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Bad, Beef, and Fire: ifeelbetterer tumblr Follow hellotailor 1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center 2. He was as tall as a 6'3" tree 3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master 4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up 7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something 9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room- temperature Canadian beef 11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM 12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. wollipyos Some of the worst analogies written by high school students I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NUMBER 4 IS GREAT. bewbin These are genius ninjagirlmai I lost it at number 10 farorescourage "the worst analogies" are the ones you use to write comedy pieces with. They work like a charm if you do them right. beingfacetious #you say 'worst analogies i say 'heirs of douglas adams, Source papadevs 291.019 notes These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

These analogies are like poetry if the poet had been sleepless for five days subsisting only on Red Bull and raw coffee beans

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Denny's, Disney, and Fire: halleregina Okay now that I've finally quit Denny's let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is .The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs l've never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn't find anything wrong with it. .People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week. It's open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening .Regular customers included: A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject A little person named Kevin who told me "sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I'm feeling whimsical" o o o An actual group of Neo-Nazis o An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us) o Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time A Scottish landscaper who told us we "couldn't prove he doesn't know Simon Pegg" o I have more these are just off the top of my head halleregina l can't believe I forgot .two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said "No, I'm not a socialist". Dennys: Otherworld
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Denny's, Disney, and Fire: halleregina Okay now that I've finally quit Denny's let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is .The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs l've never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn't find anything wrong with it. .People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week. It's open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening .Regular customers included: A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject A little person named Kevin who told me "sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I'm feeling whimsical" o o o An actual group of Neo-Nazis o An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us) o Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time A Scottish landscaper who told us we "couldn't prove he doesn't know Simon Pegg" o I have more these are just off the top of my head halleregina l can't believe I forgot .two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said "No, I'm not a socialist". Dennys: Otherworld
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Bad, Beef, and Drunk: 1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center 2. He was as tall as a 6'3" tree 3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master 4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30 5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met 6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up 7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something 9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever 10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room- temperature Canadian beef 11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM 12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. machawicket beingfacetious Tarorescourage ninjagirlmai bewbin wollipyos Some of the worst analogies written by high school students I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NUMBER 4 IS GREAT These are genius I lost it at number 10 "the worsanalogies" are the ones you use to write comedy pieces with. They work like a charm if you do them right #you say 'worst analogies, i say 'heirs of douglas adams' We read these aloud while slightly drunk in Ireland last summer, and it's one of my favorite memories. I still can't pick my favorite, as at lease five of these made me laugh so hard I cried Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something

Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something

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Oldpeoplefacebook, Shell, and Fridge: Vel 4 PM PIV Text Message Today 3:31 PM Hey sis, fresh out of the oven I have no idea who you are Sorry about that. It's only a pie that baked. missed my sister's by one digit. O Text Message ooooo Verizon 11:41 PM Those pies looks lovely though Lemon meringue? Yes, my mother's recepi. Can have the recipe? I have never made lemon meringue pie and this seems like a sign that l should OK. The recepi is, 19" gramkracker That is 1- 9" Keebler Graham cracker ready made pie crust. 2 cans of carnation sweetened condensed milk. 5 lemons, 2 limes, 4 large eggs. Melt 14 stick of butter and baste the pie shell. Bake it at convection setting 325 for 15 minutes. Zest the lemons and the limes. The zest will be mixed with the meringue later. Seperate your room temperature egg white and yokes. Be careful not to get any yolk in with the whites. Juice the lemons and the limes. Use some of their pulp with meringue. Mix egg yolks with condensed milk. Add lemon and lime juice. Add mix to pie shell O A Text Message ooooo Verizon 11:41 PM 4 large eggs. Melt 14 stick of butter and baste the pie shell. Bake it at convection setting 325 for 15 minutes. Zest the lemons and the limes. The zest will be mixed with the meringue later. Seperate your room temperature egg white and yokes. Be careful not to get any yolk in with the whites. Juice the lemons and the limes. Use some of their pulp with meringue. Mix egg yolks with condensed milk. Add lemon and lime juice. Add mix to pie shell and bake at 325 for twenty minutes. Whip egg whites on high speed by themselves, without sugar until they start to peak. Add granular sugar and zest until they stand on their own and to taste. Use convection setting @4500 until meringue browns nicely. Let cool for 1 hour then transfer to your fridge for another 2 hours. Enjoy Hank you Thank You're welcome O A. Text Message Meanwhile, browsing Imgur, I find this Lemon Meringue Pie recipe...

Meanwhile, browsing Imgur, I find this Lemon Meringue Pie recipe...

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Bad, Beautiful, and Beef: Really Bad Analogies Written by High School Students 1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center 2. He was as tall as a 6:3" tree 3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master 4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30 5. John and Mary had never met. They were like twa hummingbirds who had also never met. 6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up 7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one siender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something 9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever 10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef 11 The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM 12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://yamatohatake.tumblr.com/post/65245879994/jack-frost-the-incredibly-cold-i-think-you-mean" target="_blank">yamatohatake</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://jack-frost-the-incredibly-cold.tumblr.com/post/65202522033/i-think-you-mean-wonderful-analogies-these-are" target="_blank">jack-frost-the-incredibly-cold</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>I think you mean wonderful analogies these are beautiful</p> </blockquote> <p>please number 9 is the greatest thing i have ever read</p> </blockquote>

yamatohatake: jack-frost-the-incredibly-cold: I think you mean wonderful analogies these are beautiful please number 9 is the greatest th...

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