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A Beard Memes

Thats
Thats
Riches
Riches
The
The
Not
Not
Bearded
Bearded
And
And
Laters
Laters
Season
Season
Growing A Beard
Growing A Beard
self
self 

    
                    

                

            
        
    

    
    
    






            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    
                    
                    

                        


	


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        bisexualnoodle5:

airyairyaucontraire:

yay855:

residentevil-fandomhazard:

princesstigerbelle:
I love how he kisses the kitten towards the end 

All kittens are born feral, but you can see the exact moment ahead realized how good kisses are 💜💜💜

Mother cats will often groom their babies to calm them down and help them feel loved; by kissing this kitten, that man is establishing himself as a mother figure to it.
He’s literally saying “I’m gonna be your momma now” in a language it understands, and it responds with love.

Honestly it helps that he has a beard, I have a theory based on observation of cats with bearded persons that the feeling of stiff beard hair brushing the cat’s fur is sufficiently reminiscent of the feeling of Mother Cat’s rough tongue grooming a kitten’s fur that they are suckers for that business. 
Beardos, rub your face on a cat today and repeat back, please. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME” *kiss* “oh that’s actually kinda nice”
: bisexualnoodle5:

airyairyaucontraire:

yay855:

residentevil-fandomhazard:

princesstigerbelle:
I love how he kisses the kitten towards the end 

All kittens are born feral, but you can see the exact moment ahead realized how good kisses are 💜💜💜

Mother cats will often groom their babies to calm them down and help them feel loved; by kissing this kitten, that man is establishing himself as a mother figure to it.
He’s literally saying “I’m gonna be your momma now” in a language it understands, and it responds with love.

Honestly it helps that he has a beard, I have a theory based on observation of cats with bearded persons that the feeling of stiff beard hair brushing the cat’s fur is sufficiently reminiscent of the feeling of Mother Cat’s rough tongue grooming a kitten’s fur that they are suckers for that business. 
Beardos, rub your face on a cat today and repeat back, please. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME” *kiss* “oh that’s actually kinda nice”

        

            
            

                
                
                    bisexualnoodle5:

airyairyaucontraire:

yay855:

residentevil-fandomhazard:

princesstigerbelle:
I love how he kisses the kitten towards the end 

All kittens are born feral, but you can see the exact moment ahead realized how good kisses are 💜💜💜

Mother cats will often groom their babies to calm them down and help them feel loved; by kissing this kitten, that man is establishing himself as a mother figure to it.
He’s literally saying “I’m gonna be your momma now” in a language it understands, and it responds with love.

Honestly it helps that he has a beard, I have a theory based on observation of cats with bearded persons that the feeling of stiff beard hair brushing the cat’s fur is sufficiently reminiscent of the feeling of Mother Cat’s rough tongue grooming a kitten’s fur that they are suckers for that business. 
Beardos, rub your face on a cat today and repeat back, please. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME” *kiss* “oh that’s actually kinda nice”
: bisexualnoodle5:

airyairyaucontraire:

yay855:

residentevil-fandomhazard:

princesstigerbelle:
I love how he kisses the kitten towards the end 

All kittens are born feral, but you can see the exact moment ahead realized how good kisses are 💜💜💜

Mother cats will often groom their babies to calm them down and help them feel loved; by kissing this kitten, that man is establishing himself as a mother figure to it.
He’s literally saying “I’m gonna be your momma now” in a language it understands, and it responds with love.

Honestly it helps that he has a beard, I have a theory based on observation of cats with bearded persons that the feeling of stiff beard hair brushing the cat’s fur is sufficiently reminiscent of the feeling of Mother Cat’s rough tongue grooming a kitten’s fur that they are suckers for that business. 
Beardos, rub your face on a cat today and repeat back, please. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME” *kiss* “oh that’s actually kinda nice”

                    
                    

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        With a beard!: With a beard!
        

            
            

                
                
                    With a beard!: With a beard!
                    
                
            

            
                
                
With a beard!

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

notmusa:

how

Not all men can grow beards. In fact there are several people groups for whom facial hair is extremely rare, take Native Americans for example. A better question is why he feels the need to wear a loincloth.

But he’s like British tho right? He could definitely grow a beard

Not every British guy can grow a beard? It’s a genetic and hormonal thing.

Lmao maybe not grow a beard but EVERY British guy can at least get splotchy, patchy hair growth. Plus, look at his Dad. He would at least get something going.

Yes but his father presumably had the normal diet of a wealthy Englishman. Tarzan lived off whatever was in the woods that the apes were eating. We have no idea how that diet would’ve affected his hormonal balances.: How
 THE
 Fuck
 орo
 HURK
 DOES TARZAN
 NOT MANE
 A ВЕARD
 COUGH
 СOKGH
 НАСК
chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

notmusa:

how

Not all men can grow beards. In fact there are several people groups for whom facial hair is extremely rare, take Native Americans for example. A better question is why he feels the need to wear a loincloth.

But he’s like British tho right? He could definitely grow a beard

Not every British guy can grow a beard? It’s a genetic and hormonal thing.

Lmao maybe not grow a beard but EVERY British guy can at least get splotchy, patchy hair growth. Plus, look at his Dad. He would at least get something going.

Yes but his father presumably had the normal diet of a wealthy Englishman. Tarzan lived off whatever was in the woods that the apes were eating. We have no idea how that diet would’ve affected his hormonal balances.
        

            
            

                
                
                    chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

notmusa:

how

Not all men can grow beards. In fact there are several people groups for whom facial hair is extremely rare, take Native Americans for example. A better question is why he feels the need to wear a loincloth.

But he’s like British tho right? He could definitely grow a beard

Not every British guy can grow a beard? It’s a genetic and hormonal thing.

Lmao maybe not grow a beard but EVERY British guy can at least get splotchy, patchy hair growth. Plus, look at his Dad. He would at least get something going.

Yes but his father presumably had the normal diet of a wealthy Englishman. Tarzan lived off whatever was in the woods that the apes were eating. We have no idea how that diet would’ve affected his hormonal balances.: How
 THE
 Fuck
 орo
 HURK
 DOES TARZAN
 NOT MANE
 A ВЕARD
 COUGH
 СOKGH
 НАСК
chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

chadchanington:

liberscaryrynn:

notmusa:

how

Not all men can grow beards. In fact there are several people groups for whom facial hair is extremely rare, take Native Americans for example. A better question is why he feels the need to wear a loincloth.

But he’s like British tho right? He could definitely grow a beard

Not every British guy can grow a beard? It’s a genetic and hormonal thing.

Lmao maybe not grow a beard but EVERY British guy can at least get splotchy, patchy hair growth. Plus, look at his Dad. He would at least get something going.

Yes but his father presumably had the normal diet of a wealthy Englishman. Tarzan lived off whatever was in the woods that the apes were eating. We have no idea how that diet would’ve affected his hormonal balances.
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        droideka-exe:
NB 👏 Does 👏 Not 👏 Mean 👏 Woman 👏 Lite
link to thread
: Topher? Is that a thing?
 @topher_g
 Okay, let me tell you about my friend Jose. Jose is
 AMAB, 6'5" and built like a linebacker, with lots of
 visible tattoos. They're trying to grow a
 beard but the genes for it aren't quite there so for now
 it's Quentin Collins-style mutton chops. /1
 big lumberjack
 12:42 PM Aug 27, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
 1.8K Likes
 657 Retweets
 >

 Topher? Is thata thing? @topher_g 5h
 Replying to@topher_g
 Jose is a master of wearing just enough eyeliner to make you question
 whether they're wearing eyeliner or just have really pretty eyes. But in
 general if you saw them on the street you'd likely think "that is a big scary
 looking dude." /2
 2
 t 16
 882
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 Jose is non-binary (And pansexual but that's not important to the story) and
 uses singular "they." /3
 2
 ti 19
 897
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 Yesterday Jose was excited to go to a local meetup for Latinx "women and
 nonbinary people" because they were hoping to make some
 friends/community connections. /4
 2
 ti 35
 925
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 I spent an hour last night at Jose's apartment with them literally crying on
 my shoulder because they were told they weren't welcome at the meeting.
 /5
 4
 ti 39
 1K
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 Someone there told them when they said "women and nonbinary people"
 what they actually meant was "women, and women who identify as
 nonbinary." That's apparently
 an actual quote. /6
 O 24
 t1138
 1.4K

 Topher? Is that a thing?
 @topher_g
 Someone there told them when they said "women and
 nonbinary people" what they actually meant was
 "women, and women who identify as nonbinary." That's
 apparently an actual quote. /6
 12:42 PM Aug 27, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
 138 Retweets
 1.4K Likes

 Topher? Is that a thing?
 @topher_g
 I have always had issues with the phrase "women and
 nonbinary" but today I am LIVID that my friend went
 looking for community and allies and basically got
 rejected for not being some waify androgyne. /7
 12:42 PM Aug 27, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
 2.3K Likes
 178 Retweets
droideka-exe:
NB 👏 Does 👏 Not 👏 Mean 👏 Woman 👏 Lite
link to thread

        

            
            

                
                
                    droideka-exe:
NB 👏 Does 👏 Not 👏 Mean 👏 Woman 👏 Lite
link to thread
: Topher? Is that a thing?
 @topher_g
 Okay, let me tell you about my friend Jose. Jose is
 AMAB, 6'5" and built like a linebacker, with lots of
 visible tattoos. They're trying to grow a
 beard but the genes for it aren't quite there so for now
 it's Quentin Collins-style mutton chops. /1
 big lumberjack
 12:42 PM Aug 27, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
 1.8K Likes
 657 Retweets
 >

 Topher? Is thata thing? @topher_g 5h
 Replying to@topher_g
 Jose is a master of wearing just enough eyeliner to make you question
 whether they're wearing eyeliner or just have really pretty eyes. But in
 general if you saw them on the street you'd likely think "that is a big scary
 looking dude." /2
 2
 t 16
 882
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 Jose is non-binary (And pansexual but that's not important to the story) and
 uses singular "they." /3
 2
 ti 19
 897
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 Yesterday Jose was excited to go to a local meetup for Latinx "women and
 nonbinary people" because they were hoping to make some
 friends/community connections. /4
 2
 ti 35
 925
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 I spent an hour last night at Jose's apartment with them literally crying on
 my shoulder because they were told they weren't welcome at the meeting.
 /5
 4
 ti 39
 1K
 Topher? Is that a thing? @topher_g 5h
 Someone there told them when they said "women and nonbinary people"
 what they actually meant was "women, and women who identify as
 nonbinary." That's apparently
 an actual quote. /6
 O 24
 t1138
 1.4K

 Topher? Is that a thing?
 @topher_g
 Someone there told them when they said "women and
 nonbinary people" what they actually meant was
 "women, and women who identify as nonbinary." That's
 apparently an actual quote. /6
 12:42 PM Aug 27, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
 138 Retweets
 1.4K Likes

 Topher? Is that a thing?
 @topher_g
 I have always had issues with the phrase "women and
 nonbinary" but today I am LIVID that my friend went
 looking for community and allies and basically got
 rejected for not being some waify androgyne. /7
 12:42 PM Aug 27, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
 2.3K Likes
 178 Retweets
droideka-exe:
NB 👏 Does 👏 Not 👏 Mean 👏 Woman 👏 Lite
link to thread

                    
                
            

            
                
                
droideka-exe:
NB 👏 Does 👏 Not 👏 Mean 👏 Woman 👏 Lite
link to thread


                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        celticpyro:

peliaosfiendline:
celticpyro:


derpomatic:

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:

catherine-siena-dr-of-the-church:


friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:
why do these people hate big tits and pretty women all of a sudden 
I’m a 46DD - I like me some representation!  The naturally big-titted community needs love, too!


its kinda disheartening and surprising how often I hear that kinda stuff from you ladies

The Stevens Universes are at it again.worst fandom on the net, but also “progressive” so it’s ignored by the same media that goes after bronies.

Can’t believe she handed this guy an L.


Sadly, instead of Taking the L, this is what they’ve gone and done



: Generalissimo Justice is flying to SDCC
 @QueenAnitaCox
 Imagine the neckbeard INCELS in a basement in
 Kentuckey creating this Everglade Angels comic:
 "Remember the 90S Blake?! Tits were bigger then, draw
 them bigger!" Educated people will not buy this garbage
 Good luck selling this, Trump Bros! Idiot customers
 await!
 CADE
 ELS

 Thread
 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 Thank you for your assessment of my new graphic novel.
 Perhaps I can help you with some fact checking, though.
 We are not 'Trump bros'.
 Neither myself nor my cover artist have ever voted in an
 American election. I'm Canadian, and the artist is Italian.
 /1
 Generalissimo Justice is flying to SDCC
 @QueenAnitaCox
 Imagine the neckbeard INCELS in a basement in
 Kentuckey creating this Everglade Angels comic:
 "Remember the 90S Blake?! Tits were bigger then, draw
 them bigger!" Educated people will not buy this garbage
 Good luck selling this, Trump Bros! Idiot customers
 await!

 Thread
 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 Neither of us live in subterranean dwellings, and to the
 best of my knowledge, neither of us have ever grown a
 beard - neck or otherwise.
 I've tried to grow one several times.
 The results have been rather disappointing. /2
 8:27 pm 20 Jul 2019 Twitter Web App
 i View Tweet activity

 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 And since my name is Blake, it's sometimes confusing to
 new readers - I'm not a 'dude' or a 'bro'
 I'm the one on the left. And my cover artist, Leila Leiz, is
 on the right.
 As you can see: both beardless. And both above ground!
 /3
 8:27 pm 20 Jul 2019 Twitter Web App

 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 Appreciate the Retweet of the cover art, though. You left
 out the URL EvergladeAngels.com
 Tell your 4 followers to check it out
 Love and hugs,
 Blake
 PS: It's spelled 'Kentucky'. You're an educated person,
 you should know that.
 PPS: The 90s and tits are both rad. /4
 SEROM THE CREATOR OF HAPPYDEATH DAY, THEAUTHOR OF
 THE'NORTH VALLEY GRIMOIRE& THE ARTIST FROM RAT QUEENS
 CADE
 ELS
celticpyro:

peliaosfiendline:
celticpyro:


derpomatic:

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:

catherine-siena-dr-of-the-church:


friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:
why do these people hate big tits and pretty women all of a sudden 
I’m a 46DD - I like me some representation!  The naturally big-titted community needs love, too!


its kinda disheartening and surprising how often I hear that kinda stuff from you ladies

The Stevens Universes are at it again.worst fandom on the net, but also “progressive” so it’s ignored by the same media that goes after bronies.

Can’t believe she handed this guy an L.


Sadly, instead of Taking the L, this is what they’ve gone and done




        

            
            

                
                
                    celticpyro:

peliaosfiendline:
celticpyro:


derpomatic:

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:

catherine-siena-dr-of-the-church:


friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:
why do these people hate big tits and pretty women all of a sudden 
I’m a 46DD - I like me some representation!  The naturally big-titted community needs love, too!


its kinda disheartening and surprising how often I hear that kinda stuff from you ladies

The Stevens Universes are at it again.worst fandom on the net, but also “progressive” so it’s ignored by the same media that goes after bronies.

Can’t believe she handed this guy an L.


Sadly, instead of Taking the L, this is what they’ve gone and done



: Generalissimo Justice is flying to SDCC
 @QueenAnitaCox
 Imagine the neckbeard INCELS in a basement in
 Kentuckey creating this Everglade Angels comic:
 "Remember the 90S Blake?! Tits were bigger then, draw
 them bigger!" Educated people will not buy this garbage
 Good luck selling this, Trump Bros! Idiot customers
 await!
 CADE
 ELS

 Thread
 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 Thank you for your assessment of my new graphic novel.
 Perhaps I can help you with some fact checking, though.
 We are not 'Trump bros'.
 Neither myself nor my cover artist have ever voted in an
 American election. I'm Canadian, and the artist is Italian.
 /1
 Generalissimo Justice is flying to SDCC
 @QueenAnitaCox
 Imagine the neckbeard INCELS in a basement in
 Kentuckey creating this Everglade Angels comic:
 "Remember the 90S Blake?! Tits were bigger then, draw
 them bigger!" Educated people will not buy this garbage
 Good luck selling this, Trump Bros! Idiot customers
 await!

 Thread
 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 Neither of us live in subterranean dwellings, and to the
 best of my knowledge, neither of us have ever grown a
 beard - neck or otherwise.
 I've tried to grow one several times.
 The results have been rather disappointing. /2
 8:27 pm 20 Jul 2019 Twitter Web App
 i View Tweet activity

 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 And since my name is Blake, it's sometimes confusing to
 new readers - I'm not a 'dude' or a 'bro'
 I'm the one on the left. And my cover artist, Leila Leiz, is
 on the right.
 As you can see: both beardless. And both above ground!
 /3
 8:27 pm 20 Jul 2019 Twitter Web App

 Blake Northcott
 @BlakeNorthcott
 Appreciate the Retweet of the cover art, though. You left
 out the URL EvergladeAngels.com
 Tell your 4 followers to check it out
 Love and hugs,
 Blake
 PS: It's spelled 'Kentucky'. You're an educated person,
 you should know that.
 PPS: The 90s and tits are both rad. /4
 SEROM THE CREATOR OF HAPPYDEATH DAY, THEAUTHOR OF
 THE'NORTH VALLEY GRIMOIRE& THE ARTIST FROM RAT QUEENS
 CADE
 ELS
celticpyro:

peliaosfiendline:
celticpyro:


derpomatic:

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:

catherine-siena-dr-of-the-church:


friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:
why do these people hate big tits and pretty women all of a sudden 
I’m a 46DD - I like me some representation!  The naturally big-titted community needs love, too!


its kinda disheartening and surprising how often I hear that kinda stuff from you ladies

The Stevens Universes are at it again.worst fandom on the net, but also “progressive” so it’s ignored by the same media that goes after bronies.

Can’t believe she handed this guy an L.


Sadly, instead of Taking the L, this is what they’ve gone and done




                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        filibusterfrog:dwarven hair customs: Dwarven Hair Customs
 Much Like Orcs and Elves, Dwarves have
 many rules and customs in regards to their
 hair.
 Unlike Elves, who believe the act of cutting
 their hair is shameful, or Orcs who only maintain
 their hair until battle (an orcish answer to
 throwing down the gauntlet), a Dwarf will cut
 or restyle their hair at certain turning points
 during their life, such as
 reaching adulthood, marriage, a major victory
 loss
 (but not limited to)
 or
 on the battlefield, and death.
 Youth (50 and below)
 Simple, Free
 Ribbons
 -Beard hasn't come in
 fully
 No beads
 -No braids
 Usually
 or in a ponytail
 are
 popular
 with the
 kids
 worn loose
 Adulthood (51-200)
 (loose)
 Braids allowed
 Hair is very long
 if unmarried
 Beads can be earned
 -Improper
 entírely loose at this
 point ín life
 to wear hair
 AURUstETFe

 Old Age (200+
 -Worn up, if long
 enough
 if short, ribbons,
 horsehair, wool,
 will be used to
 emulate longer hair
 etc
 Important note: the hair of a dwarf can be cut, but the beard gets left alone.
 Every dwarf grows a beard. If a dwarfling's beard hasnt come in by the time
 theyre 51, they remain a dwarfling until they grow one
 <Marriage
 Anewly married dwarf will cut
 off their hair in the back to signify
 commitment. Couples are
 disallowed from dívorce until both
 parties have regrown their hair to
 their shoulders (usually about 2
 months). A married dwarf will cap
 their braids.
 00
 Victory
 This celebratory haircstyle is
 characterised by excessive decoration
 and braids, to be worn for 2 weeks,
 upon which the dwarf will add another
 bead to their everyday attire.
 < Battlefield Loss/Death of
 Loved One
 a
 Signified by an entirely clipped head of
 hair, when'a major loss is suffered in life,
 it's unlucky
 giving up some of your pride.
 not to pay it due respect by
 Death and Burial>
 A dwarf passingov
 must have their hair covered so that
 no beasts or demons
 see their life experiences. They
 to be allowed
 before the gods
 over into the afterlife
 on the journey may
 are said
 to uncover themselves
 AubuSE2fe
filibusterfrog:dwarven hair customs
        

            
            

                
                
                    filibusterfrog:dwarven hair customs: Dwarven Hair Customs
 Much Like Orcs and Elves, Dwarves have
 many rules and customs in regards to their
 hair.
 Unlike Elves, who believe the act of cutting
 their hair is shameful, or Orcs who only maintain
 their hair until battle (an orcish answer to
 throwing down the gauntlet), a Dwarf will cut
 or restyle their hair at certain turning points
 during their life, such as
 reaching adulthood, marriage, a major victory
 loss
 (but not limited to)
 or
 on the battlefield, and death.
 Youth (50 and below)
 Simple, Free
 Ribbons
 -Beard hasn't come in
 fully
 No beads
 -No braids
 Usually
 or in a ponytail
 are
 popular
 with the
 kids
 worn loose
 Adulthood (51-200)
 (loose)
 Braids allowed
 Hair is very long
 if unmarried
 Beads can be earned
 -Improper
 entírely loose at this
 point ín life
 to wear hair
 AURUstETFe

 Old Age (200+
 -Worn up, if long
 enough
 if short, ribbons,
 horsehair, wool,
 will be used to
 emulate longer hair
 etc
 Important note: the hair of a dwarf can be cut, but the beard gets left alone.
 Every dwarf grows a beard. If a dwarfling's beard hasnt come in by the time
 theyre 51, they remain a dwarfling until they grow one
 <Marriage
 Anewly married dwarf will cut
 off their hair in the back to signify
 commitment. Couples are
 disallowed from dívorce until both
 parties have regrown their hair to
 their shoulders (usually about 2
 months). A married dwarf will cap
 their braids.
 00
 Victory
 This celebratory haircstyle is
 characterised by excessive decoration
 and braids, to be worn for 2 weeks,
 upon which the dwarf will add another
 bead to their everyday attire.
 < Battlefield Loss/Death of
 Loved One
 a
 Signified by an entirely clipped head of
 hair, when'a major loss is suffered in life,
 it's unlucky
 giving up some of your pride.
 not to pay it due respect by
 Death and Burial>
 A dwarf passingov
 must have their hair covered so that
 no beasts or demons
 see their life experiences. They
 to be allowed
 before the gods
 over into the afterlife
 on the journey may
 are said
 to uncover themselves
 AubuSE2fe
filibusterfrog:dwarven hair customs
                    
                
            

            
                
                
filibusterfrog:dwarven hair customs

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration : feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
        

            
            

                
                
                    feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration : feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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