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Af, Anaconda, and Confused: Thread I am about to tell you an epic tale about subterfuge, dating in the 21st century and the fall of human civilization. This actually happened to me and it could happen to you too. Get some popcorn. Thread* 48 PM 39 Aug 18 2,419 Retweets 4,030 Ls So a few weeks egolwas on the Tinder machine ahopping my soul around and t vary attractwe young laxty No bio. Fairly innocuous l text her n we make amall tak abt work or a bit than she gois,uaty, thawa hic huge precentation im werkin on for my job, would you be ottended if I got back to you ve gol more free time? youre cute and t want to meer you Im just oo busy m thought wel that's an owerty elaborate way to ghest somsone i say TolI woudrt be offended Isotaty get t me up when you're iree thank you t was wormed you late buri for sure ra test you in Sk" ฮ n my head Tm Two waaks pais 1 compktdy sorget about her then I remember and go back o tinder andic ontt ind i that's ward she deleted her tinder buti take it s overly elaborate ghoating methods Then yesterday Iget a vext THEY IM omomow t was wondering if you wanted wa coukd go get drinks ater and see what happens m like wel iibe daned Genuinely didnt think she would message me around todoy and tomonow but just conte around 6 and 11 meet you try the stage thes weead ot say sure thing lpoking formand bo it This moming she texts me at 9 am hey it's gonna rain today but i thin it shoud clear up in time for our de I'm ike coot ill be there Iplay football wth gerwond aliar soday and aspresa m iscredulty at the stuation Ifind her Instagrmt says singer actress, model, 3000 ollewersand Im Ehe uugghhhh I dunno bro. THIS SHIT FEELS OFf but fuck it 0 I make my way to Unign Square Eat a hot dog and look Ơwer by this open tot by and about 100 ppl and camerus and sh Manhattn shit e random a She leats me eym neinng a lttle tn but jut meet me by te stage then we can golwaen't gonna stand n fhont of e fucking stage sol stand af so tha ade a bit 0 Eventusly ee a giiming towards bockstage wn two enonmoue bodyguards in sunglaases and reaise its her and fm thinking WHAT THN l stay back and oosess the snuation and fuck imma playing and she gets on the stage and im so fucking confused but think wel guees she's a social mecde rality or 0 L immeciately think Im too fucking old She gets Pe me and is lke thanks for coming outbet you re oll mondering the fuck is this about 0 She then ays kow al of yog hee are on tindler and I'm Ike oppe0 Then she says l've invited you all here for proceads to gve a hunger pane about wtut its gomna take to 0 L THE DUDES THERE SHE FOUND D THEM THESAME SHITTEXTEDTHEME TCEND oN 0 Every man n ne owd look down ard mimes WHAT IN 000 THE THIB SHIT to themsl NAME OF SCOOBY Ad that poiet I un geuiely imazedal he falopian fortitude the g possesses This is top 10 gremest and plaged TUST NO ONE I TRUST NOTHING FMVAN CIVILIZATION DONT GET GOT THE END clare harper flood herpoonen h weet your l We in 2018, she in 2058 by sooshi MORE MEMES
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Cute, Girls, and Omg: al, AT&T 2:45 PM Messages +1 (646 Edt May 13, 2012 10:50 PM I really had a good time with you. I want to get to know you better. I like you Thanks for the movie night. Get some sleep for the big case tomorrow! You are welcome. Thank you. Get some rest May 14, 2012 12 20 AM Do you want us to get to know each other? I don't want to waste my time. Sorry, I don't think we AT&TS 2:45 PM Messages +1 (646) Edit Sorry, I don't think we really have a connection. Tonight was fun though, thanks. May 14, 2012 1233 AM No problem at all. I don't know how you can know that after a first date. I don't know if we are a match either. But I wanted to get to know you. But no problem May 14, 2012 1.02 AM And by the way, I think it is your loss. I am an amazing guy and would have AT&TS 246 PM Messages +1 (646) Edit May 14, 2012 1:02 AM And by the way, I think it is your loss. I am an amazing guy and would have anything for you. May 14, 2012 153 PM Hey buddy! Sorry I missed your calls. I am just finishing up in Court. Rushing to my office for a 2:30 meeting. I saw the Avengers with her yesterday. She is ok. She is cute but not hot. I have dated much hotter girls. She is a 5.5 out of 10 (average). I wanted to get to know her more thouah Message stal. AT&T 2:46 PM Messages +1 (646) Edit dated much hotter girls. She is a 5.5 out of 10 (average). I wanted to get to know her more though but she sent me a message saying didn't think there was a connection. Can you believe? I was even super nice to her. She is lucky that I went on a date with her. Average chicks are the ones that always act like they are God's gift. Anyway, I am going out with Nancy tonight. About to jump in the subway. Talk to you later bro. AT&T 3:17 PM Edt her. Average chicks are the ones that always act like they are God's gift. Anyway, I am going out with Nancy tonight. About to jump in the subway. Talk to you later bro. May 14, 2012 3:09 PM Hey Candice! I'm very sorry! I just saw this. I meant to send this to a friend but I mistakenly send it to you. It is not about you at all. It is not about you. It is about someone else. I hope you are doing wel. fatanimetitties: pussysista: Omg Holy shiiiiiitttttr
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Advice, Aww, and Bodies : 2 how did yov know? I didn't! A lot of aces didn't. A lot of aces STILL donit Know theure ace. How DID You KNOw You WERE ASEXUAL ME?? Asexuality isn't commonly Known. Hence the awareness week. Is a common question I've heard "sarcastic celebration scene Eary ace signs for me: When my friends were Im aloromantic (notI spent late middle school - early high Friends started discovering their sexuaities,experimenting with their aromantic) but romance bodies, school thirking: haube there's something medicaly wrong with me? and sex Media maube I have some weird genetic mutation? maybe it'l develop maube I'm secrety a robot? Aww, maaan ... maube Im broken? but that phase never came to me. akways made me super uncomfortable. I was completely lost. Lydia Fama udiafama.com @ydiafama 2 how did you know? - Pg 2 there's a word for THEN I Knew Somehow, the internet led me to the term "asexual. im not broken! there's other people ike me! i just have a different orientation! "genuine celebration scene A super common tip I read later on ace forums about IDing as ace realy stucK with Use labels if they bring you comfort, but don't feel pressured to if you dont feel liKe you Know yourself wel enough. Me: RepNeS Live life first apply labels second I guess I followed that advice Kindoa involuntari. 2 Lydia Fama udiafama.com @ludiafama lydiallama: (Second comic for Ace Awareness Week) AAW day 2 - about my process of discovering I was ace.  (See first comic for general info about asexuality here)

lydiallama: (Second comic for Ace Awareness Week) AAW day 2 - about my process of discovering I was ace.  (See first comic for general info ...

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Food, Life, and Animal: l'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by lfour, animal-style, extra shinales with a shimmy and a squeeze light axle grease, make it cry burn it, and let it swim lwilhave the meal known as the Bossy dele,execpt doubledaswellas triped and on afotation device the patterm should be quadruple by quadruple,syled after the creatures of the animal kingdom, extra roof omamentsshimmied and embracedas wellas light varety of connecting pipe food oil, make ithoribly depressed,set talight a llit to proplltselfinthe water. I, the invertibrate known as bubblebass, will be partaking in the popular bikini botom food known as the Krabby Patty the form known as the bossy deluxe in particular,however,Iwould, in addition to this,Iwould like the burger to be modified in the following ways the amount of ingredients used should be doubled, then the aforementioned ingredients should be tripled,ona device created for the purpose of floating atop water,Ishall make the pattern of the burger to be in the format of four, followed by another four,it should follow severalmilarites particular mainly to the genus ofcreatures known popularly as wellas scientifically as the animal kingdom,additional ornaments are to be applied to the top of t, shookenthouroghlyand compressed between fingers, as wellas a notably non-heavy connecting lavored food lubricant, force the burger into suicidal depression, make the several times aforementioned burger combustas wel, and give it the freedom to move in the four cardinal directions in the undersea area l am an undersea creature from the genus commonlv ofinvertibrates rerefreeerd to as fish particularlaythe veraity known as basss, despite hte fact theat it is illogicaetl to expect a fishl, especiallyonme of my varietly to order a hamburerr but dispite thisl would heavilly prefer tohavfe a burger from the popular bikinini bottob resturant to as the krucstie krak in orderr to have eno of thies brugers thea variety of burger that l would like tooo order wouuuld be the authority-exersising elite edition on a device created by the homohomohomohomosapien speciesssin ordere to make them able to flaot atop the chemical refererereed to as as h2o, the pattern in which should be asssembleed is the four by four by four by four by four by four by four, in should also by increased in sized in order to use double the atoms in its makup in order to make it ore able to sustain my life wwwwith ist nutrientss, makee the burger have even more ff ornaments then ti should usually have, condense the atoms that make up the burger in such a way as the constitute the actillion auajai TO as a squeeeeze, add particulararly non-heavy food fat, mocc the burger until it has a massive tdeisiser to kil itself like mine as welll u should allow it to take part in the activity wherein it mush use its body to propell itseeelf in the presviously mentioned hhhhh2222o000 I, the under sea umnde sauucse crecker ffered as bubble bass would bperfer a genus of squeeze SW ngin ah20 ned homosa sty raft and ase nts to make the chen some ofhteli ngan as nnihninininininininininin inimnini bObbbbbot7ummeme men ñeme in uorlippe towoo this myself woooc like somme sucicidal dpersssion aaaaaaaa Krabby burger

Krabby burger

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America, Anaconda, and Andrew Bogut: Yaa de understand this mtakes no sonse right?!! he gavo addDmilion dolars he coud only give a miion dolars to 360 peopa. 317 MILLION PEOPLE IN AMERICA AND YOU SPEND 360 MILLION ON JUST INTRODUCING OBAMACARE? USTGIVE EACH CITIZEN A MILLION BUCKS YOu could spend t iondolurs on each person and have 43 ■ : swear bro sont people hahah yoau have 317 milion people and 00 milion dollans to spend then yoU OU Like Ropy No you would arly hure enough for 300 people Yau give 1 milin to 100 peaple 's 100 mn dollars o you cnd anly give 1 rilon dolars to 317 peope N 317 milion 317-380- 43 rou have 317 hrve 317 pep URE-Reply money. 1 mion Uke Reply-1 Like Roply 54 no they a f you give 380 people 1 illion delars how muh money id you gree Uke Replys Ok. Thank you Iused a caultor but thare was no wy lor me to show you m Bul 317 mtos people and 360 mition dols, youe unts contused Look a the poal You cant give but that money BECAUBE YOu WILL BUT YOU ONLY NEED TO OIVE IT TO 317 MILLION PEOPLE 17 milion people, Not o 23 TRILLION Both unts are in miBons so it 50 doesnt m ake n would junp in but this is realy my entertainment for the A Hide 27 Repas should stop anyway, yaune wrong Except Im not You ane And your smiey face does maeyou m trying to be neepecttulbut okary my bad แ mm ryng to think of a dnerent way to help you grab your caor Put in e 317 milian do rs. Dvide 1 by the 1 mlanyou want give each person, The ilion dollars AN gve are 17.000,0001000,000 That would be comset itwe wase saking about 31 ndolars, but ea are laking about 380 min dolars and 317 miion people Soae $360.000,000 and dvide in by 317 000,000 people and see how much you give eah person Lens tollow t though to benar yet thare are 317 peoplo and you he 360 ha is, do you have enough chairs for everyoody to get one? Youe making t mare complicated than actaly dolar You ane gving each person&SINGE thing you are gving one mdion dolars, you are gving them one mlon thangs -110 m Exaudy t To mtions of paople the se its the same Nohouht we had n advanced math for any years ook high school math in 7h&h gradel and although m old 1 If you had 100 dollars and 80 people you oant gwe each wart to nl you when Idd cm out hat each person would get $3 mison, my dads a Vice President of computer programming and e saping the eact same thing as me Wel thats alaing 100 dolars and 80 wouldnt hae enough money, but thats not whan the picture that brought us here said 317 people and 380 doilars. You have enough money f you dont ho ough at 100 dolars and 80 people, you do NOT have enough at 300 mien dolare and 317 people But you can give esch person $1,is worse han hat toks rice playing Some people just dont know when to stop

Some people just dont know when to stop

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Anime, Apparently, and Bad: So I recently moved into a new neighborhood and it's a pretty nice area. After a couple of weeks, a moving truck pulls up and I realize there's a new girl living in the house next to me. So I walk out and I notice that she's all by herself Being the good neighbor I am, I go up and ask, "Hey, I see you don't have any help. Do you need any help with moving your boxes inside?" And keep this in mind, I'm like a 6/10 on good day while this girl is an easy 9/10. Like this girl can easily be a supermodel So I ask if she needs any help and she looks me dead in the "Uh... No thanks, I'm good." "Well ok. No problem So a couple days go by after that into my yard. So I'm thinking, "Ok cranky girl. Round 2, let's go, we got this." So I take the dumb dog and I bring it over to her house and give the door a kn biggest smile says, "OH MY GOD thank you SO MUCH! I don't know what I would do without him. He's like family to me. I'm so sorry that I was so mean to you the other day. I was having a bad day and took it out on you and I'm so sorry. Please let me make it up to you and take you out to dinner." So I humbly accept and we end up going out to dinner that night. Now, we don't have much in common. Like, I'm into video games and anime and she's into all this white girl stuff like makeup, Starbucks, and all that other shit. But, we have a good time. And I mean, this girl is WAY out of my league so who am I to complain? So then we hang out more frequently, I visit her and she visits me and now I'm in a good relationship with this extremely hot chick. A couple weeks go by, we continue this, and I see a moving truck come in from the other direction. I go out to greet the new neighbor and I see a cute girl come out of the moving truck. Now this girl is cute. She isn't supermodel hot, but she's cute. I would say she's like a 7/10. So I go up to her and say, "Hey, I see you don't have any help with with the stiest grimace on her face and says, eed anything, just give a little knock on the door and I'll come o led attempt and this girl's dumb, small chihuahua jumps over the fence and gets She opens the door and with the stuff i I hel Luckil e says, "Ye ure. Um, take this box and put it in the living room It's the first room to the right, you can't miss it." So I go to pick up the box and I realize that it's labeled "Video Games." The box wasn't taped very well, so I peek into the box and I'm seeing some serious video games. I'm seeing Final Fantasy 7-9 black label, a mint copy of Illusion of Gaia. Like, what girl even knows what that game is!? So I ask, "Hey, is this a box of your boyfriend's stuff?" and she responds with, "No, I don't have a boyfriend. That stuff's mine so make sure not to drop it." So now I know this girl is actually the coolest girl ever elp the girl move her stuff in and we hang out afterwards. We go t to lunch and we off. We ended up ust talking about video games the whole time and it was amazing. NowI don't forget, s ve a friend to talk nerd shit with and a cute as 10. And I also have this 9/10 girlfriend with me. And again, I'm just a 6/10 so righ w, I'm living dream So a couple weeks go by and my girl nd comes up to me and says, "Hey, so this may sound weird, but I don't want time with her and I'm honestly a little with that girl anymore. You're d more time with me us and want you to s We try to talk t me an we can a and it'll be great." She says, "Wel So next day, my girlfriend comes up to me and says, "Uh, "Wait, what? Why not? What happened?" "Yeah she told me that you're hers now and if I ever go near you again, she is going to kill me." Il give it a shot. I'll try to talk to her tomorrow ah you can't see that girl ever again." I thin u're overreacting a little bit. She do tha seem t type of perso Sh s going to fucking murder me I can't imagine tha I go up to 7/10's house the next day and give it a little knock on the door but nobody answers. I try the doorbel nothing. Give her a call, text her, no answer. So then I call my girlfriend, try to tell her that she wasn't there and I'I try again tomorrow. But again, no answer. So I go kn Il try to straighten this an morroW her ho knock on the door and still no answer. Next da knock* r and I do w what's going So day after day goes by and eventually, week after week and I'm getting nothing turns up. I call their family and friends and they know nothing. And after weeks of all this, I just give up Then I turn the news on one day, and I see the 7/10 girl getting carried away in handcuffs. And, she's covered in blood from head to toe. She's screaming and yelling at the camera saying, "She's dead, you're next." A couple days go by and the autopsy reports are coming in, and its all over the internet. Apparently, not only did she kill my gorgeous 9/10 girlfriend, but parts of her were missing. Chunks of her arms and legs were gone and it seems that the 7/10 girl ate parts of my girlfriend. Bit and chewed into her Now I'm thinking to myself that I had the two most amazing girls in my life. And I'm here, 6/10, just worried out of my mind because I can't get the image out of my head of her screaming into the cameras saying, "She's dead next. She's dead you're next." And I'm going crazy, I'm screaming and writing it in blood on the walls, "She's dead, you're next. She's dead you're next." AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO DO ANYMORE And it raises the question: Why is 6 afraid of 7? ng. I pu in the missing persons but memehumor: This Joke Proves Why Jealous Girlfriends Are Not to Be Trustedhttp://memehumor.tumblr.com
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