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robot-hands-mccoolguy: sparkafterdark: tyrannosarcophagous: nerdgul: sparkafterdark: witchchad: totallyfubar: sparkafterdark: momunofu: dadurl: momunofu: chillin on a Saturday night Calm down jojo you’re right, I am looking a little stiff here, I should try to relax You call that “chillin”? Everyone knows the best way to relax is with a good book and a warm drink I dunno, man,  sometimes I like just relaxing on my laptop get on my level boys Unfortunately to “get on your level” I’d need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes. Thats gotta be the sickest burn ive ever read holy fuck this post appears once every million years I kept hoping someone else would one up me and I’d have to escalate even further but nobody has. I don’t think it’s possible to one up you : robot-hands-mccoolguy: sparkafterdark: tyrannosarcophagous: nerdgul: sparkafterdark: witchchad: totallyfubar: sparkafterdark: momunofu: dadurl: momunofu: chillin on a Saturday night Calm down jojo you’re right, I am looking a little stiff here, I should try to relax You call that “chillin”? Everyone knows the best way to relax is with a good book and a warm drink I dunno, man,  sometimes I like just relaxing on my laptop get on my level boys Unfortunately to “get on your level” I’d need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes. Thats gotta be the sickest burn ive ever read holy fuck this post appears once every million years I kept hoping someone else would one up me and I’d have to escalate even further but nobody has. I don’t think it’s possible to one up you
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this is one of the most wholesome things ive ever read :): Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)20:56:36 No.55046566 story time because I want to share and it's a special day be me, 22, KHHV, NEET no real purpose in life, autistic >live in a small town but still don't know anyone >down the street is a harvest festival going on go there on a whim see nice old man making caramel apples hand dipped >i go over and buy one with some pocket change l ow saved up >it's really good we talk about caramel apples >his name is Ted >he asks if I'd like to help him make apples enthusiastically say yes, go to a factory next day at 9 AM >I get to dip the apples and put the sticks on them >I box them up and sell them, get to decorate them too Told I would not last longer than a year by floor manager since nobody does >Get to know Ted, he has no kids and his wife died in a boat accident we talk every day about apples and candy >he gets me into football we watch football together, he lets me show him anime >7 years pass >I've been there the longest Ted doesn't come to work, I call him No response, I go to his house >Door unlocked, go in and see him on the floor call 911, he had a stroke and died later that day in the hospital cry for days because my only friend is gone >A few days pass, I learn that he left the factory and the apple shop to me >note says "You're the hardest worker I've ever met, I know you will make me proud" >burst into tears in front of lawyer every day I go to that factory to work hard >l come up with all sorts of ideas to decorate the apples every holiday Still KHHV, but I love making apples >Whole town knows me as the apple man Never been happier making caramel apples Today would have been his 76th birthday. We got a huge catering order done today in time for Halloween. Business is better than ever. I know you're watching me, Ted. I hope I'm making you proud. this is one of the most wholesome things ive ever read :)

this is one of the most wholesome things ive ever read :)

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The Berry Bog: dombinic why do they always show cranberries in thos big pits n its implied its wet and possibly swimmable. do cranberries really grow like that. wh thetaobella You've never heard of The Bog? heartachedreamboy th the what heartachedreamboy #i forget some people dont understand massachusetts EACH ADDITION TO THIS POST MAKES MY BLOOD RUN COLD punkrorschach This is a cranberry bog (unflooded) it's how cranberries grow. Once they're ripe, the blog is flooded and the cranberries harvested. Basically by using big floaty things to round them all up and then scooping them out of the water. heartachedreamboy thank u. i hate it a little less but the horrible little man in my head is still screaming "BOG BODY BOG BODY BOG BODY", but i appreciate the education, bomberqueen17 oh here is a fun lil perspective on cranberry harvesting i never heard about anywhere else. the guy who owns the restaurant right down the road from the farm, who fries our chickens sometimes, is from Boston, with the strongest Boston accent ever, and in a former life before he started slinging reasonably priced barbeque and occasional organic chicken, he was a cranberry farmer. His farm was on the leading edge of kinda using organic/sustainable pest control methods, and one of the things that they did to keep insect damage down was that they encouraged wolf spiders to live in the cranberry field, to eat the bugs. This was all fine and good until they flooded the bog Now, you don't just like flood the bog and then go around it in a boat or whatever. No, you use hip waders to get in there and put the big floaty things where they go and get all the berries and such. Well when you're in the bog in hip waders, that makes you the tallest thing. Wolf spiders can swim a bit, but they don't like it, so they're, quite understandably, looking to climb out of the water onto a tall thing. So yeah the first interview question he always asked potential cranberry bog harvester hires was "are you cool with spiders?" "You'd be amazed," he said to us, shaking his head a little, "how many guys would just straight lie. Like, you think I'm asking you that question to be cute? Nah man you're gonna have like a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows, you gotta be chill, those wolf spiders are fellow employees. You really gotta be chill with spiders if you're gonna work a cranberry harvest." 129,044 notes The Berry Bog

The Berry Bog

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this is one of the most wholesome things ive ever read :): Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)20:56:36 No.55046566 story time because I want to share and it's a special day be me, 22, KHHV, NEET no real purpose in life, autistic >live in a small town but still don't know anyone >down the street is a harvest festival going on go there on a whim see nice old man making caramel apples hand dipped >i go over and buy one with some pocket change l ow saved up >it's really good we talk about caramel apples >his name is Ted >he asks if I'd like to help him make apples enthusiastically say yes, go to a factory next day at 9 AM >I get to dip the apples and put the sticks on them >I box them up and sell them, get to decorate them too Told I would not last longer than a year by floor manager since nobody does >Get to know Ted, he has no kids and his wife died in a boat accident we talk every day about apples and candy >he gets me into football we watch football together, he lets me show him anime >7 years pass >I've been there the longest Ted doesn't come to work, I call him No response, I go to his house >Door unlocked, go in and see him on the floor call 911, he had a stroke and died later that day in the hospital cry for days because my only friend is gone >A few days pass, I learn that he left the factory and the apple shop to me >note says "You're the hardest worker I've ever met, I know you will make me proud" >burst into tears in front of lawyer every day I go to that factory to work hard >l come up with all sorts of ideas to decorate the apples every holiday Still KHHV, but I love making apples >Whole town knows me as the apple man Never been happier making caramel apples Today would have been his 76th birthday. We got a huge catering order done today in time for Halloween. Business is better than ever. I know you're watching me, Ted. I hope I'm making you proud. this is one of the most wholesome things ive ever read :)

this is one of the most wholesome things ive ever read :)

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youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :( : ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
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Do it for the kids!!: 48% 6:32 4G Thu., 8 Nov. 2018, 8:45 pm Ok ok. Valid point about the nudes but think about this... As you said 84 years later the movie titanic was made, it pulled an amazing $2.187 billion in the box office, won 11 Oscars and was the real birth of the great actor, Leonardo DiCaprio. A movie like that is remembered, not for the nudes but the love story that these nudes helped blossem into the romance of the century, envied by many. Not only could these nudes be the start of your own great romance but think about the royalties your own film could bring in another 84 years... Catherine, 24 Yes yes I hear you "but I won't be around for the royalties in 84 years" but Catherine.... Your children will reap the Australian Catholic University 11 km away benefits for years, so Catherine dont do it for me, don't do it for you... But do it for our children! Why won't I send you nudes? Let me remind you of this little movie called Thu., 8 Nov. 2018, 11:46 pm Titanic... a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one This is far and away the best opener has ever heard of... have ever heard in my 23 years on this Locks the drawing in a safe in a boat and THAT BOAT SINKS. And somehow 84 years later, the planet, I read it to my mum. Not even kidding. And she briefly discussed with me the idea of sending you a nude still ends up on television. No one is safe. nude purely for the comedic value of this message! What would it be like to date me? Ever ordered You've just clocked tinder, well done 10 nuggets and gotten 11 70O sir And the thought of setting our children up for life, now that's definitely tempting :p E42 Do it for the kids!!

Do it for the kids!!

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monstatron: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: tharook: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: vo-kopen: filmsfoodandfandom: oni-queen: Theory as to what Kong was doing during the events of King of the Monsters. I mean, to be fair, Kong was stuck on an island in the middle of the South Pacific. What was he gonna do? Doggie paddle 5000 miles to America? He could build a boat. What can I say, I like the Kong Skull Island theory that his “power” was his intelligence. I want him to fight Godzilla while wearing armor made from battleship plating. I am now just picturing Kong carefully attempting to construct some kind of viking style longship to carry him across the ocean so he can fistfight with Godzilla Kong shows up a film late with a Starbucks (a shop, not a single coffee). SOMEONE DRAW THIS :D here you go. and if i may add my two cents; the hollow earth is confirmed to be used as a passage by titans to quickly move to anywhere on the planet, so kong easily could have used a hollow earth tunnel to travel off skull island, but he didn’t.  so it’s safe to assume kong didn’t give any  shits about ghidorah’s call.  : Ghidorah Kang SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTAR SCHOOL Kong hears ya. Kong don't care EB monstatron: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: tharook: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: vo-kopen: filmsfoodandfandom: oni-queen: Theory as to what Kong was doing during the events of King of the Monsters. I mean, to be fair, Kong was stuck on an island in the middle of the South Pacific. What was he gonna do? Doggie paddle 5000 miles to America? He could build a boat. What can I say, I like the Kong Skull Island theory that his “power” was his intelligence. I want him to fight Godzilla while wearing armor made from battleship plating. I am now just picturing Kong carefully attempting to construct some kind of viking style longship to carry him across the ocean so he can fistfight with Godzilla Kong shows up a film late with a Starbucks (a shop, not a single coffee). SOMEONE DRAW THIS :D here you go. and if i may add my two cents; the hollow earth is confirmed to be used as a passage by titans to quickly move to anywhere on the planet, so kong easily could have used a hollow earth tunnel to travel off skull island, but he didn’t.  so it’s safe to assume kong didn’t give any  shits about ghidorah’s call. 
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At Wit’s End: the funniest thing in the entire pirates of one scene in At World's End where they have parlay but davy jones is part of it and rather then have him stand in thhe shallows or something they get a big bucket of water and have in stand on it who thought of that idea? who thought put davy jones in a bucket of water and had the guts to suggest aloud? and then who went "hey that sounds at some point someone toid davy janes bucket of water and he agreed to it tis ok but notice the trail of buckets behind before he got into the one hes standing It's even funnier when you consider how he must have figured all this out in the Some folic are asking wel, if he can avaid the no-dry-land curse simply by standing in a bucket, doesn't that ruin his whole motvation?" but he's not on The parley takes place on a sandbar the shore, that spends most of its time What Jones is doing here is rules- the trial and error he must have gone through in order to determine that this "Okay, do islands count as dry land? How about parts of the share below the high tide mark? Reefs? Shoas? What if Does it have to be seawater, ar will ay water do? Does it have to be a natural Pretty sure that this implies that the the water toig bucket with just a bit of sand), would quaify as dry land. That's absurd, so I'm pretty sure that his lawyer pulled a fast one over the curse It may be absurd, but the text of the fitm bears it out Davy Jones can sense the presence of his heart while it's a sea, but not whie it's on land indeed that's why he buried it on land in the first place to break his connection with it)-yet placing the heart n a simplo jar land does, aven ifth0 jar is a boat at filled with dirt absolutely count as dry land for the purpose of Jonescrse Then the reverse should aso be true. i he buried it in a jer of water, no matter how far inland it is, he would be able to senso it. So by this logia, any container a curse than it is to weasel around i-I figune that's why he's using multple forbidden to set foot on dry land, but it's technically not dry land (it's a exposed only at low tide) and he technicaly ddn't set foot on it thes standing in a bucker of wateri. It's ckay but this all raises one further, very dry land he's forbidden from, what can Davy Jones fight you in salt marshes? can he trow down in a pear This is the quality content I come to could he step ฉn land if his shoes are No matter how ridiculous PotC gets l will love it. Especially when it results in What it he crawis around on his hands and inees, with his teet raised slightly nto the air? Can he walk on his hands? Can he ride around in a litter or What if he flies over dry land? Like in a hot air baloon, or in the clews of a giant Whar it hes carried by two swaliows In fact im not entirely sure thalt it wasnt At Wit’s End

At Wit’s End

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