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Alive, America, and Beautiful: Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Trump rallies and then asked it to write a Trump rally of its own. Here is the first page TRUMP RALLY INT. BIG ARBY 'S IN SOUTH WYOMKLAHOMA PRESIDENT TRUMP forces himself on a podium PRESIDENT TRUMP I just had a phone call with the economy. Jobs poured out of the phone. Great jobs. Tall jobs. steve Jobs. All at Kinko's The crowd cheers. It is full of real Americans (man with hard hat, man with harder hat, gun that is alive) PRESIDENT TRUMP (CONT'D) The United Snakes is doing so good. other countries are on fire. All the people on fire. Hot fire too. Not us. Our flag is so beautiful. President Trump salutes a flag that says: ARBY'S FOOD IS FINE TO EAT. The crowd howls. They love this flag of America. PRESIDENT TRUMP (CONT'D) I signed a bill. No more swamp. Swamp gone. Swamp is in Mexico now. It's on fire. Great deal for us The crowd chants: FOUR MORE SWAMPS! FOUR MORE SWAMPS! PRESIDENT TRUMP (CONT D) Foreign powers cheat us Canada steals our milk. China steals our milk. We only had one glass of milk left! Obama drank it. Not fair The crowd b s. They wanted that milk PRESIDENT TRUMP (CONT'D) But like President Ronald Rogaine, I will bring back the milk! The crowd roars. They still want that milk PRESIDENT TRUMP (CONT'D) A wall of milk. No criminals get through. Democrats want criminals to have the milk. No way. Milk comes from coal. We'll dig it up. All of the words are mispronounced. The crowd cheers. They hate pronunciations. They love milk. They start digging ARBY’S FOOD IS FINE TO EAT by adamhasabeard MORE MEMES

ARBY’S FOOD IS FINE TO EAT by adamhasabeard MORE MEMES

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Advice, Bad, and Beautiful: HISTORY h What Greek goddess is known for being the most beautiful? zabchan: the-musical-cc: angelrin89: true-king-of-monsters: luxy-lightning: thestrangedaysofkrei: knitmeapony: 28weekslaterhater: knitmeapony: ravenclawslibrary: smurflewis: DONT ASK ME THIS, THIS IS HOW THE TROJAN WAR STARTED, I DONT WANT THIS MAN Right away, Aphrodite popped into my head. And then I’m just like, “DAMMIT, DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM PARIS? YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT, AND NOW ALL THE TROJANS ARE DEAD. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY.” If you are ever actually in this situation, pro-tip: name Persephone.  Half the goddesses will be too surprised to smite you immediately and while Hades won’t do you any favors he may at least high-five you while your on your way down. Another tip: name Mesperyian. Not only will you shock everyone, including her (since Aphrodite was a jealous ho who burnt half her face off), but you’ll win Hades’ favour. As his most beloved daughter, anything that praises her will make you a kind human to her, an okay human to him, and a genuinely good person to anyone else. I heartily endorse this alternative answer. I love how all of this advice leads to “please Hades at all costs.” #because Hades really wasn’t that bad No shit. The only real villain that caused so many problems was Zeus’ Thunder Cock and that thing has been in Olympus-knows-what.  ZUES’S THUNDER COCK To be fair, Poseidon was like the greek mythology personification of the phrase ‘BITCH, FIGHT ME’ reblogging for BROseidon and FIGHT ME
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Anaconda, Crime, and Food: did you know? In Finland, speeding tickets are calculated based on your income - causing some Finnish millionaires to pay fines of over $100,000 ? did-you-kno In Finland, speeding tickets are calculated based on your income causing some Finnish millionaires to pay fines of over $100,000. Source redbloodedamerica This is what equality" looks like in that liberal fairy tale land of Finland. They punish you proportionately to how successful you are. Sounds really "fair." alternian-neverland Except... it is fair? Because it's proportionate. I don't get what's difficult about that. An impoverished person paying $400 dollar fine isn't the same as a millionaire paying the same amount. For the poor person, $400 dollars could mean starving. Would you really claim it would have the same consequence for a rich man? Would it even be noticeable to him, while the absence of food in their stomach would be glaring to a poorer man? Would it be fair for a man to starve for the same crime as a man that would be having a three course meal? By taking income into account, it allows the impoverished able to still survive while paying any fines they may incur. And, ultimately, while $100,000 dollars would be noticeable to a millionaire, they would still get by. And, assuming the law is properly implemented, they would be paying the same equivalent of their yearly income that a poorer person would. That's what makes it fair. They woulc be impacted the same way but you are looking at the amount rather than the equation. Also, it's important to make sure that even the rich would pause at the cost of a fine. They need to fear the law just as a poor man does. prochoice-or-gtfo Oh no... rich people facing fines that might actually make them consider not doing illegal things because the punishments might actually hurt them... how unfair Did you know about the liberal fairy tale land of Finland?

Did you know about the liberal fairy tale land of Finland?

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Friends, Funny, and Relationships: dalekitsune the phrase "curiosity killed the cat" is actually not the full phrase it actually is "curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back" so don't let anyone tell you not to be a curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world uwu consultingmoosecaptain See also: Bloed is thiekerthan water-The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb Meaning that relationships formed by choice are stronger than those formed by birth espurr-roba Let's not forget that "Jack of all trades, master of none" ends with "But better than a master of one. It means that being equally good/average at everything is much better than being perfect at one thing and sucking at everything else. So don't worry if you're not perfect at something you do! Being okay is better! thelastmellophone These made me feel better thelifeofatubaplayer Also, "great minds think alike" ends with "but fools rarely differ" It goes to show that conformity isn't always a good thing And that just because more than one person has the same idea, doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea becausetheintrovert what the fuck why haven't i heard the full version to any of these unlimitedtrashworks "Birds of a feather flock together" ends with "until the cat comes." It's actually a warning about fair-weather friends, not an assessment of how complementary people are. monsters-and-teeth I've always felt like these were cut down on purpose. evil-shenanigans-alpha I really like these phrases and plan on spreading this knowledge alwayswillgraham The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese its-kk-yo I want to make designs out of these sunderlorn Funny how all the half-finished ones encourage uniformity and upholding the status-quo, while the complete proverbs encourage like...iving exciting, eclectic lives driven by choice and personal passion. More from the category sayings that have been shortened to mean the opposite of what they originally meant
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