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Tumblr, Blog, and Good: c-bassmeow: This is talent. A singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist. Her voice and this song haunt me, but in a good way. 

c-bassmeow: This is talent. A singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist. Her voice and this song haunt me, but in a good way. 

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Amazon, Bad, and Be Like: krista (030) y@cherryblushed i used to read 3-4 full sized novels in middle school. now i see anything longer than a paragraph and bounce. i'll miss u brain cells, can't believe u peaked at age 12 15/9/18, 1:04 pm 68 Retweets 238 Likes takingbackmyfirstamendmentrights: dewdrop156: memecage: It do be like that. I was having a surprisingly good conversation with my sister recently and I was talking about how one of the reasons I don’t read as much as I used to is because I don’t have the same resources I did when I was a 4th grader. When I was a kid, I could sit and read all I wanted, all I had to to was exist and go where people took me. I didn’t have to feed myself or pay bills or keep track of things, which of course now I have to deal with all of those things so I can’t read as much and tend to read pretty easy to read books. My sister brought up the really good point that, of course I want to read easy books, I’m a young adult, in a very tumultuous phase of life, constantly being thrown new information, my brain doesnt want a classical novel, my brain wants something readable and immersive. tl;dr don’t feel bad for not reading as much as you used to, it’s okay. Read what you can when you can and don’t stress about the rest But nowadays, there are so many more resources for reading that you can gain access to. Even though you’re busy and stressed out my life, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to strive to read whenever possible. I’ve compiled this basic list of super accessible ways to read in the modern age.1. LibbyLibby is a library app, and it free to use. If you have a library card (which you can either pick up at a branch or online, depending on where you live), you put in your information, and you have access to your library’s ebooks and audiobooks. Generally, you can check ebooks out for two to three weeks, and it gives you the option to renew (if someone isn’t waiting in line for that book) or return early. It’s super user- friendly. If you want to scam the system a little bit, a lot of libraries give you 30 to 60 days after making a card online to come in and actually get a physical card and show your ID. If you are looking for a specific book that your library may not have, make library cards at other locations with fake addresses and check out their supply. I personally have about eight library cards, so I always can find what I’m looking for unless it’s super rare. 2. KindleWhile you can buy the actual Amazon e-reader, you can also just use the free app. There are a bunch of ebooks you can read for free, or for a low price. If you have Kindle Unlimited ($10/month), you can borrow up to ten KU books at a time for as long as you want. A lot of authors have KU books, so it’s a good way to go. 3. NookBarnes and Noble’s Nook is similar to the Kindle—comes in a physical e-reader, but is also usable as a free app. I will say I find that their selection generally costs more than Amazon’s selection, but it’s an option if you prefer to stay away from Amazon products. One thing they do sometime around the end of the year is send you out a refund check for all the books that you purchased through them that were at a higher market price then they would’ve been elsewhere. I’ve gotten like three of these, so I figure it’s a regular thing. 4. AudibleFor people who are sight-impaired or have difficulty sitting down and reading a book, audiobooks are SO the way to go. When you sign up, you can receive up to two free audiobooks, and whatever plan you decide to go with gives you two free audiobooks a month (from a specific selection) in addition to your credits! If you have Kindle ebooks, there is sometimes an option to purchase the accompanying Audible audiobook for a super discounted rate. If you don’t like an audiobook, you can call in to return it at any time. I have something like forty or fifty audiobooks from them, and I’ve exchanged another twenty. These options are all in addition to physical books from your local library, and discount bookstores. The nice thing about ebooks is that generally they have the option to highlight and bookmark pages, change the font size and type, and even change the color of the page if you prefer.I always thought audiobooks were for old people until a few years ago when I was commuting about three hours a day for work. I wasn’t reading nearly as much, and as an avid reader, that distressed me greatly.Finally, I looked into audiobooks and it was a huge life changer. Instead of wasting three hours a day in traffic, I was reading for three hours a day that I would’ve otherwise not been able to. Not only does it make a trip go faster, but it makes it much more enjoyable.And even if you don’t want it for the commute or for the gym, audiobooks are a really good option for people who have vision problems. I have migraines when I stare at screens too much, so I pop on an audiobook and just crochet or do the dishes. I have a friend who has very bad eyesight, and he has not been able to read in something close to a year. I set him up with a library card and a Libby account, and all of a sudden, he was able to catch up on all the books he had been wanting to read!I’m just saying, I promote reading because no matter what you read, you’re learning something. Even though life is stressful and crazy and distracting, there are still ways you can find to sit down and curl up with a good book. “My brother has his sword, I have my books. And a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.” -Tyrion Lannister

takingbackmyfirstamendmentrights: dewdrop156: memecage: It do be like that. I was having a surprisingly good conversation with my sister r...

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Apparently, Bad, and Click: Strongly Slightly Not sure/in Slightly Strongly Disagree Disagree between Agree Agree 1. I feel discouraged about the way things are going. goodluckdetective: theseriouscynic: vanillayote: clinicallydepressedpug: jinxasaurus: draggle: slashmarks: rosalinarosee: angst420: tantefledermaus: fromonesurvivortoanother: telegantmess: angryflyingstar: angst420: job applications just keep getting weirder….. pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil. this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals   When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.   “Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes.       The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”      The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?”  “Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.        The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”       The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?” Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.   ^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :( And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden. Oh! That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work. They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical. We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills! Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things. My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think. Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz. So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree” Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out. For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire” It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.
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Apparently, Bad, and Click: Strongly Slightly Not sure/in Slightly Strongly Disagree Disagree between Agree Agree 1. I feel discouraged about the way things are going. goodluckdetective: theseriouscynic: vanillayote: clinicallydepressedpug: jinxasaurus: draggle: slashmarks: rosalinarosee: angst420: tantefledermaus: fromonesurvivortoanother: telegantmess: angryflyingstar: angst420: job applications just keep getting weirder….. pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil. this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals   When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.   “Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes.       The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”      The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?”  “Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.        The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”       The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?” Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.   ^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :( And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden. Oh! That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work. They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical. We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills! Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things. My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think. Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz. So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree” Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out. For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire” It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.
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Tumblr, Blog, and Good: c-bassmeow: This is talent. A singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist. Her voice and this song haunt me, but in a good way. 

c-bassmeow: This is talent. A singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist. Her voice and this song haunt me, but in a good way. 

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Boxing, Christmas, and Tumblr: TODAY IS CHRISTMAS EVE. YESTERDAY WAS CHRISTMAS EVE EVE. OF COURSE, TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS. AND THEN, MY FAVORITE... OH NO. CHRISTMAS EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE VE EVE EVE EVEEVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EV EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE LVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVEEVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE VE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVEEVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE DE EVE CVE CVE OVE DVE DE DE DVE VE xkcds: It turns out that saying “Oh, so THAT’S why they call it Boxing Day” is a good way to get punched a second time. Christmas Eve Eve [Explained]

xkcds: It turns out that saying “Oh, so THAT’S why they call it Boxing Day” is a good way to get punched a second time. Christmas Eve Eve [E...

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Boxing, Christmas, and Tumblr: TODAY IS CHRISTMAS EVE. YESTERDAY WAS CHRISTMAS EVE EVE. OF COURSE, TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS. AND THEN, MY FAVORITE... OH NO. CHRISTMAS EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE VE EVE EVE EVEEVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EV EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE LVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVEEVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE VE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVEEVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE EVE DE EVE CVE CVE OVE DVE DE DE DVE VE xkcds: It turns out that saying “Oh, so THAT’S why they call it Boxing Day” is a good way to get punched a second time.Christmas Eve Eve [Explained]

xkcds: It turns out that saying “Oh, so THAT’S why they call it Boxing Day” is a good way to get punched a second time.Christmas Eve Eve [E...

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Being Alone, Animals, and Lgbt: this-tragic-affair Charities/organisations to avoid: PETA: They'd rather spend their money on publicity campaigns than on the animals in their care. PETA killed 73.8% of the animals in their care in 2015 (x) FCKH8: Is a for-profit company that exploits oppressed groups for money. They're also wildly uninformed, and spread misogyny, cissexism and bi/panphobia, as well as stealing their posts/designs (x) Autism Speaks: They spend most of their money on researching a way to eliminate autism, heighten the stigma against autism and don't have a single autistic person on their board (x) Please support other, better charities, and feel free to add any others you can think of to this paintedspectres Susan G. Komen for the Cure: CEO makes insane amounts of money, they deny a lot of requests for wigs/help with treatment/etc., and have attempted to sue other charities that use the color pink as part of their anti-breast cancer campaign. xx) prochoice-or-gtfo The Salvation Army: They promote the hatred of LGBT+ people, work with fundamentalist Christian groups to support conservative politics and rip off and exploit workers. (xxx) shitpost-senpai Wounded Warrior: They take money that should be spent on veterans and blow it on huge opulent parties for the company bigwigs. 26 million in 2014 alone wasted! x x) thefingerfuckingfemalefury Important reminder to NOT waste any money donating to these groups ayellowbirds Reblogging because of the added info about Wounded Warrior. arch4ngel A good way to know if a nonprofit you're donating to is allocating their money in the right way is to check out their Charity Navigator darkbookworm13 Signal boosting, the bell ringers are out in force, and this info is too important ayamccabre Depending on where you are, charity budgets may be public. There's a good chance you can find out exactly where the money is going fuck all these “charities”
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Arguing, College, and Joe Biden: let's get it popping. Biden/Obama 2020 yeah yeah i know @WeCloutChase The 22nd amendment would allow Joe Biden to run as President and Barrack Obama as his VP. Just saying. Show this thread 600 terrapinfox: libertarirynn: hst3000: libertarirynn: The constitutionality of this would likely be questioned by the electoral college but it miiiight get through depending on how strictly they interpret the 22nd amendment, since Obama would not technically be being “elected” to the office of president, which is the explicit provisional language in the amendment (Not that somebody couldn’t theoretically hold the office more than twice, but that they could not be elected to it twice). All that said it would be a shitshow but mighty entertaining. 12th amendment, guys: No person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States. Obama is an unconstitutional selection. Not exactly: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/08/06/could-joe-biden-pick-barack-obama-as-his-running-mate-yes-but/?utm_term=.dc9a5700ef57 i read that article and it still doesn’t seem possible given “No person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.”and at first i thought this’d be a good way to secure trump his second term, but… judging by the sheer amount of lunatics in usa atm, a kinda technicality shadow president could have a chance, which would be terrifying and dangerous tbh. The article lose things out pretty clearly, and I summarize it in the OP: the exact wording of the 22nd amendment says that a person cannot be ELECTED more than twice to the office of president. It does not prohibit someone becoming president through a line of succession, Having not been directly elected to the office. A former president would not be constitutionally ineligible based on those parameters.It’s a loophole in the wording but the law is literally build on loopholes. A constitutional lawyer could and would argue this if they tried to make it happen. Now this article also points out they almost certainly wouldn’t try to make it happen because of the backlash and lack of likelihood that the electoral college would approve such a ticket. But it is theoretically possible.
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Apple, Beard, and Beautiful: 62,681 do all Americans have pet eagles? Yes I remember my first eagle ceremony when I turned nine. The first eagle you get is always declawed, which I always thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a good way to ease into caring for the birds. My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasnt a terribly clever child) was already quite old when I received him (he was a rescue eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I was 16. I don't know if I was more excited about getting my drivers license that year or my new eagle! You should have seen the party we had when I got him, too! Grilled hot dogs and fire works and lemonade... obviously I named my beautiful new eagle Freedom. He's too big to keep inside anymore, unfortunatey but we've got a pretty comfortable roost for him on our apartment's balcony Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I remember his quite well. (They had just come out with telepathic link transplants when I got him, which is how I know he remembers it.) Our celebration was quite modest, compared to Freedom's-apple pie under a cloudless summer sky as we signed our Declaration of Interdependence. I still have the inked and talon-plerced document hanging on my wall. what is this Get out Canada I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my sisters' eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get home from class since schools are getting so over protective and strict these days and won't allow eagles indoors. Which just goes to show how much we're bubble wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn't handle a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid's eagle you had to just man up and learn your lesson! Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I couldn't use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes weren't the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was worried an eagle wouldn't show up at all. I had to stand in the middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was apologizing for being late. And we've been together ever since. Some people think it's excessive to have two eagles. But what can I say, I'm a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, "You must be a terrorist to call me out over my excesses," but I digress. We don't have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my flag atop a decommissioned WWll aircraft carrier. I was kicking a couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later and got young Colbert here. It's hard work, raising two eagles, but I have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light. Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so l was totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn't just going to net me my eagle and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and the problem here- it's not usually a problem because I make sure to shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays- was that I am, actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn't just one eagle that showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri, all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp America's natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my ulna. Completely missed my little brother's eagle ceremony, which I wil always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me an eagle in my heart. you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny: Do All Americans Really Have Pet Eagles?
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