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relyonloveonceinawhile: whoopsrobots: equilateralwaffle: kotsuso: sophygurl: blindly-nostalgic: itseasytoremember: itseasytoremember: itseasytoremember: itseasytoremember: every day the same telemarketing company calls us. I’ve asked to be taken off their calling list, I’ve tried to be civil, I’ve even tried to not answer the phone, yet they’ll keep calling. So now I’ve resorted to making the phones calls as annoying as possible for them. Today I asked the person to hold while I got a pen and paper. As of now, they’ve been waiting 45 minutes. Update: I just asked him if he was still there, then when he said yes i told him i had found a pen but no paper, but that i’m still looking. It’s been an hour. I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN ON TUMBLR AND YOUTUBE WHILE THIS GUY WAITS. IT’S BEEN ALMOST AN HOUR AND A HALF Update: After an hour and 35 minutes I told him that i had found paper, but my pen was dead. He hung up. Ah well, i’ll just do it again tomorrow! You are the future As a former telemarketer, I can tell you that the only reason that guy hung on the line for so long was because he didn’t really want to make any more calls anyway and was probably reading a book or chatting with friends while you pretended to find paper and pen. He was enjoying your mischief as much, if not more, than you were. You literally gave this guy an acceptable reason to take an hour and a half break. You are his hero. He likely only finally hung up because it was officially his break time anyway. He probably told all his co-workers about your call and they’ll be laughing about it for weeks. Holy shit, is this a happy ending to a post where everybody actually wins? ACTUALLY YES because according to parental unit number one, telemarketers get paid by how long they’re on the phone with someone. so you were literally helping this friend get paid by doing absolutely shit vive la resistance Chaotic Good : relyonloveonceinawhile: whoopsrobots: equilateralwaffle: kotsuso: sophygurl: blindly-nostalgic: itseasytoremember: itseasytoremember: itseasytoremember: itseasytoremember: every day the same telemarketing company calls us. I’ve asked to be taken off their calling list, I’ve tried to be civil, I’ve even tried to not answer the phone, yet they’ll keep calling. So now I’ve resorted to making the phones calls as annoying as possible for them. Today I asked the person to hold while I got a pen and paper. As of now, they’ve been waiting 45 minutes. Update: I just asked him if he was still there, then when he said yes i told him i had found a pen but no paper, but that i’m still looking. It’s been an hour. I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN ON TUMBLR AND YOUTUBE WHILE THIS GUY WAITS. IT’S BEEN ALMOST AN HOUR AND A HALF Update: After an hour and 35 minutes I told him that i had found paper, but my pen was dead. He hung up. Ah well, i’ll just do it again tomorrow! You are the future As a former telemarketer, I can tell you that the only reason that guy hung on the line for so long was because he didn’t really want to make any more calls anyway and was probably reading a book or chatting with friends while you pretended to find paper and pen. He was enjoying your mischief as much, if not more, than you were. You literally gave this guy an acceptable reason to take an hour and a half break. You are his hero. He likely only finally hung up because it was officially his break time anyway. He probably told all his co-workers about your call and they’ll be laughing about it for weeks. Holy shit, is this a happy ending to a post where everybody actually wins? ACTUALLY YES because according to parental unit number one, telemarketers get paid by how long they’re on the phone with someone. so you were literally helping this friend get paid by doing absolutely shit vive la resistance Chaotic Good
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phantomemes: starters  /  prompts taken from f. d. soul’s work ,  between you and these bones .  feel free to change pronouns  /  tenses as necessary . ‘  the problem is you keep trying to use your eyes  ’ ‘  how i soften when you pull me against you  ’ ‘  you are teaching me to love  ’ ‘  i will pretend that i have not already heard the question in your eyes  ’ ‘  you perhaps will become my swan song  ’ ‘  it is a very human thing to love  ’ ‘  you are my good days  ’ ‘  i have been loved dearly  ’ ‘  i promise you will not always be this war  ’ ‘  thank god for the stubbornness of organs  ’ ‘  it takes me seven days to stop being in love with you  ’ ‘  there will always be another day  ’ ‘  there will always be another mercy  ’ ‘  perhaps i will take up dancing again  ’ ‘  what a pretty little disaster you will be  ’ ‘  i am terrified for you  ’ ‘  i will fold inside of myself  ’ ‘  today i am thankful  ’ ‘  i didn’t want to sleep because i didn’t want to wake  ’ ‘  come and get me  ’ ‘  i tell myself i do not need you  ’ ‘  i think i broke again last night  ’ ‘  i’m just trying to connect with you  ’ ‘  you are an ocean that will perhaps never stop crashing  ’ ‘  burn the house down in search of yourself  ’ ‘  don’t you dare ever stop looking  ’ ‘  i struggle not to feel guilty  ’ ‘  you are a wild  ,  unkempt thing  ’ ‘  sometimes it is a very sad thing to be human and longing  ’ ‘  find that you are made of russian nesting dolls  ’ ‘  the trees are always kindest with spring comes  ’ ‘  teach yourself the hymns again  ’ ‘  he is every amen i have ever laid down on lips  ’ ‘  this life is an altar  ’ ‘  i am sorry i do not have more time  ’ ‘  there is a mountain in me  ’ ‘  by the morning i am a triumph  ’ ‘  there are words playing hooky in the back of your throat  ’ ‘  today is by far the most beautiful creature i have ever come across  ’ ‘  there are many things that will fit beneath your skin  ’ ‘  forgiveness does not take up much room  ’ ‘  some days you will breathe and it will be enough  ’ ‘  you do not have to hold it quite so tightly  ’ ‘  there is a prayer in me  ,  still  ’ ‘  you scare me a little  ’ ‘  you can be a good thing and not a whole thing  ’ ‘  there are flowers in my chest again  ’ ‘  the rain comes and sounds like you  ’ ‘  i cannot tell you why i still trust god  ’ ‘  find peace and build a home out of it  ’ ‘  there is never an end  ’ : phantomemes: starters  /  prompts taken from f. d. soul’s work ,  between you and these bones .  feel free to change pronouns  /  tenses as necessary . ‘  the problem is you keep trying to use your eyes  ’ ‘  how i soften when you pull me against you  ’ ‘  you are teaching me to love  ’ ‘  i will pretend that i have not already heard the question in your eyes  ’ ‘  you perhaps will become my swan song  ’ ‘  it is a very human thing to love  ’ ‘  you are my good days  ’ ‘  i have been loved dearly  ’ ‘  i promise you will not always be this war  ’ ‘  thank god for the stubbornness of organs  ’ ‘  it takes me seven days to stop being in love with you  ’ ‘  there will always be another day  ’ ‘  there will always be another mercy  ’ ‘  perhaps i will take up dancing again  ’ ‘  what a pretty little disaster you will be  ’ ‘  i am terrified for you  ’ ‘  i will fold inside of myself  ’ ‘  today i am thankful  ’ ‘  i didn’t want to sleep because i didn’t want to wake  ’ ‘  come and get me  ’ ‘  i tell myself i do not need you  ’ ‘  i think i broke again last night  ’ ‘  i’m just trying to connect with you  ’ ‘  you are an ocean that will perhaps never stop crashing  ’ ‘  burn the house down in search of yourself  ’ ‘  don’t you dare ever stop looking  ’ ‘  i struggle not to feel guilty  ’ ‘  you are a wild  ,  unkempt thing  ’ ‘  sometimes it is a very sad thing to be human and longing  ’ ‘  find that you are made of russian nesting dolls  ’ ‘  the trees are always kindest with spring comes  ’ ‘  teach yourself the hymns again  ’ ‘  he is every amen i have ever laid down on lips  ’ ‘  this life is an altar  ’ ‘  i am sorry i do not have more time  ’ ‘  there is a mountain in me  ’ ‘  by the morning i am a triumph  ’ ‘  there are words playing hooky in the back of your throat  ’ ‘  today is by far the most beautiful creature i have ever come across  ’ ‘  there are many things that will fit beneath your skin  ’ ‘  forgiveness does not take up much room  ’ ‘  some days you will breathe and it will be enough  ’ ‘  you do not have to hold it quite so tightly  ’ ‘  there is a prayer in me  ,  still  ’ ‘  you scare me a little  ’ ‘  you can be a good thing and not a whole thing  ’ ‘  there are flowers in my chest again  ’ ‘  the rain comes and sounds like you  ’ ‘  i cannot tell you why i still trust god  ’ ‘  find peace and build a home out of it  ’ ‘  there is never an end  ’

phantomemes: starters  /  prompts taken from f. d. soul’s work ,  between you and these bones .  feel free to change pronouns  /  tenses...

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clockworkrobotic: bigancestorenergy: ouma-anti: whatjordylikes: danielle-mertina: blackqueerblog: Some parents really don’t understand the difference between actual discipline and hurting your kids. This teaches a kid nothing except needing to hide what makes them happy because they’re scared their parents will destroy it. Wow…what a terrible parent. Minecraft is A LOT of work, diligence, and creativity. The parent should have been encouraging that. And why does a 9 year old need to wake up every day at 7 am during a pandemic? What’s wrong with this person? I can foresee an estranged relationship in the future. Because this parent is out of their minds and more interested in exacting punitive control than being a loving caregiver. Y'all wonder why some kids are the way they are? This is it. why on earth does a NINE YEAR OLD CHILD has to wake up at fucking 7 am during a pandemic? also children may require up to TWELVE HOURS of sleep he’s not being defiant—without the threat of a ridiculous and unnatural hour he MUST be awake at he’s actually following his natural circadian rhythm which is actually HEALTHIER for him what they’ve done is broken his trust in a MAJOR way. he does not feel safe or in control. which is why he is refusing meals. honestly? if they keep this behavior up—let alone just not apologizing and finding the save file for his game—he’s gonna develop some dangerous coping skills like yknow. An eating disorder. Dissociation. Self harm. I’m not being hyperbolic. this is literally how it starts. This is the second time this week I’ve seen a story like this (the first being the boyfriend destroying his girlfriend’s AC island over an argument) and it makes me think – how is this ANY different to someone destroying a physical piece of art someone’s made: ripping up their sketchbook, breaking ceramics, cutting up cosplays? If this person had come forward with a question like “my son wouldn’t get out of bed so I broke the birdbox he made” there wouldn’t be ANY question whether this was abusive behaviour. There’s an inherent disconnect with how we talk about the “value” of virtual items/creations in video games: something about the way that these things aren’t tangible in the conventional sense makes them somehow less valuable than something everyone can hold and observe and appreciate. Think about the amount of “funny gamer rage” videos out there that are people upset over losing WoW saves and the likes: game saves are often things people have put hundreds of hours into, they have value to that person and are representative of their own dedication. Hell, I’m really bummed at the moment over not having access to some of my BL2 saves (I can’t travel to get my PS4 from uni), and I know I’d be upset if I lost them forever.  Video games are a massive escape mechanism for a lot of people especially right now, and putting time and effort into particularly building games is a constructive and creative outlet that gives people a feeling of accomplishment (and let’s be real it’s a lot more practical than having a house full of lego). Yet there’s still this weird stigma attached to them, this “it’s just a game” mentality that leads people to be easily dismissive of others’ feelings over losing progress. Destroyed your girlfriend’s AC island, which she put hundreds of hours into building? Whatever, it’s just a game. Deleted your kid’s minecraft file, which he spent an entire year working on? Whatever, it’s just a game, why are you so mad? It’s not a real thing, it’s just some numbers hiding behind fancy computer graphics! Actions like this are intentional, targeted destruction of another person’s property - property they have created themselves -  by an adult who knew what they were doing and we should NOT treat them as anything other than that, regardless of medium. : clockworkrobotic: bigancestorenergy: ouma-anti: whatjordylikes: danielle-mertina: blackqueerblog: Some parents really don’t understand the difference between actual discipline and hurting your kids. This teaches a kid nothing except needing to hide what makes them happy because they’re scared their parents will destroy it. Wow…what a terrible parent. Minecraft is A LOT of work, diligence, and creativity. The parent should have been encouraging that. And why does a 9 year old need to wake up every day at 7 am during a pandemic? What’s wrong with this person? I can foresee an estranged relationship in the future. Because this parent is out of their minds and more interested in exacting punitive control than being a loving caregiver. Y'all wonder why some kids are the way they are? This is it. why on earth does a NINE YEAR OLD CHILD has to wake up at fucking 7 am during a pandemic? also children may require up to TWELVE HOURS of sleep he’s not being defiant—without the threat of a ridiculous and unnatural hour he MUST be awake at he’s actually following his natural circadian rhythm which is actually HEALTHIER for him what they’ve done is broken his trust in a MAJOR way. he does not feel safe or in control. which is why he is refusing meals. honestly? if they keep this behavior up—let alone just not apologizing and finding the save file for his game—he’s gonna develop some dangerous coping skills like yknow. An eating disorder. Dissociation. Self harm. I’m not being hyperbolic. this is literally how it starts. This is the second time this week I’ve seen a story like this (the first being the boyfriend destroying his girlfriend’s AC island over an argument) and it makes me think – how is this ANY different to someone destroying a physical piece of art someone’s made: ripping up their sketchbook, breaking ceramics, cutting up cosplays? If this person had come forward with a question like “my son wouldn’t get out of bed so I broke the birdbox he made” there wouldn’t be ANY question whether this was abusive behaviour. There’s an inherent disconnect with how we talk about the “value” of virtual items/creations in video games: something about the way that these things aren’t tangible in the conventional sense makes them somehow less valuable than something everyone can hold and observe and appreciate. Think about the amount of “funny gamer rage” videos out there that are people upset over losing WoW saves and the likes: game saves are often things people have put hundreds of hours into, they have value to that person and are representative of their own dedication. Hell, I’m really bummed at the moment over not having access to some of my BL2 saves (I can’t travel to get my PS4 from uni), and I know I’d be upset if I lost them forever.  Video games are a massive escape mechanism for a lot of people especially right now, and putting time and effort into particularly building games is a constructive and creative outlet that gives people a feeling of accomplishment (and let’s be real it’s a lot more practical than having a house full of lego). Yet there’s still this weird stigma attached to them, this “it’s just a game” mentality that leads people to be easily dismissive of others’ feelings over losing progress. Destroyed your girlfriend’s AC island, which she put hundreds of hours into building? Whatever, it’s just a game. Deleted your kid’s minecraft file, which he spent an entire year working on? Whatever, it’s just a game, why are you so mad? It’s not a real thing, it’s just some numbers hiding behind fancy computer graphics! Actions like this are intentional, targeted destruction of another person’s property - property they have created themselves -  by an adult who knew what they were doing and we should NOT treat them as anything other than that, regardless of medium.
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cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?” “kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. “we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.” “i know.” x “daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.” her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. “daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. “don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. x “father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?” “your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.” she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says. x “why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. “we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.” she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family. “it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.” x her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.” the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass. “why not?” the mermaid asks. “he’ll win,” the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks. x the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. “don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.” x the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape. “let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.” they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. x she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea. x “you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. “i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.” the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. “we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. “i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. “guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.” “without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?” “i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?” “of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.” x the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. “you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. “they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.” “and now?” “they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?” the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.” She protects her family. Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link! https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817 That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there! HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER : cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?” “kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. “we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.” “i know.” x “daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.” her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. “daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. “don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. x “father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?” “your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.” she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says. x “why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. “we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.” she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family. “it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.” x her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.” the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass. “why not?” the mermaid asks. “he’ll win,” the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks. x the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. “don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.” x the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape. “let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.” they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. x she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea. x “you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. “i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.” the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. “we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. “i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. “guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.” “without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?” “i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?” “of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.” x the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. “you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. “they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.” “and now?” “they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?” the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.” She protects her family. Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link! https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817 That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there! HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the g...

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sonneillonv: violent-cisbian: lesbianplayinanimalcrossing: violent-cisbian: thevirginmaryswomb: radcybergoth: blackswallowtailbutterfly: ryderdai: the-pump-king: morphimus: charlesoberonn: charlesoberonn: queen-of-dirt: charlesoberonn: notaboyscout: charlesoberonn: memory-thought: charlesoberonn: updogonline: It took me 3 watches to realize the door is cardboard and this man is not just freakishly strong. I assure you this is a standard interior door, usually only exterior doors are solid. You can see the inside of the cardboard though. This isn’t a real door, it’s a prop from a movie or TV set. it has a paper honeycomb for rigidity, and that’s how interior doors are made for modern construction in the USA. y'all have never kicked a hole in your bedroom door in a flurry of teenage hormonal rage and it shows If I kicked my bedroom door I’d more likely break my foot than the door. I always thought people punching through doors or shoving people through doors was just from the movies. Doors in my country are generally solid planks of wood, a polymer of sorts, or metal. American homes are made extremely cheaply and aren’t built to last. Steam from hot showers seeps into wall which are not treated to handle moisture, and mold grows in the walls. Almost every wall or floor is made out of plywood. Flimsy roofing that can withstand a run of the mill heavy storm, but not much more than that. Weak foundations that wouldn’t hold up at all if it weren’t for how light and plywood-y the overall house is. Not every American house is this shitty in all of these ways, but the vast majority of them are, and almost all of them have at least one of these problems. Even rich people’s homes. Read this article. https://dengarden.com/misc/American-Houses-and-Bad-Quality Then watch this video. Are we just ignoring this original post was about the OP looking for Elf Pussy or are we just totally past that? It’s already been answered that there is no elf pussy here, so why dwell? 🤷🏾‍♂️ I’m in Canada. I haven’t noticed any door be quite that flimsy. You could kick a hole in some of them (the hollow ones) but not right through, and not without hurting yourself. It also depends on how old your house is. My parents house is from the 80s and all the doors are solid wood Yeah my parents were the first people to live in our house so it would have been built in the same decade. I remember my mom saying that she liked how the doors were solid wood, and little me was confused bc I thought all doors were made of wood do y'all,,,, not have stone walls,,,,? No we don’t, usually just plywood or plasterboard with wooden frames for support. If it is stone it’s usually just a “feature wall” that is made of the aforementioned materials but with a thin layer of stone glued on. Basically this but just with paint over the plasterboard, American houses (or at least new ones) are built to look nice but ware easily. why would anyone build something like that? didn’t the pig with the wood house get killed or something? don’t y'all learn from your childhood? I live in AZ and one of my exterior doors is Styrofoam. Literally Styrofoam with a flexible plastic plate over it. You could kick right through it.  Or, if you felt like sneaking in and murdering me, cut through it with a kitchen knife.   Needless to say I’m having it replaced. -laughs in solid wooden door-: sonneillonv: violent-cisbian: lesbianplayinanimalcrossing: violent-cisbian: thevirginmaryswomb: radcybergoth: blackswallowtailbutterfly: ryderdai: the-pump-king: morphimus: charlesoberonn: charlesoberonn: queen-of-dirt: charlesoberonn: notaboyscout: charlesoberonn: memory-thought: charlesoberonn: updogonline: It took me 3 watches to realize the door is cardboard and this man is not just freakishly strong. I assure you this is a standard interior door, usually only exterior doors are solid. You can see the inside of the cardboard though. This isn’t a real door, it’s a prop from a movie or TV set. it has a paper honeycomb for rigidity, and that’s how interior doors are made for modern construction in the USA. y'all have never kicked a hole in your bedroom door in a flurry of teenage hormonal rage and it shows If I kicked my bedroom door I’d more likely break my foot than the door. I always thought people punching through doors or shoving people through doors was just from the movies. Doors in my country are generally solid planks of wood, a polymer of sorts, or metal. American homes are made extremely cheaply and aren’t built to last. Steam from hot showers seeps into wall which are not treated to handle moisture, and mold grows in the walls. Almost every wall or floor is made out of plywood. Flimsy roofing that can withstand a run of the mill heavy storm, but not much more than that. Weak foundations that wouldn’t hold up at all if it weren’t for how light and plywood-y the overall house is. Not every American house is this shitty in all of these ways, but the vast majority of them are, and almost all of them have at least one of these problems. Even rich people’s homes. Read this article. https://dengarden.com/misc/American-Houses-and-Bad-Quality Then watch this video. Are we just ignoring this original post was about the OP looking for Elf Pussy or are we just totally past that? It’s already been answered that there is no elf pussy here, so why dwell? 🤷🏾‍♂️ I’m in Canada. I haven’t noticed any door be quite that flimsy. You could kick a hole in some of them (the hollow ones) but not right through, and not without hurting yourself. It also depends on how old your house is. My parents house is from the 80s and all the doors are solid wood Yeah my parents were the first people to live in our house so it would have been built in the same decade. I remember my mom saying that she liked how the doors were solid wood, and little me was confused bc I thought all doors were made of wood do y'all,,,, not have stone walls,,,,? No we don’t, usually just plywood or plasterboard with wooden frames for support. If it is stone it’s usually just a “feature wall” that is made of the aforementioned materials but with a thin layer of stone glued on. Basically this but just with paint over the plasterboard, American houses (or at least new ones) are built to look nice but ware easily. why would anyone build something like that? didn’t the pig with the wood house get killed or something? don’t y'all learn from your childhood? I live in AZ and one of my exterior doors is Styrofoam. Literally Styrofoam with a flexible plastic plate over it. You could kick right through it.  Or, if you felt like sneaking in and murdering me, cut through it with a kitchen knife.   Needless to say I’m having it replaced. -laughs in solid wooden door-
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texuhport:⎆ If you’re a business, brand or content creator, you’re gonna love this ⎆⁣ 🔥 Executive Knight Pen Holder 🔥⁣ YOUR PEN, YOUR MAJESTY!⁣ ⁣ You are above searching for something to sign your name with. When your signature is needed, someone should bow down and offer you a writing implement. And when you are done gracing the document with your royal name, the pen should be taken from you and held at the ready for next time. At least, that’s how special you’ll feel with an Executive Knight Pen Holder on your desk.⁣ ⁣ The Executive Knight Pen Holder is a bowing knight, hands raised to hold your modern quill. Your pen is held aloft, so you never have to figure out which stack of TPS reports it’s buried under. The Executive Knight Pen Holder comes with a pen, but he’s just as happy to hold any other pen (pencil, letter opener, spork, etc.) you own. The Executive Knight Pen Holder will make sure your pen is always at the ready for whatever words need to flow from it.⁣ #internetfamous #instagramfamous https://instagr.am/p/B-mpVMOl3O5/: texuhport:⎆ If you’re a business, brand or content creator, you’re gonna love this ⎆⁣ 🔥 Executive Knight Pen Holder 🔥⁣ YOUR PEN, YOUR MAJESTY!⁣ ⁣ You are above searching for something to sign your name with. When your signature is needed, someone should bow down and offer you a writing implement. And when you are done gracing the document with your royal name, the pen should be taken from you and held at the ready for next time. At least, that’s how special you’ll feel with an Executive Knight Pen Holder on your desk.⁣ ⁣ The Executive Knight Pen Holder is a bowing knight, hands raised to hold your modern quill. Your pen is held aloft, so you never have to figure out which stack of TPS reports it’s buried under. The Executive Knight Pen Holder comes with a pen, but he’s just as happy to hold any other pen (pencil, letter opener, spork, etc.) you own. The Executive Knight Pen Holder will make sure your pen is always at the ready for whatever words need to flow from it.⁣ #internetfamous #instagramfamous https://instagr.am/p/B-mpVMOl3O5/

texuhport:⎆ If you’re a business, brand or content creator, you’re gonna love this ⎆⁣ 🔥 Executive Knight Pen Holder 🔥⁣ YOUR PEN, YOUR MAJ...

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texuhport:⎆ If you’re a business, brand or content creator, you’re gonna love this ⎆⁣ 🔥 Executive Knight Pen Holder 🔥⁣ YOUR PEN, YOUR MAJESTY!⁣ ⁣ You are above searching for something to sign your name with. When your signature is needed, someone should bow down and offer you a writing implement. And when you are done gracing the document with your royal name, the pen should be taken from you and held at the ready for next time. At least, that’s how special you’ll feel with an Executive Knight Pen Holder on your desk.⁣ ⁣ The Executive Knight Pen Holder is a bowing knight, hands raised to hold your modern quill. Your pen is held aloft, so you never have to figure out which stack of TPS reports it’s buried under. The Executive Knight Pen Holder comes with a pen, but he’s just as happy to hold any other pen (pencil, letter opener, spork, etc.) you own. The Executive Knight Pen Holder will make sure your pen is always at the ready for whatever words need to flow from it.⁣ #internetfamous #instagramfamous https://instagr.am/p/B-mpVMOl3O5/: texuhport:⎆ If you’re a business, brand or content creator, you’re gonna love this ⎆⁣ 🔥 Executive Knight Pen Holder 🔥⁣ YOUR PEN, YOUR MAJESTY!⁣ ⁣ You are above searching for something to sign your name with. When your signature is needed, someone should bow down and offer you a writing implement. And when you are done gracing the document with your royal name, the pen should be taken from you and held at the ready for next time. At least, that’s how special you’ll feel with an Executive Knight Pen Holder on your desk.⁣ ⁣ The Executive Knight Pen Holder is a bowing knight, hands raised to hold your modern quill. Your pen is held aloft, so you never have to figure out which stack of TPS reports it’s buried under. The Executive Knight Pen Holder comes with a pen, but he’s just as happy to hold any other pen (pencil, letter opener, spork, etc.) you own. The Executive Knight Pen Holder will make sure your pen is always at the ready for whatever words need to flow from it.⁣ #internetfamous #instagramfamous https://instagr.am/p/B-mpVMOl3O5/

texuhport:⎆ If you’re a business, brand or content creator, you’re gonna love this ⎆⁣ 🔥 Executive Knight Pen Holder 🔥⁣ YOUR PEN, YOUR MAJ...

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ups-dogs:Captains “log”, stardate 2020:The starship U.P.S. Biscuitprise, on a 5 year mission to deliver packages and seek out doggo life in the vast darkness of the Newberg galaxy, has encountered a strange new life form.It appears to have some sort of cloaking technology that prevented it from showing up on our sensors. It is only just now visible on our screens, its presence betrayed by its glowing green eyes that have taken control of my ship and exerted a strange, hypnotic effect on my crew. It appears to be attempting to barter with us by offering a large chunk of worthless space debris in exchange for our entire supply of biscuits. All attempts to resist its alien, hypnotic influence have failed. Our deflector shields are down; our phasers have no effect; even Mr Spock’s Vulcan Scratchie Claw is of no use against its unearthly power. Mr Scott informs me that the warp engines can no longer take the strain of trying to escape, so we are left with no option but to surrender to its insatiable demands if we want to save the Biscuitprise from utter destruction. I will therefore be beaming a big box of Bones to this bewitching and beastly beggar, in the hopes that it will then release its hold upon us and spare my crew and my ship from its alien wrath!By Scott Hodges: ups-dogs:Captains “log”, stardate 2020:The starship U.P.S. Biscuitprise, on a 5 year mission to deliver packages and seek out doggo life in the vast darkness of the Newberg galaxy, has encountered a strange new life form.It appears to have some sort of cloaking technology that prevented it from showing up on our sensors. It is only just now visible on our screens, its presence betrayed by its glowing green eyes that have taken control of my ship and exerted a strange, hypnotic effect on my crew. It appears to be attempting to barter with us by offering a large chunk of worthless space debris in exchange for our entire supply of biscuits. All attempts to resist its alien, hypnotic influence have failed. Our deflector shields are down; our phasers have no effect; even Mr Spock’s Vulcan Scratchie Claw is of no use against its unearthly power. Mr Scott informs me that the warp engines can no longer take the strain of trying to escape, so we are left with no option but to surrender to its insatiable demands if we want to save the Biscuitprise from utter destruction. I will therefore be beaming a big box of Bones to this bewitching and beastly beggar, in the hopes that it will then release its hold upon us and spare my crew and my ship from its alien wrath!By Scott Hodges

ups-dogs:Captains “log”, stardate 2020:The starship U.P.S. Biscuitprise, on a 5 year mission to deliver packages and seek out doggo life...

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prettyeyezciya: jess-curious: dynastylnoire: hugochillingsworth: onlyblackgirl: bruddabois: sobeitjay: catmasterfunk: thehighpriestofreverseracism: This is beautiful i will literally never not reblog this. do people really say that Yea I’ve heard people say that shit Yes, they say it all the time. http://instagram.com/miryamlumpini Here’s her account, her tattoos are so fantastic to look at. reblogging for the tattoo artists IG to be boosted I keep seeing this post and I’ve gotta speak up on it, because that isn’t a good example of color on dark skin.  I’m a tattoo artist, and I’ve had a bunch of clients come in saying they were told dark skin can’t take any color whatsoever, which is bullshit. The long and short of it is dark skin can take plenty of color, provided it isn’t too light. Tattoos look best when they’re fresh because the ink is still on the top layer of open skin. As the skin heals over the tattoo, the color gets less vibrant and defined. This is true of anybody of any skin tone. Tattoo pigments tend to act a lot like watercolor; they’re not terribly opaque in the skin, meaning that as that tattoo ages, the white will fade into patches of slightly lighter skin, and may disappear altogether, as will lighter colors like yellows and pinks. Many artists consider doing tattoos entirely or mostly in white ink to be irresponsible for that reason, and use white ink very sparingly to create small highlights, in places where even faded ink will add contrast. Notice how the yellow is all but gone on even the lightest skin, while the deeper reds have stayed. And that isn’t even factoring in sun exposure, how often the skin is submerged in water, friction, or how the skin in the area bends and flexes. I know extremely pale people who lost all the color in their tattoos in 5 years due to a variety of those factors; I’m pale as they come, and the yellow in my oldest tattoo is only 2 years old and already super faded.  Color that lasts a long time is darker and more saturated than the skin it’s in. See how the butterfly is still noticeably purple, and stands out in all the skin tones? Teals, yellows, pinks and whites photograph beautifully in dark skin, but ultimately don’t have longevity as tattoos. Dark skin, however, can still take reds, blues, greens, purples, and browns beautifully! The best way to make color vivid in any skin is to put it in a strong black outline; tattoos like the one below will look like bruises as they age, and the fading color doesn’t have structured black to contrast and frame it. Here’s some color on dark skin that will age well! The yellows in this tattoo are very saturated and framed in lots of solid black; even if they fade, the fish will stay nice and vibrant. Similarly, the white in this tattoo will definitely lighten, but the dark reds and blacks will hold the tattoo together very well. Tl;dr, have a solid black outline, make sure the colors you pick are darker/more saturated than your own skin, and don’t rely too heavily on white. These are basic tattoo principles that can and should be used when deciding on any tattoo, regardless of skintone. Hope it helps! Reblogging for the amazing fucking information I just received on tattoos : prettyeyezciya: jess-curious: dynastylnoire: hugochillingsworth: onlyblackgirl: bruddabois: sobeitjay: catmasterfunk: thehighpriestofreverseracism: This is beautiful i will literally never not reblog this. do people really say that Yea I’ve heard people say that shit Yes, they say it all the time. http://instagram.com/miryamlumpini Here’s her account, her tattoos are so fantastic to look at. reblogging for the tattoo artists IG to be boosted I keep seeing this post and I’ve gotta speak up on it, because that isn’t a good example of color on dark skin.  I’m a tattoo artist, and I’ve had a bunch of clients come in saying they were told dark skin can’t take any color whatsoever, which is bullshit. The long and short of it is dark skin can take plenty of color, provided it isn’t too light. Tattoos look best when they’re fresh because the ink is still on the top layer of open skin. As the skin heals over the tattoo, the color gets less vibrant and defined. This is true of anybody of any skin tone. Tattoo pigments tend to act a lot like watercolor; they’re not terribly opaque in the skin, meaning that as that tattoo ages, the white will fade into patches of slightly lighter skin, and may disappear altogether, as will lighter colors like yellows and pinks. Many artists consider doing tattoos entirely or mostly in white ink to be irresponsible for that reason, and use white ink very sparingly to create small highlights, in places where even faded ink will add contrast. Notice how the yellow is all but gone on even the lightest skin, while the deeper reds have stayed. And that isn’t even factoring in sun exposure, how often the skin is submerged in water, friction, or how the skin in the area bends and flexes. I know extremely pale people who lost all the color in their tattoos in 5 years due to a variety of those factors; I’m pale as they come, and the yellow in my oldest tattoo is only 2 years old and already super faded.  Color that lasts a long time is darker and more saturated than the skin it’s in. See how the butterfly is still noticeably purple, and stands out in all the skin tones? Teals, yellows, pinks and whites photograph beautifully in dark skin, but ultimately don’t have longevity as tattoos. Dark skin, however, can still take reds, blues, greens, purples, and browns beautifully! The best way to make color vivid in any skin is to put it in a strong black outline; tattoos like the one below will look like bruises as they age, and the fading color doesn’t have structured black to contrast and frame it. Here’s some color on dark skin that will age well! The yellows in this tattoo are very saturated and framed in lots of solid black; even if they fade, the fish will stay nice and vibrant. Similarly, the white in this tattoo will definitely lighten, but the dark reds and blacks will hold the tattoo together very well. Tl;dr, have a solid black outline, make sure the colors you pick are darker/more saturated than your own skin, and don’t rely too heavily on white. These are basic tattoo principles that can and should be used when deciding on any tattoo, regardless of skintone. Hope it helps! Reblogging for the amazing fucking information I just received on tattoos
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earthsong9405: All done with Urbosa’s redesign and the additional sketches for her role in my headcanon! <: As usual I didn’t change too much but I gave her a slightly different hairstyle, some tusks (as is natural for Gerudo in my headcanon), and a brand new outfit! She has such lovely colors to work with, I love her so much ;-;But I’m sure ya don’t wanna hear me babble about how enjoyable her design is. So, let’s go straight into the headcanon! <:————————--Urbosa is the current chief of the Gerudo and serves as the acting Champion for them as well. As a Champion in this timeline, she holds a key component in gaining access to Old Hyrule-”Champion” in this timeline doesn’t fully hold the same function as it once did in BotW. Instead of being chosen to pilot the Divine Beasts, a Champion are a handful of chosen warriors that serve as Hyrule’s best line of defense against any threat. Despite every group of peoples having their own form of governing, culture, and way of life, all of them are still united under the banner of Hyrule, and the Champions could be the physical representation of this tight alliance. A Champion may not necessarily have a lot of political power by themselves but what they represent and what they stand for still puts them in a high position in social status and therefore their word often holds significant weight. As not only the chief of Gerudo but also their Champion, Urbosa is in a position of having more power than what would typically be seen for a Chief. Thankfully though, she doesn’t abuse it and leads her people well: there’s a reason she’s so well respected and loved among not only the Gerudo, but across Hyrule as well.-As one of the original Champions, Urbosa retains many of her memories from her past life, including what ultimately led to her death-I’ve always liked the idea of Urbosa being a motherly figure to just about anyone she meets, but that also includes being an actual mother! Her kid in this headcanon is Riju <:-While Urbosa isn’t actually related to Ganondorf, he refers to her as his “aunt”. Of all the Gerudo in his life, Urbosa was a consistent presence, often visiting him and his parents at their secluded home in the middle of Korok Forest. She’d bring stories of adventure and gifts and even helped train him to be a skilled warrior, but as much as she loves the boy her visits held an alternative motive.-As a whole, no one really knows of Ganondorf’s past as being the vessel for the Demon King, but if anyone would have any idea about it it’d certainly be the Sheikah and the Gerudo. As per tradition in their culture, a newborn Gerudo must be brought forth to a shaman for examination to ensure their health and to fully proclaim their citizenship as a new member of the tribe. When Ganondorf was examined, the first thing the shaman noticed was the peculiar mark upon his chest: a birthmark in the shape of the wound that struck Demise down all those thousands of years ago. In seeing the mark the shaman took the baby away from his mother and brought it to the council and Urbosa to discuss what to do with it.The Gerudo are intimately familiar with the history surrounding the Demon King and how he stole one of their own, so the mark was very telling of what the child once was. And given the long stretch of peace Hyrule was experiencing it understandably buzzed some fear among the elder council. Many were afraid his birth meant an end to that peace, that the Demon King had somehow reincarnated once more and meant to bring hell back to Hyrule.So in response to all of this, the elders argued amongst each other about a solution. Many ruled the boy too dangerous to allow him to grow older and demanded he be… dealt with. Others deemed that too cruel, even for a damned child, and suggested they simply leave him somewhere far away: let nature decide if he lives or dies. But, as chief and Gerudo Champion of Hyrule, it ultimately came down to Urbosa’s choice. She held the babe her council hissed demon, stared at the birthmark that marked him as a vessel, heard the pleading sobs of the boy’s mother over the whispers of “we’ll make it quick, but we mustn’t let him live”, “he is dangerous, he will bring doom to us all” “end it now while he is weak”.Stared at the supposed demon child, who simply yawned in her grasp and blinked up at her with innocent, yellow eyes. She met the Demon King once: she had stared into that monster’s eyes while she fought it to her death in her past lifetime. She knows soulless eyes when she sees them… and this baby didn’t have those eyes.So Urbosa made her decision: the boy will not die. It was largely met with disbelief and anger: you will doom us all! they said. Despite Urbosa staying firm in her decision, it took her days of arguing with the council and the aid of a Sheikah Seer (who examined the child themselves and confirmed that he didn’t house the Demon King) to finally reach a compromise: the boy will live, but he can’t live among the Gerudo. He had to live with his mother in exile, and his growth had to be monitored as a precaution. The monitoring came in the form of Urbosa’s frequent visits.-Urbosa is close friends with Zelda’s parents and is also something of an “aunt” figure to Zelda as well; Zelda absolutely adores Urbosa and even sees her as more of a secondary mother figure than anything.————————————Aaaaaaaaand that’s all I have for Urbosa for now! If I think of anything else I’ll be sure to add more, and of course if ya have questions you’re more than free to ask them. <: Otherwise I hope you enjoy! ^.^: earthsong9405: All done with Urbosa’s redesign and the additional sketches for her role in my headcanon! <: As usual I didn’t change too much but I gave her a slightly different hairstyle, some tusks (as is natural for Gerudo in my headcanon), and a brand new outfit! She has such lovely colors to work with, I love her so much ;-;But I’m sure ya don’t wanna hear me babble about how enjoyable her design is. So, let’s go straight into the headcanon! <:————————--Urbosa is the current chief of the Gerudo and serves as the acting Champion for them as well. As a Champion in this timeline, she holds a key component in gaining access to Old Hyrule-”Champion” in this timeline doesn’t fully hold the same function as it once did in BotW. Instead of being chosen to pilot the Divine Beasts, a Champion are a handful of chosen warriors that serve as Hyrule’s best line of defense against any threat. Despite every group of peoples having their own form of governing, culture, and way of life, all of them are still united under the banner of Hyrule, and the Champions could be the physical representation of this tight alliance. A Champion may not necessarily have a lot of political power by themselves but what they represent and what they stand for still puts them in a high position in social status and therefore their word often holds significant weight. As not only the chief of Gerudo but also their Champion, Urbosa is in a position of having more power than what would typically be seen for a Chief. Thankfully though, she doesn’t abuse it and leads her people well: there’s a reason she’s so well respected and loved among not only the Gerudo, but across Hyrule as well.-As one of the original Champions, Urbosa retains many of her memories from her past life, including what ultimately led to her death-I’ve always liked the idea of Urbosa being a motherly figure to just about anyone she meets, but that also includes being an actual mother! Her kid in this headcanon is Riju <:-While Urbosa isn’t actually related to Ganondorf, he refers to her as his “aunt”. Of all the Gerudo in his life, Urbosa was a consistent presence, often visiting him and his parents at their secluded home in the middle of Korok Forest. She’d bring stories of adventure and gifts and even helped train him to be a skilled warrior, but as much as she loves the boy her visits held an alternative motive.-As a whole, no one really knows of Ganondorf’s past as being the vessel for the Demon King, but if anyone would have any idea about it it’d certainly be the Sheikah and the Gerudo. As per tradition in their culture, a newborn Gerudo must be brought forth to a shaman for examination to ensure their health and to fully proclaim their citizenship as a new member of the tribe. When Ganondorf was examined, the first thing the shaman noticed was the peculiar mark upon his chest: a birthmark in the shape of the wound that struck Demise down all those thousands of years ago. In seeing the mark the shaman took the baby away from his mother and brought it to the council and Urbosa to discuss what to do with it.The Gerudo are intimately familiar with the history surrounding the Demon King and how he stole one of their own, so the mark was very telling of what the child once was. And given the long stretch of peace Hyrule was experiencing it understandably buzzed some fear among the elder council. Many were afraid his birth meant an end to that peace, that the Demon King had somehow reincarnated once more and meant to bring hell back to Hyrule.So in response to all of this, the elders argued amongst each other about a solution. Many ruled the boy too dangerous to allow him to grow older and demanded he be… dealt with. Others deemed that too cruel, even for a damned child, and suggested they simply leave him somewhere far away: let nature decide if he lives or dies. But, as chief and Gerudo Champion of Hyrule, it ultimately came down to Urbosa’s choice. She held the babe her council hissed demon, stared at the birthmark that marked him as a vessel, heard the pleading sobs of the boy’s mother over the whispers of “we’ll make it quick, but we mustn’t let him live”, “he is dangerous, he will bring doom to us all” “end it now while he is weak”.Stared at the supposed demon child, who simply yawned in her grasp and blinked up at her with innocent, yellow eyes. She met the Demon King once: she had stared into that monster’s eyes while she fought it to her death in her past lifetime. She knows soulless eyes when she sees them… and this baby didn’t have those eyes.So Urbosa made her decision: the boy will not die. It was largely met with disbelief and anger: you will doom us all! they said. Despite Urbosa staying firm in her decision, it took her days of arguing with the council and the aid of a Sheikah Seer (who examined the child themselves and confirmed that he didn’t house the Demon King) to finally reach a compromise: the boy will live, but he can’t live among the Gerudo. He had to live with his mother in exile, and his growth had to be monitored as a precaution. The monitoring came in the form of Urbosa’s frequent visits.-Urbosa is close friends with Zelda’s parents and is also something of an “aunt” figure to Zelda as well; Zelda absolutely adores Urbosa and even sees her as more of a secondary mother figure than anything.————————————Aaaaaaaaand that’s all I have for Urbosa for now! If I think of anything else I’ll be sure to add more, and of course if ya have questions you’re more than free to ask them. <: Otherwise I hope you enjoy! ^.^

earthsong9405: All done with Urbosa’s redesign and the additional sketches for her role in my headcanon! <: As usual I didn’t change too...

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heathenvampires: blackqueerblog: FACTS! Additions: if your viral load is suppressed by medication to the point it’s undetectable, it’s considered untransmittable, even without condoms. Children with HIV+ carriers are usually given medication when they’re born, to make sure any of the virus doesn’t take hold (which we also do to adults who fear they’ve been exposed, it’s called PEP ((Post Exposure Prophylaxis)), which is a month of medication and must be started within 72 hours of exposure). (There’s also PreP - Pre Exposure Prophylaxis, which is taking medication if you feel you are at risk of being exposed to HIV, whether through sexual partners or sharing injection needles) This is why we need universal free healthcare - so people can go on and have happy, healthy lives despite the HIV diagnosis. Nobody should die or live in fear when the treatment is so damn simple and effective. : heathenvampires: blackqueerblog: FACTS! Additions: if your viral load is suppressed by medication to the point it’s undetectable, it’s considered untransmittable, even without condoms. Children with HIV+ carriers are usually given medication when they’re born, to make sure any of the virus doesn’t take hold (which we also do to adults who fear they’ve been exposed, it’s called PEP ((Post Exposure Prophylaxis)), which is a month of medication and must be started within 72 hours of exposure). (There’s also PreP - Pre Exposure Prophylaxis, which is taking medication if you feel you are at risk of being exposed to HIV, whether through sexual partners or sharing injection needles) This is why we need universal free healthcare - so people can go on and have happy, healthy lives despite the HIV diagnosis. Nobody should die or live in fear when the treatment is so damn simple and effective.
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daisyannewinchester: karadin: heads up! Never ever say yes before you identify who is on the other line. Some phrases you can use Hello This is xyz I am here How are you Who is this What’s up How can I help you What god do you serve Who is your master Speak now or forever hold your peace What do you want You have reached a life model decoy of [your name] please leave a message. And if its urgent, leave it urgently. Beep. Then hang up What’s bracken bro, how you livin My names Chelsea, what’s your favorite dinner food You have reached Mistress Elena’s Dungenous Deeds how may I be of pleasure to you today To talk to a customer, please press one I’m gay Just start singing Try to sell them something. That will throw them for a loop Pretend the line is breaking up by making static sounds with your mouth Speak State your purpose What you want, baby I got it. What you need? You know I’m askin Error 404 phone set to self destruct in 5… 4… 3… *Liam Neeson voice* Whoever you are, I will find you and I will kill you Answer with a lewd moan Answer crying I have done all of these. : daisyannewinchester: karadin: heads up! Never ever say yes before you identify who is on the other line. Some phrases you can use Hello This is xyz I am here How are you Who is this What’s up How can I help you What god do you serve Who is your master Speak now or forever hold your peace What do you want You have reached a life model decoy of [your name] please leave a message. And if its urgent, leave it urgently. Beep. Then hang up What’s bracken bro, how you livin My names Chelsea, what’s your favorite dinner food You have reached Mistress Elena’s Dungenous Deeds how may I be of pleasure to you today To talk to a customer, please press one I’m gay Just start singing Try to sell them something. That will throw them for a loop Pretend the line is breaking up by making static sounds with your mouth Speak State your purpose What you want, baby I got it. What you need? You know I’m askin Error 404 phone set to self destruct in 5… 4… 3… *Liam Neeson voice* Whoever you are, I will find you and I will kill you Answer with a lewd moan Answer crying I have done all of these.

daisyannewinchester: karadin: heads up! Never ever say yes before you identify who is on the other line. Some phrases you can use Hello...

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kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there! Two words: Raw eggs. ?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on *deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella. MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely. Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead. Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough. Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag??? Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag? : kingantlion: smallest-feeblest-boggart: ego-ann-16: phantoms-lair: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: ankaa-avarshina: lorem64: I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there! Two words: Raw eggs. ?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on *deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella. MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely. Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead. Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough. Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag??? Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?
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