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Chill, Definitely, and Life: storlek: stephendann: words4bloghere: tealdeertamer: iconuk01: srsfunny: Wolves React To Gamekeeper Who Had Been Away On Maternity Leave “WHERE’S YOUR PUPPY! WE WANNA SEE YOUR PUPPY! DID YOU JUST HAVE THE ONE? DO YOU HAVE THEM WITH YOU? ARE THERE PHOTOS?” I’m not a hundred percent positive but I’m pretty sure this is the wild life center where I visited wolves. And the safety briefing included the question “So if you’re pregnant, do you want to know or not?” Turns out there had been a bit of an awkward situation once where the keepers had casually mentioned a woman’s pregnancy in a group, and she herself didn’t even know yet. Turns out the wolves are excellent at telling if you’re pregnant and the keepers can tell based on their body language.  They get all odd and careful around pregnancy. (Even wolves knows that you have to take care of pregnant people.) So they definitely knew she was pregnant. And if I remember my BBC documentaries right, a wolf will leave the pack to give birth and introduce the cubs to the pack once she feels ready for it. And maternity leave is flexible but often around 6 months so they’re going “YOU WERE GONE FOREVER! WE WERE SO WORRIED! WHERE ARE THE CUBS?? WE HAVE TO GREET THE CUBS!!“  Also the two on her back are fighting over who gets to greet her first. Giving and receiving attention is a commodity that goes by hierarchy and if you don’t accept that there will be scuffles.. The wolf lying down next to her isn’t chill about her coming back, it’s just submissive to the other wolves and waiting for it’s turn to show excitement. Now I can see why we domesticated these adorable jerks. Wolf packs have maternity leave? Wolves: better than American companies.
Ass, Dude, and Energy: Countess Von Fingerbang @HeatherApplebum Men who feel the need to quiz women when we show any interest in something that they deem "theirs" are fucking annoying. Cut it the fuck out, suck a dick "With all the six stones I can simply snap my fingers, they will all cease to exist. I call that...mercy"-Thanos Replying to @MajinCheeks But can you name all the stones according to color? 5/11/18, 3:22 PM 1 Retweet e r Bluffy Spice @MajinCh... . 17h Replying to @themanstre Let's play! Space Mind Power 5/12/18,6:43 AM 78.9K Retweets 216K Likes oh-the-mess-i-make: madamehearthwitch: evilkillerpoptarts: momo-de-avis: cumaeansibyl: a) do you really think someone would put all that time and energy into making an infinity stone jewelry piece if they didn’t know all about the infinity stones b) I don’t see you putting all that time and energy into making an infinity stone jewelry piece, what have you contributed lately besides being a dick to people for no reason c) who gives a shit if you can’t name all the stones, you’re allowed to enjoy the shit you enjoy without some whiney ass loser quizzing you to the smallest detail I will NEVER FORGET my first convention.  A table was doing Transformers trivia and you could win a prize.  The men in front of me were asked fairly difficult questions.   Then I rolled up.  Dressed as Thrust because buttwings, damnit. “Oh, we’ll go easy on you,” the dude said in the most condescending, smarmy tone.  “Name one of the dinobots.” I rattled all five off in alphabetical order, and demanded that they tell me all six Constructicons. There were several guys at the table.  They managed five. “You forgot Bonecrusher,” I said sweetly and walked off.  I didn’t want the prize I’d rightfully earned.  Their spluttering was all I wanted. If you’re gonna gatekeep, I’m gonna DESTROY YOU. Great story BUT… You shouldn’t have to destroy them!! You don’t have to love something in a ridiculously obsessive way that knows every tiny fucking detail for your love of it to bring you joy. If that’s how they get joy, cool, nice for them. But you don’t have to. You can casually love a thing, cosplay as a thing, go to cons for a thing, without dissecting it into little pieces. Women do not have to be exceptional in order to belong. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE TO BE EXCEPTIONAL IN ORDER TO BELONG
Af, Ass, and Cute: Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties So, my stepson has a girl upstairs in his room that stayed the night and my wife doesn't know yet. I'm curious on how he plans to smuggle her out now that the whole family is awake... ...and now we wait Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties People asking for updates: she's still here, the wife has gone into full Saturday house cleaning mode. Stil hasn't noticed the cute white shoes by the door. This could be his chance while she's distracted. Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 11:00am central standard time... My wife (amazing wife) cleaning so hard core she doesn't even notice me standing behind her to take this pic... Music cranked all the way. Now's the chance. will he see the opportunity?? Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I think they might be waiting it out. The wife usually lays down and reads after lunch, especially after cleaning her ass off all morning. Could he be waiting for that?? Can she hold her pee another hour or so?? I have no idea what they thinking up there 940 t532 8,957 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I'm afraid this thread isn't going to live up to the hype. You know, like a Ben Affleck Miramax movie 'm waiting just like the rest of you 921 ロ470 ㅇ8,240.1, Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d OMG OMG OHHHH MY GAWDDDDDDD SHE CAME DOWN TO USE THE BATHROOM! IT'S ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS! See. Mom might believe it's just a friendly sleepover, she was lucky enough to sleep through the fuck fest above our heads at 4am Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I don't even know if the wife saw her come downstairs to use the bathroom. She's said nothing and it's not like I can ask... Yet 2451 ㅇ7,508 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I don't even know if the wife saw her come downstairs to use the bathroom. She's said nothing and it's not like I can ask... Yet t2451 7,508 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d Omg this kid!! NONCHALANT AF he casually strolls downstairs... AND grabbed those shoes and went back upstairs. Side eyeing me the whole way past. I shot him a little wink. They gonna hit that side door. bet. Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties And closure... Sure enough, hit the side door and they gone. I don't know about you but need a drink after that suspense. Thanks for following along! That was amazing A story worth of a short film
Advice, Confused, and Disappointed: alexaloraetheris: Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity 1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already 1 2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me "Humans have wished to be gods so much they've forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this monotheism stuff." I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said Oh I believe in god alright. I just don't think the bastard deserves to be worshipped." 3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren't going to save you. Don't become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience 4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty: "I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don't expect l'd listen to their prayers." (Notice the choice of words) 5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I'm really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles 6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I'm actually curious what you're gonna find." 7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can't come back and I rolled my eyes and said 'obviously' but she continued When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That's why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter." 8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me "Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just... keep that in mind." Then she left and didn't speak to me for three days. I still don't know what she meant but even three years later I haven't forgotten it. 9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven't been paying attention?" 10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said Great. I'll wait for you to come back. Maybe you'll even remember me In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she's stuck with us because immortality is a bitclh P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on 'Eve'. Maybe l should reconsider my atheist status?! What if God was one of us?