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Children, Club, and Dad: Cheko reacted quickly when he saw his owner get threatend with a knife in a domestic dispute, he dived in front of his mom to protect her. Here he is shown recovering from being stabbed 13 times. Four intruders, one armed with a shotgun broke into a family home where the father was threatened to open the family safe, when the dad of 3 didn't comply the indruder got ready to open fire where Lefty the pit bull jumped at him blocking the shot from his daddy and got a bullet wound to his shoulder. The intruder was injured by the dog and they all quickly fled from the scene. Baby, a 10 year old pit bull woke up her family in the middle of the night to alert them of a blazing fire that had broken out. Managing to avoid the vicious flames, one by one she woke up each family member and led them to safty. After putting her humans out of danger, she then ran back into the burning house to save the family's other five dogs, one of which was blind and too scared to go with her so she pulled the dog out by the scruff of the neck. The home was completely distroyed but thanks to Baby, no-one had a single burn. Cara was walking her dog, Creature one night and couldn't help but notice he had a lot of interest in a certain bush. Shrugging it of as he's just seen a cat, Creature carried on to pull and bark to alert his owner that something wasn't quite right. Cara finally went with her companions instinct and decided to check it out, where she found an elderly woman in her PJs on the ground, shivering from the cold. Who she found was Carmen Mitchell, 89, suffers from Alzheimer's and had wandered from her home. When Bella the pit bull mix was seen running into traffic and barking at pedestrians, she was thought to be just another stray. Teri was one of those pedestrians and decided the follow the mixed breed. Bella lead Teri to her home, where her wheelchair-bound owner was found on the floor with stab wounds in his neck while clinging to life. Her owner luckily survived and says that he owes his life to Bella for running to get help. I made this comp because the media only concerntrates on the badly-owned pit bulls then blame their breed for it for their actions. There's hundreds of stories about heroic pit bulls that saidly never make it to mainstream media as people seem to love an outrage. If this gets a good reaction then i'll put more up but i don't want to bore anyone for now. I have a pit bull who i took from a dog fighter when he was a puppy, even though he's been 'bred to fight' i've raised him right and in the 11 years of having him he's never hurt anyone and has given me nothing but happiness (and maybe a couple of chewed up shoes) Thanks for reading guys, i hope the world is a little more open- minded on this misunderstood yet lovable breed. malicemanaged: almostrose: helainetieu: I hope everyone reblogs this. For most of the 114 years since the American pitbull terrier was first recognized by the United Kennel Club, the breed was rightly seen as the perfect “nanny dog” for children because of its friendly nature, loyalty and stability. [x] Pit bulls have always been protectors. With good owners and proper care, they still are. Chako*, Lefty, Baby, Creature, and Bela are proof of that. Pitbulls are great dogs and anyone who says otherwise can fucking fight me
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British, Amp, and Think: I think youll have to be of a certain age British to get this.

I think youll have to be of a certain age British to get this.

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British, Amp, and Think: I think youll have to be of a certain age British to get this.

I think youll have to be of a certain age British to get this.

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Bad, Children, and Crime: MAGA means bigotry MAGA means racism MAGA means homophobia MAGA means anti-semitism MAGA means divisiveness Hate crimes are on the rise because the tone is set from the top and Trump's tone is, "there are good people on both sides." Prayers to #JussieSmollett. La communalconcubine: tehgore: friendly-neighborhood-patriarch: libertarirynn: Too bad more and more of these “hate crimes“ are proven hoaxes. Will y’all ever learn to at least spend two seconds critically thinking about something before swallowing it as fact because “orange man bad”? That was a rhetorical question. MAGA MEANS ANY BAD THING EVER. MAGA IS MY SECULAR SUBSTITUTE FOR LITERAL SATAN If men were paid enough more women could stay home and be happy wives. Instead we all work and scrape by living as wage slaves, some unable to support kids and lead a full life.If we were allowed to talk about crime rates like how 13% of the population does about 55% of the violent crime we could talk about solutions; instead we pretend egalitarianism is good, deny reality, and create an unsafe society.Most gay people were victimized as children and many go on to victimize more children, much (not all) of this is learned behavior. Instead of protecting our children and enforcing some level of moral behavior we have pride parades and child drag queens.Jews…Globalist bankers who ruin countries, pornographers, drug pushers like the Sacklers, the root of Bolshevism AND Capitalism, a people who hate and subvert anything they can’t corrupt and enslave. Their behavior is always the same everywhere they are and in every time period in which they are studied. Blindness to their nature enables them to harm the entire world.Who built the most successful nations on Earth and who came later? What race of people is not allowed a country of their own?  What is the ONLY race of people not allowed to advocate for themselves? Who is discriminated against in schools and the workplace by institutionalized power? Diversity means we ALWAYS needs less of a certain specific race of people and more or ANYTHING else who suffers? Whites need their own space. Rading through this wall of text and finding, “jews… globlist bankers who own countries” This post went off the rails like the old 97

communalconcubine: tehgore: friendly-neighborhood-patriarch: libertarirynn: Too bad more and more of these “hate crimes“ are proven hoaxes...

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Be Like, Beautiful, and Fucking: trustedwings tumblr Follow adventureisouttheremydear So like do caterpillars know that they re gonna be butterflies or do they just build the cacoon and be like wtf am l doing frauleinninja this post has fucked me up more than any other on this site trustedwings Okay but no, do you understand what happens to a caterpillar once it's in its cocoon? It completely turns into goo. That's right, GOO. The damn thing dissolves and the reforms into the butterfly. Even crazier, the wings of the butterfly are already inside the caterpillar, ready to go, just waiting to float around in some goo and then be a beautiful butterfly. The craziest part?!? A study was done where some caterpillars were exposed to a certain smell and then given an electric shock so eventually the caterpillar associated the smell with the shock. Well after those little hairy noodles came out of the their cocoons as butterflies, they exposed them to the smell again and the butterflies reacted super negatively, as if they were being shocked. A.K.A. not only is there wings floating around in that goo cocoon, there is also a brain, the same, unaltered brain as the caterpillar. The butterfly can recall its days as a caterpillar even after basically being turned into soup. And then it all somehow gets its shit together to be a stupid majestic little beast, and I can't even remember where l put my damn phone Source:lumpiagirl Holy moly. | 19 Posts That'll Make You Say "Fucking Whoa" goo cocoon
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Advice, Ass, and Bad: Follow i keep seeing these posts romanticizing Peresephone and Hades. like hozier and florence welch should duet cause they're like persephone and hades. or cute little myth aus or fan art and edits of people's faves styled like them and it's like this: Persephone wasn't some young girl in love with a bad boy. She was fucking abducted and raped by hades. her mother mourned the loss of her child her time spent in the underworld wasa myth about why plants die in winter. when she is depicted in art the subject is usually 'The Rape of Persephone' that shit isn't romantic. that is fucked up. x hades #that shit is fucked #read a book 1 note that is fucked up ked #read a book I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry Is OP aware that oh so many books exist on this subject? And that almost universally the ones authored by people with doctorates in classicism and mythology disagree with OP? Including the... epic hymn that first told this story? You know what's in that original source material.. right? Abducted, yes Demeter mourned? Definitely Rape, no abduct So here's some info on Ancient Greek wedding traditions which (oh my stars and garters! included abducting the bride. With the father's permission, which Hades got before he took her away Here's a whole book on the subject of Ancient Greek wedding custom and its conflation with funeral rites. (Which sounds a bit like Hades and Persephone to anyone who's ever dabbled in things like explication and context) Here's a link to another book that talks about Persephone's rise to power as a result of her willingly eating the pomegranate seeds Oh shit!l Here's a whole bunch of myths and hymns that talk about her Queen of the Holy pug tacos Batman! Here's another book about the myth focusing on the seasonal religious and liminal rites WHICH TAKE PLACE IN THE DRY SUMMER (not the fucking winter), which you know if you read a book Way to go, OP All these fucking books! What could anyone possibly do with them all?1?171? Do you eat books to absorb their powers instead of read them? A better guess would be that you got into a moral panic over the name of a certain Renaissance statue and maybe after reading three pages of Edith Hamilton or the first paragraph of a Wikipedia article. And then used that to castigate and demean not only the people who actually take their limited time to create gorgeous art but also to denigrate modern day worshippers of Persephone and Hades? Maybe next time, you stringy plece of over-boiled okra, you might want to take your own advice and pick up a book, instead of reducing the feared and respected Queen of the Underworld who held power equal to or in many interpretations GREATER than her husband into a meaningless pastiche of female disenfranchisement that you seemingly plucked from your own ass. JESUS CHRIST THANK YOU Perception of Persephone
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Be Like, Beautiful, and Phone: trustedwings tumbl Follow adventureisouttheremydear So like do caterpillars know that they're gonna be butterflies or do they just build the cacoon and be like wtf am l doing frauleinninja this post has f ed me up more than any other on this site trustedwings Okay but no, do you understand what happens to a caterpillar once it's in its cocoon? It completely turns into goo. That's right, GOO. The damn thing dissolves and the reforms into the butterfly. Even crazier, the wings of the butterfly are already inside the caterpillar, ready to go, just waiting to float around in some goo and then be a beautiful butterfly. The craziest part?!? A study was done where some caterpillars were exposed to a certain smell and then given an electric shock so eventually the caterpillar associated the smell with the shock. Well after those little hairy noodles came out of the their cocoons as butterflies, they exposed them to the smell again and the butterflies reacted super negatively, as if they were being shocked. A.KA not only is there wings floating around in that goo cocoon, there is also a brain, the same, unaltered brain as the caterpillar. The butterfly can recall its days as a caterpillar even after basically being turned into soup. And then it all somehow gets its sh together to be a stupid majestic little beast, and I can't even remember where l put my damn phone Source:lumpiagirl And I can’t remember what I had for lunch

And I can’t remember what I had for lunch

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Be Like, Books, and Complex: shock if fallout 76 really is a world where "every character is a real person" & there's no NPCs im making it my civic duty to be like this lowly tavern barkeep and then once i've established enough of a rapport i'm going to nuke all of west virginia and it will be in character teamOplayerO someone help where's the screenshot of some post somewhere about the mmo player who barkept for a longass time then fucked absolutely everyone over yes-sica God I spent countless hours as a teen playing on a heavily modded and roleplay enforced ultima online server. I played Cedric Sartone, simple farmer turned tavern owner who eventually turned it into THE BEST PLACE IN TOWN. It was poppin every night, I was buddies with every adventurer, soldier, mage druid, and ranger that played the game. After they went out and grinded their skills and did their quests, I was waiting for them with a warm fire and plenty of ale. I'd buy their ingredients and make awesome food and booze (max level cooking!) and was privy to all the gossip. Little did they know I had a side hobby, I was brewing massive amounts of the most gamebreakingly toxic poison possible. For over a year I roleplayed with these people as a simple barman, pretended to be their friend and confidant and then during a harvest festival where every player on our server was in attendance and I was payed to provide the food and drink... I poisoned every last morsel of food, every drop of drink and after the reagent delivered his speech and all of these fools raised their goblets for the toast and took that deadly sip, I stepped onto the stage and revealed what had happened. They where all going to die, and die they did. Now this was a permanent death server (hardcore rpers mind you) and some had been playing those characters for 8 years and there they all were collapsed and dying. Soon they were all unconscious, as you could only die if you went unconscious three times in one day or if a certain psychotic bartender came and cut off your head which I did to every player in our group of 38. They were all there, and unfortunately so was I Revenge against what, you ask? So the server had a pretty strict policy regarding pvp and pk, essentially the GMs had to determine if there was in character justification for any instance of disputed player killing, obviously my situation prompted a call for an investigation. I understood those rules from the start though, and I kept a written log in the game where I detailed my character's building hatred of every single other player character in the world. He would keep track of every little thing from petty slights, to unpaid tabs, but more importantly I adopted the little mannerisms that people roleplayed to develop their characters into the madness of mine So Elias was always whistling, well I recorded how infuriating Cedric found it in his journal, and soon he had multiple journals packed full of a thousand reasons an unstable maniac could use to justifiably re: server rules) murder anyone. The reagent who was also the server admin had some ornate cloak with a custom texture, so I wrote like three pages about how pompous it was, and extrapolated what kind of insufferable prick he must have been for wearing it. I would just write one or two things down every day for over a year, so I had many books full for the GMs to locate in the tavern basement and read through. The result was that they found my massacre to be in good form and in-character, so the server was not rolled back and instead they decided to reset and implement a new landmass they had been working on. Some people were really pissed off, mostly a handful of the veteran players who had been top dog for several years in their little gladiator arena. I only did any of it because my first character was murdered by some overzealous asshole who just used his character to project his inferiority complex. He killed me on my second day on the server because I wandered into the funeral of his friend (it was taking place in the middle of town and there was a crowd, of course I was curious) and because I was not invited and he was a known prick it was found justifiable for his character to kill mine because of the emotional turmoil blah blah. So yeah I said fck that, and rolled a new character who was ostensibly eager to please and non-threatening. I won. This one? Source: shock 114.795 notes D ; I hope I can become this spiteful one day
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80s, Batman, and Dad: or dventures of Billy & andySabrina: The Animated Series (199) Sabrina: The Animated Series (1999) (2003) Sorting Squid Weird Al The Weird Al Show (1997) Johnny Bravo (1997) Fatman Al Yankstone Weird Al Yankovic The Simpsons (1989) Weird Al Mad (201o) Adventure Time (2010) no Krang Banana Man Batman: The Brave and the Bold (2008) Transformers Animated (2007) Weird Al Wreck-Gar Technician Back at the Barnyard (2007,) Lilo & Stitch (2003) Weird Al Singing Minstrel Voltron: Legendary Defender (2016) The 7D (2014) Blumfump Shapeshifter Wander Over Yonder (2013) Teen Titans Go! (2013) Dr. Screwball Jones Darkseid Gravity Falls (2012) My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Probabilitor Cheese Sandwich the-one-and-only-jsk: “Weird Al” has played:-Himself but yellow (Simpsons)-Himself but himself (Johnny Bravo)-Himself but a Grand Dad (Weird Al Show)-Himself but the best super hero (Weird Al Show)-Himself but designed ugly (Sabrina)-A freaking squid (Billy and Mandy)-A cross between his 80s self and current self (Lilo and Stitch)-Himself but CGI (Back at the Barnyard)-Robot peeps (Transformers)-Himself but with the second best super hero (Batman)-A banana spaceman (Adventure Time)-A brain villain [he was also a certain super hero and a manager] (Mad)-A pony [which may or may not have made me a brony] (My Little Pony)-Smart dude (Gravity Falls)-An actually funny scene in this awful show (Teen Titans Go)-Banana doctor clown guy (Wander Over Yonder)-Anyone (The 7D)-Squidward (Voltron)-Some guy (Star V.S. the Forces of Evil - not pictured)-Someone who might have killed someone (Milo Murphy’s Law; main character - not pictured) -A robot who is quite weird (Uncle Grandpa - not pictured) -A dog (BoJack Horseman - not pictured) This is why you should love “Weird Al”.

the-one-and-only-jsk: “Weird Al” has played:-Himself but yellow (Simpsons)-Himself but himself (Johnny Bravo)-Himself but a Grand Dad (Weir...

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Bad, Bodies , and Chicago: Luke Savage @LukewSavage - Follow Just in case you needed further evidence that neoliberalism is a dehumanizing dystopian nightmaree Golden Fistbump Mary Chicago Shout-out to all the impressive Lyft parents out there - like Mary, a longtime Lyft driver who was still on the road at nine months pregnant. When contractions persisted, she headed to the hospital but not before RETWEETS LIKES 4,893 8,316 Luke Savage @LukewSavage Follow Under the twin banners of "efficiency" & "innovation" Big Tech is launching capitalism's final offensive against our bodies and our souls RETWEETS LIKES 175 4:07 PM- 7 Dec 2016 Luke Savage @LukewSavage * Follow Shades of this in here: University of Toronto Boasts about Homeless Star Student In what world is a top university student having to live in a homeless shelter treated like a success story? Welcome to Canada in 2015. canadalandshow.com RETWEETS LIKES 34 53 4:08 PM-7 Dec 2016 Flea Beast @plasticisfood Follow @LukewSavage TACO @tacobell BELL Live Más Scholarship winner Ricarda works 60 hrs/wk as a student w/ cerebral palsy. A Busy schedule can't stop her. RETWEETS LIKES 53 116 4:44 PM-7 Dec 2016 Luke Savage @LukewSavage Following @plasticisfood Holy shit LIKES 24 4:45 PM- 7 Dec 2016 cuzdickisadick: reversingtheirrevocable: burningtolive: cordolia: destroy capitalism. Wait… Am I supposed to think that it’s bad that people are overcoming major hurdles in life to be successful? No, you’re supposed to think it’s bad that cases of underprivileged people being forced to push themselves to extremely unhealthy extents due to the constraints of this terrible society are being celebrated and used against other underprivileged people as an excuse to call them lazy. THATS NOT EFFICIENCY THATS THE OPPOSITE There’s a certification called “Six Sigma” that certifies you to be able to go into any field with the knowledge and ability to increase productivity and efficiency, and NO ONE LISTENS TO THEM ANYMORE Here’s a picture of a section that blew me away as I was not expecting for this to be explicitly said: Money is a DEMOTIVATOR! The more your workers are worried about money the less productive they are. It’s been studied for year after year. ALL of these things are obvious, but rarely implemented. If anyone is curious as to how Motorola survived the recession that hit us after Bush? BY NOT REDUCING PAY, AND CONTINUING TO TREAT THEIR EMPLOYEES A CERTAIN WAY Even though their financial advisors said they would lose millions of dollars for the next quarters, the CEO refused and pretty much said “I don’t care what we lose at this very second, or the next year. You’re trying to save the company 2 million dollars, and that’s nothing. We’d make that back quickly. But by continuing with the plan we’ve been doing, this company will still exist in 10 years. If not it won’t. I’m not cutting pay, or vacation time.” And it worked. Capitalism has been fed to us for years through propaganda and misinformation and this is why we are where we are.
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Bad, Doctor, and Gif: Blood comes out of your vagina for anywhere from 3- 7 days That blood you lose can be around 4 tablespoons to a cup a cup of blood, vaginal mucus, and endometrial tissue You get cramps that will make you cry. You can vomit and/or pass out from them You will get horrible mood swings You get headaches Backaches e e e e e Your breasts hurt so bad sometimes you can't even touch them You get acne everywhere Your actual vagina could be sore Your feel constantly tired You have a constant fear of soaking through your pad/tampon e e e You can't lay a certain way in bed e e e You take pill after pill and it still doesn't help You bloat and gain weight You might have anemia (iron deficiency) which can not clot your blood causing so much blood loss it'lIl be deadly e You never feel ful e Everything irritates you e You will cry a lot Once you get up in the morning, your center of gravity has shifted and all the blood settling in you during the night will now rush out of you causing you to clench your legs tightly to avoid leaking You get made fun of for having a period /1//?/?/ You're forced to go to school/work You get told that you're overreacting e but ya know, fixing your dick discreetly in public is bad too cas-kingdom: fluidityandgiggles: kittyinhighheels: homolesbians: shingeki-no-nononono: thatgirlmustbeawesome: What’s so bad about periods At first I was like “no don’t reblog it’ll weird people out” then I was like “oh right that’s the point” STOP INCLUDING CRAMPS THAT MAKE YOU PASS OUT IN THESE LISTS AS IF THEY WERE NORMAL THEY ARE NOT IF YOUR CRAMPS ARE THIS BAD AND YOU’RE NOT A TEENAGER, SEE A DOCTOR I REPEAT: THEY ARE NOT NORMAL. YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE ILL YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO PASS OUT FROM YOUR PERIOD CRAMPS I actually passed out at the start of my period a couple of times and three years ago I found out I have polycystic ovaries, but yknow. What’s so bad about periods. i get really sick every time…… not fun Dont forget shivers while also being boiling, clutching a hot waterbottle to try and soothe the pain even though you feel incredibly overheated.And, idk if this happens for people without sensory disorders, or even all people with sensory disorders, but my senses can go absolutely haywire sometimes.Oh and we have to pay a shitload of money so we dont bleed on everything everwhere we go :\\
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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: deadcatwithaflamethrower: hebic: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. @deadcatwithaflamethrower My only complaint is that Theodore Nott and Fred Weasely wouldn’t be in the same Potions class. *is pedantic* *reblogging because now you can bookmark it on AO3*
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