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Hell, Lava, and They: What my hell are they pumping through this pipe molten lava?

What my hell are they pumping through this pipe molten lava?

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Asian, Fucking, and God: THE ONION EDITION 10c FINEST AMERICAN NEWS SOURCE MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON NEIL ARMSTRONG'S HISTORIC FIRST WORDS ON MOON HOLY LIVING FUCK' THE MOON Jesus fucking down in the moon's low gravity The distant, lonely, mysterious colleague on the lunar surface. satellite that has tascinated Hl, yeah Hell yeah," an mankind since the dawn of time ecstatie Aldrin said, pumping astronauts Neil Armstrong and lt's like I told you on the way down on the Sea of Tranquty his shipmate. "Remember?I told in the lunar module Eagle andyou this was going to be fucking Chris Houston. We're on the spent two hours engaged in bove: Neil Armstrong on the surface of the fucking moon chological preparations for the to the capsule. Their intense 18 un-fucking-believableness f month NASA training period- the next phase of the operation, the primary unction of which earthlings watched on televi- credible nature of their mis- ed the tour steps leading out of at one point Armstrong had to the module, pause, and tooksit down and take several deep one small but epoch-making breaths. "just so I dont fueking HOUSTON:Roer. Tranquility 250,000 miles away. " abso-seientists at press time still fucking-lutely am standing oncouldnot eve begin to fucking TRANQUILITY; [t wasa smooth The Earth as seen Ho y Jesus the sur ace of the moon rom the surfaceof the fuckingmoon conceive I am talking to you from the The astronauts also planted an goddamned fueking moon. JesusAmerican flag in the ground H. Christ in a chicken basketongside a plaque reading, in Holy mother of tuck," the first part: "This plaque, placed here Christ's sake. the moon. Over. HOUSTON: You're clear, Tran- pause.) HOUSTON: Roger that. You're quility. Proceed. Over. clear for T1, walkingon lhe, TRANQUILITY: Can see the| TRANQUILITY: Holy 〔pause) Lunar Module ootpads de- living (long pause) fuck. (Long man on the moon added. Roger, no fucking doubt about rom the planet around which it," Mission Controller Peterthis celestial body orbits, will Lovell replied. A-fucking-fir- rest undisturbed on this spot for HOUSTON: You're cleared to, the goddamned moon· (Long| copy? Conveyor. To walk (pause HOUSTON: We read you. Over ing believing this? Over fucking walk on the moon. TRANQUILITY: Footpads depHOUSTON: We read you. Over Eight minutes later, as Armholy living tuck. Can you believe E CAN PUT A MAN ON THE tou uieeakendMOON, BUT WE CAN'T BOMB TRANQUILITY: LEC attached. Surface is powdery. One more lutely am standing on the sur- pause.) I'm hypervnlating.talking to you from the god- HOUSTON: Everything okay,Hold on. r. (lang0ujSsriotinchskn bastA TINY ASIAN NATION INTO the ladder. Can see the Eath, TRANQUILITY: I'm on the bot- THANQUILITY Holy mother THE STONE AGE? A newspaper from July 21st, 1969
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