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Driving, Funny, and Life: Jeremy Mathsen @JeremyMyNBC5 my Mathsen "At first I was afraid, I was petrified." #TheOffice @theofficenbc Dream SUNN Unified Scl FA s aturday, Ja Sunnyside High School I In an Department of Transpor issued by the Departmen curity is entitled to a stat Cross Scott, who works at a local tire center, was on a test drive when he spotted a woman slumped over in her car and gave her CPR MKE CHRISTY/RIZONA DAILY STAR motot vehicle Local man saves woman with CPR he learned from TV's 'The Office The change is immedia The action came as 1 a 2018 Tuling Campbell that U ssue licenses to every ment has allowed to te also came year Court rejected the sta "dreamers"those legally as censed for CPR in my life,"Scott said. phone when driving custom- "I had no idea what I was do- ers' vehicles, to avoid the dis. CPR CLASSES hand-only CPR 30-minute But Ducey insisted gated to issue licenses t ernment placed in oth grams, like the victims Gubernatorial spoke traction of taking a call while The Red Cross offers free Nothing in Cross Scott's ing. life prepared him for finding Scott, the lead shop tech driving a woman slumped over her nician at Jack Furrier Tire & The 21-year-old has worked courses To get more informa steering wheel, her lips blue. Auto Care on South Sixth Av-at Jack Furrier for three years. tion or find out about classes clined to comment says he just reacted. He enue and East Valencia Road, But he's been working since call 520-381-6740 lawsuit were being ma Would you save a dummy’s life even if it had no arms or legs? 🤔

Would you save a dummy’s life even if it had no arms or legs? 🤔

Animals, Apparently, and Ass: captainsnoop i was playing pokemon blue on stream earlier at 350% speed and i got to thinking what if the reason nobody in the pokemon world has any good teams is because its considered a dick move to have a proper team comp like culturally everyone is like "haha pick the pokemon you want! if you're happy with three geodudes, thats you and your life!" and then you're supposed to just have a friendly battle with any other pokemon trainers and whatever pokemon they just happen to have like the average trainer is probably just walking around with a growlithe because that's their pet, or a hiker has three geodudes because the geodudes help him with hiking and if this pet owner and geodude hiker meet, you're supposed to have a friendly battle but nothing too serious now imagine the 10 year old kid that has six pokeballs on their belt comes up. you're like "haha, we'll have a friendly battle!" and you throw out your geodude and they throw out a fucking gyarados, and it one-shots your geodude and then you throw out your pidgey you have because the pidgey helps you navigate mountains because you're a hiker and then electricity crackles around the gyarados and a thunderbolt flies off of this giant dragon and evaporates your pidgey so you're down to your last pokemon. you tell them you're gonna send out your bulbasaur. the ten year old is like "oh okay in that case i'm gonna pull out my vulpix." like not only is this kid walking around with an amped-up super dragon, but theyve also got multiple pokemon specifically for making type advantage counter-picks? this kid's a fucking asshole! really, kid? what are you trying to prove here? this is a friendly match between strangers for fun! why are you composing real-ass competitive teams? what a fucker! jumpingjacktrash i mean if you look at how npc's talk about their pokemon, they're service animals mostly some of them are just pets. apparently they really enjoy sparring, so you let them battle other people's pokemon for socialization, it's like going to the dog park. hell yes i'd be mad if i took my chronic pain support chow-chow to the dog park and some asshole with four rottweilers and a husky was like SIC EM THUNDERNUTS even if my dog enjoyed the tussle at first. look, kid, the paras helps me weed the garden it's not a special forces attack paras. it's just a bug that eats dandelions. please calm down maxiesatanofficial This is precisely why Cooltrainers are exiled to the mountains Source: captainsnoop A very long post about Pokémon
Apparently, Confused, and Dad: "OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO..." / graduated High School this week. When my Dad said he had a present for me thought I was getting some cheesy graduation card. But what I received was something truly priceless Ob, the Col Following the ceremony he handed me a bag with a copy of "Oh the Places You'll Go," by Doctor Seuss inside. At first I just smiled and said that it meant a lot and that I loved that book. But then he told me 'No, open it up." ...On the first page I see a short paragraph written by none other than my kindergarten teacher. I start tearing up but I'm still confused. He tells me 'Every year, for the past 13 years, since the day you started kindergarten I've gotten every teacher, coach, and principal to write a little something about you inside this book." He managed to keep this book a secret for 13 years, and apparently everyone else in my life knew about it! Yes the intended effect occured... I burst out in tears Sitting there reading through this book there are encouraging and sweet words from every teacher I love and remember through my years in this small town My early teachers mention my "Pigtails and giggles, while my high school teachers mention my "Wit and sharp thinking... But they all mention my humor and love for life. It is astounding to receive something this moving, touching nostalgic, and thoughtful I can't express how much I love my Dad for this labor of love. This dads surprise to his daughter

This dads surprise to his daughter

Apparently, Confused, and Dad: "OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO..." / graduated High School this week. When my Dad said he had a present for me thought I was getting some cheesy graduation card. But what I received was something truly priceless Ob, the Col Following the ceremony he handed me a bag with a copy of "Oh the Places You'll Go," by Doctor Seuss inside. At first I just smiled and said that it meant a lot and that I loved that book. But then he told me 'No, open it up." ...On the first page I see a short paragraph written by none other than my kindergarten teacher. I start tearing up but I'm still confused. He tells me 'Every year, for the past 13 years, since the day you started kindergarten I've gotten every teacher, coach, and principal to write a little something about you inside this book." He managed to keep this book a secret for 13 years, and apparently everyone else in my life knew about it! Yes the intended effect occured... I burst out in tears Sitting there reading through this book there are encouraging and sweet words from every teacher I love and remember through my years in this small town My early teachers mention my "Pigtails and giggles, while my high school teachers mention my "Wit and sharp thinking... But they all mention my humor and love for life. It is astounding to receive something this moving, touching nostalgic, and thoughtful I can't express how much I love my Dad for this labor of love. This dads surprise to his daughter via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2CwKBk1

This dads surprise to his daughter via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2CwKBk1

Apparently, Confused, and Dad: "OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO..." / graduated High School this week. When my Dad said he had a present for me thought I was getting some cheesy graduation card. But what I received was something truly priceless Ob, the Col Following the ceremony he handed me a bag with a copy of "Oh the Places You'll Go," by Doctor Seuss inside. At first I just smiled and said that it meant a lot and that I loved that book. But then he told me 'No, open it up." ...On the first page I see a short paragraph written by none other than my kindergarten teacher. I start tearing up but I'm still confused. He tells me 'Every year, for the past 13 years, since the day you started kindergarten I've gotten every teacher, coach, and principal to write a little something about you inside this book." He managed to keep this book a secret for 13 years, and apparently everyone else in my life knew about it! Yes the intended effect occured... I burst out in tears Sitting there reading through this book there are encouraging and sweet words from every teacher I love and remember through my years in this small town My early teachers mention my "Pigtails and giggles, while my high school teachers mention my "Wit and sharp thinking... But they all mention my humor and love for life. It is astounding to receive something this moving, touching nostalgic, and thoughtful I can't express how much I love my Dad for this labor of love. This dads surprise to his daughter

This dads surprise to his daughter

Apparently, Confused, and Dad: "OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO..." / graduated High School this week. When my Dad said he had a present for me thought I was getting some cheesy graduation card. But what I received was something truly priceless Ob, the Col Following the ceremony he handed me a bag with a copy of "Oh the Places You'll Go," by Doctor Seuss inside. At first I just smiled and said that it meant a lot and that I loved that book. But then he told me 'No, open it up." ...On the first page I see a short paragraph written by none other than my kindergarten teacher. I start tearing up but I'm still confused. He tells me 'Every year, for the past 13 years, since the day you started kindergarten I've gotten every teacher, coach, and principal to write a little something about you inside this book." He managed to keep this book a secret for 13 years, and apparently everyone else in my life knew about it! Yes the intended effect occured... I burst out in tears Sitting there reading through this book there are encouraging and sweet words from every teacher I love and remember through my years in this small town My early teachers mention my "Pigtails and giggles, while my high school teachers mention my "Wit and sharp thinking... But they all mention my humor and love for life. It is astounding to receive something this moving, touching nostalgic, and thoughtful I can't express how much I love my Dad for this labor of love. Her Dad managed to keep this book a secret for 13 years

Her Dad managed to keep this book a secret for 13 years

Bad, Be Like, and Bitch: rachel @Rachel_Bonacoi i seriously need a job where i don't have to interact with people. I just asked a table if they were celebrating anything and when they said their dad's bday i brought them a bday table decoration and THEN they decide to tell me he's not coming cause he's datd.... I had the weirdest, longest dream last night. Some people were trying to like basically destroy the world and these monster things would pretty much just decimate every building they saw and they’d go just go one to the next and when you got killed by them you got sent to like another dimension or something but me and these three other kids found these magic like shards or something that broke off of the monsters idk and we put them together and it teleported ya back to the regular dimension like, actual earth, but everything was fixed again and so we all went to this like corner store and it was like reinforced to keep those monsters and bad guys out so we just worked there and the bad guys would come in and we had to keep fighting them. There was a lot more but it’s too hard to describe and I don’t remember a lot of it. Then the dream shifted to a spy mission and it was me and @brielarson and we had to dive into these water filled vents to get into the room but the vents were full of these fish that would like poison you and she was like ‘oh well it hurts at first but then it stops so just go’ so she would jump in the vent but then the ‘screen’ would go black and be like ‘You Died’ like in dark souls, and I was like oh my god what is this bitch doing?? And eventually after a few times I drank this weird stuff that made me immune to the poison so we got through the vents and into the room but now Brie Larson was Shakira and I forget who the ‘villain’ was but she and Shakira were seeing who could like hack something and find something through their computers the fastest except their computers were just showin GTA V so they were like lookin at license plates on cars and looking at buildings around Los Santos idk, and the villain beat shakira and I was like “:O oh no!” But then shakira was like ‘..yeah maybe you beat me but .. (and this was really dramatic here) the plants like carbohydrates ;) “ and she basically made these plants in the room grow super big and she was now Poison Ivy and (CARBOHYDRATES WHAT THE FUCK?) that’s all I remember thanks
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Fucking, Funny, and Shit: Anonymous said: Just go kill yourself Okay. rouge-fox-expanded: all-about-drarry: the-evil-anon1: tolazytomakeagoodname: nightmare-vincent-cosplay: jacksepticeye-imagines: ishipallofthethings: lovetaylorsince1989: serenitymayu: pasta-corps: galaxywarrioress1234: jennstarkid: About a week ago I posted this. I’ve been getting horrible messages like this in my ask for months, including: and my personal favorite After getting the message saying “Just go kill yourself” I was completely done dealing with this person’s horrible messages and replied with just an “Okay.” and logged off tumblr. About a week later I logged back on with 17 messages in my ask, most of them from the anon. I scrolled down and at first when I logged off, the anon messaged me things like I scrolled up more and all of a sudden they started sending me more and more messages like This was extremely surprising to me. I thought “After all those horrible messages you sent to me for MONTHS about hating me and wanting me dead, you say ‘sorry’ and that you ‘cant be responsible for someone’s suicide’?” But I guess the lesson goes like this: DONT TELL ANYONE TO KILL THEMSELVES UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED FOR WHAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN DON’T TELL ANYONE TO KILL THEMSELVES EVER. THIS POST IS SO IMPORTANT I WANT EVERYONE ON TUMBLR IN THE WORLD TO SEE IT This needs to be reblogged. I couldn’t scroll past this if I tried, I got a message like that but not for me, it told me to my friend to kill them self, I was livid! I didn’t answer it because a message like that doesn’t deserve an answer but I don’t see what is so funny about telling someone to kill them selves! I really don’t! It’s sick and it’s wrong. This person though, I take my hat off to you. You taught that bully a lesson. this. This will always be number one on the list of things that aren’t okay Ho-ly shit. I’ll never not reblog this If you dare scroll without reblogging this you have no soul…….. i mean you do but reblogging this wont ruin your blog……. please just spread the word. Please people don’t send anon hate your just hurting yourselves… Don’t tell anyone to kill themselves. EVER. A PSA we shouldn’t need, but we do…because some people are fucking horrible
Bad, Creepy, and Cute: i want! to sit! in a lap! and i want! to do they have to be attached I love your need to make everything cute sounds creepy I love that Well I's funny how you can make everything sound creepy/wrong but the things that you like Make this creepy: Skittles are very good it depends where you put them you challenged a god Make this creepy: An instrumental cover of a well-known song plays from another room. It starts slow rhythm inconsistent, like a child struggling with a hand-played music box. It is the unmistakable tune of Despacito, played on an old circus organ. You open your eyes slowly and squint up at a single, flickering bulb. Your head aches. How did you get here? The music throbs against the bathroom's crumbling tile walls. You are standing in front of a ceramic sink, the bowl chipped and yellowed with age. You have no memory of this place. The music speeds up. Your hands are stained with something dark and rotting. A strange taste lingers in your mouth. How did you get here? You lean towards the mirror. Your face is haggard, your eyes bloodshot. Your reflection leans forward and whispers, "Despacito can you do llike wearing glasses Most people have never seen me without my glasses. I wear them all the time. All day, at home, in bed, even in the bath sometimes. I pretty much only take them off to shower or sleep. And even then I keep them within arm's reach. Igot my first pair in middle school, and it changed my life. I've switched styles plenty of times over the years, Right now I own three pairs, not including my backups and prescription sunglasses. I'm always paranoid about losing or breaking the ones I'm wearing. Most people would be surprised to find out my eyesight isn't even that bad. ReallyI only need corrective lenses for distance. I could manage most things without them. But I like wearing glasses Not that it can't be frustrating at times Eyeglasses are always getting smudged or dirty. I have to clean mine constantly. They're fragile, and can be scratched or bent. They fall off, go askew, steam up, and collect water drops when it rains. You have to keep a protective case on hand, and a soft cloth, and glass cleaner. They can be a lot of trouble. Honestly, contact lenses would be so much more convenient I did try to switch, once. I bought a box of those new disposable contacts. And it was great at first-just put them on and go. It was freeing. My eyes adjusted quickly-no itching or redness. It didn't even feel that strange not having something on my face for the first time in years. I really thought they were going to work. They didn't, in the end. Maybe it's something about the material, the difference between actual glass versus whatever polymer the contacts were made from. Maybe it has to do with lens shape, or distance. Maybe it's even just psychological-something to do with the fact that glasses just feel more protective. I had hoped now that I was older, perhaps I wouldn't need protection. Perhaps they wouldn't come after me the way they did when I was a child. I was wrong. Glasses stop the dark things from moving you see. If I don't wear them, I start seeing the things again. Out of the corners of my eyes. In the shadows of the room. Glasses are the only thing I've found that keeps them still. And that's important. Because you see, the things aren't just moving-theyre moving closer Gaud it's past 1 am please Sometimes I just think Gaud is moved by the full and pure force of f people's minds ucking up other why the flip do u think i spend so much time on this hellsite 57,107 notes They challenged a god. They will pay for their hubris

They challenged a god. They will pay for their hubris

Love, French, and At First Sight: The progression of Barley the Frenchie and his sister Beesley. The two French meatballs

The progression of Barley the Frenchie and his sister Beesley. The two French meatballs