🔥 Popular | Latest

Alive, Animals, and Bad: mithsonian smithchan.com/monsters nake CHANNELmanstersrake 02012 SNUSI Networks LL.C. All rights reserved Smithson legitimatelala: lokiwtf: gallizfrey: anneriawings: siphersaysstuff: honey-andrevolution: sashayed: silvermoon424: poppypicklesticks: billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro: cosmicallycosmopolitan: billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro: james-winston: The Titanoboa, is a 48ft long snake dating from around 60-58million years ago. It had a rib cage 2ft wide, allowing it to eat whole crocodiles, and surrounding the ribcage were muscles so powerful that it could crush a rhino. Titanoboa was so big it couldn’t even spend long amounts of time on land, because the force of gravity acting on it would cause it to suffocate under its own weight. I’m so glad they aren’t around omg me too. I’m scared enough of 26 ft long anacondas. I’m so happy Megalodons, those giant sharks, aren’t alive either Praise natural selection I remember watching Walking with Beasts or something similar, or some British tv show about evolution The subject was something like a 12 foot long water scorpion I was so startled by its sudden appearance and narration that I yelped: “12 fucking feet?!?!  I’m fucking glad it’s extinct!”  Dude, prehistory was home to some fucking TERRIFYING creatures. For some reason, everything back then was enormous and scary. Extinction doesn’t always have to be a bad thing! And Poppy, what you saw was an arthropod known as Pterygotus (it was actually featured in Walking With Monsters). Not only was it as big (or maybe even bigger) than your average human, it had a stinger the size of a lightbulb. REALLY glad that bugger isn’t around anymore. Also, Megalodon deserves to be mention again, because just hearing its name makes me want to never be submerged in water ever again. GOD, I HATE THIS POST. HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THAT SHIT ISN’T STILL AROUND? LURKING? EVOLVING? WE DON’T. WE DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT DOWN THERE. THE OCEAN IS A PRIMEVAL HELLSCAPE NIGHTMARE AND WE ALL JUST DIP OUR STUPID FRAGILE UNPROTECTED FETUS BODIES AROUND THE EDGES OF IT LIKE THAT’S NORMAL. FUCK THE OCEAN. this is so relevant to my interests  It wasn’t just the predators. North Carolina was once home to giant ground sloths… THAT IS A GODDAMNED LEAF-EATING SLOTH. We’ve got a skeleton of one of these fuckers at the museum downtown, and man, just being NEAR it is unsettling. DON’T FORGET PREHISTORIC WHALES, SOME OF THOSE FUCKERS WERE TERRIFYING AMBULOCETUS WAS AMPHIBIOUS AND PRETTY BADASS BASILOSAURUS WAS THIS GIANT REPTILIAN CETACEAN THAT PROBABLY SWAM LIKE A DUMB EEL BECAUSE OF ITS TINY FLUKES BUT THIS FUCKER WAS 60 FEET LONG AND AT THE TOP OF THE MARINE FOOD CHAIN AND THEN THERE’S MY FAVORITE, ZYGOPHYSETER, WHICH WAS THIS HUGE EARLY SPERM WHALE THAT ATE SHARKS AND OTHER WHALES IT WAS NOTHING BUT TEETH The reason why the animals in the prehistoric times were so big was because there was much more oxygen in the atmosphere if I recall correctly. Because there was so much oxygen and so few carbon gasses, life on earth was able to grow to terrifying lengths and heights, don’t forget how giant the bugs were. I have never seen so much prime nope in a single post *Goes on Tumblr at 5am to help me go back to sleep for a bit longer* *Never sleeps again* Dammit I was born to late for all the fun
Save
Alive, Bodies , and Brains: ilthat TIL that due to their small brains koalas are unable to perform complex, unfamiliar tasks such as eat leaves off of flat surfaces. via reddit.com toast-potent how are they even alive kickin-jeans eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat The Fucking Bombs humandisastersquad WROTE THIS POST#god dont get me fuckin started#the NUMBER of times ive Gone Off abt koalas in zooarch class#on a scale of koalas to wombats how good is ur marsupial at Being Alive#hey hey u know what else? koalas are s0 picky with their diet that theyll only eat the leaves of one (1) type of eucalypt#and even then ONLY specimens of that tree that are within a very tight geographic range of where the koala was born#the rescue centre in my city? they have to ship branches from all over the state bc koalas there physically Will Not Eat anything thats not#from their very very small very precise home range#theyd rather starve to death than try leaves from like the next suburb over#i have 60 other reasons why koalas spit in the face of natural selection hmu if you want YELLING i cant be bothered to list them all here#god theyre so incomprehensibly dumb. god#HEY ALSO the reason their brains are so small is bc YEah the one SINGLE species of tree they eat is incredibly toxic#their diet consists of 1 food and it is Brain-Shrinking Poison (@reyroace) reyroace oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is starvation, because 1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc everyone's doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die 2) idiots can't die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker's lung from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their organs like khaki black. like some fuckin darklsteve irwin costume well better piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let em reyroace by the way i never elaborated on "koalas sit in trees all day screaming" but heres a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-jmeBQVQlsTU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-O0CAx1jLbJk gallusrostromegalus My favorite story about Koalas comes from the book The Killer Koala Humorous Australian Bush Stories" By Kenneth Cook, which is an excellently good book with some A+ storytelling. he describes the Koala's "Anti-Dingo Defense", wherein they latch on to the belly of the dingo to slow down the rate at which they are being consumed alive by starving canid, gradually trn themselves around until they've got thier head in the Dingo's crotch, and then procede to BITE THE SHIT out of the Dingo's Tender Bits, whilst clowing at the ribs and projectile-evacuating thier bowels, Mr. Cook found out about the Anti-Dingo Defense beause he was tricked into 'rescuing' a bunch of koalas off an island by the promise of a Hot Date with a young lady, wondered why they were all being given armored aprons to handle the koalas with, only to find out firsthand, which pretty much ruined his prospects of a date. teratomarty What I'm getting is that koalas are basically Australian-grade Death Sloths. the more you know
Save
Advice, Animals, and Arthur: ATANISM represents kindness to those who de serve it instead of love wasted on ingrates! You cannot love everyone; it is ridiculous to think you can. If you love everyone and everything you lose your natural powers of selection and wind up being a pretty poor judge of character and quality. If anything is used too freely it loses its true meaning. Therefore, the Satanist believes you should love strongly and com pletely chose who deserve your love, but never turn the other cheek to your enemy! Love is one of the moet nt highrankingdemoness: the-vampire-inside-me: ficcyshit: imaginetheavengers: 1w1wbigher06fan: mistresserycinae: ciceroll: paradiseofthemindd: lekswinterisdyslexic: danplasmius: gender-ikari: harpyholidays: bookerdewitt: antique-arthur: the-fact-rat: The more I learn about Satanism, the less horrendous it seems. Not even kidding. That’s cause non-theistic Satanism is more about worshipping yourself and sorta treating others how you want to be treated etc hail satan satanism is actually really solid like the Fifth Satanic Rule of the Earth says not to make sexual advances unless you are given consent  satan seems like a pretty nice guy This week on “I didn’t know I was a Satanist” Wait till you hear the Nine Satanic Sins 1. Stupidity 2. Pretentiousness 3. Solipsism 4. Self-deceit 5. Herd conformity 6. Lack of perspective 7. Forgetfulness of past orthodoxies 8. Counterproductive pride 9. Lack of aesthetics That’s right. If you ain’t got no style, you be sinning. *converts to Satanism* it mentioned a rule above, but i havent seen the rest of the satanic rules posted here, so… 1: Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked 2: Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them 3: When in another’s home, show them respect or else do not go there 4: If a guest in your home annoys you, treat them cruelly and without mercy 5: Do not make sexual advantages unless you are given the mating signal 6: Do not take which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and they cry out to be relieved 7: Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it to successfully obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will loose all you have obtained. 8: Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself. 9: Do not harm young children. 10: Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food. 11: When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them. Today in ‘Shit, lets be Satan.’ I’m a catholic christian but this made more sense than some of the stuff in the bible does! I don’t usually post things like this on my blog but I thought it’d be important for people to know that: Satanists DO NOT worship Satan. “Satan” is the latin root for “the one whom opposes”. The name was purposlly chosen to piss off Christians. Satanists are opposed to everything religious, which means that they do not believe in God, therefore, they do not believe in Satan either. The misconceptions of Satanism come from the movies where you see people sacrificing goats and all that stuff, but it is not true. I have read the Satanic Bible. I can assure you that they do not believe in anything religious. Throwing this back up here because I’m thinking about leading with it at the family reunion. wow it’s kinda like perking your head outside a window they always told you would be dangerous, and instead… you find only another view, interesting If only history was not view from the winners who wanted to push thier way on every One as right and not just law we have alot more intresting religions in the public and not just misinformation
Save
7/11, Bigfoot, and Food: bassiter Top 5 Gas Stations To Die At 5. Shell Shells range from well-kept to shady as hell, so dying here is an iffy bet, but at least it has variety. Usually pretty busy, so your body will probably be discovered quickly therefore taking all the mystery out of it. Conventional, but some people might like it. 4. Chevron -n Basically just like a less popular Shell, so you have a better chance of kicking the bucket here. The blue hues make for soothing colors to stare at as your ghost lingers there for all eternity. 3. Quik Trip High quality gas station with endless drinks and snacks. Seat yourself under the soda fountains and drown in sticky disgusting sugar. Excellent place if you want to get up to some poltergeist hijinks in your afterlife. Some go to heaven, some go to 7/11. Shady enough to feel like you might die any moment, but with a slushee selection that'll knock your socks off. Perfect place to die if you want to exist in a almost-but-not-quite liminal space. 5. Circle K As soon as you pull up to Circle K, you've already accepted your death. Anyone there is a possible death threat, and everyone there is doing something otherworldly. Extremely possible that all employees are extraterrestrial. Circle K is the ultimate liminal space gas station and the most likely spot to catch Bigfoot out of the woods. Who wouldn't wanna die there? thes3nator i but how could you forget Buc-ee's? 6. Buc-ee's With a row of gas pumps that seem to stretch out into infinity (with impressive parking to boot as well.) Buc-ees is without a doubt the best spot to die for extroverts looking to connect with other un-mortals from all walks of life. As far as luminal spaces go, Buc-ee's is not a strong contender as its clean bathrooms, wide variety of merchandise, and home-cooked southern food provide too welcoming an environment for wayward spirits. That said, the sheer numbers of people coming from diverse geographic locations provide a plethora of different belief systems and thus an excellent opportunity for possession. This is extremely handy if you need to possess religious adherents to get you to pray for your soul and thus set you free to the afterlife of your preference Source: donkamatic 2,840 notes Catch my lifeless corpse outside the circle K

Catch my lifeless corpse outside the circle K

Save