🔥 Popular | Latest

Ass, Bad, and Bad Day: Straight guy worries he's being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he's fallen in love with him Plot twist: it turns out I don't have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it's me he's kissing. hutchj: artemuscain-gamingandbs: mamatronchatoro: puppygays: oh god, they were roommates This straight guy, who we’ll call Mike, has been roommates with Alex for a year. When Alex told Mike he was gay, he was absolutely fine with it. But then when Alex started to bring guys home…he started getting annoyed, resentful, disgusted. Posting on Reddit, he said: ‘First things first, let me say that I’ve never thought of myself as being discriminatory before. I had a gay friend in high school and we made it through some tough times together, I never felt weird about him dating a guy. So all of this is coming out of nowhere. ‘”Alex” has been my roommate for one year, and I pretty much knew upfront about him being gay. At some point we became friendly enough with each other that we could even joke about it, as in, sometimes he’ll pretend to flirt with me and I’ll pretend to flirt back. I’m straight and he knows that, but I don’t feel threatened by him flirting with me and he says most straight guys do. ‘The problems started because of this: Alex brings guys home sometimes. At the start I thought I was okay with it, since it’s really not my business who he sleeps with. He’s usually discreet enough about it that I don’t see/hear anything I wouldn’t want to see/hear from anyone else, but for some reason I’ve started feeling weird if I even see him with other guys. ‘I don’t know when it started but one time that really sticks out to me is when I came home and saw him and some guy making out on the couch. I don’t know how to describe what it was like to see that, except that for a moment I felt so bad I thought I was going to throw up. Alex was embarrassed (he didn’t think I’d be back for a while), but I told him it was okay since I was embarrassed too. ‘I felt bad for being as disgusted as I was, since there’s NO good reason for me to have a reaction like that. I thought maybe they just caught me by surprise and that’s why I reacted so strongly, but it turned out it wasn’t a one-time thing. After that, every time he has a guy over (not that often, but every once in a while) I just start feeling like shit and wishing that guy would leave, and I can’t stop thinking about what these guys might have done to him even though I don’t want to imagine that. It makes me really uncomfortable and grossed out. And these are just guys he fools around with, I don’t know what I’d do if he ends up getting an actual boyfriend. ‘Alex has started to notice and it’s affecting our friendship. The other day I came home right when some guy was about to leave, and the guy tried to be polite to me but I ended up being rude to him (don’t remember what I said, but it was really obvious I was pissed). When the guy left, Alex asked me why I was being an asshole. I didn’t know what to say, but then he asked if I had a problem with him sleeping with other guys. I said no. For some reason that pissed him off more and he said I can’t complain since I used to bring my fuckbuddy over and he was forced to see me being affectionate with her sometimes. (I was in an FWB situation with a girl in the early days of me and Alex living together, but I broke it off after a few months and I haven’t done anything with anyone since.) I agreed with him and told him I was just having a bad day and I don’t care who he sleeps with, but he looked more upset and told me he’s going to a friend’s place to cool off. I said okay. When he was leaving for some reason he casually said, “and you’ll be okay if I sleep with him as long as I do at his place and not ours, right?” Or something like that. I told him it’s none of my business what he does at someone else’s place, but when he said that I felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t stop thinking about it. ‘He didn’t show up later that night even though he was supposed to hang out with me and my sister. He’s never blown me off before and it made me feel like shit, but part of it was my fault since I made him feel like I was judging him for sleeping with guys. Now he’s acting like nothing happened but I’m worried I might mess things up if it happens again. I want to keep him as a friend, but he’d be hurt if he knew that whenever I think about him with other guys it disgusts me. ‘How do I deal with this? I’ve never been homophobic but I’ve suddenly developed some kind of homophobia where just the idea of my roommate’s sex life makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t react like this to other gay people either, it’s just Alex. I don’t know if this means I’m only okay with gay people as long as I’m not living with them or what. Does anyone else have experience with this? I want to get over myself and stop whatever this is, but if I can’t I’m going to have to leave since the last thing I want to do is hurt Alex, and if I stay here and keep automatically judging him for his lifestyle that’s what’s going to happen. ‘tl;dr: Roommate is gay, I am not but I thought I was okay with him being gay until I realised I feel crappy when I see him with other guys and it’s started to affect our friendship. How to deal with this/stop being such a dick?’ One Redditor asked: ‘Are you sure that weird feeling isn’t jealousy…? i mean, this only seems to revolve around Alex specifically.’ And Mike responded: ‘I thought about that, but I don’t know what I’m meant to be jealous of. He definitely has a more active sex life than I do, but reacting like this to something like that seems really strange and irrational.’ The Redditor responded: ‘Yeah i thought maybe you don’t like seeing Alex with other people because you want his attention to yourself?’ ‘The day I made the post, I met up with my sister Laura [24F] and I showed her the post. She read the whole thing and called me an oblivious walnut and said it sounds like I have a crush on Alex. The same conclusion some of you came to in the original post. ‘Anyway, she talked me through it and we confirmed I’m not as straight as I thought I was. She also pointed out something in my original post, where I said the more I tried to reassure him I didn’t mind who he slept with, the more he got upset. Also: how he brought my old FWB situation into it. I just thought he was understandably mad with me for being an asshole, but Laura thought it sounded like maybe Alex wanted me to be jealous? We moved on from that topic pretty quickly, though, since I couldn’t really handle the implications of that when I’d JUST started to understand that I like this guy. ‘The next few days were mostly me sitting on my ass trying to wrap my head around everything. I was scared of messing up our friendship and losing him, but I was even more scared that I might just let this pass without saying anything and then he gets a boyfriend and I have to see him with another guy…etc. Because if that happened I would probably have to end it anyway, since as we’ve established, I’m not great at dealing with him being with other guys. ‘Probably could have planned it better, but I told him. Right after a Tarantino marathon, if anyone’s interested, since nothing says romance like graphic violence. I told him I’ve been such a dick because I was jealous. I don’t think he got what I was getting at because he just laughed a little and said I didn’t have to be jealous since it wasn’t like I’d have any trouble finding people to sleep with me. No clue how I explained, it’s a blur. Luckily he saw how nervous I was so he knew I was serious. ‘We talked. Long story short: all that flirting was real, but Alex didn’t have any hope of it going further because of me being an oblivious “straight” guy. So he’s been trying to get over me. He laughed really hard when I told him about how I mistook my jealousy for homophobia, and he teased me by saying he’d never expected me to be the jealous type. Then again, we both ended up laughing a lot of out of nervousness and awkwardness. I’ve never seen him like that before since he’s usually pretty confident. In the end we agreed to maybe try something out, and we kissed. Never kissed anyone with a beard before, so…interesting experience, but also really good. (Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.) ‘Since then we’ve kind of been easing into the whole dating thing, I guess? I know this place is wary about roommate relationships and I get why, but it’s been great so far. We had our first proper date last weekend and it was incredible, though a bit weird since we’ve done that a thousand times already and this time there was a new context. At home we still do our normal thing, but sometimes we get distracted. Last night I almost burned dinner because I had to kiss him and we got kind of carried away, haha. We’re taking the whole sex thing slow though since I’ve never done anything with another guy before. ‘I’m a little worried about coming out to my family and my other friends, especially since this is almost as new for me as it would be for them. My parents are very openminded and my mom especially loves Alex. But I have some more conservative family members on my dad’s side, and I can already imagine them blaming Alex for turning me gay. They can also be pretty racist (Laura’s boyfriend is Latino so she knows all about that) and Alex is mixed. It’s something to think about in the longterm, I guess. Alex has said he doesn’t expect me to jump out of the closet right away, but if we end up calling ourselves a couple then I’m not going to keep him a secret or anything. ‘So…we’re trying. And I am not a homophobe, and nobody needed therapy. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy, and I never would have expected this when I made that first post. It’s a good thing some of you picked up on the actual problem and tried to get it through to me despite me being an oblivious walnut, so…thanks, guys.’ Funniest self-realization in the world? ‘Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.’ This was…. cute??? Someone make a movie out of this b/c this was an emotional roller coaster. 
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That I Can Actually Afford PART3 Co PART 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes $9.99-$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in. I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea,Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh. 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/160593462263/you-can-buy-these-stuffs-here" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/">You can buy these stuffs here</a></b></p></blockquote>
Save
Aladdin, Bad, and Barbie: C ,d 40%. 11:52 PM minesottafatspoollegend i love in fantasy when its like "king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous" es When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed 'Evil Chancellor Traytor. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, chancellor just came with the word 'evil in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition Like 'grand' or 'high' or something along those lines Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancel- lor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called 'the kingslayer The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that b mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the 'settlement' in my sister and I's closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched roken toys had access to the dog The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the evil in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler-or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader, because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the 'machinery of politics working as smoothly as ever Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he'd done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don't know why but we got the biggest kick out of in Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can't the king see how wicked he is?! Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char! Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king's back, we'll know where to look! Evil Chancellor Traytor's Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn't looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs... insert iconic evil laugh* Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom's cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I's games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special 'episode where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor's diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that 'Traytors grave would have a body' (this seemed very important for some reason) And then we had the Quest For a New King Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called Tyrant King Cobra Source: sweetbabyr aysgourmetsauces 79,144 notes I want this to be an actual soap so bad
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That I Can Actually Afford PART3 Co PART 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes $9.99-$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in. I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea,Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh. 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/160593462263/you-can-buy-these-stuffs-here" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/">You can buy these stuffs here</a></b></p></blockquote>
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That I Can Actually Afford PART3 Co PART 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes $9.99-$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in. I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea,Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh. 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/160593462263/you-can-buy-these-stuffs-here" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/">You can buy these stuffs here</a></b></p></blockquote>
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save
Anaconda, Bailey Jay, and Comfortable: JURASIRC PARK MATRIX TWISTER MATRIN lBMIB SPEED TWISTER TWISTER TWISTEMLB MEB MB fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.” 
Save
Anaconda, Bailey Jay, and Comfortable: JURASIRC PARK MATRIX TWISTER MATRIN lBMIB SPEED TWISTER TWISTER TWISTEMLB MEB MB fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.” 
Save
Anaconda, Bailey Jay, and Comfortable: JURASIRC PARK MATRIX TWISTER MATRIN lBMIB SPEED TWISTER TWISTER TWISTEMLB MEB MB fuckyeah1990s: inyourheadtheyrestillfighting: fuckyeah1990s: sailorxnibiru: fuckyeah1990s: show-them-all: fuckyeah1990s: misfitreindeer: fuckyeah1990s: mvessick: fuckyeah1990s: i still have hella VHS tapes. no one even cares, i should just throw them in the trash.  Hell, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. they’ve been in my closet for a year just taking up space… i seriously want to get rid of them now why do you have so many copies of the same videos ….more??? o_O i literally have like 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WE WANT ANSWERS ok… fine…  last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs… like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.  But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like  “So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.” and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.” 
Save
Save
Batman, Beautiful, and College: I'm about to have a fun afternoon. So my trainer's bf cheated on her, She broke up with him, He's holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to t Which she refuses. alk with Ain She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a bodly builder, and... wait for it... .a Navy seal. We're gonna go get her shit for her This should make for an interesting story. So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right, That's what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude's house. But I very proud to say, this ended without Arrival: Arrival: So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker's explorer and headed over to dude's house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I'd say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks ike your average guy b him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again, Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at hirm completely shocked when dude answers the door, He looks at this ut about THE SANISTER, We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door, fie looks at this weird threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman, te was like "FINE. Go take what you're looking group Retrieval: So we're all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We n't even tell her we were coming,t no list of items.The only one really berng productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down, Just showing off how strong were, In case the numbers game wasn't enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house, Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then was causing general mischief . He said to take what I was looking for, that's what I was looking for Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich, Because "you guys look like you have it under control, and I'm a sucker for egg salad. We were in and out in 15 Delivery: So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl's spot. She was conweniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don't. She sent us all an email once and didn't blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex, "OMg what didl you say to him? delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of Nothing. We're not messenger boys. We're delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked "Wtf is all that shit." So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed, She then. unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer, It was quiet for a second when the seal was like "So... chipoltle?" And we all got burrito bowls This is literally the most beautiful and thrilline tale, Start to fnish Sorry about the font
Save
College, Crime, and Fake: coolhotdad my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy's store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBl is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my "fake" purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can't clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy's and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they're all fakes. Source: coolhotdad A crime requiring purse-istence

A crime requiring purse-istence

Save