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positive-memes:Bed time stories: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister. positive-memes:Bed time stories
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At The Office: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them. NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep? Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg? Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister
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Bed time stories: Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister. Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him I am the dumb dumb mister. Bed time stories
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An active shooter has been reported at the office of the Capital Gazette in Annapolis, Maryland. Multiple injuries and some fatalities reported. ___ Annapolis police, Anne Arundel County police and officials from the office of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms are on the scene and are evacuating the building. ___ Gazette reporter Phil Davis shared his experience on twitter. He wrote: - “A single shooter shot multiple people at my office, some of whom are dead. There is nothing more terrifying than hearing multiple people get shot while you’re under your desk and then hear the gunman reload.” ___ The Capital Gazette is owned by the Baltimore Sun.: POLICE U.S. NEWS NEWS OFFICE SHOOTING Jun 28 | A shooter has been reported at the office of the Capital Gazette in Annapolis, Maryland. Multiple injuries and some fatalities reported An active shooter has been reported at the office of the Capital Gazette in Annapolis, Maryland. Multiple injuries and some fatalities reported. ___ Annapolis police, Anne Arundel County police and officials from the office of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms are on the scene and are evacuating the building. ___ Gazette reporter Phil Davis shared his experience on twitter. He wrote: - “A single shooter shot multiple people at my office, some of whom are dead. There is nothing more terrifying than hearing multiple people get shot while you’re under your desk and then hear the gunman reload.” ___ The Capital Gazette is owned by the Baltimore Sun.

An active shooter has been reported at the office of the Capital Gazette in Annapolis, Maryland. Multiple injuries and some fatalities re...

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thecrimsonnutcase: I can’t believe I just witnessed Luke Skywalker annihilate the Zodiac Killer with my own two eyes.: @HamillHimself @HamillHimself Cute video Ajit "Aren't I Precious? Pai -but you are profoundly unworthy 2 wield a lightsaber- A Jedi acts selflessly for the common man-NOT lie 2 enrich giant corporations. Btw-did you pay John Williams his royalty? @AjitPaiFCCorpShill #AJediYouAreNOT Ted Cruz @tedcruz @HammillHimself Luke, I know Hollywood can be confusing, but it was Vader who supported govt power over everything said & done on the Internet. That's why giant corps (Google, Facebook, Netflix) supported the FCC power grab of net neutrality. Reject the dark side: Free the net! @HamillHimself @HamillHimself Cute video Ajit "Aren't I Precious?" Pai 8-but you are profoundly unworthy 2 wield a Ii.. 6:25 p.m. 17 Dec 17 @HamillHimself @HamillHimself Thanks for smarm-spaining it to me @tedcruz I know politics can be confusing, but you'd have more credibility if you spelled my name correctly. I mean IT'S RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU Maybe you're just distracted from watching porn at the office again-mh Ted Cruz @tedcruz @HammillHimself Luke, I know Hollywood can be confusing, but it was Vader who supported govt power over everything said & done on the Internet. That's why giant corps (Google, Facebook, Netflix) supported the FCC power 7:22 p.m. 17 Dec 17 thecrimsonnutcase: I can’t believe I just witnessed Luke Skywalker annihilate the Zodiac Killer with my own two eyes.
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<p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone</p>: stardustandswirls me to the demon in the corner of my room ain't u got shit to do theoffensivemomma He'd been lurking about for days now, this shadow thing. It used to scare me, terrify me straight into insomnia. But it had just stood there the whole time. Now it seemed part of the furniture, if I'm being honest. I started talking to it. Probably not my best idea, I'll give you that, but it's not like I had anyone as I readied for bed. Jeff was a dick at the meeting this morning. Had the best hot dog off the best cart in the city for lunch. SIX reports due by Friday? Kellen must be trying to kill me.I even wished it good night. And it just stared, with its glowing red eyes. else around. I would tell it about my day One night, I had to stay late at the office. Really late. Remember those six reports? They turned into fifteen. And if I didn't get them done for this major client, it was my head on the HR guillotine. So I stayed late. I ended up crashing on the sofa in the break room and woke up to more work on my desk. That was Thursday morning. I had to get this all done by Monday On Friday night, around ten, I decided to go home and get some real sleep before going back to the office to finish this insane task. And then I felt it. Something was here with me and it wasn't the janitor I looked in the corner and there were those eyes again, surrounded by shadow. I sighed. I really didn't have time for this, not here Ain't you got shit to do?" I snapped, walking to the break room for yet more coffee. So much for going home to sleep A growling sound, then a deep, rasping voice said, " miss you." I stopped. "What do you mean, you miss me? Aren't you a demon or something?" "You didn't come home. I've been worried What are you doing here?" We'd never conversed like this. It was almost comforting, like a friend would be "I'm working, man. I've got a big client coming on Monday and Kellen put all these damn reports on my desk and if I don't get them done, I'm probably gonna get fired." I ranted as I took off my tie and ran my fingers through my The demon paused, thinking. It moved slowly around the room, taking it all in. Do you want me to eat Kellen?" it suddenly asked. I laughed, "No, don't eat Kellen. It's not really his fault. "Then what shall I do?" I sighed and considered. What could a shadow demon do to help me? Do you know anything about graphic design and marketing?" It paused its roaming. "I ate an artist's soul, once." Good enough. Just sit behind me and tell me what looks good" On Monday morning, the company landed the client, I got a raise, and arranged it so I could work from home two days a week. We moved to a bigger flat two months later. It makes cinnamon pancakes on Saturdays. <p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone</p>
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<p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA">http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA</a></p>: stardustandswirls me to the demon in the corner of my room ain't u got shit to do theoffensivemomma He'd been lurking about for days now, this shadow thing. It used to scare me, terrify me straight into insomnia. But it had just stood there the whole time. Now it seemed part of the furniture, if I'm being honest. I started talking to it. Probably not my best idea, I'll give you that, but it's not like I had anyone as I readied for bed. Jeff was a dick at the meeting this morning. Had the best hot dog off the best cart in the city for lunch. SIX reports due by Friday? Kellen must be trying to kill me.I even wished it good night. And it just stared, with its glowing red eyes. else around. I would tell it about my day One night, I had to stay late at the office. Really late. Remember those six reports? They turned into fifteen. And if I didn't get them done for this major client, it was my head on the HR guillotine. So I stayed late. I ended up crashing on the sofa in the break room and woke up to more work on my desk. That was Thursday morning. I had to get this all done by Monday On Friday night, around ten, I decided to go home and get some real sleep before going back to the office to finish this insane task. And then I felt it. Something was here with me and it wasn't the janitor I looked in the corner and there were those eyes again, surrounded by shadow. I sighed. I really didn't have time for this, not here Ain't you got shit to do?" I snapped, walking to the break room for yet more coffee. So much for going home to sleep A growling sound, then a deep, rasping voice said, " miss you." I stopped. "What do you mean, you miss me? Aren't you a demon or something?" "You didn't come home. I've been worried What are you doing here?" We'd never conversed like this. It was almost comforting, like a friend would be "I'm working, man. I've got a big client coming on Monday and Kellen put all these damn reports on my desk and if I don't get them done, I'm probably gonna get fired." I ranted as I took off my tie and ran my fingers through my The demon paused, thinking. It moved slowly around the room, taking it all in. Do you want me to eat Kellen?" it suddenly asked. I laughed, "No, don't eat Kellen. It's not really his fault. "Then what shall I do?" I sighed and considered. What could a shadow demon do to help me? Do you know anything about graphic design and marketing?" It paused its roaming. "I ate an artist's soul, once." Good enough. Just sit behind me and tell me what looks good" On Monday morning, the company landed the client, I got a raise, and arranged it so I could work from home two days a week. We moved to a bigger flat two months later. It makes cinnamon pancakes on Saturdays. <p>Sometimes the demons miss you when you&rsquo;re gone via /r/wholesomememes <a href="http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA">http://ift.tt/2BbHfoA</a></p>
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professorfangirl: prokopetz: This is the one time of year that I love wasps. Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening. Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples. The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze. I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known. The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat. So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting. Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time. Fucking wasps. I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice: : ENERGY SAVE professorfangirl: prokopetz: This is the one time of year that I love wasps. Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening. Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples. The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze. I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known. The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat. So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting. Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time. Fucking wasps. I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
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