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America, Apparently, and Ass: zornsable: reversingyourpolarity: elidyce: seananmcguire: priscellie: ecnamor-lacimehc-ym: gallifrey-feels: sociopathic-italian-grandmas: millshouse: meganiun: happyvegetable: kennilworthy-thisp: derinthemadscientist: lumoslouis: soloontherocks: amour-vengeance: later-homenuggets: my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit motherfucking australia if there was a post to describe australia, this is it wait.  you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird? that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up? fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you? wake up australia  That’s what birds do They fly around and fuck shit up Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel. Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal. My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us. no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange what the actual fuck australia  I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke. Nope. Went there. Parrots tried to take our car. Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY. Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile. There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started.  I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool.  Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots.  Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled. They did lose the Emu War, after all.
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Fucking, Isis, and Nudes: Ellen K. Pao @ekp CEOs of big tech companies: You almost certainly have incels as employees. What are you going to do about it? 6:10 PM 02 May 18 198 Retweets 415 Likes ms-demeanor: megapope: this tweet goes from surreal to hilarious when you realize that she was the CEO of Reddit Casual reminder that while she was CEO at Reddit she created a salary negotiation policy that evened the playing field for women employed by Reddit. Not-at-all-casual-reminder that she left Reddit in 2015 after being forced to resign because Reddit lost its collective shit at her when the site banned 5 subreddits for harassment; not-at-fucking-all casual reminder that Ellen Pao was the CEO of Reddit when it banned revenge porn after The Fappening. One of the subreddits that was banned that led to her resignation was r/fatpeople hate. The others were transphobic and racist. In her time at Reddit Pao did more than the site had ever before done to fight harassment from its user base and for that someone started a subreddit calling for her firing and trying to make nazi and ISIS imagery come up in searches associated with her name. If *anyone* in the tech industry knows what the blackpill subculture is like and how vile and toxic groups spawned in subreddits can be it’s Ellen Pao. This isn’t someone who’s oblivious to the fact that her former company is a source of the problem, this is someone who is speaking from personal experience with online harassment campaigns orchestrated by people who want the freedom to post celebrity nudes who were *enraged* that she made it harder for them to do so. (also basically the rest of her twitter is about #metoo, the need for labor regulation and worker protections, and salary transparency so maybe go check her out)
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North Korea, Peace, and Korea: U.S. Ambassador meeting with leader of North Korea for first peace negotiation (2013)

U.S. Ambassador meeting with leader of North Korea for first peace negotiation (2013)

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Beard, Bless Up, and Cookies: u/mr oberts 16d i.redd.it My wife does wedding flowers and occasionally gets to make flower collars for dogs. Here is Donna helping out by modeling @DrSmashlove Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. Corner office? No ma’am (thankfully my office-view is pretty dope as it is and for that I am thankful 🤲). Head of a group? Nuh uh. Something sweeter. Something more valuable. Something nearer and dearer to my heart. Today, dear friends, when the food services people (who are the real MVPs) set up my business lunch in the conference center (chicken breasts, fingerling potatoes, Brussels sprouts, salad, rolls and cookies...side note...fingerling? LMAO. Who invented this word? It’s like the daintiest, most petite finger. “Alice has the most adorable hands. They’re not even fingers...they’re fingerlings 🤗.” But I got big hands so what that make me? “Smash got bear paws, bruv. He ain’t een got fingers, he got ‘Fingertons’” 😩 ok imma donkey lemme stop). So anyway when I get to the room and they had lunch set up...THEY ALREADY PUT THE TABASCO AND SRIRACHA OUT THERE FOR ME 😥. I was so happy I was damn near beaming. A lump formed in my throat and a single tear trickled down my low, shaped beard. No more walk of shame to the supplies closet where they hide the seasonings so some of our more Caucasoidally-inclined clients don’t sustain any inadvertent burns (caucasoids I love yall and I know some of u are bout that spicy lifestyle but some of u might damn near cough out a lung out if we keeping it 600 lol.) The staff had my back. They knew that these negotiations are tough when I attempt to choke down a completely unseasoned chicken breast, as my esophagus will sometimes reject food that hasn’t been bathed in at least two or three different hot sauces. Today’s negotiation went wonderfully. I felt like I was skipping about the room in a tutu lmao pause. Anyway I feel like it’s not much more for me to do out here, bruv. I always felt like an outsider in this corporate ting, but today...I still feel like an outsider 🤗 LMAO BUT THEY HAD MY BACK WITH THE HOT SAUCE AND IMMA REMEMBER THIS DAY FOREVER. NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE LITTLE WINS. MamaWeMadeIt BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. C...

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Clothes, cnn.com, and Jail: CNN CNN Following @CNN Federal prisons are now required to provide female inmates with a range of feminine hygiene products free of charge cnn.it/2gpmMQ3 7:30 PM -2 Sep 2017 590 Retweets 3,068 Likes Winterdeath @WintrDeath 10h NOW?!?! Linda M. Collins Follow @LindaMCollins5 Replying to @WintrDeath @CNN RIGHT????? 7:34 PM - 2 Sep 2017 qglas: rasec-wizzlbang: cartnsncreal: How was this not required before??   It’s 2017… and they just started this? Regardless if they are prisoners this is a necessity… American JUSTICE sustem fucked up!  whatwhat the fuck did they do before An article on what they did before. “You have to place an order a week ahead via a slip, and if there’s a mistake anywhere along the way, which is fairly common, you just don’t get your items,” Bozelko says. On top of that, she notes that most women in prison are poor or have no access to their funds outside of prison, and ordering pads and tampons can be incredibly expensive.“There’s a shortage of prison jobs, and even if you get one, you earn about 75 cents a day,” Bozelko says. “So to have to spend $2.34 for 24 pads is a quarter of your weekly paycheck, keeping in mind that you’d also have to buy soap, shampoo, toothpaste, and all the other hygiene items that are basic to human existence.” “There’s a constant negotiation with COs to get menstrual health supplies. “You’d ask a CO for pads or tampons and he would ask you questions like, ‘How long have you been bleeding? Didn’t I give you a pad yesterday? How long is this one going to last?’” Bozelko says. “It shouldn’t be shameful—it’s a natural bodily function—but it’s embarrassing to be required to disclose this kind of information and negotiate just to get the supplies you need to stay clean every month.” Bozelko also says she believes that keeping menstrual health products—and bodily sanitation in general—just out of reach of prisoners was often used as a psychological control tactic.“If I saw it once, I saw it 35 times that someone would say to a CO, ‘I don’t have anything, I’m gonna bleed right through my clothes,’ and he’d say, ‘Go ahead, bleed right through your clothes, I don’t care.’ …Then when women did bleed through, which did happen frequently, the guards would make fun of her for it. It was really just a set-up to treat women poorly.” Please note that this news only applies to federal prisons, which means this is still a serious basic-access issue for people who menstruate.
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Anaconda, Bad, and Beard: Hohe t) Messenger 11:02 AM wierdest? in the world and i hope you dont get offended are you on aff? if you dont wanna answer i understand but trust me i 100% understand the need for discretion request. I'm sorry - who are you? And what is aff? adult friend finder lol No, sorry, I'm not. You've got the wrong person. well that sucks pretty bad your gorgeous Aa Horne ( 1 ) Messenger gorgeous Thanks! I don't know how you found me, but I'm not on aff the person i was looking for has a kik with same name and i been interested for a while so i figuered id try facebook becasue i could never get intouch anywhere else got really excited when i seen your pic because your very attractive Thanks - I don't have kik either. Good luck in finding whomever you're looking for! are you single? I don't know you prob not hows your labor day so くHome (1) Messenger I don't know you prob not hows your labor day so far? last? that could come over offensive would you ver date a married man? i shouldnt have asked that right away no i really have zero chance A) I don't know you. B ) you don't know me C) you don't know where I live D) absolutely I would not. a im in b id like to know you c i dont know where you live beside in nc because that would be wierd Aa く Home ( 1 ) Messenger e wier and d is it negotianable at all once you find ou im not a wierd facebook person adn i look good and have a great beard lol 1 There is absolutely no negotiation regarding whether or not I would be with a married man. The fact that you assume that's a looks-based decision speaks volumes about who you are as a person. My answer is unequivocally no. You messaged me, a stranger, on Facebook. We have never interacted or overlapped, and your Facebook is completely blank. This is the most sketchy and uncomfortable situation imaginable. Your wife should be ashamed of you Do not contact me further. Best of luck finding the person you've been trying to reach "Your wife should be ashamed." And of course...this happened on my birthday.

"Your wife should be ashamed." And of course...this happened on my birthday.

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Billboard, Memes, and Michelle Obama: Chrisette Michele Says She Was Disowned By Her Family & Didn't Even Get To Meet Donald Trump After Performing @balleralert Read more: www.balleralert.com Chrisette Michele Says She Was Disowned By Her Family & Didn’t Even Get To Meet Donald Trump - blogged by: @eleven8 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ChrisetteMichele is opening up for the first time about performing at DonaldTrump’s inaugural ball. She discusses whether or not she really performed for $750,000 and all of the backlash she has been receiving. She even says that after being disowned by her family, she didn’t even get to meet the president. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “I didn’t even think to say no. It didn’t cross my mind,” said Chrisette. “The first thing I thought was that I have an opportunity to get in front of these people who don’t seem to understand who they’re talking to and show them what we look like. I felt automatically committed to making sure that I stood up for the women who’ve felt disrespected and the minorities who felt disrespected, communities that felt that they weren’t being heard or understood. I thought that it was almost my responsibility to not just say yes but to say yes with purpose.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ She then addressed the rumors that she performed for $750k. “We sent in an offer for how much we charge and they said, ‘Well we don’t have that,’ and the first thing I thought then was how I sang for Barack and Michelle Obama free of charge. This is not a money thing,” she told Billboard. When asked if she performed for Trump for free, she replied, “No, I didn’t perform for free. One, it wasn’t $750,000, but my manager did negotiate my contract.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Chrisette Michele also mentions to Billboard that she was frustrated that she never got to even meet DonaldTrump, despite all the backlash she received online and from her own family. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “Originally I was supposed to perform directly after his first speech, and I had done that with Barack Obama before, so I was used to that kind of experience. And the woman who organized the event came and told me, “Now you’re going to go first and he’s going to go after you.” I looked her in the eye and said, “My family has disowned me. If you …to read the rest log on to BallerAlert.com (clickable link on profile) logon readmore

Chrisette Michele Says She Was Disowned By Her Family

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