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Arthur, Children, and Dad: The Halfling's declining birthrates, in tandem with a deeply ingrained culture of hospitality has led to a recent uptick in cross-species adoption. Frequently orphaned, due to the naturally short lifespan:s of orcs, orcish children with halfling parents have become somewhat more common in halfling settlements. po Dad (60) (Adopted) Daughter (16) / Love MY While it is generally considered unacceptable for little folk to go adventuring, it is perfectly repectable for any upstanding halfling to travel distantly in search of an appropriate child (In light of recent events, laws have been passed that only allow for one such venture to prevent the sizes of families getting out of hand) missoyashirou: mithrils-hanger: lizawithazed: dvandom: filibusterfrog: halflings love their new giant children “So, Mister…GRAAAAGH Underhill-by-Sackville, is it?”“Indeed.”“You’re an Orc, but you don’t mention any clan….”“Oh, I’m culturally Hobbitish, I was adopted at a very young age.  And I’m very keen on this position you have open at your trading house.”“The guard position?”“Heavens, no.  I barely know which end of a sword goes into the miscreant.  I am a certified accountant, and eager to make my mark in respectable society.” I once played a kobold sorcerer-rogue with this exact backstory even better, Tolkein Orcs seem to grow in size based on how good their diet is. thus Misty Mountain and Moria ‘goblins’ are relatively small (caves rarely provide much in the way of nourishment), Mordor orcs are a bit on the larger size, but still close to dwarf size (given that two hobbits easily blend in), while the extremely well fed Orthanc Uruk-Hai are the size of large men.Hobbits eat six meals a day, when they can get them. and love to snack in between. even the poorest are able to sustain this diet, and the rich just eat far more elaborate meals.  those adopted kids are going to grow up to be huge. A 10 foot tall green dude by the name of Arthur Brambly-Took came to my luncheon and now I’m going to have to marry him

missoyashirou: mithrils-hanger: lizawithazed: dvandom: filibusterfrog: halflings love their new giant children “So, Mister…GRAAAAGH Unde...

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Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
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Drugs, Guns, and Irs: DEA DEA DEA ENCE FVACEENDENCE ENIDENCE EVIDENCIE 2 DEA Feds Seize $22M Worth Of Weed Shipped From Cali To NYC For "Operation Green Giant" 👀🍁💰 Local police working with federal agents arrested ten alleged members of a Bronx gang this week, accusing the perpetrators of shipping $22 million worth of marijuana from California to New York. According to the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Southern District, the alleged gang members sent over 6,600 pounds of pot from California to residences, businesses, and eventually stash houses in the city and in New Rochelle. Officials called the venture "Operation Green Giant," probably because marijuana is green, and 6,600 pounds is a large amount of the plant, which is legal in a number of states. Agents with the DEA, IRS, and U.S. Homeland Security worked in tandem with the NYPD to make the busts on Wednesday and Thursday, yielding three handguns, a sawed-off shotgun, ammunition, cash, and cocaine, in addition to hundreds of pounds of marijuana. "As alleged, these defendants conspired to ship millions of dollars’ worth of drugs across the country for eventual sale in New York City," acting Manhattan U.S. Attorney Joon H. Kim said in a statement yesterday. "Searches of apartments where the defendants allegedly resided uncovered guns and ammunition, multiple kilograms of cocaine, hundreds of pounds of marijuana, and thousands of dollars in cash." Officials say the alleged gang members started running the operation in March 2016. The defendants have been charged with conspiracy to distribute narcotics and use of firearms in furtherance of narcotics trafficking. The top charge could net the accused life in prison, if convicted. (Via @gothamist) @worldstar WSHH

Feds Seize $22M Worth Of Weed Shipped From Cali To NYC For "Operation Green Giant" 👀🍁💰 Local police working with federal agents arrested ten...

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Future, God, and Moms: STUDENTS SHOCKED EVERYONE BY DOING THIS AT GRADUATION CEREMONY. BUT EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS GENIUS They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing... and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt. Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freelv brushed awav tears. This class would NOT pray during the commencements not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it. The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families The speeches were nice, but they were routine .. until the final speech received a standing ovation. A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened. All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!! The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said, "GOD BLESS YOU, each and every one of you!" And he walked off stage The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the court's approval This is a true story, it happened at the University of Maryland. <p>Students Were Warned Not To Pray At Their Graduation Ceremony. But What This Young Man Did Is Genius.</p>

Students Were Warned Not To Pray At Their Graduation Ceremony. But What This Young Man Did Is Genius.

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Memes, Tablet, and Twins: HH NEW Ford has revealed the ST version of the new Fiesta, and it's packing a 197bhp 1.5-litre inline-three cylinder engine Via @carthrottlenews - Let’s get the big piece of news out of the way: As was first rumoured a little while ago, the ST has indeed dropped a cylinder and a little bit of displacement, switching to a 1.5-litre three-pot. - It’s presumably derived from the existing 1.5-litre Ecoboost unit, although Ford describes it as an “all-new” engine. It’s been given a new turbocharger with an “optimised” turbine design to reduce lag, plus “Twin-independent Variable Cam Timing. It’s good for 197bhp, and 214lb ft of torque. - Both of those figures are the same as what the outgoing car achieved when its ‘overboost’ function kicked in. The new car will do 0-62mph in an “anticipated’ 6.7 seconds, although there’s no word on top speed just yet. There isn’t an MPG figure available right now either, but Ford is expecting CO2 emissions of around 114g-km. - The car gets a torque vectoring by braking system just like the old one, plus three driving modes. The ‘Normal’, ‘Sport’ and ‘Track’ modes each alter the steering, throttle response and traction-stability controls to varying degrees. Stick it in ‘Track’ mode and the traction control goes entirely, with the ESP set to ‘wide slip’ mode. Or if you’d prefer, you can switch off ESP completely. - On the inside it’s a sportified version of the Fiesta cabin we’ve already seen, which means a far plusher space than we’ve been used to seeing from Ford’s ubiquitous supermini. - The ‘Sync 3’ system is present on a floating tablet-style setup, which should prove to be much less frustrating than the clunky old infotainment, and keeping your back and buttocks very happy will be a pair of Recaro bucket seats. - In the cabin you’ll also be - I’m afraid to say - treated to some ‘Electronic Sound Enhancement’, but this does at least work in tandem with an active exhaust valve. - Want one? You’ll be waiting for a little while I’m afraid, with Ford gunning for an early 2018 launch for the car in both three and five-door forms. The outgoing ST was - and probably still is - pound-for-pound the best new performance car around, so this new one should be worth the wait.
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