๐Ÿ”ฅ Popular | Latest

Tumblr, Blog, and Hope: yor the tswyxi itsnyxi: hope no one has done this one beforeit was very hard to choose who stabby stabby and who flirty flirty but i stand by my decision

itsnyxi: hope no one has done this one beforeit was very hard to choose who stabby stabby and who flirty flirty but i stand by my decision

Save
Being Alone, Animals, and Cute: uristmcdor It occurs to me that as much as "humans are the scary ones" fits sometimes, if you look at it another way, humans might seem like the absurdly fhiendy or I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of killing someone if it has to, and thought Tm gonna ride on that thing And put a human near any canine predator and there's a strong chance of said human yeling PUPPYT and initiating playful interaction with it And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything else, and decide Tm gonna swim with our splashy danger friends Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest toughest alens out there and say Heck with it. I'm gonna hug 'enm Why' I dunno. I gotta hug 'emm And its ike the first friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly umanity has a bunch of big scary friends Commander, we must update the code of conduct to include the humans Why7 Are they more aggressive than we anticipated? nseems to be the opposite Commander Just this morming a crewman nearly lost their hand when atempting to stroke an unidentified feline on an unknown world Their reaction to the atack was to call the creature a "mean kitty" and vow to win it over. Upon inquiry it seems they bond so readly with creatures outside their species that they have the capacity to feel sympathy for an alen creature they have never seen before simply because it appears distressed I hate to say this commander but we must install a rule to prevent them from endangering their own lives when interacting with the galaxy's fauna 1 see what you mean So be it, from now on no crewman is allowed to touch unknown animals without permission from a superior officer And send a message to supplies about acquiring one of these puppies" so that their desire to touch furred predators can be safely sated Ehehehe I love this. Every time someone adds a short story to my post it gets like 00% cuter and more epic Lets be honest, the humans would ignore the hell outta that rule whenever alone So 1 hear that you've just recruited a human for your ship Yes, #'s the first time that Ive worked with these species, but they come highly recommended Say, you've worked with a few, what tps can you give me? I'd hate to have some kind of cultural misunderstanding f its avoidable The first rule of working with humans is never leave them unsupervised Wait, what? Tm serious Dont do it. Things Happen But wait, I thought that I heard you highly recommended that every crew should have at least one on board? Absolutely, and I stand by that. Humans are excelent innovators, and are psychologically very reslient. If you have a crisis, then a human that has bonded wth your crew properly can be invaluable. Treat your human well and you should get the best out of them as a crew member Their ability to get on with almost any species is legendary But Toks, didn't you just say The trouble is that they will potentially try to bond with anything If you leave them unsupervised, you have no idea what kind of trouble they can get themselves into It was sheer luck that the Fanzorians thought that it was funny that the human picked up the Crown Prince to coo at him Crown Prince Horram, Scourge of Pxia? The very same Surprisingly good sense of humour. But don't even get me started on that one ime with the Dunlip Al-Human wanted to know if they could keep it As a pet A Dunlip? You mean the 3 metre tall apex predators from Jowun? Yup Dont leave your humans unsupervised uh,take that under advisement Senousily Get a supply of safe animals for the humans to bond wilth or they will make their own I mean, they will try to befriend anything they come across anyway but without any permanent pets they can get.. creative Dont even get me started on the time one of them taped a knife to one of our auto-cleaners and named it Stabby Three weeks in and when we finaly caught the wretched thing hailt the humans on crew tried to revolt about us "killing Stabby by removing the knfe How how did you resolve that si Glaxcol made a toy knife out of insulation rubber and strapped that on instead Quite a creative solution, I suppose And that sated the humans? Worse Worse? They thought it was so funny they made a second one, strapped false eyes on spings to both and held mock battles Then decided Stabby and Knfey were in love and now none of them will allow the others to stage ights between them any more So if I supply my Humans with safe bonding pets they will behave better when on other planets? Where do I get safe bonding pets ? Realizing the havoc their species created with their bonding needs, Earth has been kind enough to create an inter galactic pet shop as they call it, the order forms are on the bridge If they get a pet this should prevent any knife welding auto-cleaners? Yes.. You don't sound very reassuring Well. You have to understand that some of what humans find attractive about their pets is actualy what makes them dangerous. Not all of what they consider 'safe is what we would consider 'safe OK..I am getting a little nervous about this No, no its fine, I'm just saying you should maybe keep an eye on what they order Ask them to describe the creature before they get t For example, the first time I had a human on board I let them order a pet without checking what it was What happened? Well, when it arrived it was a 25 pound fanged and clawed feline creature called a Savannah Cat. My enire crew was temified of it, it was agle and could easily have seriously injured someone, but the human had no fear of it. They insisted on carrying it around like a child, and they would squeeze its beans' as they said, forcing the creatures claws out, and then they would show people it's deady claws while saying, and I quote. look at its adorable claws, this is what it uses to kils things, isnt it Cute? Seriousty? I have also heard stories from other crews that their humans ordered canines that weigh as much or more then they do, and they sleep next to the giant creature You are not making me feel better with these stories everythingtromdust Source radioactivepeasant 28,157 notes Jan 11h 2017 HFY

HFY

Save
Bored, Life, and Love: updatebug Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship's spending allowance? Like "I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?" "Oh well, if we don't rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth Noted." "I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries." "Ah, yeah, it's not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it" .. that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard." Yeah." "Does such a process not hurt?" That'l be what the medication's for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process." and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?" "Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo'Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?" ..I believe I should speak with my superiors." batzendrick I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs tumblunni Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues brunhiddensmusings you cant tell me that if in fifty years we actually have scpaceship crews and not one of the dorks in space would remember stabby as the best possible joke to bring into space. even if stabby the roomba has been forgotten humans will immediately create some other harmlessly violent robotic equivalent and then be surprised their grandparents joked about the same thing back in 2017 insanity-keeps-things-fun Stabby will outlive us all Source: updatebug 55,580 notes Jun 27th, 2018 I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

I hope life imitates HFY fiction someday

Save
Af, Being Alone, and Animals: utistmcdorf bekatddals tadicactivepeasant It occurs to me that as much as humans are the scary ones fits sometimes, you look at it another way, humans might seem like the abeurdy friendly or I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of king someone if it has to, and thought Im gonna ride on that thing!? And put a human near any canine predator and there's a strong chance of said human yeling 'PUPPYr and intiating playtul interaction wih it And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything ese and decide Tm gonna swim with our splashy danger trends Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest, toughest alens out there and say Heck with it. I'm gonna hug em Why "I dunno. I gotta hug 'em And it's ike the frst friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly humanity has a bunch of big scary friends Commander, we must update the code of conduct to include the humans Why2 Are they more aggressive than we anticipated? It seems to be the opposite Commander Just this morning a crewman nearly lost their hand when atempting to stroke an unidentifed feline on an unknown world Their reaction to the attack was to call the creature a mean kitty and vow to win aver Upon inquiry it seems they bond so readily with creatures outside ther species that they have the capacity to feel sympathy for an alien creature they have never seen belore simply because it appears distressed I hate to say ths commander but we must install a ule to prevent them from endangering their own lives when interacting with the galaxy's fauna isee what you mean So be it, from now on no crewman is allowed to touch unknown aninals without permission from a supericr oficer And send a message to supplies about acquining one of these puppies so that their desire to touch furred predators can be safely sated Ehehehe I love this! Every time someone adds a short story to my post it gets like 90% cuter and more epic Lets be honest, the humans would ignore the hel outtia thet rule whenever alone So I hear that youve just recruited a human for your ship Yes, it's the first time that I've worked with these species, but they come highly recommended Say, you've worked with a few, what ips can you give me? l'd hate to have some kind of cutura misunderstanding i ts avoidable The first rule of working wth humans is never leave mem unsupervised Wait, what? 1m serious Dont do it Things, Happen But wan, I thought that I heard you highly one on board? that every crew should have at least Absolutely, and I stand by that. Humans are excellent innovators, and are psychologicaly very resient If you have a crisis, then a human that has bonded wth your crew properly can be invaluable Treat your human well and you should get the best out of them as a crew member Their ablity to get on with almost any species is legendary But Toks, didn't you just say The trouble is that they will potentially try to bond with anying It you leave them unsupervised, you have no idea what kind of trouble they can get themselves into It was sheer kuck that the Fanzorans thought that it was funny that the human picked up the Crown Prince to coo at him. Crown Prince Horram, Scourge of Pxia? The very same Surprisingy good sense of humour But dont even get me started on that one time with the Dunlip. Al Human wanted to know if they could keep it. As a pet. A Dunip? You mean the 3 metre tall apex predators from Jowun? Yup. Don't leave your hwmans unsupervised uh,take that under advisement Seriousy Gef a supply of safe animals for the humans to bond with or they wil make their own I mean, they will try to befriend anything they come across anyway, but without any permanent pets they can get creative Dont even gat me started on the time one of them taped a kie to one of our auto-cleaners and named it Stabby Three weeks in and when we Enally caught the wreiched thing haf the humans on crew tried to revolt about us "kiling Stabby by removing the knife How how did you resolve that si? Glaxcol made a toy knife out of insulation rubber and strapped that on instead. Quite a creative soluton, I suppose And that sated the humans? Worse Worse? "They thought and held mock batties Then decided Stabby and Knitey were in love and now none af them will alow the others to stage ights between them any more was so funny they made a second one, strapped false eyes on spmgs to both So, if I supply my Humans with safe bonding pets they wll behave better when on other planets? Where do 1 get safe bonding pels? Realizing the havoc their species created with their bonding needs, Earth has been kind enough to create an inter galactic 'pet shop as they call t, the order forms are on the bridge If they get a pet this should prevent any krife welding auto-cleaners? You dont sound very reassuring Wel You have to understand that some of what humans find attractive about ther pets is actually what makes them dangerous. Not all of what they consider 'safe is what we would consider safe OK Iam getting a little nervous about this. No, no, it's fine, Im just saying you should maybe keep an eye on what they order Ask them to descriรจe the creature belore they get it For example, the first time I had a human on board I let them order a pet without checking wial it was What happened? Well, when it arrived it was a 25 pound fanged and clawed felne creature called a Savannah Cat. My entre crew was terrifled of it, it was agie and could easily have seriously injured someone, but the human had no fear of t. They insisted on carrying it around like a child, and they would squeeze its beans' as they said,forcing the creatures claws out and then they would show people it's deadly claws while saying, and I quote, look at its adorable claws, this is what it uses to kills things, isn't it cute? Seriousty I have also heard stories from ther crews that their humans ordered canines that weigh as much or more then they do, and they sieep next to the giant creature You are not making me feel belter with these stanes everythingomdus Source radoaclivepensan 8,157 notes an 2017 Sometimes you just gotta hug stuff

Sometimes you just gotta hug stuff

Save
Af, Ass, and Austin Powers: Needless to say, I didn't move for a while See bruh if u send a sexy pic of yourself to a girl it's three possible responses: (1) "cute". Fire this woman ๐Ÿ˜...No offense but u don't need this type of negativity in yo life bruh ๐Ÿ˜‚. (2) "OMG daddy I need you ๐Ÿ˜." She a keeper. That's a good woman. (3) "K. How many other girls got this? Curious ๐Ÿค”." <- wife. This is your wife, u found her bruh ๐Ÿ˜‚. U feel me? She protecc. Like the flood waters coming, she gon rip the refrigerator door off the fridge and use it as a raft. She gon paddle your babies to safety. U gon call her from a business trip to NY like "baby u ok I seen the news" and she gon be like "NO I'M NOT OK MF I GOT *YOUR* LOOKIN ASS KIDS TRYINA PADDLE TO SAFETY BC U AIN'T HERE AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING FACE I GET TIGHT BC I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET U GET ME PREGNANT AND THEN LEAVE ME IN A FLOOD WE'LL DISCUSS LATER BYE." This type of woman will punch u in the face when u wake up for no reason. U sipping a Intelligentsia Black Cat Espresso happy go lucky af ready to take on the day and she walk right up to u with her hair fucked up and punch u exactly in the nose to where yo septum deviate. Yo septum was good AF now it's crooked like Austin Powers teeth lol. And u like "baby??" And she like "YOU CHEATED ON ME IN MY DREAM. WITH A BLOND BITCH. AS I SUSPECTED. MOTHER ๐Ÿ‘ FUCKER ๐Ÿ‘. BEEN TOLD U. U LIKE BLONDS SO MUCH? GO FIND A BLOND, THEY GROW ON TREES. DON'T WASTE MY MF TIME. GET THE FUCK TO WORK WE TALK LATER." (Crazy women always wanna give u the business and then warn u that another reaming is coming lol.) And u just like "baby I don't have a type, YOU my type" and she just like "YOUR ๐Ÿ‘ TYPE ๐Ÿ‘ IS ๐Ÿ‘ BLOND ๐Ÿ‘ YOU ๐Ÿ‘ DIRTY ๐Ÿ‘ DICK ๐Ÿ‘ NIGHTMARE ๐Ÿ‘ CHEATER ๐Ÿ‘ I ๐Ÿ‘ SAID ๐Ÿ‘ WE ๐Ÿ‘ TALK ๐Ÿ‘ LATER." There u have it. Getchu a girl who wild about u bro. If she lukewarm u wasting your time. Get a girl who will kill for u then fuck around KILL u - it's the stabby ones that always got the most firey Punani ya get me! Bless up ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ (๐Ÿ“ธ: Reddit u-lucidf0x)

See bruh if u send a sexy pic of yourself to a girl it's three possible responses: (1) "cute". Fire this woman ๐Ÿ˜...No offense but u don't ne...

Save