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Bluff Memes

A Few
A Few
Than
Than
Put
Put
Long
Long
Early
Early
The
The
Give
Give
Long Day
Long Day
Todays
Todays
Not
Not 

    
                    

                

            
        
    

    
    
    






            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    
                    
                    

                        


	


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        inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

        

            
            

                
                
                    inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        cheeseanonioncrisps:

roseverdict:

roseverdict:


jus-tea:

Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town,
She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town,
Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down.
Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away,
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay,
Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play.
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say,
Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away,
Hide away, hide away, she took us down today.






[Image ID: Tumblr user @neanderthyall says in the notes, β€œI thought that 6 feet was kind of a double meaning. Like six feet away to stop the spread, but when people die they’re six feet underground, and its six feet of the dirt that keeps you apart. Like β€˜Hide away, hide away, even though it hurts Hide away, hide away, or the six feet will be dirt’.” End ID.]
HI DON’T LEAVE THIS IN THE NOTES THAT’S ACTUALLY BRILLIANT



It’s not a proper creepy nursery rhyme until it’s got an eery childrens’ game attached to it though (think ring-a-round-the-roses or oranges and lemons).
One child shall be designated β€˜Miss (Mr, Mx) Rhona’ and will have to cover their eyes (hide away). They then have to try to catch the other kidsβ€” think Blind Man’s Bluff. The children running away chant the rhyme, to make it easier for β€˜Rhona’ to find them.
Any child tagged becomes another β€˜Rhona’ and must also cover their eyes and join in the chase. The winner is the last child left uninfected.
Meanwhile all adults in the area must watch with a vague sense of unease, and whisper to each other β€œdo you know what that’s inspired by?”
: cheeseanonioncrisps:

roseverdict:

roseverdict:


jus-tea:

Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town,
She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town,
Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down.
Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away,
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay,
Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play.
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say,
Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away,
Hide away, hide away, she took us down today.






[Image ID: Tumblr user @neanderthyall says in the notes, β€œI thought that 6 feet was kind of a double meaning. Like six feet away to stop the spread, but when people die they’re six feet underground, and its six feet of the dirt that keeps you apart. Like β€˜Hide away, hide away, even though it hurts Hide away, hide away, or the six feet will be dirt’.” End ID.]
HI DON’T LEAVE THIS IN THE NOTES THAT’S ACTUALLY BRILLIANT



It’s not a proper creepy nursery rhyme until it’s got an eery childrens’ game attached to it though (think ring-a-round-the-roses or oranges and lemons).
One child shall be designated β€˜Miss (Mr, Mx) Rhona’ and will have to cover their eyes (hide away). They then have to try to catch the other kidsβ€” think Blind Man’s Bluff. The children running away chant the rhyme, to make it easier for β€˜Rhona’ to find them.
Any child tagged becomes another β€˜Rhona’ and must also cover their eyes and join in the chase. The winner is the last child left uninfected.
Meanwhile all adults in the area must watch with a vague sense of unease, and whisper to each other β€œdo you know what that’s inspired by?”

        

            
            

                
                
                    cheeseanonioncrisps:

roseverdict:

roseverdict:


jus-tea:

Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town,
She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town,
Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down.
Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away,
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay,
Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play.
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say,
Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away,
Hide away, hide away, she took us down today.






[Image ID: Tumblr user @neanderthyall says in the notes, β€œI thought that 6 feet was kind of a double meaning. Like six feet away to stop the spread, but when people die they’re six feet underground, and its six feet of the dirt that keeps you apart. Like β€˜Hide away, hide away, even though it hurts Hide away, hide away, or the six feet will be dirt’.” End ID.]
HI DON’T LEAVE THIS IN THE NOTES THAT’S ACTUALLY BRILLIANT



It’s not a proper creepy nursery rhyme until it’s got an eery childrens’ game attached to it though (think ring-a-round-the-roses or oranges and lemons).
One child shall be designated β€˜Miss (Mr, Mx) Rhona’ and will have to cover their eyes (hide away). They then have to try to catch the other kidsβ€” think Blind Man’s Bluff. The children running away chant the rhyme, to make it easier for β€˜Rhona’ to find them.
Any child tagged becomes another β€˜Rhona’ and must also cover their eyes and join in the chase. The winner is the last child left uninfected.
Meanwhile all adults in the area must watch with a vague sense of unease, and whisper to each other β€œdo you know what that’s inspired by?”
: cheeseanonioncrisps:

roseverdict:

roseverdict:


jus-tea:

Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town,
She’s working at the hospital since Rhona came to town,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to town,
Hide away, hide away, she’s come to take us down.
Miss Rhona’s at the doorstep, I’ll keep 6 feet away,
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
Hide away, hide away, Miss Rhona’s come to stay,
Hide away, hide away, we can’t come out to play.
But Grandma needs the paper, I’ll take her some today,
And here’s a note from Rhona, she wanted me to say,
Hide away, hide away, keep 6 feet away,
Hide away, hide away, she took us down today.






[Image ID: Tumblr user @neanderthyall says in the notes, β€œI thought that 6 feet was kind of a double meaning. Like six feet away to stop the spread, but when people die they’re six feet underground, and its six feet of the dirt that keeps you apart. Like β€˜Hide away, hide away, even though it hurts Hide away, hide away, or the six feet will be dirt’.” End ID.]
HI DON’T LEAVE THIS IN THE NOTES THAT’S ACTUALLY BRILLIANT



It’s not a proper creepy nursery rhyme until it’s got an eery childrens’ game attached to it though (think ring-a-round-the-roses or oranges and lemons).
One child shall be designated β€˜Miss (Mr, Mx) Rhona’ and will have to cover their eyes (hide away). They then have to try to catch the other kidsβ€” think Blind Man’s Bluff. The children running away chant the rhyme, to make it easier for β€˜Rhona’ to find them.
Any child tagged becomes another β€˜Rhona’ and must also cover their eyes and join in the chase. The winner is the last child left uninfected.
Meanwhile all adults in the area must watch with a vague sense of unease, and whisper to each other β€œdo you know what that’s inspired by?”

                    
                
            

            
                
                
cheeseanonioncrisps:

roseverdict:

roseverdict:


jus-tea:

Daddy’s at the food store, Mummy’s out of town,
She’s working at the hospita...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        stadwatch:
@sixofcrowsnet heist: crimes



β€œI made those sirens sound. I created this plague, and I control it.”

β€œA bluff,” said the Tidemaker, his sleeve gliding through the mist.

β€œTry me. I’ll spread sickness around every one of your towers. They’ll become epicenters of disease. You think the Merchant Council won’t lock you all down? Demand you finally register your identities? They’d probably be happy for the excuse.”

β€œThey wouldn’t dare. This country would sink were it not for us.”

β€œThey won’t have a choice. The public will clamor for action. They’ll burn the towers from the ground up.”

β€œMonstrous boy.”

β€œKetterdam is made of monsters. I just happen to have the longest teeth.” 
: the sound that dealh makes

 calling
 when she comes C
stadwatch:
@sixofcrowsnet heist: crimes



β€œI made those sirens sound. I created this plague, and I control it.”

β€œA bluff,” said the Tidemaker, his sleeve gliding through the mist.

β€œTry me. I’ll spread sickness around every one of your towers. They’ll become epicenters of disease. You think the Merchant Council won’t lock you all down? Demand you finally register your identities? They’d probably be happy for the excuse.”

β€œThey wouldn’t dare. This country would sink were it not for us.”

β€œThey won’t have a choice. The public will clamor for action. They’ll burn the towers from the ground up.”

β€œMonstrous boy.”

β€œKetterdam is made of monsters. I just happen to have the longest teeth.” 

        

            
            

                
                
                    stadwatch:
@sixofcrowsnet heist: crimes



β€œI made those sirens sound. I created this plague, and I control it.”

β€œA bluff,” said the Tidemaker, his sleeve gliding through the mist.

β€œTry me. I’ll spread sickness around every one of your towers. They’ll become epicenters of disease. You think the Merchant Council won’t lock you all down? Demand you finally register your identities? They’d probably be happy for the excuse.”

β€œThey wouldn’t dare. This country would sink were it not for us.”

β€œThey won’t have a choice. The public will clamor for action. They’ll burn the towers from the ground up.”

β€œMonstrous boy.”

β€œKetterdam is made of monsters. I just happen to have the longest teeth.” 
: the sound that dealh makes

 calling
 when she comes C
stadwatch:
@sixofcrowsnet heist: crimes



β€œI made those sirens sound. I created this plague, and I control it.”

β€œA bluff,” said the Tidemaker, his sleeve gliding through the mist.

β€œTry me. I’ll spread sickness around every one of your towers. They’ll become epicenters of disease. You think the Merchant Council won’t lock you all down? Demand you finally register your identities? They’d probably be happy for the excuse.”

β€œThey wouldn’t dare. This country would sink were it not for us.”

β€œThey won’t have a choice. The public will clamor for action. They’ll burn the towers from the ground up.”

β€œMonstrous boy.”

β€œKetterdam is made of monsters. I just happen to have the longest teeth.” 

                    
                
            

            
                
                
stadwatch:
@sixofcrowsnet heist: crimes



β€œI made those sirens sound. I created this plague, and I control it.”

β€œA bluff,” said the Tid...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        bemusedlybespectacled:
jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”
: did you know?
 Ancient Egyptians were using
 20-sided die as early as 200 BCE
 PHOTO: METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART
 DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM
bemusedlybespectacled:
jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”

        

            
            

                
                
                    bemusedlybespectacled:
jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”
: did you know?
 Ancient Egyptians were using
 20-sided die as early as 200 BCE
 PHOTO: METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART
 DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM
bemusedlybespectacled:
jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.
: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

        

            
            

                
                
                    optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.
: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        bemusedlybespectacled:

jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”
: did you know?
 Ancient Egyptians were using
 20-sided die as early as 200 BCE
 PHOTO: METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART
 DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM
bemusedlybespectacled:

jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”

        

            
            

                
                
                    bemusedlybespectacled:

jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”
: did you know?
 Ancient Egyptians were using
 20-sided die as early as 200 BCE
 PHOTO: METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART
 DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM
bemusedlybespectacled:

jewishzevran:

keetongu:

did-you-kno:

Ancient Egyptians were using 
20-sided die as early as 200 BCE.  Source

i cant believe ancient egyptians were FUCKING NERDS

imagine ancient egyptian dd tho

β€œYou have crossed into the underworld and have encountered Anubis. You give him your heart to weigh.”
β€œI roll to Bluff.”
β€œYou want to bluff Anubis? You can’t bluff Anubis, he’s a god, he has a godly Sense Motive check.”
β€œI want to bluff the scales.”
β€œβ€¦you want. To bluff. The scales.”
β€œYup.”
β€œβ€¦you know what? I’ll allow it.”
β€œHA! Nat 20!”
β€œThe scales, for some fucking reason, think your heart is lighter than the feather. Anubis is pretty sure you’re bullshitting him but you know what? Anubis has had a long day. Anubis is not gonna question the scales. You’re in.”

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        idontevenhaveone:

etienne-bessette:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

@admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap

Ffffff-
: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
idontevenhaveone:

etienne-bessette:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

@admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap

Ffffff-

        

            
            

                
                
                    idontevenhaveone:

etienne-bessette:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

@admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap

Ffffff-
: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
idontevenhaveone:

etienne-bessette:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

@admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap

Ffffff-

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


        

            
            

                
                
                    novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


                    
                
            

            
                
                
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes



                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


        

            
            

                
                
                    novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


                    
                
            

            
                
                
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes



                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>
        

            
            

                
                
                    <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>
                    
                
            

            
                
                
<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockq...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


        

            
            

                
                
                    novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


                    
                
            

            
                
                
novelty-gift-ideas:

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Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


        

            
            

                
                
                    novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


                    
                
            

            
                
                
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes



                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>
        

            
            

                
                
                    <p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
<p><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.tumblr.com/post/166887400578/passion-lubes" class="tumblr_blog">novelty-gift-ideas</a>:</p><blockquote><p><b><a href="https://novelty-gift-ideas.com/passion-lubes/">

Passion Lubes

</a></b><br/></p></blockquote>
                    
                
            

            
                
                
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Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
 3,051 customer reviews 78 answered questions
 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


        

            
            

                
                
                    novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes

: Based Lubricant, 5
 5
 Drum Passion Lubes
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 About the product
 The Ultimate Lube Keg
 .Best Value
 Lube Pump Included

 xxBackyard Carnival of Death
 By James O. Thach on February 27, 2014
 Size: 55 Gallon
 I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our
 seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard
 carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip n Slide. So I carefully
 inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound
 We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were
 trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other
 side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive
 The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his
 presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a
 perfect day.
 Then we brought out the Slip n Slide.
 The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's
 terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a
 path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc
 impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation
 To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble
 personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in
 the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before
 allowing them to cue up for the slide.

 The Slip n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the
 slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and
 into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the
 activity
 I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and
 I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of
 the liabilities I had unleashed-a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and
 desperate for fun.
 I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so
 slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the
 motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure,
 over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the
 crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss
 Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion,
 they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason
 separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the
 screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost
 his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested
 waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising
 The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at
 least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped
 from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this
 likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused
 their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry,
 screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls

 Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio
 shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be
 written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in
 the siding of our home. It was terrifying.
 When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own
 beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him
 with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he
 shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared,
 in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.
 Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end,
 no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And
 that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes


                    
                
            

            
                
                
novelty-gift-ideas:

Passion Lubes



                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 


I think I’ve found my favourite post: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 


I think I’ve found my favourite post
        

            
            

                
                
                    fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 


I think I’ve found my favourite post: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 


I think I’ve found my favourite post
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 
: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 

        

            
            

                
                
                    fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 
: did you know?
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior
 Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies
 and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing
 troops were so amazed that all 500 of them
 turned and fled
 did-you-kno.tumblr.com
 didyouknowblog.com
 facebook.com/didyouknowblog
fawnascoggins:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had β€œMASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like β€œshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like β€œyo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like β€œyeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like β€œhe know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasΒ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Β 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justΒ to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Β 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

Takeshi KaneshiroΒ 

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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