Click, Fucking, and Funny: 23+ Incredible Tumblr Posts That Are Must Watch
Knight: I have trained in all forms of combat and weapons since
birth. I cannot be bested
Some horsecock motherfucker:
What the fuck
OH FUCK YESI GET TO TALK ABOUT LANTERN SHIELDS.
For anyone seeing this post and wondering what kind of unholy
heresy is currently having a blacksmithing orgy in front of their eyes,
this is called a Lantern Shield.
This came from, YOU GUESSED IT, fucking Italy, home of lunatic
steel-weaving mother fuckers who often simply looked at each other
and by each other, I mean their frenzied reflections in their shattered
mirrors, and said "WHAT IF WE JUST DO THINGS", which is, as we
all know, Aunt Jemima's recipe for success.
Lantern Shields were very indicative: They were meant to be
bucklers that could carry a lantern, oftentimes for night time duels
Now, you're wondering, why carry a lantern on a night duel when it
could just prove detrimental to your overall movement? Why, to blind
the mother fucker, of coursel But, see, and this is the funny thing
about Italy, when Italian blacksmiths realized that they could just add
hook to a buckler, they noticed they could also just add whatever
the thrice condemned shit they wanted to them, so they started
forging stakes, spikes, and blades that protruded out of the buckler
and gauntlet as additional defense against anyone who, due to the
poor visibility of mist shrouded, dark blanketed nights, would just
walk right into your handheld barracks.
mean, nothing better than a bloke closing the distance to you losing
an eye or six because they didn't consider you might just carry a
porcupine on your arm, right?
Some specimens exists, but these are not numerous. If you know of
or possess an actual, physical Lantern Shield, congratulations, you
probably have an item that likely killed.
Jan 26th, 2019
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23+ Incredible Tumblr Posts That Are Must Watch #funny #memes #lol #humor #hilarious #tumblr
Ass, BlackBerry, and Community: just-shower-thoughts
Building a treehouse is the biggest insult to a
tree. "I killed your friend, here hold him
Its more of I killed a potential enemy. Hold his
dismembered corpse in victory.
Plants don't wage war
Ever heard of blackberries?
Yes, plants do wage war
Mint and strawberries, too. They need to
be quarantined or they will kill basically
I planted mint in the ground 2 years ago.
It's currently fighting a bitter battle to the
death against the raspberries attempting to
invade from the east while trying to annex the
Could go either way at this point TBH. Unless,
of course, take a shovel and the blowtorch
out there and battle both back to within their
And anyone wondering if a blowtorch is
overkill for weeding back mint has never
actually planted mint.
This post did not go where I expected it to.
Our garden plot at my childhood home slowly
got overrun by wild blackberries after we
stopped managing it while my sister and
were in nursing school. And by overrun I mean
it was like a 4 foot tall thicket of wild black-
berries. It hadn't been touched by humans in
at least 4 years. I started the ultimately futile
task of trying to clear this plot with a machete
and discovered to my amazement a patch
of mint several feet across underneath the
canopy of blackberry, still fighting the good
fight all those years later
Ultimately it took two jars of homemade
napalm and some creative fire placement to
clear that patch but I damn sure saved that
patch of mint. It earned the right to be there.
Yall mother fuckers don't even talk unless
you've had to wage war on kudzu (it's an ivy
strain directly from Hell) that shit doesn't
just wage war with other plants, it wages
war with all living things on planet earth. It's
some gnarly ass Blood for the Blood God,
Chlorophyll for the Chlorophyll Throne demon
Can second the comments of Kudzu.
I forget where I read it but theres this one
tree that creates an extremely flammable
substance that's in both the bark and leaves
Dead trees become torches and crushed up
leaves become dust-incendiary, all while the
plant's seeds are Giant Redwood levels of
resilient to open flame. IE it has a goddamn
scorched earth policy. It's even more badass
than plants that use toxins to starve other
I'd like to third the comments on Kudzu. These
are the battlefields:
See those weird pillars? Those were trees. See
that strange lump in the middle? That was a
Everything green you see in this photo
Near my parents' house in Oregon theres an
old WWII army training camp that's long been
abandoned, and it's full of concrete remnants
of buildings that are completely overrun with
blackberries. It's a really great spot to go berry
picking, and it has an eerie, post-apocalyptic
That's not even considering allelopathic
interactions between plants-look up the
black walnut tree (its toxin, juglone, is the
most famous example) basically, it wages
chemical warfare on nearby plants through
the root system (though the nutshells also
contain juglone too). Juglone discourages
germination rates and even inhibits root
growth of already existing plants!
Allelopathy in general is a new field-theres
Discourse because each particular toxins
only works on specific plants, which vary
therefore it's really fucking hard to regulate &
compile enough data to test out the effects
of such chemicals compared to other factors
pests, soil depletion, etc), but theres a little
community still because Targeted Pesticides"
would be really rad yo
Call of Duty: Bonatinic Warfare
Dinosaur, Jesus, and Run: odditybloggity:
JESUS CHRISTWHO THE FUCK LET THAT EXIST
The Canadian regionalization DLC for Nyan Cat looks amazing.
This is nothing I wanted and yet everything I ever needed
Bless you Canada and your gigantic dinosaur snowplow monsters
Woo woo, motherfucker!
Goddamned Mezolithic Megafauna’s what that is. Goddamned warranty expired on those things centuries ago, but do they care? Do they go decently extinct, like the ground sloth, gigantopethicus, or wooly rhino? Fuck that, they’re doing downhill runs on your favorite skiing course is what. Because Fuck it, is why.
Now I understand why moose are built the way they are.
It’s so they can gallop untrammelled through six-odd feet of snow.
Jesus Christ I read those mother fuckers could run 55km an hour but seeing it is another thing especially plowing through the snow
okay so I’ll take those moose crossing signs more seriously now
I’ve had multiple moose in my backyard before. A little frightening, but neat to see.
Fuck You, Money, and Shit: FLOOR ELVIS
This fuckin guy
Put a PayPal dispute on his
Days after requesting it
"I thought it was only gonna take
10/14/16, 5:10 AM
FLOOR ELVIS @lngawaitedsleep 3d v
Then I go to check my pp balance
and it's -$4
And my bank account is overdrawn
With a bank overdraft fee of $35
And a $10 pp charge
FLOOR ELVIS @Ingawaitedsleep. 3d ﹀
This guy has so far COST ME $70
and he GOT ART OUT OF IT
FLOOR ELVIS @lngawaitedsleep 3d v
And he was like "oh it takes the
money out when I do that? I just
figured you weren't gonna do it"
Attention non-artists who commission artists: don’t fuckin do this???
Actually had someone do this to me too. Was doing a art stream, it took me over 2 hours to do his inked commission, he got a refund cause ‘it took too long’ that he figured I wasn’t going to do it after I gave him the file.
Don’t do this. Do not.
I’ve had this happen to me with a $350 comic :/ I had already finished it, it was full color, 6 panels and had a full bg in every panel. I was lucky in that I didn’t spend him money yet, but it left me without funds. I’ve also had the above happen to me as well.
Don’t do this shit to artists. We’re people too. Drawing for you is more than a hobby. It’s a job.
Use Paypal Invoices.
I cannot stress this enough. That shit helps A LOT when it comes down to Paypal refunds/disputes. There’s a description box that let’s you put in what the product is/how long it’ll take/yadda yadda, and then there’s another little memo box that only you and paypal can see where you can say it’s a digital commission and doesn’t require shipping (So Donald Mcfuck can’t say that they never got their commission). And there’s also a box for your Terms Conditions where you can say, if you have any conflicts/want a refund - email me, or you can actually tell the user that this is a digital commission and they won’t be getting a hard copy of it.
ARTISTS. PLEASE USE PAYPAL INVOICES. it will SAVE you.And to: the people who do this to artists – Fuck you. It’s okay if you change your mind and want a refund. But freaking TALK to us and let us know what’s going on. Let us WORK with you.
ALSO A HUGE TIP: Invoices paid will automatically set up a shipping notice which, if not fulfilled, can land you in SERIOUS hot water with PayPal. Since a lot of artists don’t print and ship the commissions, this is a huge problem.
However! Totally manageable. Just go to your PayPal, scroll down to find Seller Preferences
Display Ship Button. Make sure all the boxes are unchecked. Then you’re all set!
Protect yourself, artists!
Anaconda, Ass, and Creepy: Ladies,İf you don't want toget rapedbya cop
then follow the law in the first pace so you dont
get pulled over." OK Patrol Captain George Brow
OK Highway Patrol Captain George Brown says the best “tip” for women to not get raped by a cop is to “follow the law in the first place so you don’t get pulled over.”http://youtu.be/BO8g8akPWcY (Last third of the video).
Three serial rapists in 3 weeks arrested in Oklahoma, all cops.
Follow for Anarchy | Follow for Feminism
Pro tip: if you’re signaled to pull over (whether you’re male or female) and you’re in a place that has no witnesses, turn your hazard lights on to acknowledge the officer’s siren, and drive to the nearest gas station or populated area. This is accepted protocol by every agency. You are not obligated pull over until you can do so safely. This includes personal safety. Understand your rights, brothers and sisters. There are disgusting examples of authority in this world.
HAZARD LIGHTS ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. IT IS NOT ACCEPTED PROTOCOL BY EVERY AGENCY. DO NOT JUST CONTINUE DRIVING WITH YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS IN CASE THE COP MIGHT THINK IT’S A LOW-SPEED CHASE.
I know that sounds dumb, but hear me out. My mother is a dispatcher for the local police station. I asked her about how to pull over for a cop and even brought up the use of hazard lights, and she told me that it is not always accepted. This is what she told me you can do in order to feel safe when pulling over:
Call the police. No, really. Call and tell the dispatcher where you are and that there is a cop behind you demanding you pull over. The dispatcher can and will stay on the line with you while they look up the area you’re in to see if it’s one of their station’s cops. Then, once the cop comes to your window, you can crack it open (it only has to be an inch!) while still on the phone with the dispatcher. This is definitely, 100% accepted protocol.
The dispatcher will verify that it is their own, real cop, and they will gladly stay on the line with you throughout your interaction with the officer. And God forbid this ever happens to any of you, but if something were to happen to you during this time, you’ve already contacted 911 and given your location to the dispatcher.
Please keep this in mind if you are ever requested to pull over and do not feel safe. The dispatcher will understand. Do not, however, continue to drive, because there might be the off-chance an officer will think you’re flat-out refusing to pull over (a well-lit, populated area might be a ways away).
Because I personally know some creepy ass mother fuckers who became cops because they’re demented psychopaths and they get off on having control over people.
In light of current bullshit, this might be a good idea for a LOT of people, not just women. Marginalized minorities of all stripes, take note. I hate taking up an emergency dispatcher’s resources, but i also hate seeing yet another fucked up news story about police harming citizens.