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So u know how u get in the car and Apple Music just wil out and play whatever well on the way to the gym this mernin I hop in the whip on this cold a$$ 12 degree day and my speakers start blasting Miguel, Banana Clip. FAM! I don’t even remember downloading this album! But this joint HARD! 😂 I felt like Miguel lil 5 foot a$$ was next to me serenading me, singing in the passenger seat egging me on go hard at the gym! I was Iike wow this adorable lil munchkin go hard! And then it dawned on me 🤔...5 footers really be going the hardest! 🐛 Kevin Hart - 5 foot. Tom cruise - 5 foot. Shiggy the comedian who invented the drake Kiki dance (DRAaAaAaAake! 😂) - 5 foot. They out there ... ENTERTAINING. Ladies don’t shleep. I know most of u pretty tings got a 6-4 cutoff and I don’t blame y’all! But maybe what u need is a 5 footer who really gon do the most! Serenade u in the shower! Make u laugh! “Smash I’m not tryina hear that, my son in fifth grade already taller than that I can’t bring a man into my house who reach to my son’s chest” BB 👏 GIRL 👏 DO 👏 WHAT 👏 U 👏 FEEL 👏. And by the way, for all you men who only swipe right on short women may I ask you to consider finding yourself a tall drink of water in 2019. I used to talk to a volleyball player who was 6-1 and let me tell you fam she was a sight to behold. Legs so long you could slide down them h0es like a fire pole. Cheeks like beach balls. She was a whole lotta woman! A foot long sub for the price of a six inch famalam! I am telling you, you might not think it’s your thing but u might hecc around and fall in love. “But smash, I’m 5-11 which is really a lie I’m actually 5-7 and three quarter but I say I’m 5-11 - if she 6-1 then in heels she finna be 6-4 fam I’m gon look like her handsome middle school son.” Well bish embrace that! Find you a Mama! Maybe your mama was wiling out when you were growing up and u need a woman to HECC around and spank u. Maybe eem spike you! 🏐 Maybe that’s what you been missing all your life. “smash you really Wilding today.” INDEEDY! Smash simply raising this hypothesis for ya consideration lmao BLESS UP 😍😂😂 (Slide 2: @tatertot_thecorgi_): Three weeks ago she was at the pound - now she's transformed to Action Pup.! So u know how u get in the car and Apple Music just wil out and play whatever well on the way to the gym this mernin I hop in the whip on this cold a$$ 12 degree day and my speakers start blasting Miguel, Banana Clip. FAM! I don’t even remember downloading this album! But this joint HARD! 😂 I felt like Miguel lil 5 foot a$$ was next to me serenading me, singing in the passenger seat egging me on go hard at the gym! I was Iike wow this adorable lil munchkin go hard! And then it dawned on me 🤔...5 footers really be going the hardest! 🐛 Kevin Hart - 5 foot. Tom cruise - 5 foot. Shiggy the comedian who invented the drake Kiki dance (DRAaAaAaAake! 😂) - 5 foot. They out there ... ENTERTAINING. Ladies don’t shleep. I know most of u pretty tings got a 6-4 cutoff and I don’t blame y’all! But maybe what u need is a 5 footer who really gon do the most! Serenade u in the shower! Make u laugh! “Smash I’m not tryina hear that, my son in fifth grade already taller than that I can’t bring a man into my house who reach to my son’s chest” BB 👏 GIRL 👏 DO 👏 WHAT 👏 U 👏 FEEL 👏. And by the way, for all you men who only swipe right on short women may I ask you to consider finding yourself a tall drink of water in 2019. I used to talk to a volleyball player who was 6-1 and let me tell you fam she was a sight to behold. Legs so long you could slide down them h0es like a fire pole. Cheeks like beach balls. She was a whole lotta woman! A foot long sub for the price of a six inch famalam! I am telling you, you might not think it’s your thing but u might hecc around and fall in love. “But smash, I’m 5-11 which is really a lie I’m actually 5-7 and three quarter but I say I’m 5-11 - if she 6-1 then in heels she finna be 6-4 fam I’m gon look like her handsome middle school son.” Well bish embrace that! Find you a Mama! Maybe your mama was wiling out when you were growing up and u need a woman to HECC around and spank u. Maybe eem spike you! 🏐 Maybe that’s what you been missing all your life. “smash you really Wilding today.” INDEEDY! Smash simply raising this hypothesis for ya consideration lmao BLESS UP 😍😂😂 (Slide 2: @tatertot_thecorgi_)
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Part 2 (see previous post for Part 1): He’d leap out of his truck wearing overalls and construction boots and a trucker cap - not Ed Hardy but a real one, an unironic one lol. And he look like Tom Brady in the face but he burly like Tom Hardy. And he got no shirt under the overalls just manly. And my girl like “Aren’t you cold?” And in a syrupy southern drawl he say “mayam - I werked one year as longshoreman in Alasker. One tam - my toes done froze off, lost two. But I survaved. An I don’t git cold no mowar. 🤠” He reach under the steering wheel, pop the hood, walk around, flicks it open, props it up with only his arm, grab wiper fluid out of the bed of his truck which also houses a deer he just shot, opens it with his mouth, pours the fluid, replaces the cap. I’m in awe. My girl even more in awe. He grab a blanket out of his truck and wrap up my girl and he like “just makin sure yer old lady’s warm, sir 😌. Would yall lak to come to my home for some deer steaks before continuing yer journey?” And I’m like “wow what a gracious offer u know what MSNBC and CNN are wrong about y’all, rednecks are amazing people” and just then. Right then. My girl hop out the whip. I’m like “WOMAN! IT’S SNOWING?” And she like “you don’t want steak then suit yourself I’M HUNGRY. We could have stopped at Ponderosa like I asked but you said we almost home WELL SMASH WE AIN’T.” And with that she retreat to the redneck’s truck. “But baby,” I said. “We got a nice home. Like the republican Family in Strangers things 😥.” “That might be true” she say “but money can’t buy happiness.” And just like that they ride off in the sunset. People always say “I was born in the wrong era.” BIH! NOT ME! In the 80s u could lose ya girl over wiper fluid! I’m not handy but I know how a Neapolitan suit should fit in the shoulder and how to tastefully appoint a living room with Eames chairs and Mies van der Rohe bench but still make it vibe with heirloom pieces like a grandfather clock! Bish I’m aesthetic asf! I was raised with sisters! And it’s ladies who, combined with my wondrous tung and pipe game, and my brand of earnest empathy, accept my type of manliness lol! Thank you God!! Bless up! 😂😂😂: Meet Eddie, the Hospital Therapy Dog who is always carrying around his bookbag of toys and can always be found in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit @DrSmashlove Reddit u/Stuffy Unicorn Part 2 (see previous post for Part 1): He’d leap out of his truck wearing overalls and construction boots and a trucker cap - not Ed Hardy but a real one, an unironic one lol. And he look like Tom Brady in the face but he burly like Tom Hardy. And he got no shirt under the overalls just manly. And my girl like “Aren’t you cold?” And in a syrupy southern drawl he say “mayam - I werked one year as longshoreman in Alasker. One tam - my toes done froze off, lost two. But I survaved. An I don’t git cold no mowar. 🤠” He reach under the steering wheel, pop the hood, walk around, flicks it open, props it up with only his arm, grab wiper fluid out of the bed of his truck which also houses a deer he just shot, opens it with his mouth, pours the fluid, replaces the cap. I’m in awe. My girl even more in awe. He grab a blanket out of his truck and wrap up my girl and he like “just makin sure yer old lady’s warm, sir 😌. Would yall lak to come to my home for some deer steaks before continuing yer journey?” And I’m like “wow what a gracious offer u know what MSNBC and CNN are wrong about y’all, rednecks are amazing people” and just then. Right then. My girl hop out the whip. I’m like “WOMAN! IT’S SNOWING?” And she like “you don’t want steak then suit yourself I’M HUNGRY. We could have stopped at Ponderosa like I asked but you said we almost home WELL SMASH WE AIN’T.” And with that she retreat to the redneck’s truck. “But baby,” I said. “We got a nice home. Like the republican Family in Strangers things 😥.” “That might be true” she say “but money can’t buy happiness.” And just like that they ride off in the sunset. People always say “I was born in the wrong era.” BIH! NOT ME! In the 80s u could lose ya girl over wiper fluid! I’m not handy but I know how a Neapolitan suit should fit in the shoulder and how to tastefully appoint a living room with Eames chairs and Mies van der Rohe bench but still make it vibe with heirloom pieces like a grandfather clock! Bish I’m aesthetic asf! I was raised with sisters! And it’s ladies who, combined with my wondrous tung and pipe game, and my brand of earnest empathy, accept my type of manliness lol! Thank you God!! Bless up! 😂😂😂

Part 2 (see previous post for Part 1): He’d leap out of his truck wearing overalls and construction boots and a trucker cap - not Ed Hard...

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So last week I posted an adorable pup that was a doggo-coyote mix. Obviously that precipitated a lot of bewildered comments from my beloved followers: “hold up...dogs and coyotes mix?” Now I ain’t think much about it at the time, but upon further reflection...DOGS AND COYOTES (and dogs and wolves 🐺) MIX?! LIKE THESE SPECIES HAVE RELATIONS BRUV?! 😂. Imagine the type of pressure u under as a dog! Like Mr. Peter Poodle hanging at home with Mrs. Pepper Poodle and she gardening and he tending the lawn in overalls and down the street come a wolf and a coyote in a black Chrysler 300 (like them Chryslers that all the trappers drive where it look like a Bentley but really Issa Chrysler) and Mr. Walter Wolf behind the wheel in Cartier glasses, an LA Raiders cap and a leather Pelle Pelle jacket crunching jolly ranchers and holding a double styrofoam cup just pull up to the crib like “AYE PEPPER. GET IN THE WHIP, B!H.” And ol Peter just like “I’m sorry! You can’t speak to my spouse like that! Stop at once before I alert the authorities! I’ll have you know that I golf with the Chief of Police!” And Walter Wolf just hop out and tear Peter’s leg off and start eating it lmao. And he look at Peter like BOY LEMME GIVE U A LIL HISTORY LESSON. ME AND PEPPER USE TO DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL. I GOT HER CARRYING MY PUPS TOO BUT SHE WENT TO PLANNED PUPPERHOOD. SHE AIN TELL U ALL THAT DID SHE. PLUS SHE SENDING ME SNAPS WHEN U AT WORK OL “Peter from procurement” lookin a$$. FYI. PEPPER GET IN THE DAMN CAR. NONE OF THIS ARF ARF WOOF WOOF ISHT. SHE READY TO GO BACK TO A REAL BEAST.” And Walter just throw Peter’s leg on the ground and be like “I’LL BRING HER BACK WHEN I’M DONE.” Smfh. Animal kingdom wil af. Thank God I ain’t gotta deal with an uber-species of trained killers coming for my ladies. To quote Gucci Mane...sh!t shkressful Bruh 😫 BLESS UP 😂😂😂: Retired therapy dog gets a kitten for christmas. Pic: reddit u/lizcomp @DrSmashlove So last week I posted an adorable pup that was a doggo-coyote mix. Obviously that precipitated a lot of bewildered comments from my beloved followers: “hold up...dogs and coyotes mix?” Now I ain’t think much about it at the time, but upon further reflection...DOGS AND COYOTES (and dogs and wolves 🐺) MIX?! LIKE THESE SPECIES HAVE RELATIONS BRUV?! 😂. Imagine the type of pressure u under as a dog! Like Mr. Peter Poodle hanging at home with Mrs. Pepper Poodle and she gardening and he tending the lawn in overalls and down the street come a wolf and a coyote in a black Chrysler 300 (like them Chryslers that all the trappers drive where it look like a Bentley but really Issa Chrysler) and Mr. Walter Wolf behind the wheel in Cartier glasses, an LA Raiders cap and a leather Pelle Pelle jacket crunching jolly ranchers and holding a double styrofoam cup just pull up to the crib like “AYE PEPPER. GET IN THE WHIP, B!H.” And ol Peter just like “I’m sorry! You can’t speak to my spouse like that! Stop at once before I alert the authorities! I’ll have you know that I golf with the Chief of Police!” And Walter Wolf just hop out and tear Peter’s leg off and start eating it lmao. And he look at Peter like BOY LEMME GIVE U A LIL HISTORY LESSON. ME AND PEPPER USE TO DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL. I GOT HER CARRYING MY PUPS TOO BUT SHE WENT TO PLANNED PUPPERHOOD. SHE AIN TELL U ALL THAT DID SHE. PLUS SHE SENDING ME SNAPS WHEN U AT WORK OL “Peter from procurement” lookin a$$. FYI. PEPPER GET IN THE DAMN CAR. NONE OF THIS ARF ARF WOOF WOOF ISHT. SHE READY TO GO BACK TO A REAL BEAST.” And Walter just throw Peter’s leg on the ground and be like “I’LL BRING HER BACK WHEN I’M DONE.” Smfh. Animal kingdom wil af. Thank God I ain’t gotta deal with an uber-species of trained killers coming for my ladies. To quote Gucci Mane...sh!t shkressful Bruh 😫 BLESS UP 😂😂😂
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ima tell you guys the story about my first kiss. I was in 3rd grade. My hoe count was -1,000 cause my grandma use to pick me up from school, I could never walk a shorty home and spit some game. I had this crush on this girl name Ashley. Pretty indian thang. I use to love Jasmine from Aladin. You know She smelt like school lunch and I like school lunch. Ashley had a boyfriend at the time name Chris. Homie had the meanest zit on his forehead. Looking like Tien from dragon ball z. I didn’t tell my grandma i had a half a day of school. I’m walking Ashley thinking about how ima slip this kiss in real quick. I can tell she wasn’t tryna walk with me cause she was speed walking. My heelys don’t roll that fast. I can see her house approaching and I’m timing when ima go for the kill. I turn on my nitrous on my heelys to get me within the 90-10 rule. Me 90% let her finish the last 10%. I ended up going a 1,000. My lips sucking on her tonsils. This probably the worst kiss of all time. Kiss wetter than Jada fire. Ashley begin drowning. Black people don’t swim and i don’t save theses hoes so thats abad combination. She need that heimlich. Her father Apu in the face ass came running out with her brothers to beat my ass. Im running for my life when i see my grandma car driving slow as fuck to my school. Damn Granny school don’t get out for another 2 hours. I hopped in the whip with the meanest urgency. You know grandma gonna give me a life lesson before she hit the nitrous like we doing a Gta Heist. I escaped isis that day. My grandma tore my ass up for lien to her. She a real one fam.: You ever chilled with somebody and when you leave they text you like " I wanted to kiss you so bad " ima tell you guys the story about my first kiss. I was in 3rd grade. My hoe count was -1,000 cause my grandma use to pick me up from school, I could never walk a shorty home and spit some game. I had this crush on this girl name Ashley. Pretty indian thang. I use to love Jasmine from Aladin. You know She smelt like school lunch and I like school lunch. Ashley had a boyfriend at the time name Chris. Homie had the meanest zit on his forehead. Looking like Tien from dragon ball z. I didn’t tell my grandma i had a half a day of school. I’m walking Ashley thinking about how ima slip this kiss in real quick. I can tell she wasn’t tryna walk with me cause she was speed walking. My heelys don’t roll that fast. I can see her house approaching and I’m timing when ima go for the kill. I turn on my nitrous on my heelys to get me within the 90-10 rule. Me 90% let her finish the last 10%. I ended up going a 1,000. My lips sucking on her tonsils. This probably the worst kiss of all time. Kiss wetter than Jada fire. Ashley begin drowning. Black people don’t swim and i don’t save theses hoes so thats abad combination. She need that heimlich. Her father Apu in the face ass came running out with her brothers to beat my ass. Im running for my life when i see my grandma car driving slow as fuck to my school. Damn Granny school don’t get out for another 2 hours. I hopped in the whip with the meanest urgency. You know grandma gonna give me a life lesson before she hit the nitrous like we doing a Gta Heist. I escaped isis that day. My grandma tore my ass up for lien to her. She a real one fam.
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