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Asian, Bad, and Dallas Cowboys: THE EXCUSE CREATOR CHOOSE A CHOOSE A PERPETRATOR DELAYING FACTOR CHOOSE A + LEAD-IN □ I'm sorry but D Please forgive me... O Beg you a thousand par Godzilla gave me a hickey tried to kill me. ran me over with a diesel 凵your 1110111 Princess Peach." loe □ the offensive line of the 76 Dallas Cowboys... a handicapped gentle- I died in front of nie □ ate my homework. □ I'm never usually like maun... You're never going to believe this... beat me into submission ne □ the inventor of the slan- | hid my Trapper Keeper □ ロ Guess what hap- en 1 sole inv bicycle. slept with my uncle. called ine "too gay to fly □ the direct or of 101 Dal- maions... □ Holy shit! Get this." O Boy do I have a story for the little Asian kid from □ Indiana Jones.. □ a kite," whatever that a man with 6 fingers or his right hand... g □ So I was nunding my own | business and boom!. D stole my identity ! lhe most unbelievable thing just happened... □ I my mo broke into my house. □ Raiden from! Mortal Komba. □ put Ine in a Chinese finger □ I couldn't be more apolo- □ Sorry I'm late □ I couldn't go because □ □ This is a terrible excuse a Mayor McCheese.. 1c caine after me Scrooge MclDuck.. g the ghost of Margaret . D came on me. I tested racial slurs from my Thatcher... I couldn't help it.. 0 the ghost of Hitler.. □ spin-kicked lne in the ! Ghost Dad. co ut □ the entire Rollan tied to sell me vacuum D This is going to sound 2 Eampire... cleaners. crapped in my gas tank made me golf in shoes filled with macaroni and O Holy Moses!... 2 O Kevin Ware's leg bone... a British chap... □ Blimey! Sorry, l'in late vnha. □ a Hasidic Jew." My bad 6 Kevin Spacey. pulled me over in a stolen □ I swear it wasn't my fault ! □ Kevin Costner's stunt cop car and demandeed fellatio. double.. □ I lost track of time | □ □ kept telling me knock made me find Jesus. Kevin McCallister's real life fake tarantuala... □ I feel terrible, but D the editors at Mandato □ Don't blame nie you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny:The Perfect Excuse Creator
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Tumblr, Blog, and Http: qun and hild at h the nited States, v/rz(rk.und in imar rin 1111 trica, Ri/rr.s calattip3 (It/LCUNT'l'I, D el S'I"X1、F.x /rr //ッam,r.h' //den. , mu dem e", l'on thin weni. erns,n, zn, /r. ..l'e aa , ร์"ady. Thi. /,.. /"rfa yr.r.,,..ファ·ツ· ต.nee a, cheee . 4.. of % ek. Mat meer nk. //://ad.2 t 7 ,//he 2. 0, " anh,c/ ツ/hr, ,''dr and ( , fr/dfA,1/ kenn /h (7 , , ,,arr./ a,,dhnretarorch y,んe, w.io /,a , h ., c/ . a, <p><a href="https://libertybill.tumblr.com/post/158446852682/preservearchives-these-parchment-records-are" class="tumblr_blog">libertybill</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://preservearchives.tumblr.com/post/158437169035/these-parchment-records-are-being-treated-for" class="tumblr_blog">preservearchives</a>:</p><blockquote> <p>These parchment records are being treated for display in the Public Vaults exhibit at the National Archives in Washington, D.C.  Parchment reacts to even slight changes in relative humidity by expanding or contracting, and inks on its surface can be damaged by this flexing. Some of the iron gall ink used to write these documents was flaking and cracking. Conservators consolidated the iron gall ink using gelatin applied with a very small brush, to re-adhere the ink to the parchment. </p> <p>[RG11, Enrolled Acts and Resolutions of Congress (1789 - 1823 Segment), An Act to regulate the Item collection of the duties imposed by law on the tonnage of ships or vessels, and on goods, wares and merchandises imported into the United States.] </p> </blockquote> <p>OK but why the bare hands? No cotton gloves?</p></blockquote>

libertybill: preservearchives: These parchment records are being treated for display in the Public Vaults exhibit at the National Archives ...

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80s, Anaconda, and Apparently: APPROVED Y THE OMICS DE 3 MARCH 2017 FREE EVERY FRIDAY ED SHILERANIA SUPER EDS LAD2 ON EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MUSICS BO WONDER! AFRAID TO ASK 50 THINGS YoU PROBABLY DIDNT KNOW ED SSHEERAN ABOUT フ、 CHARFSLATING SINGER-SONGHRITER WEMBLEYCONQUERING SOLO ARTIST AND BARBIE DOLL OWNER? AS ED SHEERAN RELEASES NEW ALBUM WE DG OUT A HALF CENTURY OF NUGGETS SURPRISING SUPERSTAR ART BY BUTCHER BILLY WORDS B HARK BEAUNONT HE NAMES HIS GUITARS They a Keith, Nigeland the one that does battle WITH THE STARS I had Van Momison take me for oyd HE TOOK THE SWEARING OFF 'X BECAUSE A CAB DRIVER TOLD HIM TO breakfast and tell me he loved me, he told Radio X. "And I've had Eric Clapton come to my house for dinner- I've gone to his house for dinner and he tells me that he likes my music. HE MISSED THE NORTHERN LIGHTS BECAUSE HE'D BOILED HIS FOOT We all know about the scar he X' originally had the odd expletive dotted about, explicit lyrics out after a taxi driver convinced me to do it for hia daughter," Sheeran revealed. when His dad John is an art historian, his mum managed to melt the skin off his foot when he lrmogen designs jewe llery and his brother Matthew 25th birthday. They were like, Don't walk over there!' Then I just slipped," he told the Vodafone Big Top40. l couldn't walk for a couple of months... It was disgusting when they put the skin graft on. The skin has to heal over it. It was bad. ED'S CAT HAS MORE TWITTER FOLLOWERS THAN YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS PUT TOGETHER In 2014, Sheeran created a Twitter account for his kitten, Graham, whonotched up 71,000 followers almost ovemight by sitting on a guitar, demanding HIS MUSIC IS A PASSION-KILLER FOR HIS COUSIN milk and proudly telling the worild every time he She's not tbo keen, Sheeran told Shoboy radio. She gets brought back and wooed by guys, they put me on to set the mood and she goes: 1'm not shat the bed. Follow him &GrahamShizza HIS SECOND ALBUM Purrn outloud 9onna get off to my cousin. LEAKED AND NO ONE NOTICED DRUM 'N' BASS ICON GOLDIE IS HIS FINANCIAL ADVISOR unexpectedły, Sheeran feared he'd blown his big comeback. Exceptno one could tell they were his songs and the leak went by virtually unnoticed. As soon as stuff started to go well," Sheeran revealed, "Goldie rang me up and goes, 'don't bea HE PREVIEWED NEW ALBUMTO HALF HE ONCE RECEIVED A HAIR CAKE FROM A FAN OF WESTEROS Game Of Thrones lot were at," he told Radio1 They allendedup back at my house. I'd never met some of them before and said: Do you want never eat the edible gifts. As Sheeran found to his cost when he cut into a cake sent to him by a fan, onty to find it was full of hair. 15 HE HAS A PLAN TO ESCAPE wWiII CLAIMING THE IRCN THRONE HIMSELF about gaining New Zealand citizenship because, been trying toget Sheeran to make a cameo appearance, following in the footsteps of Coldplay drummer Will Champion and Snow Patrol's Gary Lightbody. But schedules were against him. "Every time they shoot I'm on tour," he told The Sun. be bothered to come that far to invade HE HE HAS COLOURS FOR ALL OF HIS SONGS he's said. "You Need Me, I Don't Need You BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WOULDN'T DANCE IN HIS VIDEO The for HE'S A SECOND COUSIN OF GORDON BURNS, PRESENTE OF '80S GAME SHOW THE KRYPTON FACTOR I only found out when I played Manchester Apollo," he told the Guardian. "That 's when I met him. I'm second cousins with about 100 people Sing' but his US agent vetoeditas, according to Sheeran, It's not right for him right now. ELTON JOHN MADE HIM RELEASE 'SING Initially the uncharacteristically upbeat HE ALMOST CHANGED HIS NAME TO REDWARD R&B track, co-written with Pharrell Williams, wasn't going to be on 'x' at all, until Elton John He ment fresh start. His choice? "Redward. Edward with an office and told him: That's your first single." HE DOESN'T ANSWER HE'SA FRESH UNKNOWN NUMBER' PHONE CALLS PRINCE FANATIC It's because he received "quite a few death threats" when he first made waves in 2011 the rap from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air into his songs onstage, it's just a hint of his obsession with Will Smith's '90s show- he's even had a tattoo in honour ot it. Although, that said, Sheeran has had HE'S ANTI- SMARTPHONE re. travelling the world to visit countries he'd toured but never seen very much of, he ditched his iPhone and never wanted to go back to it. lenjoy life without a phone - it's a lot less hassle, he said. HE SPENT A WEEK SLEEPING ON THE CIRCLE LINE HE ONCE GOT A BARBIE DOLL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY For a week during his much talked-about homeless years in London, Sheeran would finish gigs, stay up drinking into the early hours, wait until 5am for the tube to open and then get four hours It was a gift from his brother. He definitely didnt it. not. HE WAS BORN TO SOUNDTRACK THE HOBBIT BUCKINGHAM PALACE Well, in a stone archway outsice handily fitted with a heating vent. Three years latet he'd made it inside the palace, playing to When' Sheeranwas asked to write a song for Peter The Hobbit: The Desolation Of the Queen at her Diamond Jubilee party. HE OBSESSIVELY TRACKS HIS SALES grandfather's first edition of the novel was the PETER JACKSON STRAPPED HIM TO A PLANE Sheeran leaps online to check how the publicity has affected his sales. "It's just because I've never been good at anything betore, he told The Bg at s As soon as he got the call about The Hobbit fronm Jackson, Sheeran raced from a wedding in lbiza to Wellington, New Zealand, where the director keeps his collection of WWl airplanes. "He strapped me to the front of one of them and flew me around, Sheeran told Entertainment Tonight. academic award. This is the only thing in my life that I can win at. Unless Acele's about, obviously. HE WAS DISCOVERED BY JAMIE FOXX The first of Sheeran's numerous NANDO'S MADE A SAUCE FOR HIM big breaks came when he lanced a slot on Jamie Foxx's radio show in LA. He ended up hanging out in Foxx's Hollywood mansion as the major what's believed to be a mythical Nando's black card, allowing him free food from theirrestaurants whenever he likes, the peri-peri chicken chain went one furtherand created a special 'Ed's Peri-Peri HE COULD NAIL STRICTLY teachers on tour with him for thre weeks and spent five hours a day practising for the Thinking PIZZA EXPRESS MADE HIM A TRIBUTE PIZZA For his 26th birthday, Pizza Express 1.5 billion YouTube views. HE'S CONSIDERING MAKING, AN ACOUSTIC RECORD made from Calabrese ingredients. HIS VIDEO FOR 'THE A-TEAM' COST £20 th album titles, the next will have to be- which he's thought about making a stripped-back affair on ction HE'S TATTOO BROS WITH HARRY STYLES HE CAN FIT A LOT OF STUFF IN HIS MOUTH A video of a teenage Sheeran online Hard-nut Sheeran went for the full portrait while soft-boy S tyles just had the name done. Maltesers in his mouth before gagging. HARRY STYLES IS BLACKMAILING HIM HIS TEENAGE YEARS WERE TOUGH He has a video of a young eardrum, a squint, a stutter and a port-wine he's threatened to publish if Sheeran upsets him HE'S A GREAT DATE Heonce flew halfway around the world to spendan afternoon ROBBIE WILLIAMS WORRIES ABOUT HIM room for an agony uncle session. "He chatted to me for two hours, Sheeran told New Zealand's FVM radio station. "Really intense chatting, like, Are you OK? Are you doing any drugs? How's the stress level? How are relationships? HE WROTE A SONG AT A FUNERAL Afire Love' from 'x was dedicated to his Irish Catholic grandfather who suffered fromm Alzheimer's for 20 years before his death in 2013 Sheeran finished writing the song at his funeral. E'S BEEN IN TWO SITCOMS AND A SOAP They are: New Zealand comedy Shortland Street, US sitcom Undate able and HIS ACTING NEEDED SPECIAL HELP In the film Bridget Jones's Baby, actor Sarah Solemani wanted him to look more taken aback during their scene, so she surprised him by stripping off and dancing in her underwear HE HELPS PEOPLE HAVE SEX A cousin of mine went on a girls JORDAN FROM RIZZLE KICKS A ROLEX FOR HIS BIRTHDAY trip,"Sheeran's said. They were in a bar and a came up saying, Do you wanna come back on the radio - my name's to mine? Ive got a song Ed Sheeran.' Apparently it works for him. There's loads of ginger people who are having a lot of fun. I'm not hating on it - we're finally getting laid! HIS BODY IS HE MADE A FANTASTIC GINGERBREAD MAN AT HALLOWEEN OF HIS CAREER Almost all of Sheeran's many tattoos have some link to his career thus far. One inking marks his first single The A-Team', another his single Bloodstream'. He even has a Lego head tattoo as a nod to Lego House', but sadly no full-face portrait of Rupert Grint on his arse. Before he named his record label Gingerbread, Sheeran had dressed as the Gingerbread Man from Shrekon Halloween in 2013 HE'S WRITTEN A SONG ABOUT AN A-LIST LOVE TRIANGLE HE WAS GQ'S WORST DRESSED MAN IN 2013 I still wear skater hoodies, jeans Don't', from Sheeran's second studio albumx is alleged to be about him, Ellie Goulding and One Direction's Niall Horan. Ed himself told Fuse andskater shoes," he told the men's style mag. the song opened up a door that I probably shouldn't have opened up... I just won'tsay who it's about because... I mean everyone, everyone HE'S WORKING TO A 15-ALBUM MAXIMUM PROFIT PLAN The first five EPs, then the first album +, then 'x and now 밝 There'll be two more in this series of five albums and then five more after that, he's explained. "My benchmark for the second album was Coldplay. This album ], it's Springsteen. l do have numerical targets. I did 14 million of x' and I want to do 20 million of It's the best album I could have made so why not want to win? Why notwant to sell 20 million?" HE'S WRITTEN FOR EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG You'll be aware of his writing credits for One Direction and Taylor Swift, but Sheeran has also penned songs for The Weeknd, Jessie Ware, Rudimental, Usher, Justin Bieber, Major Lazer, Hillsry Duff, Robbie Williams, Ollty Murs. NME ginger-food-lover-ed: Ed Sheeran | NME March 2017 [÷]
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Tumblr, Mitt Romney, and Devil: Adam Murray @Atom Murray 1h I made the Trump/Romney photo black and white, and it looks like a Twilight Zone episode where a guy just made a foolish deal with the Devil <p><a href="http://markhamillz.tumblr.com/post/153967101726/seinfeldbassline-therealklt-therealklt" class="tumblr_blog">markhamillz</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://atopfourthwall.tumblr.com/post/153967002958" class="tumblr_blog">atopfourthwall</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://seinfeldbassline.tumblr.com/post/153932019985/therealklt-therealklt-allow-me-to-introduce" class="tumblr_blog">seinfeldbassline</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://therealklt.tumblr.com/post/153910581557" class="tumblr_blog">therealklt</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://therealklt.tumblr.com/post/153910556147" class="tumblr_blog">therealklt</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Allow me to introduce you to a Mr. Mitt Romney. A haphazard skew of a man, whose political career, much like his wit, is an act of uncomfortable brevity. To his immediate right is a door-to-door salesman, of sorts, whose peddled wares are more than just stowed encyclopedias or finely crafted Tupperware. Mr. Romney is about to learn that legacies aren’t built with the brick and mortar of intentions, but of deeds. Dip your quill and get ready to sign. Your dotted line: The Twilight Zone.<br/></p></blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="853" data-orig-width="1120"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/b2770e64692f92ff5cc82488d6229914/tumblr_inline_ohiof1UQM71r3ukrm_540.png" data-orig-height="853" data-orig-width="1120"/></figure></blockquote> <p><a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mCbcIagsjS8ZV4JuVcawG6g">@avatarerin</a></p> </blockquote> <p>Okay, I don’t normally reblog political stuff around here since I want my tumblr to be a place of happiness/support for people… buuuut it’s Twilight Zone, so there you go. =)<br/></p></blockquote> <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mZHrjydhp9oUbxMGBDJA8rw">@proudblackconservative</a> <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mF_VW3EsMO1taHzjr8zMrRw">@friendly-neighborhood-patriarch</a></blockquote> <p>Twilight zone references are always a good time for me.</p>

markhamillz: atopfourthwall: seinfeldbassline: therealklt: therealklt: Allow me to introduce you to a Mr. Mitt Romney. A haphazard skew o...

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Cute, Tumblr, and Blog: consolation: me selling my wares from the forest What in Christs name is this? Its cute but like WHAT is it ?

consolation: me selling my wares from the forest What in Christs name is this? Its cute but like WHAT is it ?

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