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Break, Freedom, and Making A: ME A slave making a daring break for his freedom, 1854 (colorized)

A slave making a daring break for his freedom, 1854 (colorized)

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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
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Funny, Hood, and Mt Hood: CH-47 Chinook helicopter makes daring rescue on Mt. Hood

CH-47 Chinook helicopter makes daring rescue on Mt. Hood

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Ass, Booty, and Chill: Lace shorts for men are the new RompHim and honestly we're kinda here for them effeminnate: effeminnate: threefeline: floozys: gothhabiba: femoids: My dad’s a lawyer shorts meet my dad’s a CEO these are… “I’m in a fraternity at an Ivy League and think it gives me the right to talk to people however I want” shorts these are “I rate women on a scale of 1 to 10” shorts these shorts say “I want to be unexpected and daring, but not unexpected and daring enough to wear something that’s actually shaped substantively differently than the 37 pairs of khaki shorts Ralph Lauren polo shirts that I chill at my country club in, along with my boating shoes and the Rolex that my dad gave me upon graduation from high school that, as I will tell anyone who will listen, is real” these shorts say “in elementary school I was in the habit of meeting taunts of ‘my daddy could beat your daddy up’ with the response ‘my daddy could buy your daddy’ and I still get the occasional impulse to say that but it’s not really socially acceptable at this age so I expect these shorts to get that message across for me” these shorts say “I’m straight and I expect it to be obvious enough that I’m straight that I can get away with wearing these, please sleep with me” just wear some booty shorts like everyone else you miserable cowards none of that accurate this is a look literally do any of these men look straight to you  Also you can buy those shorts at their website, hologram city this is literally from this gay ass music video by cazwell, a gay rapper lmaoo. i….dont get how yall see this shit as str8 but it isnt and its rly obnoxious assuming that it was lol 🙄🙄🙄 how yall r rn
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Anaconda, Life, and Memes: @Standup911 A MUST READ- During a robbery, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: “Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.” Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called “Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!” This is called “Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do! When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): “Big brother, let’s count how much we got.” The older robber rebutted and said: “You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!” This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”. This is called “Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage! The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.” This is called “Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job. The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: “We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!” This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!” The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery. This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks! So who are the real robbers here. standup911 fuckthesystem
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