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Being Alone, Boner, and Do a Barrel Roll: People Can't Handle The Way Morrissey Describes A Boner In His Novel A bulbous salutation to you all. posted on Sept. 24, 2015, at 9:52 a.m Alan White BuzzFeed News Reporter, UK So, during a sex scene in Morrissey's recently published novel List of the Lost, this happens. Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone." 03 thebibliosphere: doebarnes: mugsandpugs: jottingprosaist: shredsandpatches: hedwig-dordt: naznomad: martingoresangst: Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex. DO A BARREL ROLL #in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terrible #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina? #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALF #what is your dick doing?? #how do you think sex works morrissey?? Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS??? … guys ….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this?“HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.” … I mean. Comparatively… Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better. @goddessemily   was it this post?
Her, Don, and Then: So then I said, Retriever? I dont even know her!

So then I said, Retriever? I dont even know her!

Her, Don, and Then: So then I said, Retriever? I dont even know her!

So then I said, Retriever? I dont even know her!

Her, Don, and Then: So then I said, Retriever? I dont even know her!

So then I said, Retriever? I dont even know her!

Being Alone, Children, and Future: God is forming you to fit in the relationship that He has custom tailored! t1 professorphanor ❤️ Repost @professorphanor ・・・ Father, for the woman that needs to feel your love today, I pray that you give her eyes to see and ears to hear your love for her. You know her name, her past, her triumphs, and her wounds. Let her know it is never too late to call on you, ask for your forgiveness, give her life to your service, rebuke the sin that is entangling her, and live free as a Child of God. For those alone or feeling unloved, let their love for you be so fierce that it radiates back to them. Let them live each day forward knowing you love them more than they can imagine and that they are not alone. Lord, for the woman that finds it easier to love herself than others, give her eyes to see how special all of your children are. Give her opportunities to sit down with those that don’t look or think like her so that she can learn what it really means to love her neighbor. Help her to be kind, encouraging, forgiving, loving to those that may never realize her impact, and move forward with the ability to treat others with love no matter what. Give her the grace and strength to move from day to day with an outpouring of love for her future loved one! I ❤️ you! love marriage relationships

❤️ Repost @professorphanor ・・・ Father, for the woman that needs to feel your love today, I pray that you give her eyes to see and ears to he...