Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts
Based on a true story.
xoox: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know
that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... I fsomething- anything
requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxoc: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy
xxx: You're gonna love this
ooc: smack-my-bitch-up.sh -sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons
from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server
after 9pm with his login
xxox: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help"
trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database
to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time"
xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna
work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive
sessions on the server at 8:45am
xoox: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee. sh this one waits exatly 17 seconds(), then opens a telnet session to
our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and
running) and sends something like sys brew.Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits
another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from
the dudes desk.
xoxx: holy sh"t I'm keeping those
I found this on an old Git account