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Advice, Bored, and Children: ,111 88%0 12:05 PM Forums Dear Dish-lt > Boyfriend and Girlfriend Issues "Sabie's Relationship Guide 1 1 2 3 45 6 7 89 12 13 Posted about 11 years ago Saabe Posts: 186 First and foremost I must give credit to Void, not that the ideas in here are his, but that the guide itself is inspired by his. I started writing this a just a guide that l'd post up on Kidzworld, and let everyone there use it once l had left the site, and since I'm pretty much leaving, here it is: 簝 .111 85% 12:20 PM ou may not know, since my topic go deleted, for the second time now, but I've been doing advice here for almost two years. And thus far have been the only person to keep a relationship advice thread running that long. Unfortunately during the cleaning, it was erased, before I got past 50 pages, and the second time a Spamme.r caused the board to glitch so my topic had to be erased after it reached 82 pages. So l decided Imight as well put up a love guide. I will try to keep each "chapter" as short as possible, so as not to bore you, while putting in enough info to get you through if you're dealing with that topic. / would also like to note that credit to the basis of this Guide goes to all who posted questions in either of my threads, and StarF, because this is a little less than a copy of his Guide to Kidzworld Please remember this is my opinion and the advice here may not help in every case, but it's a good place to start, andI've had plenty of experience and success when giving advice. I am not a professional. yet. durnesque-esque: I’m crying of laughter and embarrassment. I was bored googling this morning and on a whim decided to see if the dating guide I wrote as a pretentious teenager was still floating around and it fucking is! 11+ years later and it is STILL a pinned topic in the relationship forum on Kidzworld. To set the scene: at age 14, having held hands with a cute Austrailian boy whilst at summer camp for my dad’s car company, I decided I was well versed enough in the art of love to start a teenage romance column: Dear Sabie (short for Sarahbeth which is another story all together). So I did! Now because I was thoughtful and could compose coherent sentences, my Dear Sabie forum grew in popularity (omg, 50 pages of me telling people things! Omg another 80 pages of me telling people things!). Or maybe I was actually good at it, I dunno. But I got it into my 16 year old head that I wanted a legacy. Being a forum for children, there was an age limit, so I had to work quickly. I spent a summer writing a romance guide for the website that I would post before I got kicked off due to the age restriction. But I had bigger plans, the post would be just the beginning. I was going to write a BOOK! And it would be published and I would be famous for giving EXCELLENT dating advice at such a tender age! I posted, made my grand farewells, and low and behold I convinced the forum moderators to pin it to the top of the board because it was so *wonderful.* And there it sits! I can’t believe they have allowed that relic to remain pinned to the forum. If you ever wanted a time capsul of what a sanctimonious and self-important teenager looks like, have a read! I’m so proud and so embarrassed. (http://www.kidzworld.com/forums/bf-gf-issues/t/15935-sabies-relationship-guide) P.S. if Void is out there somewhere and sees this: hey friend! Remember when we were legend?
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Apparently, Dad, and Dogs: Cheko reacted quickly when he saw his owner get threatend with a knife in a domestic dispute, he dived in front of his mom to protect her. Here he is shown recovering from being stabbed 13 times. Four intruders, one armed with a shotgun broke into a family home where the father was threatened to open the family safe, when the dad of 3 didn't comply the indruder got ready to open fire where Lefty the pit bull jumped at him blocking the shot from his daddy and got a bullet wound to his shoulder. The intruder was injured by the dog and they all quickly fled from the scene. Baby, a 10 year old pit bull woke up her family in the middle of the night to alert them of a blazing fire that had broken out. Managing to avoid the vicious flames, one by one she woke up each family member and led them to safty. After putting her humans out of danger, she then ran back into the burning house to save the family's other five dogs, one of which was blind and too scared to go with her so she pulled the dog out by the scruff of the neck. The home was completely distroyed but thanks to Baby, no-one had a single burn. Cara was walking her dog, Creature one night and couldn't help but notice he had a lot of interest in a certain bush. Shrugging it of as he's just seen a cat, Creature carried on to pull and bark to alert his owner that something wasn't quite right. Cara finally went with her companions instinct and decided to check it out, where she found an elderly woman in her PJs on the ground, shivering from the cold. Who she found was Carmen Mitchell, 89, suffers from Alzheimer's and had wandered from her home. When Bella the pit bull mix was seen running into traffic and barking at pedestrians, she was thought to be just another stray. Teri was one of those pedestrians and decided the follow the mixed breed. Bella lead Teri to her home, where her wheelchair-bound owner was found on the floor with stab wounds in his neck while clinging to life. Her owner luckily survived and says that he owes his life to Bella for running to get help. I made this comp because the media only concerntrates on the badly-owned pit bulls then blame their breed for it for their actions. There's hundreds of stories about heroic pit bulls that saidly never make it to mainstream media as people seem to love an outrage. If this gets a good reaction then i'll put more up but i don't want to bore anyone for now. I have a pit bull who i took from a dog fighter when he was a puppy, even though he's been 'bred to fight' i've raised him right and in the 11 years of having him he's never hurt anyone and has given me nothing but happiness (and maybe a couple of chewed up shoes) Thanks for reading guys, i hope the world is a little more open- minded on this misunderstood yet lovable breed. alayshalifts: faintedincoils: cruelbl00m: cookiexslut: I’m such a sap I teared up so hard while reading this. Pits don’t deserve the mistreatment they get, they’re such sweet babies. My sweet babe wouldn’t ever hurt someone unless I was in real danger. Such a perfect breed. Sources for the stories:  Chako Lefty (apparently she lost one leg but is otherwise fine and well) Baby Creature Bella This made me cry its so sweet. I love them

alayshalifts: faintedincoils: cruelbl00m: cookiexslut: I’m such a sap I teared up so hard while reading this. Pits don’t deserve the mis...

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College, Fucking, and Hungry: trajans nefertitie nefertitie did i ever tell u guys that in fifth grade my class wrote a play bc we were studying ancient greece? it was called persephone and the (not so hot) heroes. i played demeter. basically, persephone got kidnapped by kronos and i strong armed hades into giving me 3 heroes from the underworld to get her back but they were actually temible and i forget how she was actually saved but bottom line is that you wish you were my fifth grade class this wasn't little either, we used the town hall and we wore togas and shit me as demeter some lines (this was a joint effort of a bunch of greek-savvy 10/11 year olds): athena: "im the goddess of wisdom but you don't notice me telling everyone. i'm too smart for that aphrodite: is zeus chasing some mortal woman again? athena: no this time he and hera have gone for marriage counselling athena: we can ask hades to let them out of the underworld to help aphrodite: he'll never agree, he's such a deadly bore (we made a fucking pun im so angry) demeter hades wont pick up he's too busy torturing the dead in tartarus hades i can't undo the laws of death just think of the paperwork aphrodite the humidity is messing up my hair. it's getting all frizzy athena: is that all you care about? aphrodite: no, it's also messing up my dress demeter it's so dark, and there aren't any trees or flowers hades what do we need trees for, everybody's dead paris: yeah, and i can shoot straight! isn't that right, achilles? (hades enters) paris: who are you? do we know you? achilles: im mighty achilles odysseus: im wily odysseus paris: and im hungry paris kronos: i really am awesome, aren't i aeton one wrong move and you're history odysseus: fooll we already are historyl demeter. where are those mortals? i left them right there athena: are you sure? this isnt the first time you've lost someone l suddenly have the need for the entire screenplay, and to direct it at my college This play is the stuff of legends
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Bad, Beautiful, and Crazy: SOME JERK CLOCKED AN NYC DUDE BECAUSE HE KINDA LOOKS LIKE SHIA LABEOUF Last week, it was reported that a dude who bore an uncanny resemblance to Shia Labeouf was clocked by a stranger in the face, for no reason other than said resemblance to Shia Labeouf. The dude, advertising art director Mario Licarto, has since ridden the fallout of the punch to the weirdest fifteen minutes of fame ever, culminating in a Cosmo interview, in which he revealed that Shia himself had called and left a voicemail. It was a pretty long voicemail. He was like, "Hey, this is Shia LaBeouf... Ijust read an article that you were punched in the face because you look like me? " And he was like, "Aw, man. That sucks. l'm so sorry. But I getit It's happened to me before." And then he was like, "i don't know. I wish I was in New York. I'd come bring you soup. " He was just like, "This sucks. I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry. People are just crazy. Just because you look like me?" I was obviously laughing the whole time. And then he was like, "Here's my phone number. Don't give it to anybody. Please, please, call me back. Call me back if you want to. We could chat. Let's giggle over this. Maybe there's a silver lining in all this. But call me back." And then he was like, "And once again, this is Shia LaBeouf, the guy you got hit for looking like. And yeah, man, I'm sorry. I'm just really sorry." And he was like "Keep your head up, G." And that was it He sounded bummed and genuinely really bad. Like he just felt like shit. Like I can't believe this happened. This sucks. And he was just like, "I wish I was in New York but I'm not." I thought it was really funny that he wanted to bring me soup n0chillvibes: wholesome-memes-only: veryangryfeminist: grampasimpson: some dude got decked for looking like shia labeouf and so shia labeouf sent him the best voicemail of all time he’d come bring the man soup I fucking love him Somehow, this is pure and good this is so beautiful
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Dogs, Fall, and Family: If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because man, they're gone theoreticalconstruct: truestoriesaboutme: resting-meme-face: is this Dark Water? This is a Jack Handey quote, actually. People talk about certain writers shitposting before shitposting was a thing, but Jack Handey practically invented shitposting. He wrote these short nonsense one liners and they published them in the National Lampoon and played them on SNL in the 90s. There’s a shit ton of them and they all sound like shitposts. Here’s just a few: “I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.” “Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.” “To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.“” “If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Hambone.” “I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale.  They look and look, but you know what?  They never find him.  And you know why they never find him?  It doesn’t say.  The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide.  Then, at the very end, there’s a page you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.” “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?  We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” “If you’re an ant, and you’re walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin” “I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns—regular sun and “rogue” sun. That way, when somebody asked me what time it was, I’d say, “Regular time?” And they’d say, “Yeah.”  And I’d say, “Sorry, all I have is rogue time.”  It’d be fun to be a stuck-up rogue-time guy.” “If you’re a cowboy, and you’re dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.” “I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.” “If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it’s okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks.  But ONLY if you’re serious about adopting the vulture.” “If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.” “We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients.  But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.” There were so many of these, and they were all hilarious. Still are. “It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.” “The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.” “I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.”   “Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.” “The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we’d all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I’m not sure where we’d go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called “Dad.” We’d eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.”
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Being Alone, America, and Appalled: *THE BIG FALL STYLE ISSUE 46 PAGES FULL OF ING LOOK SHARP,LIVE SMART ADAMM DRIVER FROM GIRLS TO STAR WARS AT LIGHT SPEED EVE YOU N TO FACE THE COOL THE BEST DRINKING CITY IN AMERICA IT'S T NEW HE 25 BIGG SLEAZEBAGS IN SPORTS "SON, MEN DON'T GET RAPED THE SHOCK SEXUALAS IN THE MILIT HO 3E AWO AN OFF 0 7549843 SPECIAL REPORT "SON, MEN DON'T GET RAPED" THE SHOCKING TRUTH OF MALE SEXUAL ASSAULT IN THE MILITARY NATHANIEL PENN Sexual assault is alarmingly common in the U.S. military, and more than half of the victims are men. According to the Pentagon, thirty-eight military men are sexually assaulted every single day DONT GET RAPEI) These are the stories you never hear-because the culprits almost always go free, the survivors rarely speak, and no one in the military or Congress has done enough to stop it PLATON amydentata: l8rg8rz: prolifefemale: buttons-beads-lace: fuckyeahbiguys: theamericanavenger: theamericanavenger: Okay guys this is kinda important. GQ just came in the mail and for the first time in a long while it had a really important article… I just sat here for like the last half hour reading this and I’m incredibly appalled at our justice system in regards to the military. The article interviews about 23 men who have all been sexually assaulted in some branch of the military. The PTSD from sexual assault in the military is more prevalent than PTSD from combat… If you have a chance I suggest reading this article…and the title is a quote that one of the victims Doctor told him… Hey guys! I’m very impressed and extremely happy to see this post gaining a lot of speed over the last few days! A few people have requested it, so i’ve gone ahead and scanned the pages of the article for those who want to read it, to read.  So, here it is! Wow. Very powerful stuff. I’ve had quite a few friends from back home enter the military and this is never something we bring up in discussions. I’m glad it’s garnering more attention.  Some quotes: “The moment a man enlists in the United States armed forces, his chances of being sexually assaulted increase by a factor of ten. Women, of course, are much more likely to be victims of military sexual trauma (MST), but far fewer of them enlist. In fact, more military men are assaulted than women— nearly 14,000 in 2012 alone.” “Military culture is built upon a tenuous balance of aggression and obedience. The potential for sexual violence exists whenever there is too much of either.” “Trent Smith, Air Force, enlisted 2011: “He was a senior aide— he had a direct line to the top. Being invited voer to his house, I just took it as I should go. Looking back, I as myself, Why didn’t you do anything? It wasn’t like he held me down or tied me up. I didn’t want to cross him. I really didn’t feel like I had any choice. I had just turned 19. It could be my career. I froze and went along with it.”“ “Rsearch suggests that the military brass may have conspired to illegally discharge MST victims by falsely diagnosing them with personality disorders. “The military has a systemic personality disorder discharge problem,” write the authors of a 2012 Yale Law School white paper. Between 2001 and 2010, some 31,000 servicepersons were involuntarily discharged for personality disorders. It is likely that in many cases these were sham diagnoses meant to rid the ranks of MST victims.” “Jeremy Robinson [name changed], Army, 1970-1972: “I have very little memory of my time in the psychiatric ward, because I was so heavily drugged. I stopped eating. I became suicidal, and I made three attempts. They gave me shock treatments against my will. The diagnosis was paranoid schizophrenia. I bore that label for forty years before the VA finally admitted they had misdiagnosed me.”“ “Above all, MST victins keep quiet because they do not believe their attackers will be punished. And they’re almost certainly right. The conviction rate in MST cases that go to trial is just 7 percent. An estimated 81% of male MST victims never report being attacked. Perhaps it should astonish us that any of them do.” “Mike Thomson, Marines, 1997-1999: ”I wasn’t “afraid” to report it— I was ashamed and disgusted. Guys aren’t supposed to be raped. I didn’t want to tell anybody about it. I didn’t want to say anything.”“ “Men develop PTSD from sexual assault at nearly twice the rate they do from combat. Yet as multiple research papers have noted, the condition in men is egregiously understudied. This is because so few men tell anyone. Those who do often wait years; many male participants in therapy groups are veterans of Korea and Vietnam. At Bay Pines’ C. W. Bill Young VA Medical Center in Florida, the country’s first residential facility for men suffering from MST, the average patient is over 50 years old at admission.” So GLAD the word is spreading!  How to talk about really important issues without derailment So hey, yeah, this is how you do it people. Don’t interrupt other convos about rape to turn it to men. Just start your own conversation. That’s how feminists made the topic headline news. You can do it too, without attacking other issues in the process. Good job GQ.
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Bad, Beer, and Dad: sppot aing In tect y BCDEF- H-K-phasphs -R-9-T-U- M--Y-and- un wty didusaphaspharcus because ts the LN ENTALP Aman aal hesefne iae beiweeea suseae anda desor Only a faction of yeu will undatand this Same peaple appreciata these jokes aore dan't wnd the cvisan is clex QUEUE IS JUSTQ FOLLOWED B 4 SILENT LETTERSA THEY ARENT SILENT THEYRE WAITING THEIR TURN bores past gery ic anoeymoua Tm aecing a et of nev faCEs in teand tha wek and thae to say m h tgented 7 Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an urwiling agnostic and a dyslexic? wish there was a Formula to make Friends. The squadratic formula DIDYOU HEAR ARDUTTHE MAN WHO GOT COOLED TO ARSOLUTE ENOP () CH'L CH HESOK Heisenberg and Schrddrger are taveling in a car and are puiled over by a cop The oticer asks Do you know how fast you were going Heisenberg repls "No, but I know where I am This arouses the officers upicion so he asks to check their unk He looks inside and asks "Are you aware thare us a dead cat in your unk?, to which Schrbdinger reples 1 do now 11 you are 412 13 eo NTTON Wesh W HOM O Or Dd ou g YODA Yp 14 Romec check out this cat video T t: omg dad Jut h Just: romo eti dct men ly ded Julet romeo 15 I put my root beer in a square cup. Now it's just beer. SCERODINCER HOWS NY CAT DOCP dinger's AuApe VET I HAVE GOOD NEWS & BAD NEWS 17 The sunber pla ia the chemical equason far Gaccas and the car is a whits Cabe THAT'S A NICE CAR, BUT.. WHERE DID MY VAN GOGH? 19 What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question? 2 MAFUNGI WHY DOESNT ANYONE LIKE MEP 21 paidays 1 my one hat was gadium unny neon thet Na No 22 AREYOUMADEOUTOF COPPER AND TELLURIUMP You Are Pretty Smart If You Get These 23 Jokes

You Are Pretty Smart If You Get These 23 Jokes

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