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Ass, Baseball, and Be Like: When your pets are your life: 6 Now two of my favorite Lollapalooza-goers who stand out prominently against a sea of kiddos wearing their best $24.99 H+M music festival outfit are what I affectionately call OAMs (old ass men ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ˜‚). This one come in 2 varieties. The first one is The Hatfish. Low key he got a baby face. He might could be 43 but he easily pass for 27. And he wearing a Cubs cap low on his face with the extra curvy bill and he got nice brown hair peeking out the bottom of the cap. For all u know he mid 20s. But ladies if u yank the cap off, u gon see some David Copperfeel magic: young, attractive Fred with the baseball cap gon transform immeejally into Mr. Fred Stevenson, M.Ed., the middle school principal. Now u thinking to yourself: why don't homie just shave his head? Simple: nobody will ever touch his baseball cap ๐Ÿ˜‚. Homie might even keep it on during sex like he filming a p0rno. That's why I'm telling y'all if u want the full picture, take it off - or else u could wake up next to your principal thinking issa nightmare where u begging him not to give u detention and he think u role playing and wanna go another round (I know some of you freaks will like that in which case go head witchoe perverted ass! ๐Ÿ˜‚) Now the second OAM ain't hiding shit. He at the festival in a J Crew t shirt, straight leg jeans and Vans with a full head of silver hair. This MF look like a VP at yo company because he IS a VP at yo company ๐Ÿ˜‚. Homeboy took 4 days off and he prowling for a girl who need a daddy. And I ain't talkin "daddy" like in a sexy playful way nah he tryina be somebody FATHER. He tryina SUPPORT u and put u on the PAYROLL ๐Ÿ˜‚. He lookin for that girl whose papa wasn't around and she gon meet him and be like "he's old but he'll be my daddy ๐Ÿ˜š" like real, real deep emotional holes being filled RN. Anyway OAMs should be able to enjoy music like everyone else, I ain't mad unless they being predatory in which case: if u see something, SAY something. Lots of roofies getting dropped these next 4 days - u might could save a life - if u not comfortable snitching then at least talk to the girl - IT'S NOT COCK BLOCKING IF SHE AINT LUCID! Bless up ๐Ÿ˜