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brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” “BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.” “Don’t antagonize the fae.” “I AM the fae, Susan.” : brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” “BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.” “Don’t antagonize the fae.” “I AM the fae, Susan.”
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feniczoroark: aqueerkettleofish: brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” “BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.” “Don’t antagonize the fae.” “I AM the fae, Susan.” Also, consider— people will know it’s you, but it doesn’t say they’ll know what you are. “So is Pete a 50 foot flamingo who changes into a man, or the other way around?”“We.. we don’t know. Barbara asked him once, but he just grinned. She said they weren’t the teeth of a human OR flamingo and she didn’t want to talk about it.” @randomnightlord As a trans girl this button has no negative side effects for me: feniczoroark: aqueerkettleofish: brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” “BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.” “Don’t antagonize the fae.” “I AM the fae, Susan.” Also, consider— people will know it’s you, but it doesn’t say they’ll know what you are. “So is Pete a 50 foot flamingo who changes into a man, or the other way around?”“We.. we don’t know. Barbara asked him once, but he just grinned. She said they weren’t the teeth of a human OR flamingo and she didn’t want to talk about it.” @randomnightlord As a trans girl this button has no negative side effects for me
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endyranartz: brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” “BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.” “Don’t antagonize the fae.” “I AM the fae, Susan.” This would be fun when around friends. : WillYouPressTheButton?.com I will not! You can shapeshift into any form you choose but People will always know it's you endyranartz: brightlotusmoon: a-holiday-franchise: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” “BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.” “Don’t antagonize the fae.” “I AM the fae, Susan.” This would be fun when around friends. 
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memesandmagik: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder Literally, the entire point of the tradition of trick-or-treating involved feeding your hungry neighbors in exchange for blessings, prayers for your dead, and good luck. To deny someone of a “treat” was bad luck and thought to anger the fae.  So yeah I hope her house gets egged and her wealth mysteriously dissipates without warning.  : Slate.com 5 hrs . Slate Dear Prudie: Do I have to give them candy? aT T-T Help! Kids From Poorer Neighborhoods Keep Trick- or-Treating in Mine. Slate.com Dear Prudence, I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more "modest" streets-mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn't a social service or a charity in which l have to buy candy for less fortunate children Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what's the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids? 91.6K 705 Slate Slate.com's Post See More memesandmagik: ryulongd: rune-midgarts: goodtimegang: brakehagev2: guys this is actually real like a real person wrote this “more than enough” oh you fucking saints, absolutely pouring wealth onto the unfortunates lol this is amazing Dear Prudie, I think I just witnessed a murder Literally, the entire point of the tradition of trick-or-treating involved feeding your hungry neighbors in exchange for blessings, prayers for your dead, and good luck. To deny someone of a “treat” was bad luck and thought to anger the fae.  So yeah I hope her house gets egged and her wealth mysteriously dissipates without warning. 
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gallusrostromegalus: variablejabberwocky: gallusrostromegalus: rikodeine: photogenic-falcon: I came across this very odd pond in a forest #it’s fucking fairies get away from it put ur foot in there and you’ll never be seen again  (If people were wondering, this is probably a vernal pond- a temporary body of water that typically forms after heavy rains.  They can form in the same place year after year but rarely last more than a month or two) …says the fairy apologist   ¬_¬ I mean, A body of water with a part-time existence that in some places is the only source of fresh water for miles so it attracts every animal in the area, perfectly preserves whatever it swallows until it vanishes and leaves a pile of goo and is named after an equinox is still pretty fucking Fae. : gallusrostromegalus: variablejabberwocky: gallusrostromegalus: rikodeine: photogenic-falcon: I came across this very odd pond in a forest #it’s fucking fairies get away from it put ur foot in there and you’ll never be seen again  (If people were wondering, this is probably a vernal pond- a temporary body of water that typically forms after heavy rains.  They can form in the same place year after year but rarely last more than a month or two) …says the fairy apologist   ¬_¬ I mean, A body of water with a part-time existence that in some places is the only source of fresh water for miles so it attracts every animal in the area, perfectly preserves whatever it swallows until it vanishes and leaves a pile of goo and is named after an equinox is still pretty fucking Fae.
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Outwitting A Faerie: A faerie introduces himself. Then, holding out a hand, asks, "And your name, please?" And, like a fool, you give it to him. I got asked for clarification on this (but can't reblog that particular post cuz on mobile), which l'm more than happy to provide. In this post, a faerie is asking for 'your' name. The way he is wording it, however, and the accompanying beckoning motion, makes it seem as though he is asking for you to physically hand your name over. Which, because of how some faeries operate, he is. In this instance, saying your name aloud to the fae would be literally giving your name over to him, the exact consequences of which are left up to the imagination-usually, a fae even knowing your name gives it some measure of power over you, but giving something your name would likely let it completely take over your life. In this instance, the wording you want to use is something like I will not give you my name, but I will tell you that it's you can just lie to him. Alternately ayellowbirds Might i suggest the less direct yet still n call me..."? It dodges the request while still giving an answer of a name, which does not even have to be yours, but any like telling the fae they can use to refer to you. I would g "you may name you feel Ligma." I respond. Ligma...2" Inqures the faerie. They gasp as they finish saying it, realizing all too late that the darlk magics have already taken hold of them. I smirk into the nearby camera. Li-" Outwitting A Faerie

Outwitting A Faerie

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When an elder one visits Starbucks.: m4ge iwalk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip creanm you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said "i have 5 kids" Ionce had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said "I just don't care". We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again. anais-ninja-blog new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks Actual conversation I had at register Hi, welcome to [Starbucks! What can I get you, today?" How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?" 1-I'm sorry?" A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?" Oh. uh. Well, it'd be l suppose.. only have a button for a Quad. I don't have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single... drink. Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now How many 'add shots' is that?" deep breath of fear* "t'd be a quad with clears throat* "uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma'am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them- Taste means nothing to me." At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being. Oh. Well, okay." I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. "We carn certainly get that for you! The price will be She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it. "Do you still have the 'Add Energy' packets?" My heart began to race at this request. Yes ma am." How many can I add? Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. "For health reasons, we won't add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually One then. alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was not something to be spoken aloud. My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. "No." The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, "Yes My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena's of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring The barista was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place. ta was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place. Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup. Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that. When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about "The Company" as if we'd never I, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, "Yeah, I had one like that." Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book. ..I thought Venti Espresso Cryptid was a fever dream my manager had. Good lord. When an elder one visits Starbucks.
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A modern day coffee shop cryptid: m4ge walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream avantgaye you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and saidi have 5 kids witchcraft-with-space-bean I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said "I just don't care". We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again. anais-ninja-blog new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks katjohnadams Actual conversation Ihad at register: Hi, welcome to [StarbucksI What can I get you, today? How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso? -I'm sorry? A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso? Oh. uh. Well, it'd be I supposeI only have a button for a Quad. I don't have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single... drink. Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many 'add shots' is that?" deep breath of fear* "td be a quad with, "clears throat "uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma'am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them- Taste means nothing to me. At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being Oh. Well, okay." put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. "We can certainly get that for you! The price will be She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it Do you still have the Add Energy' packets?" My heart began to race at this request. "Yes ma am. How many can I add?" Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. "For health reasons, we won't add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individualy One then." I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was..not something to be spoken aloud My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. "No." The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her territying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone lexpect of Admirals in bad movies, "Yes My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand nevw Matrena's of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring The barista was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the tires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that. When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about The Company" as if we'd never I, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, "Yeah, I had one like that." smartassjen Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book A modern day coffee shop cryptid
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fae-of-the-rose: thors-glorious-golden-locks: holy-crap-someone-finally: nerdgirl-to-the-rescue: ohmygil: ultrafacts: aussietory: third-way-is-best-way: tuxedoandex: kvotheunkvothe: ultrafacts: Source For more facts follow Ultrafacts EVERY TIME SOMEONE BRINGS UP THE LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA I GET SO ANGRY. but why Because it got burned. All of that knowledge, lost forever. The library was destroyed over 1000’s of years ago. The library consisted of thousands of scrolls and books about mathematics, engineering, physiology, geography, blueprints, medicine, plays, important scriptures. Thinkers from all over the Mediterranean used to come to Alexandria to study.Most of the major work of civilization up until that point was lost. If the library still survived till this day, society may have been more advanced and we would sure know more about the ancient world. That graphic grinds my gears every time I see it It was burnt down accidentally by Caesar in 48 BC We should totally just stab Caesar Fifteen times even : In ancient Egypt, any books found in ships coming into port, would be brought immediately to the library of Alexandria and be copied. The original would be kept in the library and the copy given back to the owner. Ultrafacts.tumblr.com fae-of-the-rose: thors-glorious-golden-locks: holy-crap-someone-finally: nerdgirl-to-the-rescue: ohmygil: ultrafacts: aussietory: third-way-is-best-way: tuxedoandex: kvotheunkvothe: ultrafacts: Source For more facts follow Ultrafacts EVERY TIME SOMEONE BRINGS UP THE LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA I GET SO ANGRY. but why Because it got burned. All of that knowledge, lost forever. The library was destroyed over 1000’s of years ago. The library consisted of thousands of scrolls and books about mathematics, engineering, physiology, geography, blueprints, medicine, plays, important scriptures. Thinkers from all over the Mediterranean used to come to Alexandria to study.Most of the major work of civilization up until that point was lost. If the library still survived till this day, society may have been more advanced and we would sure know more about the ancient world. That graphic grinds my gears every time I see it It was burnt down accidentally by Caesar in 48 BC We should totally just stab Caesar Fifteen times even

fae-of-the-rose: thors-glorious-golden-locks: holy-crap-someone-finally: nerdgirl-to-the-rescue: ohmygil: ultrafacts: aussietory...

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Humans are the urban fae: 61below tumblr Follow lovelylilpup prokopetz I've seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and it's gotten me to thinking On the one hand, it's kind of fascinating that they know to do that. On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that we've got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step "if all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe they'll fix the problem for no reason"? roachpatrol well, come to think of it, we're at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they're opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don't want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there's a number of situations where humans feed whoever's bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. 'a human got me but nothing bad happened' is a much more frequent thing than 'a human got me and tried to eat me anyway like, we're masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids. tsfennec It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically they're predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff... but given the chance it seems like they'd rather help us out and sometimes they'll just randomly give you food, so??? I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we've got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it's not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really It's just that, y'know, we can't actually go make a deal with the faeries when there's something we can't figure out Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world- and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.) sapphicaquarius Okay, but that last bit with the Fae... makes almost perfect sense Of the stories I've read, the food of the Fae, its origins and effects, are often strange and/or obscure- Just like our food to most animals. The Fae are strange beings that seem to know weird things that give them power or an edge over us.- Just like us to animals. The Fae work and live by strange rules also ofen nonsensical or obscure to us Just like us to animals. The Fae can easily obtain vast amounts of things we consider rare/precious/desireable, and have no problem with dishing it out wantonly for no other reason than amusement.- Just like us to animals. The Fae sometimes are amused by having us around, but only on their terms and IF it amuses/intrigues them.- Just like us to animals. GUYS, I SENSE A PATTERN.... -they have arcane social conventions and the punishment for not paying the correct respects right is banishment, if you're lucky, and death if you're not -they have wild and unexpected parties where you'd least expect to find them, but if you're bold enough to entertain them they'll feed you and caress you and play with you all night time runs strangely in their realm. their homes are summeriands: warm and bright, no matter the season. there is always fruit on their tables. but not everyone who comes in from the cold is let back out again. -their games are cruel and complex and unfair, but if you can beat them by their own rules you will access riches beyond imagining. sometimes they just fucking fuck with you, the fuckheads -they will absolutely steal your children away. when your children return-if they ever do-they will come back strange. they will know things they shouldn't. they won't know things that they should. your strange children might survive, might even prosper, might take wives and husbands and have children of their own but they will always be marked by their time away from your world. the price for pissing them off is always death. sometimes just you. sometimes your whole community if you are very good, and very smart, and very brave, they will grant your wish. oceaxereturns My eyes just got wider and wider the further down I read. Source:prokopetz #story feels #fae 71,904 notes Humans are the urban fae
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ladyshinga: voidbat: cipheramnesia: vermouthea: yttriumrapier: Look, I have no doubt in my mind that Keanu Reeves is this generous to complete strangers. This pattern of behavior has been well established. But why does he carry envelopes chock full of cash? Is that how he’s paid?  look don’t be asking questions you’re not ready for the answer to He’s a fae. They just have whatever money they need. probably the reason he stood there silent for a few minutes was because he was manifesting the cash. also because he was tasting all the guy’s words for lies. He was also checking to make sure the currency was, you know, current. He still keeps some mementos from the olden days. : Phillips Rodriguez 3 hrs . Today Keanu Reeves pulled up at my place of work so we started talking then I mentioned that my son needed a Kidney Transplant surgery and I couldn't afford it at that moment he stood silent for a few minutes then went to his car and came back and gave me this envelope full of money ladyshinga: voidbat: cipheramnesia: vermouthea: yttriumrapier: Look, I have no doubt in my mind that Keanu Reeves is this generous to complete strangers. This pattern of behavior has been well established. But why does he carry envelopes chock full of cash? Is that how he’s paid?  look don’t be asking questions you’re not ready for the answer to He’s a fae. They just have whatever money they need. probably the reason he stood there silent for a few minutes was because he was manifesting the cash. also because he was tasting all the guy’s words for lies. He was also checking to make sure the currency was, you know, current. He still keeps some mementos from the olden days.

ladyshinga: voidbat: cipheramnesia: vermouthea: yttriumrapier: Look, I have no doubt in my mind that Keanu Reeves is this generous t...

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Starbucks Lore: pancakeswithketchupmoonsan... Follow m4ge i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso itell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream avantgaye you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said i have 5 kids witchcraft-with-space-bean I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said " just don't care". We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again anais-ninja-blog new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks katjohnadams Actual conversation I had at register: "Hi, welcome to [Starbucks! What can I get you, today? How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?" 1-I'm sorry? A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso? Oh. uh. Well, it'd be I suppose... I only have a button for a Quad. I don't have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single... drink." "Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many 'add shots' is that? deep breath of fear* "t'd be a quad with," "clears throat uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma'am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them- Taste means nothing to me. At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being Oh. Well, okay." put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. "We can certainly get that for you! The price will be She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon,I am sure of i. Do you still have the Add Energy' packets? My heart began to race at this request. Yes maam. How many can I add? Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. "For health reasons, we won't add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually "One then. I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was not something to be spoken aloud. My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order She stares at me. "No." The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being s within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a of Admirals in bad movies, "Yes. My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena's of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring The barista was damn near shaking. This woman's gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about The Company" as if we'd never I, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, "Yeah, Ihad one like that." smartassjen Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book jennyboom21 So 5 shots isn't normal??? Source: m4ge 284,670 notes Starbucks Lore
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