the 1950s on Broadway and concerns a Nazi musical that breaks box office records. It shows a dancing and singing Hitler. Isn’t that a bit tasteless?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Of course. But it’s also funny, isn’t it? The film revolves around a Broadway producer who, for financial and technical reasons, wants to produce a flop. After he turns down the chance to adapt Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis,” he comes up with the idea of creating a musical about Hitler, produced by the lousiest director in the city, cast with the worst actors by far -– in the middle of the Jewish metropolis of New York. He’s sure it won’t work. Yet because the audience considers the piece to be a brilliant parody, his worst fears are realized, it’s a hit. “The Producers” therefore deals with the difficulty of having a flop. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Which you of course know well yourself. “The Producers” is based on a musical that you produced that ran successfully on Broadway for five years and also on the film “The Producers” that you shot in 1967. How did the audience react to the film back then?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> The Jews were horrified. I received resentful letters of protest, saying things like: “How can you make jokes about Hitler? The man murdered 6 million Jews.“ But “The Producers” doesn’t concern a concentration camp or the Holocaust. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you really separate Hitler from the Holocaust?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> You have to separate it. For example, Roberto Benigni’s comedy “Life Is Beautiful” really annoyed me. A crazy film that even attempted to find comedy in a concentration camp. It showed the barracks in which Jews were kept like cattle, and it made jokes about it. The philosophy of the film is: people can get over anything. No, they can’t. They can’t get over a concentration camp.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> But the film has deeply moved a lot of people.</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> I always asked myself: Tell me, Roberto, are you nuts? You didn’t lose any relatives in the Holocaust, you’re not even Jewish. You really don’t understand what it’s all about. The Americans were incredibly thrilled to discover from him that it wasn’t all that bad in the concentration camps after all. And that’s why they immediately pressed an Oscar into his hand. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> So there are limits to humor?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Definitely. In 1974, I produced the western parody “Blazing Saddles,” in which the word “nigger” was used constantly. But I would never have thought of the idea of showing how a black was lynched. It’s only funny when he escapes getting sent to the gallows. You can laugh at Hitler because you can cut him down to normal size.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you also get your revenge on him by using comedy?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, absolutely. Of course it is impossible to take revenge for 6 million murdered Jews. But by using the medium of comedy, we can try to rob Hitler of his posthumous power and myths. In doing so, we should remember that Hitler did have some talents. He was able to fool an entire population into letting him be their leader. However, this role was basically a few numbers too great for him –- but he simply covered over this deficiency.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was he a good actor?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, as he convinced many millions of Germans. It’s not without good reason that comedies about Hitler often concern actors who should play him. Just think about Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator” (1940) or Ernst Lubitsch’s “To Be or not To Be” (1942). There’s no doubt about it, Hitler worked in the same branch as we do: he created illusions. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> In a documentary film about the downfall of the German battleship the Bismarck, US director James Cameron referred to Hitler as the “greatest pop star of his time.“</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> There’s something in that. Hitler must have had a magnetic attractive force, like a rock star he used his voice to spellbind umpteen thousands of listeners. So it’s only fitting when comic actors make him the limelight hog of world history. We take away from him the holy seriousness that always surrounded him and protected him like a cordon.</p> <p><br/></p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself fought against the Nazis in Europe in 1945 and came to Berlin just after the end of the war and stayed there for eight months. Could you still feel much of a Hitler reverence?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Everywhere you went you could sense a great relief that the war was finally over. I myself was shaken by the extent of the destruction. When we were transporting away a few prisoners of war in a train, I discovered an old man who looked like my grandfather. He suddenly leaped out of the carriage. I took my rifle and aimed at him. He called (Brooks says in German): “Don’t shoot, I have to shit”. Most of the Germans who survived the war were just poor simple people. Was National Socialism ever taught in German schools?</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Yes, and in great detail.</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> That is comforting to know. When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay in Berlin. It was there that I saw Brecht and Weill’s “Three Penny Opera” and was totally crazy about this kind of musical theater. </p> <p><br/></p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Have you seen Oliver Hirschbiegels’s film “Downfall”?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, and I thought it was excellent. It shows us Hitler’s self destruction. While Goebbels was idolizing Hitler as the new Christ, like the salvation in the flesh, he was decaying before our very eyes – and all that was needed to illustrate this was a shot of his trembling hand.  </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Don’t you think the film humanizes Hitler too much?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> No, it doesn’t arouse the slightest bit of sympathy for Hitler. It shows a man who went mad. Let’s face it; he too started off as a small, innocent baby. His monstrous grimace comes across all the more startling when you can sense the paltry remains of his human nature.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was Hitler funny? Would you have been able to make him laugh?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> I have no delusions of grandeur. Hitler would definitely not have smacked himself on the thigh and cried out (Brooks says in German): “What fantastic fun.“ If he had found something funny you’d probably see at the most a flinch in the corner of his mouth.  </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself played Hitler in 1983 in your remake of the film “To Be or not To Be”…</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/054ed98db8d99065bb0c2d5edafdf864/tumblr_inline_p5xi81rWN21sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"/></figure><p><b>Brooks:</b> … and I also gave him my voice in a song in “The Producers”.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> How does it feel for a <b>JEW</b> to slip into the skin of his greatest enemy?  </p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> It is an inverted seizure of power. For many years Hitler was the most powerful man in the world and almost destroyed us. </p> <h2>To posses this power and turn it against him -– it is simply alluring. </h2> <p><i>Interview conducted by Lars-Olav Beier.</i></p> <h2>&lt;Imagine being able to stand up to Great Evil by laughing in its face.</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/a79626891f6befc1cdd796f032952869/tumblr_inline_p5xi808Qxb1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"/></figure><p>Meanwhile the UK is going full Orwell.</p> <p>What I wouldn’t give for a Mel Brooks to lead Lewis Black Jerry Seinfeld Richard Lewis Larry David Jon Stewart Billy Crystal Ben &amp; Jerry Stiller Garry Shandling Sacha Baron Cohen Lisa Lampanelli and Robert Klein in a conga line of Nazi jokes outside of British Parliament.</p> <p>I’m not really going anywhere with this but I just think it would be hilarious. </p> <p>Also such an event would need a proper host and I can only think of one choice.</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/bec1c6c06b335123340a94175c5b2cfa/tumblr_inline_p5xi82H2BL1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Personal favorite will ALWAYS be John Cleese…</p> <figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvlmGknvr_Pg"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vlmGknvr_Pg?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote> <p>Always.</p> </blockquote> <p>Mel Brooks is my hero but that black Hitler joke MADE MY FUCKING DAY</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/741893db579a951a6efa891de4345bf4/tumblr_inline_p5y292RoPA1rkd5oa_500.jpg" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Cameron Pierce “Ass Goblins of Auschwitz” is a bizarre fiction book that turns the SS into walking asses.</p> </blockquote> <p>always mock hitler. always.</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F8c1GhbpObv0"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8c1GhbpObv0?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote> <p>People keep forgetting the power of humor. </p> </blockquote> <p>They are too busy being addicted to outrage. </p> <h2><b><i>On an unrelated note………</i></b></h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2c5f7fba5d805164566b53ee88ee94fb/tumblr_inline_p5ya7pSA2A1sp5650_540.gif" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"/></figure><p>Its all about the  Brooks baby.</p> </blockquote> <p>Thank God Brooks made the movies when he did, they’d never be made today.</p></blockquote> <p>Laughter is a very powerful weapon against rage hatred and madness and even more powerful tool of love and healing.</p><p>Most kids don’t get that when they’re making angry bitter hateful bad jokes as a “ coping mechanism”. Coping isn’t feeding the poison in your heart. Coping it’s simply coming to terms with it well real healing tries to clean that poison from your very soul.</p></blockquote> <p>Make jokes about Nazis. Make fun of Nazis. Make jokes about Hitler. Mock Nazis. That robs them of their power. Being too afraid to speak of them only makes them feel stronger.</p><p>“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”-Dumbledore.</p><p>For people who constantly reference Harry Potter, I would think that lesson would’ve sunk in.</p>
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Books, Cum, and Hungry: Anonymous | 741797107 6 min. ago .. 30 year old NEET wake up at 2pm had accident in sleep which I rolled around in grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best to wipe the mess from my folds of fat tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room 102.0 kB JPG waddle downstairs to check GBP board wait a minute to catch my breath before l look just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce! legs buckle under own weight roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera "mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!" >she turns to me with the most disqusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up "s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you'" she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down have my crayons and Ninja Turtles coloring book to occupy me while I wait the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate I can't let these tendies go to waste, so l eat them along with the vomit "yummy wummy tendies in my tummy thanks mummy do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further high-chair finally breaks from my heft causes me to have another accident mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am mfw Anon is a dissapointment
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